A/N: It'll be easy for some readers to tell that the inspiration for this story was the scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail involving Tim the Enchanter, the killer rabbit, and the Holy Hand Grenade. Don't worry, this isn't a complete imitation or clone of those scenes from the Monty Python movie. There is original material, too.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: The Clone Wars; I'm just having fun playing around with it.

Timorous Around Tim

"Now remember, Ceefor," said Thongla Jur to his R-5 astromech droid one day, "ARC trooper CT-44-7765 is a very tough man in the business of fighting a war, and he can be surly sometimes, too, so be very careful what you say and do around him, all right?"

U9-C4 beeped nervously at the prospect of being assigned to an ARC clone trooper, even just for a short mission.

"I understand your nervousness, Ceefor, but CT-44-7765 is really quite a decent man beneath his surly exterior. I am sure you will get along splendidly," Jur assured him.

Ceefor still sounded uncertain, but decided to take a chance with his temporary new master and the mission ahead of them. He rolled into the next room, a target practice chamber, where several clone troopers were gathered around one particular trooper who was firing a DC-17 hand blaster at targets all over the firing range recklessly. He kept turning his blaster carelessly, shooting targets point-blank range without even looking at them. The other troopers cheered him on.

Ceefor warbled timidly. The trooper, who was outfitted in ARC trooper armor, turned upon hearing him, and fired off a few more shots, including one in which it looked like he was going to shoot himself, but narrowly missed and hit a distant battle droid target in the range instead. Despite his nervousness, Ceefor was clandestinely impressed. He whistled a question to the trooper as the other troopers dispersed.

"Yeah, that's right, mech," the ARC trooper said, "I am ARC trooper CT-44-7765, ready for duty. Are you ready, soldier?"

The yellow mech beeped an uncertain "yes." Then he asked the trooper another question.

"My name?" CT-44-7765 replied. "Well, there are some who call me…"

Ceefor waited with anticipation.

"…Tim."

Ceefor whistled a polite "hello" to ARC trooper Tim.

"Hello, U9-C4," Tim responded.

Ceefor was quite surprised, and voiced it.

"I do know who you are," Tim said in response. Then he proudly fired a string of blaster shots into one droideka target until its shields went down and it was defeated. Ceefor was awed.

Tim turned back to Ceefor. "You've come to join me on a short solo mission for the Republic."

Ceefor confirmed this, and then commented that ARC troopers like Tim were always prepared for the most dangerous assignments.

"Quite right," Tim said quietly, turning his gun on the targets again and calmly firing a powerful shot that burst through a super battle droid and then through a commando droid, and finally stopping on a tactical droid.

Ceefor bounced from foot to foot and warbled a timid applause for the trooper. He beeped in a trembling beep that he was going on a mission with the trooper; his assignment was to go on a solo mission with Tim. Tim just stood there with his helmet off, staring coolly at the droid.

Ceefor didn't know what to say next, so he said that he was looking for his instructions and orders for the mission, and that he had been looking for some time, being unable to find Tim for "ages." Tim continued to stare like a silent statue.

Ceefor was feeling embarrassed, and out of desperation declared that anything Tim could do to help him would be… very…

…helpful.

Suddenly Ceefor found an inspiration to show this stubborn man who was tougher, and popped out his powerful laser cutter. Charging Tim, he demanded to know what was the matter, but Tim merely fired a quick shot at Ceefor's feet, stopping him in his tracks, and the laser cutter missed the DC-17 and hit air, making Ceefor recoil back into a wall faster than you can say "Artoo."

His dome spun around for a second or so in surprise, but he soon regained his bearings. He beeped and whistled a quick apology to Tim, and said he didn't want to waste any more of his time, but he didn't suppose Tim could tell him what the…

"What what?" Tim asked quietly.

Ceefor stuttered nervously, unable to speak clearly.

Impatiently, Tim shouted, "What the mission is about?!"

Ceefor warbled what Tim interpreted as "Yes, I think so." Then Ceefor, unnerved by Tim's cold face again, stuttered "yes," over and over again.

"YES!" Tim roared.

Ceefor hesitated for a moment, and then started thanking Tim profusely, saying what a splendid little trooper he was, but Tim just turned back to the firing range again, and icily fired four more shots into four more random battle droids. The other troopers in the range were getting tired of his interference, but didn't dare interrupt a genius at work.

Ceefor was beginning to think that Tim couldn't stand the sight of him anymore, and started to say something about Tim being busy, and that he shouldn't be bothered. But then Tim turned around, holstering his hand blaster, and with a somewhat less chilly expression on his face, he said, "Yes, I can certainly help you out with your orders on our mission, little one."

Tim took Ceefor to the war room in the Jedi Temple, and told him about how they were supposed to free a group of civilian hostages in the underbelly of Coruscant who were trapped in an old, decrepit building once used as a lowly diner. The hostages, who numbered three, were locked up there by a lowlife who wanted ten thousand Republic credits for himself in return for releasing the hostages.

Ceefor asked him where they could find this ex-diner.

"Follow me," said Tim, and he started to walk out of the room. Ceefor moved to follow him, but suddenly, "But, follow me only if you are a droid of great courage!" Tim said in Ceefor's three eyes. "Because the man who holds these three people hostage is a creature so foul, so cruel, than no man, woman, or droid yet has fought with it and lived!"

Ceefor wished he could shrink into his metal body.

"The meat and bones of thirty men and women and the carcasses of twenty droids lie strewn about the diner! Even you would be amazed by how petrified the hostages are! So, brave mech, if you doubt your courage, or your strength, opt out of this mission now, for death awaits you, with nasty big, pointy claws!" Tim finished, raising his right hand and brandishing it as though it were an animal's paw with sharp claws.

