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Internal battles

By: Caroline Garrison

I felt hollow and cold. I felt numb. My whole life seemed to be spiraling down and down, faster and faster, until I crashed and burned into the ground far below. My name is Samantha Manson but call me Samantha and I'll bite your neck off. Just call me Sam. I'm your average 15 year old ultra-recylo vegetarian Goth. I go to high school, Casper high to be precise; and I have two of the greatest friends in the world Danny and Tucker. But I have a secret. My friend Danny, he's a halfa, as most ghosts call him. You see Danny has ghost powers, he half ghost hence the name halfa. Half human, half ghost. But you see only me Tucker and his sister Jazz know about it. He's kinda the town super hero. But some people think of him as the enemy, like his parents who vow to rip the ghost boy AKA him apart molecule by molecule. You see Danny's parents are ghost hunters. That's how he got his powers in the first place. One of their inventions infused ghost DNA into him and he became the infamous Danny Phantom or as the town called him inviso-bil. Very creative I know. Anyway Danny's my best friend and my secret crush, but he's dating Valerie grey. Being his best friend since kindergarten, in all, I had to be happy for him no matter how much it broke my heart. They've been dating for about three months now and its killing me inside. Tucker tries to cheer me up by showing me his new PDA or trying to crack a joke. You see he knows I'm head over heels in love with Danny. You also see Danny is clueless to my growing affection for him. His shining baby blue eyes, his goofy lopsided grin, I loved it all. But ya see he was all Valerie's and I couldn't help but feel envious towards her.

Every time I'm near them I feel like my heart is being ripped out and pummeled and my soul begins to weep. I want to burst into tears when ever Danny looks at her lovingly and I just want to scream at his cluelessness of it all. I feel numb and I can't seem to focus anymore. Whenever Danny talks to me it's always about Val and how wonderful she is and blah blah. I just want to curl up and die every time he talks about her. I'm sick of it. I know I should be happy for him and all but, no I'm just being selfish, but lately I can't help but feel forsaken by him. I fake a smile every time she's with him. I feel so lost and alone. Most Days I just sit in my room and stare at the wall wondering "what if…"

Today when I got home I felt like my whole soul had been ripped apart again and again that it was so battered it was beyond repair. I was walking to class when I spotted Danny kissing her. I could take seeing them all googly eyed for each other, holding hands, and the cute flirting. But seeing that made my heart freeze and snap into a million pieces. I don't think I have ever felt so broken in my entire life. It seems Danny is the only one who could cause so much pain to my very soul. So here I am sitting in my dark room, curtains closed shut, and hot tears streaming down my face. My half ponytail crooked and my black hair messy. My combat boots were discarded on the floor and my purple tights had lots of tear stains on them. I cried for what seemed like an eternity. I wiped the tears from my now blood shot amethyst eyes and stood in front of my mirror. I hated what I saw. I was a shell of my former self. My black tank top with the purple oval in the center wrinkled, my green plaid skirt ripped a bit, my hair still a mess, my face red a puffy from crying. I scowled at my reflection. I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I couldn't stand looking at this stranger in the mirror. I trusted forward and slammed my fist down of the mirror shattering it in the process. Only a few parts remained on the wall and from what I could see the strong independent Sam Manson I and everybody else knew was gone in her place was a confused girl with a maddened look on her face. I couldn't stand to look any more. I picked up one of the glass shards sprawled on the ground, a wild look in my eyes. I looked down at my s hands. 'They caused this.' I thought. I held the piece of glass to my wrist and slit a long cut on it and watched the crimson blood start snaking its way down my arm. It felt good, the pain. I felt all my troubles seep through the blood pouring down my arms and onto the floor. They all just seemed to go away. I slit again deeper this time, and did so about two more times sighing in content as a small pool of blood formed on the floor.

I heard a tap on my window and froze. 'Oh no!' I thought. I was most certainly Danny. I scrambled up all the glass pieces and slid them under my bed. I put the blood stained one under my pillow. I grabbed a paper towel and wiped, or at least attempted to, the blood off my wrist and the small pool on the floor. I worked but I had a deep two and a half inch gash in my wrist. Hiding my hand behind my back I went and opened the window, and sure enough there floated Danny in his ghost form. His silver hair ruffling in the cool spring breeze. But his neon green eyes looked sad and betrayed. I opened my window more and let him in, trying to fix my hair in the process.

He flew to my bed and collapsed. He began to quietly sob and I went to comfort him. I hid my wounded hand behind my back and with my other hand I stroked his back comfortingly.

"She...she cheated on me…" Danny whispered into my pillow.

I stared in shock. What? She cheated on my ghost boy.

"She what?" I growled clenching my fists not caring that more blood was dripping down my arm..

Danny rose and pulled me into a hug and began sobbing into my already tear stained shirt. I must of forgotten my hand because he sobbed for about three minutes before he grabbed my hand bringing it in front of me watching the blood ooze out and rip onto my red sheets.

"Sam…sam…sammi…what did you do?" he asked his eyes filling with more tears as he saw the new blood start to seep out.

That was when I broke down. I grabbed him into a fierce hug and cried into his shirt not caring if I got blood on it. He didn't seem to care either, he just kept hugging me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just couldn't take it anymore!" I sobbed and apologized over and over again.

He hugged me tight stroking my black hair cooing me with soft reassuring words. After I calmed down enough he pulled me in front of him his hands on my shoulders.

"Sam, why?" he asked.

"I couldn't take any of it."

"Any of what?"

"You and her and all of the flirting and…e-everything! The whole concept of you and her as a couple!"

"But Sam why you seemed fine…?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper.

I looked up at him tears burning my eyes as they threatened to fall.

"because Danny," there was a long pause.

"I love you." We both said at the same time.

"y-y-you do?" I asked my voice shaky.

He leaned over and kissed my forehead gently.

"Forever and always my Goth girl." He whispered pulling me into a hug.

"Forever and ever my ghost boy." I whispered as he went to go get the first aid kit.