I Hate You because I Love You
A/N: I was wondering, what would a newsie do if he were in love with a fellow newsie but couldn't accept it no matter what because of what the world would think. I know you'd probably say what does a newsie care what the world thinks? Well give me a break! Everyone cares what other people think of them at some point in their life, you know it's true.
So, this is my first slash fic, it isn't gross slash but it isn't exactly cute ither. You'll understand when you read. Anyway here goes let me know what you think…
(Ok in case you get confused w/ the dialogue if it says something like;
I said- Jake is talking
He said- Mush is talking)
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I awoke once again to the sight of his bruised face resting peacefully in the bunk opposite my own. The guys, especially Jack, were getting annoyed with the boy who returned to the LH beat up so frequently. Every night it seemed they were drilling him with questions of how, why, and who? All the while he'd stare into my glaring eyes because I knew, and that scared him. Though he never told and if he weren't such a crappy liar we'd have left him alone when it all started three weeks ago.
Now I gazed upon his battered body with pity, he deserved far better than this but if he wasn't going to tell neither was I. Sighing I stood and escaped to the roof ignoring his beckoning after me. 'So he wasn't asleep' I thought shivering a bit as the cool wind encompassed my bare chest. I stood there staring at the night sky dreading what was to come as the sound of his approaching steps drew near.
"Cold?" He whispered slinging an arm over my shoulders.
"Why haven't you told them?" I demanded flinching under his touch.
"Why haven't you?" He retorted glaring at me through swollen eyes. This only angered me, how could he let this happen! Why didn't he fight back! It was a mystery that baffled me for weeks. How could this teen, who'd lived on the streets his entire life, allow someone to take advantage of him like this and never once seek revenge? How could he continue smiling when he knew day after day he'd inevitably obtain a new injury.
"Mush!" I warned. "You have to tell! You have to stand up for yourself!"
"I can't, I just can't."
"And why the hell not." I growled.
"Awwww come on Jake you know what they'd do to ya if they found out. They'd kill ya then they'd kick ya out a New York."
"So? You shouldn't care what happens to me anyway." I replied coldly. It was true though, I'd put this kid through hell for three weeks and luckily nobody would have ever suspected quite, reserved Jake. I had my reasons though, I… well I-I had a thing for the kid. Call it a crush. However you put it that was the problem. I had a thing for another guy and that just wasn't right, everybody said so.
"How can you say that Jake? You know I'll always care about you, I love you."
It was a response like this that infuriated me so strongly that I couldn't fight the urge to punch somebody. I'd already done a number on him so I did the next best thing, jamming my fist into the glass of the attic skylight. "You shouldn't say that." I hissed mesmerized with the blood oozing from my hand.
"Why not, it's true."
"Why! After all I've done to you, why do you still love me?"
"Why do you push me away!" Mush cried in an agitated voice. "Why do you hate me!"
God he was beautiful, so beautiful standing before me, eyes burning with passion. He melted everything away. It was just us now and I couldn't hold back any longer. Approaching him I reached out to touch his delicate face that I had unmercifully butchered.
Suddenly, without warning our lips pressed against each other's into a fiery kiss and the world disappeared. But no, this wasn't right, Mush he, he was a guy. This couldn't be happening my mind raced as the world crashed down on me. Pulling back I viciously sunk my fists into his gut knocking the wind out of him.
"Because I love you." I spat. "So just stop it! Stop caring, stop loving, it ain't right and you know it! This world will never allow us to be together! Give up already!"
Mush glared at me, his eyes set with determination. "You're wrong there will always be a place for us in this world. It felt right to me and I know you felt it too. Don't be afraid of love Jake, there's nothing wrong with us." I wanted to believe him, really I did but I couldn't there was no way it could be true, not in the world I knew. "I love you Jake," he was saying. "No matter what, I'll never stop loving you."
It pained me to hear him speak those words. If only he could just give up, if only he could accept the fact that we were over before we ever began. He gave me no other choice. I had to do it, I had to because I loved him and the world would never love us.
"I'll never stop loving you Jake." He repeated.
"Then I'll never stop hating you Mush, never."
Just like that I left him there without looking back. I was just so terrified that the tears pooling in my eyes would fall and I'd change my mind. It was for his own good anyway. He didn't understand what he'd have gotten into just by loving me. Hating was much safer anyway.
~ FIN ~
A/N: So that's it. Let me know what you think!
~ SaL