Us and Them
The image wasn't going to leave him anytime soon. He could imagine it so clearly in his mind; Ryan, two decades or so younger and sweetly curious. His familiar hands would lovingly caress and closely hold his brand new telescope. It would be nestled to his chest as he peddles his bike up the street of his high school. Then, in a tangled mess, he falls over the handle bars, scraping his knees as he hits the sidewalk. There is a soft, nearly inaudible click as a lens breaks and the polished wood cracks on the telescope that slowly rolls away from Ryan and into the middle of the street.
"Are you seeing stars now, Wolfie?"
"Eric?"
Brown eyes lifted to see Calleigh sitting at the table in the break room. She was trying to look cheerful from behind a veil of a red nose and watery eyes. She blew her nose before she spoke again.
"You look distracted. Are you okay?"
Eric shook his head, trying in vain to get the image to stop appearing. "This… this case is getting to all of us".
She nodded empathetically. "I know. Teenagers are rough. So much taken so soon".
"No," he sighed, not really sure if he should feel any remorse for putting Calleigh's viewpoint aside so quickly. "She was a bully, a really nasty one too. So… Ryan and I got to talking about our childhoods".
She nodded, getting up to get another bottle of orange juice from the vending machine. "Did you tell him how they used to call you 'Castro' and 'Swimmer'?"
"No, his story topped mine right off the bat. Trying to drum sympathy out of him would have been…" he sighed, trying to think of the right word, "just not right".
Eric sat down on the couch, turning off the television as it popped back to the Blair story. He rested his eyes for a long moment before a smile caught him off guard. Curiosity and sympathy guiding him more than anything, he pulled out his phone and began looking up local science stores.
Walter wandered in just as Calleigh finished the bottle and tossed it into the recycling bin. "How's that cold, Calleigh?"
"I think this is the worst day… maybe I shouldn't have come in".
"Are you making much of a dent in the firearms we got from Mala Noche last week?"
"I had my work cut out for me, but I have ten more to go. Then I'll let me go home and take a nap".
Walter took a Red Bull out of the fridge before wondering aloud, "If it were up to me, I would just let this case go cold. Does that make me a terrible person?"
"I was thinking the same thing," Eric answered from the couch. "I think we all would like that".
Calleigh blew her nose. "Were you bullied, Walter?"
"Of course I was," he answered, not looking up from his drink or the small bowl of m&ms on the table. "I was the… biggest kid in my elementary school… and Jr. High. The others in my class used to call me Hippo. At lunch they would pretend to protect their food from me. One day they weakened the bolts on the chair I sat in for history so it broke when I sat down".
Calleigh blinked. "Oh wow".
He finally looked up. "Were you ever bullied?"
She shook her head. "No. Not like that".
"If you weren't one of us, you were one of them".
Eric sat up, looking over at Calleigh. She sighed and shrugged. "I tried to avoid it. And I never mocked anyone… didn't mean to at least if I did".
Walter tried to nod understandingly. "Was Natalia ever bullied?"
"Only by her exes".
The three of them looked over as Ryan walked in, rubbing his face and shaking his head. Eric put his phone away and quickly stepped over to Ryan's side. "You holding up okay?"
Ryan shrugged, standing in front of the vending machine and looking over the sparse selection.
Eric looked over to see that Walter and Calleigh were distracted before he stepped in a little closer and gently rested his fingertips on the small of Ryan's back. "Hey, I didn't mean to laugh at you. What… what that jack-off did wasn't right and if I knew you then I would have defended you".
"You don't need to apologize".
"I think I should".
"Well, if it makes you feel better".
Eric's brow furrowed as he pulled his hand back and stared sadly at his friend. Ryan didn't take his eyes off the vending machine as he punched in the number and a Twix bar fell. It wasn't until he started eating that he looked up at Eric.
"I'm taking this out on you, aren't I?" he sighed.
"A little".
"I'm upset… I didn't mean to snap at you".
