AN: For the month of Hephaestion's death. I'm planning something else as well, but it will be a poem or two, and I am not so good at writing poetry, so I am posting this piece now so that I am not late to post something as a tribute to the beautiful, blue-eyed Hephaestion. I hope you guys will like this anyway.
Warning: You may need tissues! In fact, I would grab them just to have them nearby. Just a friendly warning!
Alexander sat at Hephaestion's bedside, carding his fingers through Hephaestion's sweaty, tangled locks as the man moaned in pain. Water had settled into Hephaestion's lungs, and Alexander knew it was slowly and painfully killing his beloved. Knowing this had broken Alexander's heart, and he wished there was something he could do to prevent what he knew was the inevitable.
Suddenly, Hephaestion began to cough harshly, tears forming in his eyes because of the force of his coughs. Alexander, being used to this after several weeks of it, was able to help his lover sit up, even though Hephaestion's body resisted the movement, and hold a rag to Hephaestion's pale lips in order to catch any phlegm Hephaestion brought up with his efforts of coughing.
After several moments, Hephaestion stopped coughing, and Alexander drew his hand away from his mouth as well as laid him back down on his pillow. That done, he peeked inside the rag. Among the phlegm were small streaks of blood. Swearing to himself at the sight of this, Alexander hurried across the room to the door, calling for Bagoas before going back to his love's side and calming him down, as he had reacted to not having Alexander close, even if it was for but a moment.
"I am here, my Heart," he soothed as Bagoas came into the room, and so saw that, even though Hephaestion's head was turned toward him and not Alexander, Alexander bent down and pressed a feather-light kiss to Hephaestion's clammy temple. Hephaestion soothed momentarily, he looked up at Bagoas, "He is coughing up blood. Do you know of a remedy?"
Bagoas bent his head in shame, for his King needed him and he did not know how to help. He whispered, "I do not, my King. I am sorry..."
"Find one. And bring Cleitus here to help ready a bath for him please."
Without a word, Bagoas bowed low and then went out of the room again, closing the door behind him. A few minutes later, Cleitus appeared, looking worried. While Alexander was like his nephew, Hephaestion was also like his family as well, at least through his connection to Alexander.
"What is it? Bagoas said you needed me, but he neglected to say why."
"That is probably because he thinks he is of no use to me at the moment. Calm yourself, Uncle. I only want to get him into a bath to see if it will help his lungs. Can you please run the bath, as hot as he can stand it? I will undress him."
"Of course, Alexander," even though he was the elder of the two, Cleitus gave a small bow and then went into the bathchamber, doing as was asked of him.
While he was gone, Alexander worked to get Hephaestion undressed. It was a slow process, as Hephaestion was crying, moaning, and coughing all the way through it. Alexander would periodically shush or coo to him in a similar way that a mother does her young child. Finally however, Hephaestion was bare, and Alexander made to lift him from the bed. He was very careful as he did this though, because he knew that Hephaestion's stomach was unsettled in his sickness as well. Just as he prepared to walk Hephaestion across the room, his lover gave a wet burp and began to cough once more. Just then, Cleitus came out from the bathchamber, as he had done his task of filling the tub and wanted to see if Alexander needed his help elsewhere. As he left the bathchamber, he saw that Alexander was frozen in the middle of the room, looking worried as Hephaestion lay coughing in his arms.
Cleitus started to go to them to offer his help, but froze in horror as he watched blood begin to trickle down Hephaestion's chin even as he continued to choke.
"Alexander!" finally recovering from his shock and thus hurrying to the pair, Cleitus grabbed a rag and helped support the ill, younger man in Alexander's arms as he held the rag over Hephaestion's mouth. When Hephaestion's coughing ceased and he lay back in his lover's arms, his eyes rolling back in his head out of exhaustion, Cleitus gently wiped the blood on Hephaestion's chin away, "I will fetch some lavender water. Go ahead and put him in the bath; I made it hot enough to produce steam that will hopefully help clear his lungs."
Alexander inclined his head toward the man in a show of thanks, "Thank you, Uncle. I could not have done this without you."
"You are welcome. I will be right back with the herbs. Keep him alive."
Alexander gave a sad half smile at his uncle's order, "Don't I always?"
Cleitus rolled his eyes and then left the room, promising to return in the next hour. When he had left, Alexander continued into the bathchamber, soothing Hephaestion as he mewed and wept at the absence of the older General.
"Hush, my Heart. You are safe," somehow, Alexander was able to get undressed while still holding his love, knowing that with the nature of his illness and its severity, it was not at all safe to have him in the tub by himself, even if he and Cleitus were there to watch and care for him.
Hephaestion made a sound much like a crying cat would, his eyes widening and his hands coming up to grasp at nothing. Alexander quieted him with a soft kiss on his brow before gently and carefully stepping into the tub, having enough balance to settle into the tub with Hephaestion sitting against him between his legs.
"There you are. Does it feel good? Hopefully the vapor will open your lungs some so that you can breathe better. I love you and only want you well once more. We'll just rest here a while until Uncle Cleitus comes back with your herbs, hm?" as he talked, Alexander would cup the water in one hand and raised it a little bit out of the tub and let it fall gently onto Hephaestion's shoulder and down his arm.
After a little time in the tub, Hephaestion began to sweat, the hot water working against his high fever. If it was even possible, he became more distressed as well as regressed, clinging onto Alexander as if he were Hephaestion's own mother. While not fully understanding this, Alexander allowed this, knowing that if it gave Hephaestion comfort then it gave him comfort as well.
He pet Hephaestion's long hair as he lay with him in the tub, Hephaestion having flipped onto his stomach, having laid his head down on Alexander's chest, mewling, coughing and rasping as he tried to breathe in the water vapor surrounding the two of them.
