Sometimes I Feel the Pain

By: Emmithar

Summary: I saw it in your eyes, and yet I ignored it. You told me once that it would be too late by the time I figured it out. And you were right…I just never thought it would be like this. Grissom/Sara; Character death

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them. End of story.

A/N: Writing is a huge stress reliever, and a wonderful anger management source. This is my first Sara/Grissom attempt, not much to go on about that though, so go easy on me, or flame me, I don't care, just enjoy.

Sometimes I Feel the Pain

I saw it in your eyes, and yet I ignored it. You told me once that it would be too late by the time I figured it out. And you were right…I just never thought it would be like this.

Grissom glanced up at the sky, the clouds drawing a gray overcast. Typical, he thought, how was it that it seemed to always be dark and dreary on such mournful days?Not that he minded, or even cared for that matter. After all it was hard to be depressed on bright and glorious days. So in the end, he was grateful for the clouds.

It was hard to believe it had been a week now, since…

Grissom closed his eyes as everything came back to him. The way she smiled at him, as she closed her eyes for the last time, saying it wasn't his fault. If only there was a way to keep her here, he would have. They had told him that there wasn't much time, the accident had taken too much away from her.

An accident he had caused. If they had never fought, they would have driven together, not separately, then Sara would have been safe, right by his side. Where she belonged…he only wished he had figured that out sooner.

He had followed behind her, visibility was limited, sometimes there wasn't any visibility. Still, the possibility of something happening hadn't even crossed his mind. All he knew was that one second the tail lights were there, and then the next they had vanished.

Out of all the car accident scenes he had processed, he had never seen a car more crushed than the hunk of metal in front of him. Fighting the pelting rain and fierce wind, Grissom had climbed on the side, trying to get the door open, calling her name. There was nothing he could do.

Only wait, wait for the medics to arrive, wait for rescue. Wait as he watched them tear through the door, watch as it fell away. He felt nothing, not the rain stinging his cheeks, mixing with his solemn tears, nor the wind that threatened to knock him down.

"She's alive," he heard them announce, and for the first time he felt relief flood him, only to disappear a moment later. "We're losing her, she's fading fast."

Grissom stepped closer, watching her through the darkness. It wasn't her, it couldn't be her; Sara Sidle did not look like that.

The Sara he knew was strong, flawless, in his opinion. He saw her every day, he could nearly read her mind. He loved her, if only he could bring himself to admit it. But the fear proved unnerving.

Taking another step, Grissom shook his head as he sank to his knees in the mud, ignoring the medics' voice, telling he needed to step back. All he could focus on was her. Pale, eyes barely open, turned up to him. The rain hit her face, washing away the fresh blood almost as soon as it came up, running down into her hair and on the ground. Her entire left side was crushed, unable to move anything without terrible pain. He watched as she opened her mouth as though to say something, but all that came out was a pained cry as he eyes closed.

"You need to get back sir," the medic's voice finally broke through. Grissom felt hands on his shoulders pulling him away. Too stunned to do anything he allowed himself to be drawn back, watching Sara became harder and harder the further away he got.

"Is she going to be okay?" Grissom asked, his mouth the only part of him that was dry.

"We're doing what we can, but there's not much time, we have to get her to the hospital."

"I'm riding with," Grissom told him, insisting more firmly when the medic shook his head.

He pushed past the young medic, back to where they were loading Sara onto a stretcher; two men lifting her up, carrying her towards the waiting ambulance. Grissom climbed in after her, ignoring the looks they gave him. Seeing that he was not going to leave, they closed the doors, hitting the back to confirm that they were ready to roll.

As they sped down the highway, Grissom moved around the working men, reaching over to her good hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She opened her eye again, watching him for a moment before giving him a pained smile.

"Everything will be okay," Grissom told her, confident now.

He watched as she shook her head, "It's too late," she whispered, her breathing heavy and uneven as she struggled for air.

Grissom held her hand firmly, "Don't give in, it's not time, not your time."

She closed her eyes, crying softly, "It hurts," her breathing hitched.

"I know," he brought her hand up, kissing it lightly. "I know."

"We're losing her," one of the medics announced, moving away.

"Don't stop," Grissom nearly yelled, disbelief coursing through him.

"There's nothing we can do," the man yelled back just as equally. "She's lost too much blood, she won't last the ride," he warned him, trying to stop the bleeding all the same.

Grissom moved to demand more action, but was stopped as Sara squeezed his hand gently. "Don't," she told him softly, her voice below a whisper now. "Let me go Griss, I'm not afraid."

She was shaking now; maybe she was always shaking, and it had taken him until now to realize it. Grissom shook his head, not willing to believe what was happening. "I'm sorry…" was all he managed to say.

"Not…your…fault," she paused between each word now, he could tell it was taking her a great deal of effort to talk.

"I'm sorry," he said much slower, "for not telling you this sooner…I love you Sara."

Grissom closed his eyes as he remembered how wonderful it felt to finally say those words. I love you… "And I still do," he whispered.

She had died only moments later, giving him a small smile as she closed her eyes. "Not your fault."

It was the last thing she had ever said to him. The last time he would ever hear her voice. The medics had continued to work on her, had tried to bring her back, but even Grissom couldn't deny the fact that there was no hope. Her body was damaged beyond repair, but her heart had been broken for some time longer, and he knew it was because of him.

"Never thought something like this could happen."

Grissom looked up, studying the younger man next to him. It was surprising how a simple change of clothes could change the entire appearance of someone. He only nodded, unable to find any words.

"I wish I got to know her more," Greg said quietly, staring ahead at the memorial service.

Me too…Grissom thought sadly. "What are you doing here?" he tried to maintain a steady voice. "You should be down there."

"Waiting for you," Greg said simply. "You know, I wasn't sure if I could do this alone, I was wondering if you would be willing to sit with me, for emotional support you know…"

He could tell the younger man was watching him, it was a something you could sense easily. He also know what the young man was suggesting, and it was touching.

Ever since the accident Grissom had shut himself down from everyone and everything. Grissom was confident that he could handle it on his own. But when he got here today, to attend Sara's funeral, he found himself unable to go any further. Still, he wasn't about to ask for anyone's help, this situation was here because of him, and he was willing to face his mistakes alone.

At least that's what he thought before. Now he wasn't so sure. He traded looks with the CSI, nodding quietly. "Emotional support," he repeated.

Greg gave him a small sad smile, "Ready?" he wondered.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Grissom told him quietly, following him down the hill. As ready as I'll ever be.

The End