Captain Kathryn Janeway was constantly under great stress as she found herself having to decide the lives of her crew, better yet her family on a weekly basis as they tried to find some way to get back to earth as they were forced to struggle their way through the Delta Quandrant.
She had been experiencing horrific migraines for a month none stop, her temper getting the best of her as she was starting to become short tempered with every member of her crew over small details.
B'Elanna Torres for her lack of patience for anyone in engineering who tried to explain another way of doing things
Chakotay for constantly checking on her wellbeing and almost undermining her orders
Harry Kim for taking too long with the sensor scans in-between his own self doubt
Seven of mine for having to explain normal human behaviours every five minutes
Tom Paris for his sense of humour at the worst moments
Tuvok for his lack of emotions over his logical thinking
The list went on and on until she finally snapped, forcing the Doctor to relieve her of duties for at least a week. She stormed to her quarters and destroyed the place, including her replicator which she desperately needed as she was desperate for some coffee of any kind. Thankful that Neelix was a forgiving sort she changed out of her uniform and made her way to the mess hall, thankful that only a handful of people were inside at this quiet time of the day. Though she felt there were less people there than ever as she could tell that every member of her crew was avoiding her form of wrath of the month.
''Good afternoon Captain I must say it's nice to see you out of uniform'' smiled Neelix as he wondered over with a clean mug and a fresh match of coffee.
''Hello Neelix, the Doctor ordered me to take a week away from my post, please take a seat'' smiled Janeway
''Any plans while you're on vacation then?''
''None yet'' she sighed as she lifted her mug with both hands to inhale the brew
''Well I know this might be intruding but Tom tells me that it's not very difficult to create a holo-program in a day and showed me how to do it. I know you would enjoy some of your holo-novels but creating your own world to live on in peace might do you the world of good Captain''
''Thank you Neelix, I might take you up on that idea'' smiled Janeway as she grabbed a fresh pad that Neelix had slid onto her table.
She thought about where she felt most relaxed and couldn't help but smile as she thought of home, not with Mark anyway. A home she had made with a man who made her feel safe and secure, he would watch her as she worked as he provided everything they needed to survive
New Earth
Once Kathryn had finished writing the basics she rushed to holodeck two and admired everything around her, the shelter that Chakotay had made, the bath tub he had carved for her, the garden that she had just begun planting before the huge plasma storm had hit, everything she had programmed was perfect. She changed her cloths into the blue dress with a grey undershirt and started to get to work.
Day one, came and went very quickly as Kathryn reverted back to her ways on New Earth very quickly as she got to work planting new vegetables for her to eat, she ran out of room quickly in the small area and extended it, of course by the time she was done, the sky was beginning to darken, so from sheer exhaustion she climbed into the hammock Chakotay stayed in as he insisted Kathryn should have the bed to herself. As she got comfortable she could smell his scent on the pillow, even though she knew she had created this program for her own selfish need of relaxation, there was a part of him here with her.
Day two, was a late start for Kathryn as she woke up just after lunch to the sound of birds and animals outside, though she had to admit they made not have been a part of the original world she felt she had to program them in in order to truly give her the break she needed, plus after her talks with Chakotay about various animal guides she felt there was a larger piece of him with her. The sun was high in the sky went she finally appeared from the shelter, so she started making various insect cages and bird feeders around the camp, in order for her to study the wildlife in through depth, which was something she hadn't done since she was a young child back on earth.
Day three was heavenly for Kathryn as she spent the entire day outside watching the wildlife and keeping records of it on the only technology device she had allowed herself to bring into her own world, then it hit her there was something missing from her world and she knew exactly what it was as she looked over to see that the wood chopping block was unmanned almost wishing someone would use it. The sun slowly started to set and she forced herself to organise some form of meal, knowing that there should have been that one person sitting opposite the table with her, as they finally opened up about they felt about each other as they held hands once again and begun to truly understand each other.
Day four came and went with very little from Kathryn's point of view as she just didn't have the drive to do anything as she grabbed a blanket and rolled over in the hammock that she had once shared with Chakotay, her mind kept seeing images of them together in this place and it just made the world she had recreated very empty, very quickly.
On day five, she packed a bag and simply left the programme running and kept herself locked in her quarters for the rest of her time away from her ship duties, once inside her room, she dropped her bag by the door and simply lay on her bed and hoped the feeling of emptiness from her life would just disappear.