"If it makes you feel better…"
"Eric".
"It's okay".
Walter looked over at them. "What about you two? Have you ever been bullied?"
Eric tensed as Ryan nodded. "I was the nerd," he said simply, darting a look up at Eric before turning his attention back to Walter and Calleigh. "It happens".
Walter looked over at Eric for his answer. The Cuban shrugged. "Not really. Not at school, anyways. Generally I'm given a lot of crap because I'm…"
"Say no more," Walter nodded with a soft smile of understanding.
The four of them lounged in silence for a few minutes before Walter spoke again. "Do you think Horatio was?"
"I think so," Eric nodded. "He had a rough childhood just… in general. It would be understandable if he was… why he speaks for the victims now".
"He's having a hard time speaking for Blair," Ryan noted.
Calleigh's eyes widened. "She must have been pretty bad if that's true".
The lab outside the break room's walls grew quiet and they heard footsteps. Calleigh looked up to see Rick Stetler patrolling the hall with a file in his hand. All four of them tried to blend into the woodwork as much as possible, but it was only a few seconds before he stuck his head into the break room.
"Have any of you seen Horatio?"
They shook their heads.
"I… I need to discuss something with him".
"We don't know where he is, Stetler," Eric retorted, looking up to glare at him.
"Oh…" he murmured, not making any advance to move.
Ryan folded his arms. "And he's not in here, so you can stop looking".
Stetler hesitated before nodding, lightly slapping the door frame with his palm and making his way to Horatio's empty office.
Walter let out a breath. "Is it just me, or does that guy really creep you out too?"
Calleigh nodded. "He's in Internal Affairs. If he hasn't investigated you yet, he will. Not that you ever do anything that would warrant that. He just… Stetler and Horatio have been fighting with each other for over ten years now. It started when H got the promotion to lieutenant or something, I really don't know and Horatio probably doesn't want to talk about it. Did you know that Stetler once said that my testimony for my own carjacking was inaccurate because I was 'intoxicated'? Honestly, that guy's a douche".
"He tried to fire me once," Eric spoke up, "said I bought and smoked pot from some suspect".
"He actually fired and arrested me," Ryan added. "Watch out for him. If he questions you, give him direct answers that he can't spin".
"Wow…"
Calleigh smirked to herself before buying another orange juice. "Do you think he was a bully?"
Eric chuckled. "Oh Hell yes".
Ryan shrugged, "I don't know about 'bully'. Tattletale, maybe".
"He could have been both," Walter offered. "Bullied them into doing something wrong then tattled".
Ryan smirked. "Which is basically what Blair did. Wonder when Stetler's in for his stoning".
Calleigh picked up her orange juice and headed for the door. "I have to finish logging the firearms we confiscated last week, then I'm going home". She paused at the doorway to think for a moment. "Yeah, I can't picture Stetler getting bullied, I feel for his victims though".
oOoOo
Horatio looked up from his files as he stepped off the elevator, discouraged to be without a warrant. Standing in his glass office at the end of the hall was a familiar tall and slender figure. Sighing, the redheaded lieutenant walked into his office.
"Rick," he said rather sharply, grabbing his attention. "What's going on?"
The Internal Affairs Lieutenant quickly pulled out his files. "I need to talk to you about last week. Memmo Fiero. Remember?"
Horatio nodded. "I remember. What's the problem?"
"He has bruises on his face distinct to a size 11 shoe. Now, if I ask you what size shoe you wear, you say…"
"He was responsible for the murder of my wife, Rick".
Sighing, the brunette looked out the glass walls and over Horatio's team. "Upstairs".
"Upstairs?"
"I need to talk to you about this alone. Upstairs in my office or outside?"
"We're alone right here, Rick".
"It doesn't count as 'alone' if more than three people are watching you at any given moment. And I bet most of them can read lips".
