My Only One
As I woke up from a deep dream, I smiled. She did that to me. It had been an eternity, or so it had seemed, since I had slept through the night undisturbed. Usually, I tossed and turned, awoke stiff and sore, as if I had never really fallen asleep to begin with. Now, though…now, everything in my world was at peace. I was settled with myself. It had taken such a long time, so much falling down and recovery efforts. I never thought I would, or even could, love again. It always, for one reason or another, made me feel as if I was betraying Danjiela, Jasna, and Marko. I could not do that; I could not hurt them. However, I woke-up in so many ways. I realized that my happiness did not necessarily mean that I was hurting the ones who I had lost, yet merely putting them to rest. Not forgetting them, but remembering them in a quiet, heavenly manner. This was how it was suppose to be. This is whom I was supposed to be with. It ached to think of how close I had come to losing her and how close I came to living in a world or despair and self-destruction.
She accepted me; she understood what I had done and why. No explanation needed. Although, at times, I wish I could take her aside, apologize, and tell her I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. I wanted to think she didn't care; it made all of my actions so much easier on myself. She cared, though; silently she worried and took mental note of everything I did. I loved her for doing that. She let me live out my mistakes, and figure out on my own what needed to be done in order for me to begin my new life. In a way, I was not the same man she was with almost two years ago; yet at the same time, nothing had changed. Only now, my life was together. I was together. It was all working just the way it was suppose to work. The eternal balance of life had set in, and in all honesty, I could not have been happier.
She stirred next to me. Rolling over, she sleepily opened her eyes and smiled. This was what it meant to be in love, to live, and to have everything one could ever dream of in a lifetime. She was all I needed.
**
I had fallen in love so many times my knees were bruised. It was never really true love, though. It was merely false assurances. I fooled myself into believing that the person who I was with at that particular time was with me for love, for me…whether I loved that person or not. In time, I could make myself love. For some, love is merely a trained behavior. That's how it was for me, anyway. I could make myself love. However, the man I was with now had fooled me. Yes, only he fooled me in a completely different manner. He made me realize just how easily I could love someone, truly love that person. There was no effort involved; no personal force needed to drive the emotions into being. I could be myself and I could do as I please, but he was always there by my side. He did not encourage what I did, nor did he scold me. He took me as is, and for that, I love him. For that reason, I changed. I did not change for him but for myself. In some ways, though, I am still the same person I always have been. In some ways, nothing has been altered.
I nearly threw it all away, though. I almost fell too soon, in a false relationship created by false pretences. When I needed to be picked up after falling so hard, he was there. He never left my side, not even while we were not together. He watched from afar. He took mental note of my actions. He never barged in, creating a show for himself. He knew what I was doing to myself, yet could say nothing at all because he was creating the same self-destruction in his life. He never stopped caring for me, though, and due to this, I am grateful. For that, I love him.
As I gently awoke that summer morning, I awoke face-to-face with the man I love. He was by my side, just as he had always been. Our eyes met and he smiled. I love that smile. Gently, he kissed my forehead.
"Good morning, Abby," he murmured.
I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and softly spoke, "Good morning, Luka."
This is where we belonged. This is where we were meant to be, together for eternity, lost in each other's love, and forever as one.
As I woke up from a deep dream, I smiled. She did that to me. It had been an eternity, or so it had seemed, since I had slept through the night undisturbed. Usually, I tossed and turned, awoke stiff and sore, as if I had never really fallen asleep to begin with. Now, though…now, everything in my world was at peace. I was settled with myself. It had taken such a long time, so much falling down and recovery efforts. I never thought I would, or even could, love again. It always, for one reason or another, made me feel as if I was betraying Danjiela, Jasna, and Marko. I could not do that; I could not hurt them. However, I woke-up in so many ways. I realized that my happiness did not necessarily mean that I was hurting the ones who I had lost, yet merely putting them to rest. Not forgetting them, but remembering them in a quiet, heavenly manner. This was how it was suppose to be. This is whom I was supposed to be with. It ached to think of how close I had come to losing her and how close I came to living in a world or despair and self-destruction.
She accepted me; she understood what I had done and why. No explanation needed. Although, at times, I wish I could take her aside, apologize, and tell her I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. I wanted to think she didn't care; it made all of my actions so much easier on myself. She cared, though; silently she worried and took mental note of everything I did. I loved her for doing that. She let me live out my mistakes, and figure out on my own what needed to be done in order for me to begin my new life. In a way, I was not the same man she was with almost two years ago; yet at the same time, nothing had changed. Only now, my life was together. I was together. It was all working just the way it was suppose to work. The eternal balance of life had set in, and in all honesty, I could not have been happier.
She stirred next to me. Rolling over, she sleepily opened her eyes and smiled. This was what it meant to be in love, to live, and to have everything one could ever dream of in a lifetime. She was all I needed.
**
I had fallen in love so many times my knees were bruised. It was never really true love, though. It was merely false assurances. I fooled myself into believing that the person who I was with at that particular time was with me for love, for me…whether I loved that person or not. In time, I could make myself love. For some, love is merely a trained behavior. That's how it was for me, anyway. I could make myself love. However, the man I was with now had fooled me. Yes, only he fooled me in a completely different manner. He made me realize just how easily I could love someone, truly love that person. There was no effort involved; no personal force needed to drive the emotions into being. I could be myself and I could do as I please, but he was always there by my side. He did not encourage what I did, nor did he scold me. He took me as is, and for that, I love him. For that reason, I changed. I did not change for him but for myself. In some ways, though, I am still the same person I always have been. In some ways, nothing has been altered.
I nearly threw it all away, though. I almost fell too soon, in a false relationship created by false pretences. When I needed to be picked up after falling so hard, he was there. He never left my side, not even while we were not together. He watched from afar. He took mental note of my actions. He never barged in, creating a show for himself. He knew what I was doing to myself, yet could say nothing at all because he was creating the same self-destruction in his life. He never stopped caring for me, though, and due to this, I am grateful. For that, I love him.
As I gently awoke that summer morning, I awoke face-to-face with the man I love. He was by my side, just as he had always been. Our eyes met and he smiled. I love that smile. Gently, he kissed my forehead.
"Good morning, Abby," he murmured.
I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and softly spoke, "Good morning, Luka."
This is where we belonged. This is where we were meant to be, together for eternity, lost in each other's love, and forever as one.