It started off on the day when Yupina announced that her recent story was based on her love life, my reaction was Uhghh! But deep down, I felt like this could be a start of something new. Something that I needed to do in order to get rid of my boredom in life. For me, since preschool, I've always received complements from my teachers and classmates. At first, I thought it was the greatest gift of all time, because I thought being good to others would mean being mighty and worthy of myself.
In kindergarten, I lent my favorite pink frilly pencil to a classmate, she was astonished and exclaimed: "Woah! What a beautiful pencil! You're lending it to me?" Of course, I was all warm inside, because of that compliment. I haughtily flipped my hair and said: "Sure. why not? It's not like I need it now."
When I was in middle school, hearing people's genuine complements about me was a goal every day, because I found out that people are not always modest to what they say. There was a time, when I was sitting at a bench and just daydreaming... a boy shuffles his feet towards me and said: "You look beautiful today!" The way he said it made me cringe, because literally, he was looking at the ground when he said it, and I was in sudden alertness that I jerked up and yelled at him: "Are you making fun of me?" He shivered and then ran away. For me, I thought he was truly making fun of me, because the next day, when I saw him again. He was snickering with his buddies about me. I didn't like that, and secretly thought to myself:
"Ana, you gotta become someone useful, stop kidding yourself. you're just a young lady wanting attention. If you stopped wanting attention, nobody will bother you anymore. You'll have a peace of mind."
So in high school, my motto changed. I didn't care for the world to see who I had truly become. I smiled and waved to my teachers, I nodded at the students in the hallways as if they knew me. I just overall became this new, "normal" person. I didn't try to stand out and I didn't say anything personal to my classmates. I just nod and play nice to others. Yup! That's it. And I still do in university. Well, ...until I heard Yupina's statement. When I found out about Yupina in high school, I loved reading her short stories. She was a beautiful writer, but then as she started writing about love. I cringed and decided to write my own short stories on a private blog under the name of Nijūshin. For me, nobody needed to read my stories, because it is just a way to express my deep emotions I have for life in general. When I'm not focusing on school work, I casually look around and observe other people, and make up scenarios. No one, (well, i think) nobody caught me yet, because I am discrete at things like that.
Once after school, I walk to the train station and stood where I normally stand. There were 3 gals chatting. Their voices caught my attention, and I started to eavesdrop on them:
"Hey, so which teacher do you have for Math class?"
"Mr. Gregarson" When I looked at them, one was a guy smiling like everything is normal, while the girl next to him, who answered, touches his hair like it's natural to do that to somebody. I was disgusted by it, because out in the public, that's just creepy. Then they started hugging each other. I felt bad for the third girl, who asked the question, because she was a third wheeler. Eventually, the couple kissed and went their separate ways. The girl went back to her friend (third wheeler before) and waited for the train. I didn't glance at them anymore, but shuddered to the fact that these kids were just in high school!