Disclaimer: The purpose of this parody is for entertainment. Don't take anything seriously.

VAMPIRES R REAL WTF?

Bella discovers a world she thought was make-believe with the help of a new student.

My name is Bella. I'm just your average girl. I am from town where nobody important or notable lives in Washington. This is my story! Today, I sat in my high school psychology bored to tears. My notes were open, but I was not listening AT ALL. Man today was such a drag. The teacher was teaching something really dull. Ms. Snoozealot called it 'Albert Banana's theory of social whatever'. Do I really care about what these dumb old men theorize about? Should I really care what keeps them up at night? I mean come on seriously do you think I'm paying attention? The teacher was giving us a death by PowerPoint about this boring man and I am so lucky I came prepared. I was in the back row. I would never get caught with this brilliant scheme of a plan. I smiled to myself.

Luckily, I printed out amazingly breathtaking fan fiction at home and snuck it in my psychology book. I am a huge fan of vampires. I wish they were real. Maybe someday one will just whisk me away and take me as his bride. I am excited to wait for such a glorious and joyful day. I flipped through the fan fiction pages and basked in the glory of such amazing literature. This was why Vampire Fan Fiction was my home page at home. Nobody will ever understand the glory of having a lover like the man in this story…PERFECTION!

But then SOMETHING happened that day in school that I did not predict AT ALL. I stumbled on a word as the classroom down swung open. A boy walked in. His skin was pale. He seemed to SHINE with shinyness. He had a great smile. His hair? OH baby don't get me started. It was a ten, hands down. He walked over to the teacher and handed her a slip of paper. I lost my breath and grabbed something out of my bag that I made a long time ago. I flipped open the book and looked at my "Is that Hot Bod a Vampire?" checklist. Shines? Check. Pale Skin? Check. Teeth? Check. Eyes? I took a quick glance up again and almost squealed and that was another check. He was exhibiting all the signs of vampirism. THIS BOY IS A VAMPIRE. I hid behind my psychology notebook and giggled. This man was for real. HE WAS A VAMPIRE. THINGS THAT I DREAMED THAT WOULD HAPPEN WERE HAPPENING NOW. I am so excited. So beyond pumped. I hoped that he would stay. I hoped that he would sit next to me in the only vacant desk. For the first time since I moved to Washington, I was HAPPY. No longer was I the emo kid with no friends. Oh wait, there was Jill. I blinked,I always forget.

Of course Ms. Snoozealot looked over at me after getting the note from my dream man and snapped, "What do you think is funny about social cognitive theory?" I put my notebook down and shook my head, "Oh nothing." Absolutely nothing, that is all I have to say about that theory. I don't even know anymore. Why did I sign up for this class again? I guess signing up for this class was my destiny. So I would meet a man like him…

Ms. Snoozealot turned to my dream boat and looked back at the class, "This is Edward. He is a new student here. I hope you all will be nice and courteous to him as he learns our school. He…" She looked down at the paper and then up again, "Was homeschooled before this."

Edward flashed a smile and blushed slightly, "Yes, so.." He looked into the crowd and I totally CHECKED HIM OUT. I mean up and down. Yep, sexyyyyy. He better sit near me. OMGOMGOMG. He ended up walking down the aisle and sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. The lame teach started teaching again and I read some more of my fan fiction again. Oh everything is going according to plan. I looked up every now and then to looked at him. He had a window seat. He shined. OMFG I LOVE THIS MAN TO PIECES. My only BFF Jill kept on giving me strange looks. She seemed baffled. She did not understand how amazing this man was. Or maybe SHE WANTED TO TAKE HIM AWAY.

Edward's POV

Man I did not want to get out of homeschooling, but my mom insisted that my World of Warcraft addiction was getting a little too out of hand. I sat in this psychology class that my mom made me take totally lost. This was my first day. My mom wanted me to take psychology to help understand myself better, but I already knew what I wanted to do. I want to work for Blizzard or play World of Warcraft competitively. And if that doesn't work out I'll just work my way up the corporate ladder in some company. I had my notebook out and I was trying to pay attention and take notes. However, there was this one girl that kept on giving me strange looks. She looked even more eccentric than me to be honest. I am kinda glad there is someone more strange than me in this school. She did not seem to be paying attention though. She had 'other' reading materials. Conflict of interest? Maybe. I wonder how my guild is doing…I have to go to the game store and get the newest expansion to raid…

Back to Bella's POV

BAM, that class bell rang like it was going out of style. Smell you later Ms. Snoozealot. I am so outta this joint. Then Jill stopped me. She gave me 'the look' and rolled her eyes, "I see you checking him out."

I nodded, "Why yes, I am. He's hot amrite?"

Jill nodded in agreement, "I suppose so." She adjusted her glasses and looked at the clock, "It seems to be time to go home. I will be taking my leave." She walked away, but that was okay. I HAD A DATE WITH DESTINY. I saw mah love interest down the hallway and trailed his ass. By the way vampires have fine asses too,. Well he is just a slice of heaven isn't he? LIKE IN MY FAN FICTIONS, BUT TEN TIMES BETTER. I followed him outside of the school. This was amazing. He did not look back once. I am sure he does not suspect me AT ALL. He seemed to be going to the business district where they sell lots of cool stuff. I wonder he has a place where all the vampires meet. Oh I am so PSYCHED.

Edward's POV

I walked and I walked. I could not wait to get to Best Games to get my hands on the new expansion. My buddies were going to play in the gamers basement of the store after getting the expansion. We are going to RAID TILL OUR HANDS FALL OFF. I reached the store and felt weird. I feel like something is weird. Ah well just must be from my first day of school. I'm tired, but it is TIME TO RAID. I walked into Best Games and went to the register. He knew what I want. I was a regular. He slipped me the game and said, "Have a good time." I slipped him a twenty and flashed a quick grin. I walked down into the basement and saw my guildies all set up in the dark room with only the computers glowing. This is where all the magic happens. TIME TO RAID.

Bella's POV

I stood in front of Best Games a bit baffled. Was this where vampires met? I was confused, but excited at the same time. I walked in and saw that my lover walked downstairs. What was downstairs? THE VAMPIRES? The cashier looked oddly at me. I knew him from somewhere. He was my next door neighbor. He was a perv. He liked naked animoo girls from Japan. HE HAS NO TASTE. Vampires are way better. I rolled my eyes. Stupid boys checking me out. I should of gotten my mace out, but my destiny was downstairs. I dashed down there and was shocked. My jaw dropped. A dark room. A bunch of pale men. Gathered around laptop screens. I fell over in shock mumbling, "SO YOU ARE A VAMP-". I blanked out.

Edward's POV

Suddenly our raid stopped for a second. I frowned. It was that crazy chick from psychology. She followed me here? And now thinks I'm a vampire. I shook my head at the fainted girl and looked back at my guildies who were laughing up a storm. I mumbled,"I am not a vampire, I just play too much World of Warcraft."

The cashier upstairs said he lived next door to her and picked her up. He took her away. I sat back down and got back to raiding. Man guess school is going to get a little crazy…with a girl like that sitting next to me.