Day six flew by and still nothing had changed for Kathryn, she was still locked in her quarters deep in the depths of her empty heart and buzzing mind over thoughts of what could have been. Not once did she fill her cup with coffee or even attempt to eat something, not that she was willing to admit that her replicator was broken and her room was still completely trashed after she succumbed to her own rage. Neelix knew what everyone's eating habits were and knew Kathryn's drinking habits better than Chakotay.
Neelix went to the holodeck believing she was still there to see the gorgeous program running but the only sign of his beloved Captain was her comm badge. Everything told him something was wrong with the entire situation so he went to the one person who knew the captain just as well as he did.
''Mr Chakotay I need as moment of your time?'' asked Neelix
''What can I do for you Neelix?'' Chakotay asked with a smile
''I think there may be something wrong with the captain?''
''What makes you say that?''
''She told me she was going to run a program in the holo-suite while she was having from time off, I went there to see if she wanted some company to see that program is running but she wasn't there, all I could find was her comma badge'' sighed Neelix
''I'm sure the captain is fine'' he dismissed
''Really because not once has she not ordered food from her replicator or had a cup of coffee since she was relieved of duty''
''Computer where is Captain Janeway?'' asked Chakotay
''Captain Janeway is in the ready room'' replied the computer
Chakotay rubbed his face in annoyance knowing the computer would track her comm badge rather than where she actually was.
''Computer is there anyone in the Captain's quarters?''
''There is one person in the Captain's quarters''
''I'm sorry to have wasted your time Commander, I will make sure the Captain is alright'' bowed Neelix still holding onto the Captain's comm badge
Once there he pushed the button but the door was locked, he even tried to call her name but still he just couldn't gain any access, which made him think that there was something about the program that may have caused something to stir within her.
''Commander, can you meet me in Holodeck two as the Captain isn't answering her door?''
''Sure thing Neelix, I'll be there soon''
Neelix made his way to the holodeck and stood inside seeing if his hunch was right after all there were two people on the entire ship she hadn't been taking her and anger out on and that was both Neelix and Chakotay, granted they had felt the odd hiss of her rage but they had both witnessed just how angry she had become over the past year since their return from New Earth.
''What is this?'' asked Chakotay
''This must be the program she created'' Neelix said as they approached the shelter
''She recreated this'' Chakotay muttered as he ran his fingers over the wooden bath he remembered hand crafting for her.
''Commander do you know this area?''
''I did once'' he smiled then soon left the holosuite with a clear smile on this face
''Commander where are you going?'' shouted Neelix as he tried to keep up with the commander with a clear purpose
''I need to talk to the captain''
''Then you'll need this'' shouted Neelix who threw something at the commander, he caught it and noticed it was her comm badge.
''Thanks Neelix I owe you one''
''Go get her commander'' he muttered as he watched the commander take to a jog through the corridors of the ship, with a clear determination on his face and it was a look not many had seen before unless you really knew the commander. He managed to catch his breathe for a few moments in the elevator where he started to almost sprint through the living quarters of the ship.
Chakotay leaned on the side of the door to gain some kind of composure before he buzzed to signal any form of life that was on the otherside of the door, with one deep breathe with his eyes closed he pushed the button but after counting to five there was no response, he called for the captain but still there was no sign of life so he was forced to use his rank to unlock the door itself. Instead he was greeted by the shadows of what was once a well kept room and the sounds of a defeated woman trying to find some form of peace through her silent sobs.
''Kathryn?'' he called softly
He knew where she was as the sliding doors to her bedroom were closed and he sworn he could hear someone trying to hide themselves further away than they already had.
''Kathryn, please we need to talk'' he pleaded as he stood the other side of the sliding doors
''What are you doing here?'' she asked
''I ... Was worried about you''
''I'm fine'' she barked
''That's not what Neelix thinks, plus we found your comm badge in the holosuite, with the program still running''
She finally opened the doors
''You saw the program?'' she shakily asked
''Yeah I did, Neelix wondered if I knew anything about it as he seems to think there's something wrong''
''I'm fine'' she said as she rubbed her face and took a slow walk to her sofa, then flipped it over so she could take a seat and act like there was nothing wrong with her
''You don't look fine, when was the last time you ate or even slept''
''I don't need sleep'' she sighed
''I'll make you a drink'' he offered.
Once he was stood before the replicator and she had barked that she wasn't thirsty he could see that the replicator had been broken for some time.
