Summary: A short parody/comedy of Harry Potter, Fanfictions, and everything else.

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to JK Rowling, and this story and it's original characters are mine. Contact before reproduction.

Pairing: Harry/GW and possibly some other occasional pairings – sorry for being vague, you'll have to read.

Rating: M to be safe but it's probably closer to T.

Time-line: Story starts 2 years after the battle of Hogwarts has ended the war.

Author's Note:This story attempts to lampoon inconsistencies in the books and the films.

The Reunion

A Harry Potter FanFiction Parody

Chapter 1.

Invitations

Harry Potter, jaws clenched with determination, slowly extended his wand with careful aim. A huge bluebottle fly had been hovering around his desk for hours. With his wand aimed and pointed straight at the fly, he was about to end this nuisance forever when Ron came stomping into the office. Quickly the fly took flight, did an evasive split-s, and disappeared.

"Gee thanks Ron. I almost had him," Harry said, pointing at the buzzing nuisance.

"Another exciting day at the Auror office – eh Harry?"

Harry carefully sat the wand down on the desk – not really giving up on the fly.

"You think we'll ever get a regular assignment again?"

Ron shrugged. "I think you've just about wiped out crime partner."

"Are you mental? There's got to be crime brewing somewhere – there always is.. You been keeping an eye on Malfoy – right?"

"Sure, but even he's not that thick Harry," replied Ron. "Malfoy knows we're watching him."

"Not if you do it right."

"I'm telling you. He's keeping clean Harry."

"That's unlikely. The rumors have it that he's broke. He'll have to do something to make some money and we know he's not fond of work."

Ron shook his head. "I can't believe we got rid of all the death-eaters."

"It's been two years Ron. The one's we didn't mop up went into hiding."

"So what do we do until then?" asked Ron.

"No idea. But for now, we do have diversions," he stated and pulled an invitation from a pile of paper on his desk.

"So wha's that?" Ron curiously inquired.

"An invitation – of course."

"I can see that – but to what?"

"A do at the castle..."

"A what?"

Harry opened the invitation and began to read.

To the survivors of the Battle of Hogwarts: We wish to invite you to an anniversary dinner at the castle in celebration of the victory and to commemorate those who were lost.

The evening begins at the castle with a cooler-mixer at 6:00 o'clock followed by dinner at 7:00. The evening will continue with guest speakers, drinks, and music. Please help us remember the past and celebrate the future by attending.

There was a moment of confused silence.

"Well, that sounds great but I don't think I got an invitation," griped Ron.

"Sure you got an invitation Ron. It's probably under that pile of junk on your desk."

"I don't think so – I woulda remembered."

"Whatever – but it must be around here somewhere."

"If you say so… but I wasn't exactly the hero of that battle," growled Ron, causing Harry to pull a sour face.

"Ron – we were all..."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of high heels clacking down the corridor and moving quickly in their direction. Breezing through the door to the Auror office, Hermione had her invitation in hand, attempting to speak and recover her breath at the same time.

Totally made over since school days, Hermione bore little resemblance to her younger self. Heels, a shorter skirt, and much filling out had changed her for the better. While she turned many male eyes in the Ministry, it was thought that her heart still somehow belonged to Ron. Only he was too thick to know it. Their pitiful relationship had been off and on since school days.

"Can you believe it?!" she said and waved the invitation to demonstrate. "They're having a do at the castle."

"Yeah, we know," replied Harry

"Well, you don't seem very excited about it."

"Ron's lost his invitation."

"I didn't lose it – it never came."

"That's nonsense Ron," snapped Hermione. "They couldn't have it without you. There must be some mistake."

"I'll say," mused Ron.

Harry threw up his arms at this. Hermione shook her head in disbelief and tons of bushy brown hair shook with it. At this very moment, Clarence the skinny post boy entered the room carrying a mailbag so large that many wondered how he did it. He stopped in the door and began to fish something out of the bag.

"Sorry Mister Weasley. I missed this one on the morning run."

Apologetically, Clarence handed Ron his invitation.

"Thanks Clarence." Harry and Hermione began to laugh.

"Now that that's solved," Hermione said grinning.

"Oh shut-up," interrupted Ron.

"I've got to tell the others." And with that, Hermione clacked off down the corridor as quickly as she came.

There was a long pause, but it wasn't about the invitation.

"Are you seeing her at all Ron?"

Another pause.

"Not trying to be a total arse Harry, but I don't see how that concerns you."

"Don't see how that concerns me. My two best friends in the world? You're mental Ron. I tell you," moaned Harry. "Hermione is looking great these days. If I wasn't seeing your sister I'd ask her out."

"That's very illuminating," said Ron, with thick disinterest.

"...and I still don't remember. What are you two fighting about?"

Ron scratched his head. "I really can't remember now. It was always something."

"Well then, what's the point," exclaimed Harry. "I can't believe you're not rolling with that. I mean, you still have male needs don't you?"

"Sure. But Hermione wasn't too keen on taking care of those. Oh maybe after a fight – we could get along for a while – but on a regular basis, no."

Harry shook his head, disbelievingly. "Sometimes you need to take em out to dinner Ron. Did you ever try that?"

Ron pulled a face. "Of course I did. But then she'd fuss over how much food I ate. I tell ya Harry, it just isn't worth the trouble sometimes."

"Has Ginny talked to her about this?"

"I rather she didn't."

Harry eyed Ron suspiciously. Maybe there were details of this crisis that Ron didn't want out.

"Well… have it your way. I'll drop it then. But it's obvious she still cares for you. It just seems like such a waste."

"Thanks dad. I'll see what I can do."

Harry waved his hand to dismiss the whole subject.

"Do what you will Ron." With this Harry picked up his wand and pointed it in Ron's direction. Ron's insolent mood instantly changed as his eyes began to widen.

A thin wisp of green light shot from the wand, and the bluebottle fly, that was very close to Ron's head, went up in smoke.