Horatio gave him a confused look before turning around to see half the lab immediately turn their heads to get back to work. With a little nod, he sighed. "Upstairs. It's cold out today".
Rick tried to keep his eyes front and ignore the glares from the lab as he led Horatio into the elevators, breathing half a sigh of relief as the doors shut and lifted them to Internal Affairs. "So…" he started, "how's the case going?"
Horatio pursed his lips and took a deep breath before answering. "Nothing extraordinary in any direction".
"I hear it's a teenager".
"She's difficult to sympathize with," he answered shortly before the doors opened at IA.
Rick led them down the opaque halls to his corner office. Once they got inside, Rick closed the door behind them and tossed his file onto the desk.
"I just want to make sure we have our stories straight," he said, sitting down on the couch rather than behind his desk.
Horatio waited for a moment before perhaps risking believing that Rick was being generous. "No voice recorder?"
The younger man sighed before giving Horatio a small smile. "I'm giving you a pass on this one. Just say you felt you were in immediate danger".
"I lured him onto a boat and-"
"Just say you were in immediate danger".
"He was armed, but I-"
"Horatio".
The redhead hesitated before cocking his head at Rick and saying, "I was in immediate danger".
"Good, that's all I need to hear for now. I'm sure he won't end up pressing charges. Even he isn't that ballsy".
Horatio just nodded for a moment before looking up at the younger man. "Can I go now?"
"If you want to get back to the case".
"I don't. Not really".
"Want to talk about it?"
Searching Rick's deep brown eyes, Horatio eventually decided that there wouldn't be too much harm done if he kept his answers simple. "Our victim, Blair - she was a bully… no… a tormentor".
The brunette nodded thoughtfully. "And that's why you… erm… have you ever been bullied?"
Horatio cocked an eyebrow. "Have you?"
"I asked you first".
Horatio worried lip in thought.
"You tell me. I tell you. I can keep a secret if you can".
This earned him a sideways glance.
"It has nothing to do with your time as an officer here, don't worry about me. I have absolutely no jurisdiction over what you did when you were in New York… and in grade school. I don't even think I was alive then".
Horatio smirked. "I'm not that old".
"Will you tell me?"
The older man sighed before deciding to plop down on the couch beside Rick. "I'm a ginger with ridiculously red hair, what do you think?"
Rick gave a knowing smile before turning his attention to the gentle wave of brilliant copper hair. "I think I've always found red hair quite attractive," he blurted out.
"You're really the only one".
"That can't be true. I know plenty of women find you attractive. I mean, just look at how many offer to make you dinner".
Again, Horatio cocked an eyebrow at Rick.
"Of course," Rick added, blushing, "what you do at home isn't really department business, so it's none of my-"
"-Yes".
The two men shifted to opposite ends of the couch. Horatio cleared his throat. "So… were you?"
"Was I what?"
"Bullied".
"Yeah. Of course I was. Everyone was at some point by somebody".
Horatio nodded, waiting for Rick to continue. The younger men tensed before standing and going over to the small water cooler in the corner and getting a drink.
"Do you want to talk about it?" the redhead asked, leaning forward a little and resting his arms on his knees.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Depends what it is".
Rick looked at him hesitantly.
"As long as you didn't hurt anyone," the older man amended.
"I didn't".
The conical paper cup was crumbled into a wad and tossed in the trash. Rick slowly sat back down on his side of the couch, looked at Horatio, and got back up. He wrung his hands and paced back and forth from his desk to the water cooler. Several times he tried sitting on the edge of the desk before hopping back up.
"Look," Horatio sighed, standing up, "if it's too personal, you don't have to tell me".
"I want to tell you," he said quickly as he placed himself between Horatio and the door. "I… when I was fourteen I got a new neighbor. He was my age and short for a guy… he had jet black hair and electric blue eyes. Nathanial".
Horatio nodded, sitting back down.
