"Oh my GOD… will you just do it already?"

Tweek, wedged as far back in broom closet as he could go, stared up at Craig in shock.

"Gaah!" He twitched and jerked. "W-wh… what?!"

The taller boy leered down at him, eyes narrowed to angry slits. "You tell me. You've been eye-raping me all goddamn week. I catch you looking at me in every class we have together. So what the hell do you want?"

Tweek shuddered, the corner of one eye spasming. Being this close to Craig, pressed against the back wall of a musty janitor's closet was overloading his senses. Craig's breath heated his forehead. His heart thumped way harder than usual. "I… I…," Twitch, twitch, spasm. "We just haven't really talked since the… um… that thing with the Japanese girls. And the, um…" He tried in vain to wet his lips. "… the yaoi."

One of Craig's eyebrows raised. "Yeah. And?"

"And… well…" Tweek fumbled for something pertinent to say. "H-how are you?"

Craig's eyebrow arched even harder. "How am I? Really? That's the best you got?"

Tweek went to swallow but his throat was like sandpaper. "I don't really know what you want me to say."

"I want you to tell me why you've been following me. Because I've seen you take the extra long way to some of your classes. And I know damn well it's so that you can see me in the hallway."

Tweek shuddered as Craig leaned in to examine his flushed face, inadvertently backing himself onto a plunger handle that proceeded to jab him painfully in the hip. He trembled as Craig reached out an arm, palming the wall next to him.

"Look, dude." Craig sighed after a while. "I think I get it."

Tweek blinked in rapid succession. "Y-you do?"

"Yeah. I mean, look. I ain't no homo." He reached up to scratch beneath his blue cap. "But I ain't no 'phobe either. I know we gotta keep pretending to be a couple for the sake of the town. Which is probably gonna suck balls since you're apparently… well… that way."

Tweek felt his cheeks flush.

"So… tell you what." Craig rolled his eyes, glancing away. "In the interest of us getting though this bullshit… and getting you to stop humping me with your eyes… I'm gonna do you a favor."

The blonde felt lightheaded and dizzy. "A favor?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna give you ten seconds, starting from when I say. During those ten seconds, you're allowed to do whatever you want. When I say time, you'll stop and we'll never speak of this again for as long as we both shall live."

Tweek's eyes went the size of drink coasters. "Y-you're serious?"

Craig stared down at him, his expression deadpan. "Yes. I am serious. Do you accept these terms and conditions as I have explained them to you?"

Tweek waited for his heart attack to subside before timidly squeaking, "Yes!"

Craig sighed, bringing his wrist up to eye level and fidgeting with the buttons and dials, pulling up the stopwatch feature. "Alright… in three… two…"

"WAIT!" Tweek shrieked.

"Gaah! What?!" Craig hissed. "Keep your fucking voice down! It's not like we want people to know we're in here, asshat!"

Tweek fidgeted in place, fumbling with the badly crumpled hem of his shirt. "C-can I do some prep work first? To, uuh… make the most of my time?"

Both of Craig's eyebrows raised to form a peak. "Clothes will be staying on for the duration of this exercise. You filthy, filthy animal."

"N-no! Not that!" Tweek blushed still redder. "Just, um… hang on."

Turning, Tweek hastily cleared a space among all the brooms and cleaning supplies, finally dislodging the plunger handle from his now-bruised hip. He rested his back firmly in the crux of the wall, then reached out a trembling hand, gripping Craig's shirt and tugging the startled boy in close. "Hey!"

"Sorry." Tweek chewed his bottom lip. "I just… y'know… want to make it count."

Craig shook his head as he wriggled his wrist up between them to fiddle with his watch.

"Okay… three, two, one, st–"

No sooner had Craig's fingers pressed the button on his watch, his words were cut off by a hand jerking him down, an anxious pair of lips diving on his. The smaller boy's other hand reached up to grip the back of his head, fingers snaking beneath his cap, combing through his hair.

JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST! screamed Craig's brain as Tweek kneaded their lips together, moaning softly. Craig had tried to mentally prepare for the possibility of Tweek kissing him… but he sure as fuck wasn't expecting this. The way Tweek pushed himself up against him, his shaky fingers wandering over Craig's chest startled the older boy. He had assumed Tweek probably had the hots for him… but this? This was some next-level shit right here.

Craig kissed him back, more out of reflex than anything. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that he was kissing a girl. A flat-chested, trembling, black coffee-tasting girl. His face tilted, his lips parted, and suddenly Tweek's tongue was in his mouth.

"Mmmf!" Craig's eyes opened wide in shock, only to open wider as he felt Tweek's hand sneak beneath his shirt, stroking along his bare stomach, sending an unwanted shiver streaking up his spine.

Looking down at him, Craig noticed that Tweek had long, thick eyelashes. He'd never noticed them before. He wished he wasn't noticing them now.

Reflexively, Craig's hands found the younger boy's hips, pulling him up against him. He tried not to think about their bulges touching. He was already gonna have to say so many no homos for this massive amount of faggotry. Why add more by thinking about it?

Suddenly, his watch began to chirp.

Time's up, Craig thought with relief. Then he felt Tweek's warm hand sliding along his wrist. The boy found Craig's watch and cupped his hand over it, silencing its rhythmic beeping as he gripped the back of Craig's neck, holding him still.

"Fgggmmm!"

Their lips continued to knead together. Craig pinned Tweek roughly against the wall, unsure of whether he was trying to free himself from Tweek's grasp or prove a point to him. Their tongues vied for dominance in the common space they shared as seconds ticked away. Craig had no idea how far past the initial ten they'd gone. Without his watch's beeping to remind him, it felt like time had left them behind.

Things might have gone on for much longer had Craig not felt it. It of course being the new prominent bulge in Tweek's pants, rubbing insistently against Craig's inner thigh.

With a mighty shove, Craig dislodged himself from the blonde, collapsing against the opposite wall. They panted heavily, eyeing one another like startled animals, their gazes wide and feral.

"DUDE!" Craig started after he'd caught his breath.

Across the way, Tweek continued to fight for air, limbs jack-knifed across the wall like a spider, the tent in his khakis now plainly visible. "S-sorry!"

"I said ten seconds!" Craig wailed.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! I just… got a little carried away!"

Craig quickly climbed to his feet, dusting off his knees and adjusting his cap back down from its disheveled perch atop his head. "Whatever. Just… fuck!" He palmed his face, which was by that point beet red. "Alright. I met you halfway. Now give me some space at school. And don't you ever… ever… tell anyone we did this, or I swear to Christ I'll cut your balls off and mail them to your mother. Got it?"

Slumped against the opposing wall, Tweek looked like he had just finished running a marathon. His face was flushed, his lips swollen and red.

"Y-yeah," Tweek whispered after a while. "I promise."

There was a twinkle in Tweek's eyes. Craig didn't like it.

"Whatever. Fuck you, I'm leaving. Wait five minutes before coming out."

Refusing to make eye contact, Craig cracked the door open, peeked through, then slipped out. He walked swiftly away, tugging his shirt down over his lap as he mumbled no homos under his breath.