Summary: the accumulation of little things leads to and explosion.

Pairing: GS only, I am a shipper!

AN: I really, really tried to stay in character this time… I know that it didn't work completely…but I really gave my best…I just can't help it, if we'd stay in character with fan fic a relationship between Grissom and Sara would be impossible (at the moment, lets cross thumbs for some changes in Grissom that lead to a revelation of his love for Sara)…let's face the truth…and I think character development is not completely OOC, as long as we don't turn Grissom into an Elvis double…

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Accumulation of the little things

Chapter one: in the middle of the night

It was in the middle of the shift, Sara entered his office, knocked on the doorframe and threw a warm smile at him. "Hey…can we talk?", she asked softly.

He swallowed hard. About what does she want to talk? Something personal? She has that look in her eyes, that 'I'm getting personal' look. "Sure…but…you know it's a busy night and…I have a lot of paperwork to do and…"

"…it's not important…so…if you want we can talk later too."

Now I was too harsh…wasn't I? Great, now she thinks I am not longer interested in her problems…and what does she mean with later? Later after the shift? Later after I managed the paperwork? Later this week, this months? Later this night? At her home? I wouldn't know what to do, if she asks me to come to her home again…I would lie if I'd say that I don't want to go there…but I can't do this…Sara is a wonderful person, every man could be glad to have her affection…I can't be…the fact that I know that she likes me more than just a boss…that made it all so much more difficult.

"Grissom?"

He looked up to her. "Sorry…I was lost in thoughts for a second…you know what,…I can take a break with that…just take a seat and tell me what's up." Talking here is better than talking somewhere else…talking with her isn't good at all…because each time that I am listening to what she tells me, she gets the feeling that I care for her…I don't want her to think that I care for her…she shouldn't know that her supervisor cares for her, in a way he shouldn't care for her.

Sara took a seat and looked at him. "It's….it's about…", she brushed through her hair with her right hand.

Why is she doing this? Does she want me to feel attracted to her? Does she want me to see how beautiful…wonderful…her hair is? I know how beautiful she is…that's what makes it that much more different…I know her…the fact that I ever met her made my whole life so much more complicated! It was all okay before…I never felt stupid when I was in a room with a beautiful woman, I never felt butterflies in my stomach when I was with any woman before…and then I saw her, sitting in the front row of the audience room…it was as if she was lip reading every word I said…and then I made the biggest mistake in my whole life, I asked her to work for me! I should have known what a torture this would be for me…I should have known that seeing her everyday would turn me into an emotional wreck. I should have known that, knowing that I can't have her the way I want to have her and seeing her everyday, seeing her being close to me…knowing that she is affected to me, knowing that she cares for me…, would drive me crazy…one day I wont be able to handle this anymore…one day I will have to send her away or I will have to leave…

"…uhm Grissom…are you listing to me?"

"Sorry…I…"

"…you were lost in thoughts again…is this about a case? Are you going to let me in on it?"

"It's not about a case...it's personal."

"Personal? Did Gil Grissom just admit that he has some personal stuff going on? You have a personal life?"

"Thanks for the sarcasm…I really don't need that at the moment." What die she mean with that? Does she really think I have nothing but work in my mind? Does she really think that I don't have any personal stuff? I mean she must at least know that I…

"Gil…I really need you to listen to me…it's important!", she spoke softly.

"Okay.", hell what does she want to talk about! Just a few minutes ago she said it wasn't important! There is it again…she thinks I am not at all interested in her…next time she'd probably not even try to talk to me…and she pretends to be stronger than she is…why does she always think she has to do this? Does she think I wouldn't accept her if she shows emotions? I must give this feeling to a lot of people...everybody thinks that I have no personal life, everybody thinks I am only interested in my job…or in bugs…and everybody thinks I am not a bit interested in them…Is this what I wanted to reach? Is this the way I want to live? The way that I really want to live!

"…what do you think about that?"

He swallowed hard. Damn it! You didn't listen to her again…if you tell her that you didn't listen to her she will probably throw that chair in your face…what would be understandable…if I tell her that I think her that she is right about what ever she said and if she just asked me to have a shower with her then…this would be more than negative…and if I tell her that we should talk about this later again then…I would have to talk to her again…somewhere else, because telling her to talk in my office about the same thing again later this night would be…something she wouldn't accept.

