Author's Note:

Everybody listen up.

First things first, hi. I'm pouncii, and I am not the best writer in the world. I make mistakes.

That being said - recently, I have noticed an influx of newer writers, and honestly, some of you guys are lazy.

I am talking specifically about common mistakes that are made due to laziness - I do not mean to offend by using the word "suck". Please take my advice with a grain of salt.

I want to help you. Let's help each other.

"Technically", we are only allowed to post fanfics here (even though SOME PEOPLE don't understand that rule). So I have "technically" turned my frustration-fueled PSA into a fanfic.

Here we go.

Jennyanydots cleared her throat for the second time, arms crossed, glaring at her students who were dozing off in their desks. Their lack of interest was obvious, but if there was one thing she was good at, it was waking people up.

"WAKE UP!" She screamed, and everyone jumped.

Her tap shoes clicked across the floor as she retrieved her pointer, which teachers don't use anymore, but should.

On the chalkboard (which teachers also don't use anymore) was written in big letters: How to stop your CATS fanfics from sucking so hard 101. And it was underlined, just like that. Written underneath those big letters was a numbered list.

"Rule number one!" Jennyanydots shouted, causing everyone to jump again. "Pouncival, would you like to read it?"

"Not really," came the mumbled reply from the desk that was front and center, definitely not because he's the author's favorite.

Jennyanydots promptly pointed the pointer at Pouncival, and not because the author loves alliteration.

"Fine. 'Have an actual plot. And don't steal one from someone else. If you can't think of a plot, don't write a fanfic. Go outside.'" Pouncival said monotonously while remaining incredibly adorable.

"Electra, read rule number two."

Electra's head shot up at the mention of her name, a line of drool connecting her face to the desk. "'Write as if you were writing for school. I'm not even joking. Use proper capitalization and punctuation. Avoid run-on sentences. If you're old enough to be on the Internet, you're old enough to have taken English/grammar classes. If you don't like writing properly, don't write. Go outside.'"

"Very good, Electra. Rumpleteazer, read rule number three."

"But my name can be spelled using L-E or E-L," she whined, as you imagine her accent in your head because the author can't be arsed and thinks that writing accents phonetically is difficult and distracting. She continued. "'Learn how to spell the cats' names correctly, for Heaviside's sake.'"

"Don't curse, Rumpleteazer."

"But you told me to read-"

"Don't talk back, Rumpleteazer." Jennyanydots said. "Rule number four, please, Tumblebrutus."

"'Avoid a giant wall of text by hitting the 'enter' key. Make paragraphs. Don't make our eyes fall out.'" Tumblebrutus adjusted his glasses. He had to get glasses because he read a fanfic without any line breaks and his eyes almost fell out.

"Rules number five and six were written especially for Skimbalurinadots. Skimbalurinadots, will you please read it to the class?" Jennyanydots asked sweetly.

"She doesn't even go here," jeered Plato from the back of the room.

Jennyanydots pursed her lips. "Don't steal quotes from Mean Girls," she snapped.

Skimbalurinadots stood. "'Don't write a fanfic centering on an OC (especially a Mary-Sue) and expect everyone to be interested. We don't know who that is.'"

She frowned, feeling worthless, and then moved on to rule number six.

"'While we're on that subject, don't rip parts of the cats' names to make a name for your OC. It means you aren't creative, and probably shouldn't be writing fanfiction. Tumbleteazer, Jemisto, Skimbalurinadots... don't do that.'"

Skimbalurinadots burst into tears and ran out of the classroom. Nobody cared.

Jennyanydots began to tap dance for no reason.

Victoria raised her hand. "What are the most common mistakes that these newer writers make?"

Pouncival smiled because that kind of rhymed. Victoria smiled back at him because they are the author's favorite ship.

"Good question." Jennyanydots tap danced over to Mistoffelees. "Mistoffelees, would you be a dear and help me with this next part?"

Mistoffelees waved his magic wand - wait, sorry. Wrong fandom. Mistoffelees waved his hand, because the author writes the cats with primarily human characteristics, and something new appeared on the chalkboard.

"Ugh," Victoria grimaced. "It's written in Comic Sans."

Mistoffelees turned red. "Oops. Sorry." With another wave of his hand, he fixed that horrible mistake.

"Thank you, Mistoffelees." Jennyanydots tap danced back toward the center of the classroom. "Here is an example of something that makes the author click the 'x' on her browser and then cry about how the Cats fandom is falling apart while eating Nutella straight from the jar with her fingers."

On the board in a legible font was written:

Skimbalurinadots asked "what are we going to do misto" and Misto said " The same thing we do every night, Skimbalurinadots" while holding her close "Take over the world"

Everyone made retching noises and someone probably even had a seizure.

"We are going to fix this monstrosity as a team. Anyone care to explain why this sucks so hard?" Jennyanydots asked, and everyone simultaneously replied, "That's what she said."

Pouncival raised his hand. "HER NAME SUCKS. Let's call her... Leonidas. Yeah. She's a dude now."

"USE PUNCTUATION WITHIN QUOTES OH MY GOD!" Victoria chimed in.

"Use capital letters, you lazy sack of…" Rumpleteazer glanced at Jennyanydots. "... beans."

"My name is Mistoffelees. Skimbalurinadots can call me Misto, but the author should call me Mistoffelees," Mistoffelees mentioned majestically.

"AND DON'T STEAL QUOTES FROM PINKY AND THE BRAIN!" Pouncival added, in all caps.

Jennyanydots beamed with pride. "Tugger, since you're here for some reason, can you help me revise the quote using what we have learned?"

"I'd be honored," Tugger said. He approached the chalkboard and thrust his hips suggestively. The revised sentence appeared somehow, and it looked like this:

"What are we going to do?" Leonidas asked.

"The same thing we do every Thursday night, Leonidas," Mistoffelees said, holding him close. "Party at Club Jellybean. It's Eighties Night."

"EIGHTIES NIGHT!" Everyone shouted.

"All right, you crazy kids. Run along!" Jennyanydots said.

"Take On Me" by a-ha suddenly started playing out of nowhere, and everyone rushed out to party.

THE END.