"Nathanial… Nate… he and I spent a lot of time together. We were both in orchestra, but not in any sports, so we had basically the same schedule. He tutored me in French and I helped him in History. We spent a lot of time together…"
"Go on".
Rick swallowed, tensing a little. "Later that fall we went to an orchard. His father made hard cider, so swiping a bottle for us wasn't too difficult for him. The orchard had a barn we snuck into and sat in the hayloft. It was an odd day… a Wednesday or Thursday. Either way, we got our first history test back, highest in the class, and wanted to celebrate.
"We drank a little. Started messing around, you know how boys are. Then… we… we were wrestling and when I pinned him I…" he took a deep breath, "I kissed him".
Horatio flinched, but only slightly. A light blush crossed his pale cheeks as he ducked his head. "And he exposed you?"
"No. He kissed me back. Then… things just started moving really fast. We agreed to keep it in the hayloft, but the longer we were together the harder it was to stay hidden".
"What happened?"
"I crossed the line. I was positive that we were alone in the locker room when I stole a kiss from him after phy-ed. I guess somebody saw us. That or else someone thought that perhaps we were a bit too good of friends. Either way, this one… Greg Hammel and his girlfriend, Melissa; they followed Nate and I to the barn. And… judging at how fast the news spread… I think they saw me lose my virginity".
Horatio's shoulders tensed before he nodded.
"The next day… I couldn't walk into any room at school without being threatened, laughed at, or spat upon. My teachers couldn't look me in the eye. I was knocked from first chair in orchestra. Phy-ed was unbearable, I'm surprised that neither of us were killed in that class. We decided to skip it after one day. When we went home everyday, there was always someone outside willing to throw rocks at us.
"This went on for a week or so before the principal called Nate's and my parents in for a conference. He said that there were rumors that Nate and I were homosexuals and he advised should go to a physiatrist so we could be 'fixed'. And… Nate… he… he denied it".
Horatio bowed his head in thought. "I'm sorry".
"My parents were both incredibly open minded, I was always grateful for that; but I didn't speak to them for a week after they told me that I had to break it off with Nate. Now I know they were only worried about the bruises I was coming home from school with. I still have the scars.
"Nate transferred into different classes. He got into a bit of trouble when he groped a girl in geometry, but the rumors about him calmed down. I wasn't about to hide who I was, and Nate… maybe he never was who I thought he was. He married soon after graduation".
"I'm sorry," Horatio repeated.
"It's in the past".
"Nobody should have to go through that".
"Can't do much about it now," Rick shrugged before getting himself another drink of water. "Well… that's my story".
Horatio took a small step towards the door before turning to Rick. "Have you heard of the It Gets Better Project?"
He nodded, smiling a little. "I have. Pledged, actually".
The redhead nodded and walked over, going so far as to put his hand on the doorknob before he paused again. "You didn't try to… escape it, did you? If you know what I mean…"
"I still have the scars," Rick echoed.
"I'm sorry".
"Go back to your case, Horatio".
"Are you going to be okay alone?"
Rick sighed. "It all happened a very long time ago".
"Does that really matter?"
"Let me believe that it could".
Horatio was about to turn the handle again before stopping. "Why did you tell me all this?"
He shrugged. "I'm not quite sure, myself. Maybe some perspective. Do you think you can speak for Blair now?"
"Could you?"
"You're a stronger man than I am".
"I hope you don't think that you're like her".
"I'm not sure that I'm unlike her".
The redheaded lieutenant stepped into the hallway before quickly turning around. "Rick, if you want to grab some dinner after our shift, I'm available".
"You don't think I'll be okay alone".
"That too… and we never really got to know each other as we really are".
"Pizza at six work for you?"
A soft chirp came from Horatio's pocket as he nodded. He checked his phone.
Eric Delko(12:48 pm): Im rescuing u from Stetler. That & Nat has a lead.
"I have to go now," Horatio sighed, quickly pocketing his phone, "trace just got something".
"Take care of yourself".
"Six".
"Six".