Walk Away From
What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?
I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)
We both can seduce
But darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)
I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing every time
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
Every time I try to grasp for air
I get smothered in this despair, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over
Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading no more
Ahh...
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you
It hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing every time
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I say...
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
Only thing I need to do is walk away
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
*~^~*Song is courtesy of Christina Aguilera*~^~*
*Walk Away*
Jack slid down the wall of her bedroom, tears pouring down her face. She couldn't take this anymore. . .she wouldn't. But what could she possibly do? Jack exhaled a ragged breath and wiped at her eyes viciously. Her lungs felt as if they were about to burst from the air she'd be fighting so hard to keep inhaling and exhaling. That always seemed like the best thing to do, the only thing she could do. 'Just think about breathing and pray for it to be over soon. . .inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. That's it. . .that's all it takes.'
Jack let out another ragged breath, the pain of her new injuries finally starting to kick in. What was she going to do? She couldn't live like this. . .this was torture to herself but she couldn't leave him. Tears began to fall once more from Jack's eyes. 'What am I going to do?'
"Jaaaaaack! Come here sweetie. Jaaaaaaack" His voice was demanding but gentle at the same time.
The sound of his voice brought on a fresh bout of tears. Jack inhaled sharply as a sob racked through her body. She could do this. Just get up, go smile and kiss him. . .make nice and she will make it through. She would leave. . .she would. Just not now. Jack winced slightly as she stood. Picking herself up off the ground despite the groaning of her beaten body had been something that Jack had grown accustomed to.
Slowly, Jack descended the stairs down to the living room where he sat on the couch his head in his hands. The sight of him like this broke her heart; she did this to him. . .it was her fault.
"Riddick, sweetheart. . ." Her fault, all her fault. He didn't deserve this.
Slowly Riddick lifted his head from his hands, his silver eyes meeting Jack's. He was sorry she could tell but it wasn't his fault. "I'm so sorry baby." Riddick extended his arms out to Jack.
Jack walked into his arms, sitting down in his lap. "It's okay, Richard. It's not your fault. I'm sorry."
Riddick turned his head to look Jack in the eyes, "No. . .I shouldn't do that. I try to stop myself but I can't." He leaned his forehead against Jack's, "You know I love you, right?"
Jack tried her best to smile. . . "Yes. I know." Jack leaned in and softly kissed his lips.
Riddick smiled softly, "Let's go to bed."
Jack only nodded before Riddick picked her up in his arms and carried her up to their bedroom.
*********
The house Riddick and Jack share is completely silent all except the sound of a shower running and if one were to listen closer you'd hear the small sobs of a beaten and broken woman. . .
Jack let the water beat down on her body as she sat in the corner of the shower stall. The position was hurting her freshly bruised ribs but she could handle the pain, she had endured far worse before. 'Well. . .at least its over for now.' Jack thought trying to bring herself a small sliver of hope. She'd never know for how long it'd be though, Riddick's moods changed so suddenly and there was no warning. Just at the drop of a hat Riddick would haul off and hit her. Yes, Jack had been through more than a fair share; she'd been punched, smacked, kicked, body slammed once or twice and even threatened by Riddick's ever present shiv.
Jack's body wracked with sobs over and over. Why has she put up with this so long? Why does she? Because it's her fault. Or so this is what Riddick has led her to believe for as long as it's been happening. "You see what you've done Jack? You made me hit you. I hurt you and it's your fault. I didn't want to but you made me," his words ran through her head haunting her every thought. The most terrible thing of all is this is what she has come to believe that it truly IS her fault, that she HAS made Riddick do these horrible things to her. When in reality its Riddick's defense mechanism against feeling cornered.
This woman that has suddenly been reduced to nothing more than a sobbing child looks up through the steam, how long had this all been going on? Days? Months? Years? Jack had lost count; all she knew is that it still hurt just as much as the first time it ever happened. Jack could still remember that time clearly-so clearly: She and Riddick were supposed to be having a nice dinner; a candlelight diner to be exact. Riddick had walked down the stairs dressed to go out and just as he was about to step out the door she asked where he was going. Riddick's body tightened, and the change in his mood slipped into something far more sinister. Jack felt it and watched his expression changed entirely. . .he'd gone from comfortable to looking like a stealthy predator about to take out his prey. Jack tried to question the change but Riddick just turned and began yelling at her. He moved closer and closer cornering Jack in the kitchen against the counter. Jack saw the anger in his eyes but didn't understand anything that was happening at the moment. The next thing Jack knew, Riddick's fists were flying at her face and body; she remembered screaming for him to stop but not much after that. When Jack awoke she was still confused and Riddick was apologizing over and over as he sat at her side a wash cloth in one hand and bandages in the other. He'd been pretty brutal on her. Yeah. . .Jack had been confused and naive the first time but it didn't take very long to understand the raising of Riddick's fist. That was something she'd come to understand far too well.
Things hadn't always been like they were now. Before things been going great. They were in love, Riddick and she. She'd grown into this beautiful woman and after many years of hoping Riddick finally took notice to Jack. She was elated at first, blissfully happy. Things were wonderful. . .Riddick and she were content and in love and things were near perfect and then just like a storm rolling in from the ocean. . .it was all gone.
Jack stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body. She walked over to the sink and brought her hand up to the mirror, wiping away the steam. . .as she gazed at herself-and past her bruised eye and busted lip-truly gazing at herself, trying to find the beautiful woman she once was but no longer knew where she took home to. The woman Jack had become scared her and saddened her. She had once been so vibrant and happy and now she was somewhat pale and tired looking. Jack shook her head as new tears spilled from her eyes. . .all this crying did nothing for her, it never would. Not all the oceans she'd ever cry could help her, after all she was like this only because of herself.
*~^~*An Author's Note*~^~*
I dedicate this story to my old babysitter from like 7 years ago, Jayne Creamer. I recently found out that she died in February this year, and as if that wasn't enough I also found out she died because her husband poisoned her. For too long she put up with her husband and his abuse (physically and mentally) and throughout it all she stayed strong and took care of six children. I believe she is better off now, safe from her husband's abusive ways and he will never be able to harm her again. I knew and loved this woman like I would love my own mother, she was a very special person in my life and so I dedicate this to her. To Jayne Creamer: a loving, caring, vibrant, and beautiful woman. You are remembered. I will love you always.