''Kathryn, your not eating, your not drinking and you left a simulation running. What's going on?'' he pleaded
''It's nothing'' she sighed
''Kathryn we're friends you can talk to me''
''That's just it, we're friends and I'm your commanding officer now just leave me alone and that's an order'' Kathryn shouted as she stood up
''The doctor relieved you of duty a week ago'' he shouted back
''I'm well aware of that now leave me the hell alone'' she shouted
''I'm not going anywhere with you like this''
''Fine, I'll leave then, I have plenty of things that will keep me busy in the holosuite'' she shouted then reached for her bag and stormed off
''Why won't you talk to me about this'' Chakotay shouted in the ship's corridors
''Your the last person I can talk to about this''
''Why?'' he shouted
''Because it's to do with you''
Those words hit him hard, taking the wind and fury right out of him harder than any punch B'Elanna had ever been known to throw his way. Before he could come up with some form of sentence to hit back he watched the elevator doors with her inside
''Damn it'' he hissed then punched the wall
''Do I want to know?'' asked Tom Paris
''The Captain is insane'' hissed Chakotay
''You have met B'Elanna right'' he smiled
''Yeah and right now the Captain is worse than her''
''I'll take that as a compliment'' laughed B'Elanna
''I take it there's a lovely story on why the Commander and our relieved captain are shouting at each other''
''It's a long story'' sighed Chakotay as he was waiting for the elevator
''I think there's time'' smiled Paris as he leaned on the wall
''Apparently it's my fault she's like this'' he muttered
B'Elanna couldn't help but laugh while Tom and Chakotay were both giving her looks
''Oh you two can't be that stupid can you?''
''B'Elanna what is this about?'' asked Chakotay
B'Elanna almost smacked herself in the face at being asked such an obvious question.
''Just catch up to her and I'm sure you'll have it all figured out'' she smiled then smacked him on the arm just like old times
''Thanks, I think'' he muttered as the elevator finally made it's way back to him
Once he reached the floor he wanted he knew exactly where he was headed and for once the corridor seemed empty as everyone could sense something big was going down, but no one them had the willpower to attempt to see the carnage first hand as they all knew that once the Captain and the Commander locked heads things either exploded or calmed down very quickly and with the mood the captain was in things were going to explode.
He tried to get into the holosuite, but the door simply wouldn't open, he used his status on the ship but even that had been overwritten by the captain, unfortunately there was one person who could round the blockade and it's wasn't a pleasant option.
''Chakotay to Tuvok, can you meet me outside holodeck two right away''
''On my way Commander''
''This should be fun'' he muttered as he started to pace up and down the corridor waiting for the Vulcan officer knowing he clearly was in no rush to help the commander
''What can I do for you Commander?'' asked Tuvok
''The Captain has locked me out of the holosuite and I need to speak to her now''
''If the captain has locked you out, there must be a logical reason why that is'' he asked with his arms casually behind his back
''I have no idea what's gotten into her as she's taking it out on the entire crew and has created a part of our shared past here to escape'' he shouted
''Then by your logic you are the one who can help the captain and yet you're the one she is preventing from helping her''
''Tell me something I don't know'' he muttered
''The captain seems to be losing control of her emotions and if my calculations are correct it has been since you were both returned to the ship after the doctor healed you from your illness''
''That was months ago'' sighed Chakotay
''Nine months and five days ago actually''
''Can you override the lockdown or not?'' asked Chakotay clearly losing his patience
''It would also appear that you and the captain seem to be showing similar signs of stress and withdrawal, yet you are coping far better with it than she is''
''I'll take that as a compliment'' he smiled
''You unlike the captain are hiding it far better than she is which is why she will get the help she needs, you will not''
''What is that suppose to mean?''
''The Captain is taking her frustrations out on those around her, which the crew can clearly see, from my observations you are taking it out on yourself, as since your return you have spent all of you off duty hours in a holosuite program''
''So what do you suggest?'' asked Chakotay
''You and the Captain clearly need to work out your issues together after all the gossip of the ship seems to indicate that you are the root of her issues''
''Tuvok, if there was one thing I would never have thought you would engage with it was human gossip'' laughed Chakotay
''Logically it should tear this crew apart from after watching the interaction of gossip it appears to bring the crew closer together''
With that Tuvok unlocked the door with his highest security clearance he could think of
''If there is nothing else Commander I need to be back at my post''
Chakotay opened the doors to the holosuite then took a deep breathe before walking in, allowing the doors to close and give them a little privacy. Knowing the Captain would yell at him again, he slowly retraced his steps when he was last here with Neelix, making sure he kept quiet.
