Todd was writing in his notebook on his bed. He seemed frustrated and was scribbling stuff out. Neil walked in all excited holding a piece of paper.
Neil handed him the flyer. "I found it." Neil says.
"You found what?" Todd replies, reading the cursive writing on the creased piece of paper.
"What I want to do. Right now. What's really, really inside of me." Neil crouched by Todd's bed.
"'A Midsummer Night's Dream?'"
"This is it."
"What is that."
"It's a play, dummy." Neil smiled ecstatically at him, his smile seeming to light up the entire room.
"I know that. What does it have to do with you?" Neil's smile was infectious.
"All right. They're putting it on at Henley Hall. Open tryouts." his smile widened. "Open tryouts!"
"Yes, so?"
"So," Neil stood up and backed away from the bed. "I'm gonna act." Todd smiled back at him. "AHA!" Neil exclaimed joyously.
He wrapped a scratchy blanket around his shoulders."Yes. Yes! I'm gonna be an actor." Neil jumped up onto the bed. "Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to try this! I even tried to go to summer stock auditions last year, but of course my father wouldn't let me!"
Neil stepped onto the desk. "For the first time in my whole life, I know what I want to do." Neil loomed over him and stared down, hardly able to keep down his excitement.
Todd blushed and hugged his notebook against his chest.
Neil picked up a stack of papers. "And for the first time, I'm gonna do it!" He threw the stack in the air. Sheets of paper rained over Todd. He could feel his temperature rising. "Whether my father wants me to or not. Carpe Diem!"
"Neil, Neil, hold on." Todd gathered the papers. "How are you gonna be in a play if your father won't let you?"
Neil thought for a second, then hopped off the table, standing next to the bed once again, the dark green blanket still draped over his shoulders. "First, I gotta get the part, then I can worry about that."
"Yeah, but won't he kill you if he finds out you went to an audition and didn't tell him?"
"No. as far as I'm concerned, he won't have to know about any of this."
"That's impossible."
"Bullshit! Nothing's impossible!" Neil furrowed his brow at Todd. Todd looked down at the stack of papers in his lap.
"Well, why don't you just call him and ask him? Maybe he'll say yes."
"That's a laugh." Neil removed the blanket from his shoulders and threw it to the floor. "If I don't ask him, at least I won't be disobeying him."
Todd scooted up and sat at the edge of his bed, leaning forward. "Yeah, but if he said no…"
"Jesus, Todd! Whose side are you on?" Neil came forward and loomed over Todd angrily. Todd backed up and leaned back. He stared, frightened at the change of tone in his voice. Todd was speechless. He looked down at the dark floorboards.
Neil grabbed back the flyer and sat on the radiator by the window. He read it over once more with tears forming in his eyes. Todd glanced over at his morose expression feeling bad about what he had said.
"I mean, I haven't even gotten the part yet." Neil looked Todd in the eye. Todd was taken aback by the pool of tears forming under his eyes and the way his chin quivered ever so subtly. "Can't I even enjoy the idea for a little while?"
Todd felt a lump growing in his throat. He swallowed and sat back against the wall. After a few moments of deafening silence, Neil said, "You're coming to the meeting this afternoon."
"I don't know. Maybe." He looked down at his notebook of scribbled words.
Neil sighed and leaned forward. "Nothing Mr. Keating has to say means shit to you, does it, Todd?"
"W-what does that mean?"
"You're in the club!" Neil stood up and loomed over him once more. "Being in the club means being stirred up by things! You look about as stirred up as a cesspool!"
"So, you want me out?"
"No, I want you in! But being in means you gotta do something, not just say you're in."
"Well, listen, Neil, I- I appreciate this concern, but I'm not like you, all right? Y-you, you say things and people listen." He had never talked to Neil that confidently before. A stutter was affecting his speech. "I-I'm not like that."
"Don't you think you could be?"
"No! I…I don't know, but that's not the point. The point is that there's nothing you can do about it. So you can just butt out. I can take care of myself just fine." His cheeks were bright red. Todd stared down at his khakis. Neil had a look of utter defeat across his face. "All right?"
"No." Neil stated confidently. Todd looked up at him.
"What do you mean, no?"
