Dedicated to my lovely partner Misty.
It was almost midnight, the evening had progressed perfectly, and the moment was nearly here. Evan White straightened his tie before staring at his reflection in a extravagant mirror that hung on his bedroom wall, for such moments of beard related vanity. People may well laugh at his obscure career choice and his subsequent decision to abandon the life of a high flying solicitor in favour of becoming the world's number 1 beard model, but when you have facial hair this good, you have to make the most of it. That's the way Evan saw it, in fact his approach to life was generally dictated by the flow of his beard. The candle sat in the centre of a small, intimate round wooden table with an elaborately patterned with criss-crossed beards against a deep red backdrop. Two chairs sat facing each other, separated only by the table. It was Evan White's lucky night, he had a date. Usually Evan wasn't one for dating, he found people so uninteresting and just not...beard-y enough, even a brief fling with a BeeGees tribute act failed to keep him satisfied (although this was largely due to their ruthless Dj turned evil genius sponsor). But his night of romance, and passion would not involve another person, after years and years of trawling the Internet's seediest and most obscure dating sites Evan had finally found "THE ONE." Evan had never laid eyes on such a beautiful creature in all of his long years of having a beard. As he sat, lost in thought over the angelic being with whom he would be sharing dinner, there was a knock at the door that pulled him back into the present. He hurried excitedly to his feet and thundered towards the door, nearly ruining his perfect beard grooming in the process. As Evan opened the door the world seemed to slow around him, the door swung back on its hinges revealing the expected knocker. Evan could not help but grin with euphoric excitement as his eyes fell upon his dinner guest. Standing in Evan White's doorway was the biggest, bushiest most lusciously full beard Evan had ever laid eyes on (with the possible exception of his own). "You gunna let me in or what," the beard said in a slightly thuggish voice, it sent a shiver of pleasure through Evan's body, he felt his underwear swiftly growing more restrictive. "Y...yes of course, come right in," he said, beckoning the beard inside, closing the door behind them, the night had at last begun.
TO BE CONTINUED.