By this time, Alexander heard the outer door to his and Hephaestion's chambers open and shut as Cleitus returned.
"Alexander?"
"Here we are, Uncle! Oh, I'm sorry!" as Hephaestion startled at Alexander's loud call and began to whine and cry, "Hush now, it's all right. I am sorry I scared you. Thank you, Uncle," as Cleitus entered the bathchamber, having three cups of tea in one hand and a lavender poultice in the other to apply to Hephaestion's chest to help his breathing and clot the blood he had been coughing up. Handing a cup of tea to Alexander to drink, he sat down comfortably on the tile floor of the bathchamber, "He is having trouble breathing. The vapors are not helping."
"Then let us get him out of there and back to bed so that we can put this poultice on his chest."
"How does that sound, my Heart? Hm?" Alexander kept his voice soft and soothing as he bent his head to his love. He only got teary zircon-blue eyes looking up at him in response, "All right, we will do that. Uncle, a towel please. Take him. I am here, my Heart, I am here!" was his response when Hephaestion, in his regressed, ill state, gave a howl of a sob and started to struggle after being taken from Alexander's arms.
Drying himself off quickly, Alexander threw his own towel aside and reached out to take Hephaestion once more into his arms, "There we are, my Heart," as Alexander took Hephaestion into his arms once more, cradling him. After a minute or so of simply holding his ill lover, Alexander moved to the bed and very carefully laid Hephaestion down upon the newly cleaned bed, thanks to Cleitus.
When Alexander had Hephaestion settled on the bed, Cleitus came forward with the poultice. Alexander laid beside Hephaestion and kept him calm by reciting the story of Achilles and Patroclus from memory. While Alexander was doing that, Cleitus carefully and gently used the tips of his fingers to spread the paste onto Hephaestion's chest. Hephaestion immediately began to cough and gag as the poultice helped clear his lungs. Alexander held a bowl on Hephaestion's lap and encouraged him as he heaved. Finally Hephaestion threw up mostly phlegm and sank exhaustedly against his pillows. Alexander pet his love's sweaty brow and hair, soothing him quietly.
It was then that Cleitus spoke, "His lungs should be clear now. There's no blood in here. I think it's safe to say he should be well again within the next few days if all goes well."
Alexander looked up at his uncle even though his hand never stopped moving, "Are you sure?"
It was a fair question; Hephaestion's skin was gray and damp, and he still had a high fever. Cleitus gave his nephew a weak half smile. No, he wasn't. But he would try his hardest to keep the one person that kept his nephew alive living too.
"Let's give him more herbs," he said instead.
Alexander very gently slid an arm under Hephaestion's head and neck to help him sit up. Hephaestion, in his exhausted and fevered state, whimpered pitifully at the feeling of being moved, and Alexander was quick to console him.
"I know, my Heart. It will make you feel better. By tomorrow you will be up and moving about as if you were never ill at all. Come," with that, Alexander helped his uncle bring the cup of herbed water to his love's white lips.
Even though Hephaestion choked a few times, they got him to drink about a third of the mixture before Alexander laid him back down among his pillows.
"There you are, my Heart. Close your eyes and sleep awhile. I will be right here when you wake."
Hephaestion turned his head toward Alexander, and for a moment it was as if the fog of his fever lifted, and his eyes brightened in recognition, going from a dull clouded color to their usual vibrant blue color.
"A-Al-Alexander?" just saying his lover's name caused him to cough harshly.
Both Alexander and Cleitus startled at the raspy sound of his voice, as he had not spoken coherently for many weeks now. Recovering quickly from his own shock, Alexander responded to the call.
"Yes, Phai?"
Hephaestion began to cry as his eyes settled on Alexander's face, tears leaking across his temples and into his own hair, staying there for a long time as if Hephaestion meant to lock the memory of his soulmate's countenance away in his mind for a long, long time.
"I l-love you, my brave Alexander, conqueror of all the world. Conqueror of my h-heart. I love you. I always have and I always w-will... The god Eros struck me so deeply with his bow all those moons ago that I worry for you without me..."
"Don't be silly, Phai," Alexander laughed hollowly, for in his heart of hearts he knew this was Hephaestion's final goodbye, "I will never be without you. We will go to Arabia. And have many children. Drypetis is just sixteen; she will bear you many fine sons and daughters. I do not really care, as long as they are you in part. Oh gods, please do not leave me Phai..." Alexander was sobbing freely now, unable to keep his composure as he grasped on to his love's hand as if he could give Hephaestion some, if not all, of his strength, "The gods do not deserve you, Phai. They never will. They never will... Oh gods!" he bent his head so that his brow just barely brushed Hephaestion's knuckles, which he had kissed before. Hephaestion smiled at the feeling of Alexander's loose curls tickling the back of his hand. He decided that that was the greatest feeling in the world.
After many minutes of watching Alexander's bright curls as the man sobbed loudly, Hephaestion somehow found the strength to lift his free hand from where it lay listlessly on the bedclothes and reached over to pet Alexander's hair. This caused Alexander to lift his head immediately, as he was fearful that his Heart, his Hephaestion, was leaving him.
"I am tired now. I think I will sleep. See you when I wake. I love you, Mégas Aléxandros."
Alexander watched as Hephaestion's eyes began to close for what he knew was the last time, "No, no... You can't leave me Phai! I need you, please! I love you!"
And then Hephaestion's eyes finally closed for the last time. And Alexander was alone.
AN: Okay, wow. I actually cried a little writing that very last part. I didn't want it to turn out this way. In fact, I wanted it to have a happy ending, but I guess Phai needed to go to his eternal rest, and told me he needed to. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it and that you didn't waste too many tissues.