He could hear someone taking their frustrations out on something in the distance, which could be the one and only captain Kathryn Janeway.
''Stupid, self centred son of a bitch'' she shouted as she was currently beating a wooden bath with a large branch
Chakotay couldn't help but laugh, causing Kathryn to drop the branch and turn around so fast her head spun a little.
''Get out'' she barked
''No'' Chakotay answered as he emerged from his not so secret hiding place
''Why won't you leave me alone?''
''Why have you created our new earth home in the holosuite?'' he asked back
''I'm your superior officer, now get out'' Janeway hissed once again
''You have been relieved of duty now answer me, why did you create this again?''
Chakotay clearly wasn't going to back down but Janeway was too tired to think straight, after all this place had been haunting her since their return from their isolation, she would close her eyes and picture his arms around her, smell fresh air and feel his eyes hovering over her body. Before she knew it she was kneeling on the grass shaking under her own emotional state
''Because we should be back there'' muttered Kathryn as she tried to keep her tears at bay
Chakotay must have heard what she said, as he too joined her where she collapsed and wrapped his arms around her, in order to give her some form of comfort.
''I know how you feel'' he replied
''No you don't'' she replied through tears that she had needed to shed far longer than she was willing to admit
''Yes I do Kathryn, we should be there together'' he replied
Kathryn pulled away from his embrace with tears fresh on her cheeks
''What are you trying to say Chakotay?'' asked Kathryn
Chakotay took a deep breathe and changed the program, Kathryn looked around to see that they were in the same environment, however the shelter they had been using had been extended, her small vegetable patch was slightly bigger. Yet they could hear the same sounds of birds chirping in the distance as well as crickets chirping.
''I come back here as well Kathryn, and it's not the same without you here with me'' he sighed with a smile on his face
''Chakotay why are you telling me this?'' she asked
''Because things haven't been the same between us since we were stranded on our own planet, we're meant to be a team and yet right now we couldn't be further apart''
''Your right we are a team, we have a crew that we need to get back home'' she sighed as she stood up and tried to walk away from him, however Chakotay was stopping her as he gently held onto her wrist
''You still don't understand do you?'' he pleaded
''Understand what exactly, we're a team and we have a ship full of people we need to get back to earth with. I need to put my personal issues aside and deal with what I have to do'' she sighed refusing to face him
''Your allowed to feel something Kathryn'' he pleaded
''I know that but my crew needs to come first'' she argued
''And how can they when you won't admit what's going on here''
''You want to know what's going on?''
''Yes, so I can try to help you''
''There's nothing you can do to help me with what I'm feeling'' she barked
''Why not?''
''Because I am in love with you, ever since we were stranded on this damn planet I've been in love with you and your too blind by your sense of duty to see that, I come here wishing you were still by my side through all of it and yet your not because when I'm off duty, your stuck on the bridge covering for me'' she shouted.
Then it hit her, she had finally told her friend, hell the man she wanted above everything how she truly felt.
Chakotay couldn't help but smile at what she had just said
''Say that again?'' he asked with a smile on his face
''You heard me now get out'' she yelled
''I'm not leaving you alone in my program'' he replied
That's when it hit her, Chakotay had created the exact same program she had, though granted he clearly made various changes that they had planned before their crew once again came through for their captain and commander
''Why did you create this?'' she asked
''Because I want to go back there with you'' he smiled
''Wait... Does that mean...''
Before she could say anything else Chakotay had moved closer towards her and pressed his lips against hers, bringing her body closer to his.
''I love you Kathryn'' he answered as he leaned his forehead against hers
They kissed each other once again with sheer happiness, that was until Chakotay was summoned to the bridge
''Dinner at mine tonight at o eight hundred and I won't take no for an answer'' he smiled
''It's a date'' she replied
Kathryn watched Chaotay go back to the bridge of her ship with a smile on his face. She couldn't help but feel much better now things were out in the open, so she decided to shut down the holosuite and head for her room. She sighed to herself for the damage she had caused and how utterly exhausted she felt, so seeing as it was barely lunchtime she headed for bed and finally after mine months and five days had the best night sleep she had in a long time, knowing things were going to get better