Ceefor was standing beside himself. "WHAT AN ECCENTRIC PERFORMANCE," he whistled to himself.

Tim and Ceefor went down to the underworld of the planet Coruscant, noticing the many denizens of the place all over. Eventually, they came to the former diner, where some police droids and Inspector Tan Divo had secured the area. Upon seeing the arrival of Ceefor and Tim, Divo said, "This part of the area is secured, trooper CT-44-7765. We'll be ready to arrest our suspect when you and your droid bring him out."

Tim nodded and moved on in the building until he and Ceefor were almost at the exterior walls. "Here we are, Ceefor," said Tim, "Now, do you know what to do?"

Ceefor warbled an embarrassed "no."

"What? Jedi General Jur never went over this with you?" Tim said, sounding appalled.

Ceefor warbled "no," again. But before Tim could rebuke him again, he asked exactly who and what this hostage-taker was.

"Get down!" Tim said suddenly, "There he is!" Then, they saw a strange creature emerge from a window in the diner. A strange, little creature.

Ceefor couldn't believe what he was seeing. He asked a question to Tim.

"No, that's not Master Yoda," said Tim, "but it is another one of his extremely rare, anonymous species, though a lot younger than Yoda, apparently, and he calls himself Cornee. Wait a minute!" he said suddenly, "This is the foul and cruel creature I was told about? A member of Yoda's species is holding hostages in Coruscant? This will be easier than I thought."

Ceefor had taken Tim's former words more seriously, though, and asked if they should still proceed with great caution.

"Well, of course I need some caution," said Tim, "But now, I don't know why they insisted on bringing you along for the ride, because I can take out a little shrimp like him easy."

Ceefor protested that he must be useful for something, if he was to come along here, after all. He suggested that maybe he had some sort of maneuver to use on Cornee, and he just needed to figure out what it was.

"Nonsense, Ceefor," said Tim arrogantly, "I'll handle this myself. All I need is a few good, lightning-quick blaster shots, and he'll be in the bag, dead or alive."

Ceefor then beeped that Tim had better get going and take care of Cornee before he decided to torment the hostages further.

"I was just going to say that, mech man," said Tim. Then he drew his blaster, and moved in on the little guy, telling him to freeze and there wouldn't be any trouble.

But as he moved in, Cornee drew a short knife, and leaped through the air. Tim fired off a blaster shot, but it missed. Cornee was zipping all over the place. Tim kept running this way and that, trying to shoot him, but the little creature was too quick for him. Cornee stabbed police droids and decapitated at least two of them. Divo dove for cover. Then, Cornee changed his tactics. He lunged at Tim, shrieking in Yoda-style language as if trying to mock him.

"Think you've got me, do you?" he rattled off, "Have me, you do not! Pay me my credits now, and no trouble, there will be, or slit your face, I will! Aaaahhhh!" He knocked Tim's helmet off, and Ceefor could see that Tim, the terrifying ARC trooper, was terrified. He tried to get away from Cornee, with a lot of frightened expressions on his face, but Cornee just wouldn't stop dogging him. Some ARC trooper, the mech droid thought to himself. Ignoring his own advice and letting a little creature get the better of him.

But then, Ceefor noticed that Cornee was paying no attention to him, and also that the little criminal had taken out a small grenade of some sort. He saw an opportunity to save Tim and stop this maniac. He bided his time for a few seconds, until Cornee tossed Tim (can you believe that, tossed a man much bigger than him?) several feet from his body, against the diner walls, and armed the grenade. "Take your courageous clone trooper from this plane of existence, I will, in a bang, and same to the hostages if meet my demands now, you do not!"

Forgetting his own timid personality, Ceefor charged the creature. Cornee turned around in surprise to see a mech droid attacking him. Ceefor popped out his laser cutter again, and aimed it at the grenade, not bothering to lock himself down on the ground. He whistled, "ONE, TWO, FIVE! I MEAN, THREE!" and shot the laser at the grenade before Cornee could let it go. Ceefor tumbled backwards a far distance, which he had done intentionally to protect himself from the blast of the bomb. Cornee dropped the grenade and tried to run, but it exploded, and he was caught in the shock wave. His body was thrown back to the police blockade, and Divo and the remaining police droids moved to arrest him and check for injuries on him.

Tim was quite shook up by the whole ordeal, but he soon came to his senses, and now, it was his turn to be embarrassed. At the same time, however, he felt some new respect for U9-C4, who had proved to be less timid than him in battle.

"I didn't think a guy like that could beat me down so easily," he said as he retrieved his helmet. "Thanks, Ceefor. I guess you did a good job after all, and you proved smarter than me, too. I'll probably get demoted for this humiliation, but even with that on my hands, I'm glad to see that even an astromech droid can be brave in a fight."

Ceefor beeped and whistled modestly, saying that no matter how brave he was, R2-D2 and the late M5-BZ would always be braver than him.

"Don't say that," Tim said, "I'm sure they are brave, too, but that doesn't mean your courage should be disregarded as insignificant. You truly did a good job. General Thongla Jur would be proud of you, assuming he doesn't apply himself too strictly to the Jedi law of 'no attachment.' You truly are an honorary member of that droid squad called 'D-Squad.'"

Ceefor warbled his thanks to the ARC trooper as the police hauled away an uninjured but bitter Cornee to the nearest jail and freed the hostages. Yes, this was certainly another good day in the life of a D-Squad droid.

And tomorrow was another day. He couldn't wait for the next mission, although he could do without the loud but eccentric attitude of a surly clone trooper who thought he was tougher than Ceefor.