"Okay…Grissom I got it…you didn't listen to me again…you know what…forget about it!", she stood up angry and was about to leave his office.

You can't let her go now…not when she is angry. Do something! Damn it Gil Grissom, you don't want her to be angry or mad at you… "Sara…don't leave, please."

"Why should I stay…tell me, why should I stay?"

"I promise I will listen…I swear I will listen."

She rolled with her eyes, but she didn't leave his office, she walked over to his desk, standing in front of him. "You swear?"

"Yes…take a seat and talk."

"I prefer standing…it's easier to leave as fast as possible if you're already standing…you should know that, shouldn't you?…you know how to get out of everything as fast as possible."

What the hell does she mean with that! When did I ever search for the fastest way out! Maybe I am not always taking the way into something…I would admit this, maybe, one day…but I am never ever searching the fastest way out of something!

"Okay…you are not going to answer that…it was a rhetorical question anyways…back to the main topic…I was just telling you that I think that I can nail the suspect for the 419 in Henderson that I was working on…I don't have DNA evidence, because he cleaned up the whole scene…but I found traces of the same bleach that was used at the crime scene in his apartment…and I found things from the victim's house in his house…things that have been in the victim's house until the night she was killed. A close friend said that the things had been in the victim's house the evening of her death…so, due to the fact that we know that statues and picture frames can't walk, I think the murderer took some souvenirs."

"How did you get a warrant to search his house without any DNA traces?"

"The suspect had no alibi, he had a motive and he has been seen at the crime scene half an hour after the TOD."

"This places your suspect at the crime scene, but it doesn't mean he killed her…he could have found the corpse and ran away."

"Sure…taking souvenirs without any reason."

"Maybe he was just a burglar."

"This would still not explain the traces of bleach all over his apartment. I took samples from all places where I found bleach at his place, it was always the same, and it's the same as the one used at the crime scene…yes you could say maybe suspect and murderer just use the same type of bleach, but this is 'chem. Lab only' bleach…only sold to chemical laboratories, only sold to one company in Vegas, this company belongs to the suspect…the bleach in the suspects house is explained by this…the reason for this type of bleach at the crime scene is easy, he was there and used it."

"What's his motive?"

"Victim was his former fiancée, they separated…or better said she left without telling him. According to her best friend he called her after he found out, telling her he'd kill her for destroying his reputation."

Damn it…she is good. "Can I see the file?"

Sara nodded. "Sure.", she leaned forward and handed him the file.

His hand softly striped hers when he reached for the file. Her skin is so soft…I wish I could touch her more often. God did I just think this? I am not allowed to think like this! She is my subordinate, hell…she…I am not allowed to feel something for her! Not something like this! I am supposed to care for her in the way a good supervisor should care for his subordinates…but not the way I feel I should care for her personally. Not after all that already happened and didn't happen between us.

"Uhm…Grissom? You okay?"

He looked up to her again. "Sure…"

"…you have something, don't you? I something wrong?…Did I do something wrong?"

The only thing that you do wrong is that you are so damned wonderful. If you wouldn't be the way you are…if you wouldn't be the first person that ever made me feel butterflies flying around in my stomach, if you wouldn't be the first woman I ever wanted to care for…maybe I would be okay. I wish I wouldn't have to lie to you. I wish I wouldn't have to pretend that I don't feel something for you…but I will never change…never. I just can't change. Changing would mean giving up a part of my life…and I am afraid that I would loose more in the end than I could win…you will loose your interest in me…I am a boring person and I am much too old for you…you wouldn't understand...Honey you wouldn't understand it…I wish I could explain this to you…but I can't, because telling you that we will never have a chance to be together would mean that I have to stop dreaming of you.

"Okay…I get it…you wont talk…You know what…I wouldn't want to hear it anyways."

She slammed the door shut when she left his office. Grissom sighed. Trying to focus on his paperwork, but he just couldn't forget about Sara Sidle, Sara Sidle, who he began to dream of again, again like almost each time in the middle of the night.