Neil smiled mischievously. "No."
Todd stared, confused at Neil. He was blushing very noticeably. Neil crouched down and kissed Todd on the lips briefly. Todd looked at him like he didn't believe that that had just happened. Neil had a giant smile on his face when he saw Todd's tomato-red cheeks.
Neil grabbed the notebook and hopped onto his own bed. "Give me.. Neil, give that back!" Todd bolted up and springed onto the creaky bed.
"What is this?" Todd started chasing him around. They were running in circles, hopping from furniture to furniture. "'We are dreaming of a'…" He began reading, a smile splitting his face in half while Todd protested. "What is this? Poetry! I'm being chased by Walt Whitman!"
Neil laughed a high pitched laugh, which made Todd melt all the while chasing him and trying not to slip off of the furniture. Todd placed his hands over Neil's shoulders and retrieved his notebook.
"Okay, okay!" Neil laughed and they both collapsed next to each other on his bed. They leaned against the wall smushed up next to each other as they stared helplessly into each other's eyes, their fingers laced together. Todd's heart swelled at the sight of his enormous smile.
Just then, Cameron barged in. "What are you guys doing? I'm trying…" He held up a thick, red book. "You see this chemistry…"
Neil sprung forward, grabbed the book out of his hand and began going around the room again while Cameron followed close behind, and Todd behind Cameron. Cameron protested loudly. Todd giggled. It was the first time Neil had heard him laugh. His heart swelled.
Just then, Charlie joined in. Neil tossed the book to him and the scene had turned into a game of keepaway. The book was thrown to many people. Bongo drums and a recorder had joined in and the game had gotten very fun.
Todd and Neil stared at each other as they led the race from opposite sides of the room. Their stares communicated the secret to each other. The secret that if Cameron had gotten there any sooner, would have know, but didn't. .
Later that night, Todd was sitting on his bed once again going over the current chapter in calculus.
Neil was reading from an enormous red book, noting things on a lined sheet of paper as he went along. Todd couldn't focus. He kept glancing over at Neil and smiling, wondering what that moment earlier meant.
Todd kept opening his mouth, preparing to say something, but the words never came out.
"Neil," He managed to say after some time.
Neil looked up from his notes. "Yeah?" He smiled.
Todd looked back down at his book and swallowed. "What happened earlier?" Todd looked back at him.
Neil grinned. "What do you mean? Earlier when?"
"This afternoon." Tears welled in his eyes and his cheeks flushed. He looked down. "Wh-" He swallowed and looked back up at him. "What was that kiss?"
Neil smiled and closed his book, setting it off to the side and sitting at the edge of his bed. "I don't know. What was that kiss?"
Todd grinned. "It was pretty good." They both chuckled. Neil leaned back onto his arms and his neck sunk into his shoulders.
"I agree." Neil said, smiling at Todd in a way that made his chest hurt.
"Well, what does that mean?"
Neil got up and laid next to Todd on his back, putting his arms up and resting his head against his wrists. Todd shut his book and laid it on his lap, sitting against the headboard next to Neil.
He smiled at Todd lovingly, as if he wanted his smile to do the talking for him. As if he wanted his smile to say the words, 'I love you' for him.
Todd sunk down next to him, still keeping the book on his lap so his hands had something to fidget with to help with his overwhelming nervousness. Todd laid flat on his back against the rickety mattress next to this incredibly gorgeous boy wearing blue polka dot pajamas.
Neil took the book from his hands and laid it on the floor next to the bed, turning onto his side to face Todd.
Todd copied him, turning onto his side until both of them were facing each other, resting their heads on their forearms.
Neil smiled and laced the fingers of his other hand with Todd's. Todd blushed and Neil chuckled, which triggered a chuckle from Todd. The laughter faded to smiles after a couple of seconds.
"Is this real?" Todd said after a few moments.
In that moment, Neil laid a kiss on Todd's lips. Neil felt a hand on the back of his neck pulling him closer. Todd unlaced their hands and placed his hand on Neil's hip, pulling him closer. He felt the divot in his lower back.
After a few moments, they pulled away for breath. Their foreheads were touching. "You tell me." Neil said quietly. Todd chuckled and Neil joined in.