Whoops. Well, see, I was in the middle of writing a deleted scene from Zach's POV for my fic Fool Me Once, Fool Me Twice. But then he referred to something and that something got me thinking, and I ended up writing this instead. I didn't want to post it as a deleted scene because I think it works well as an independent work.
So, if you're reading this without reading Fool Me Once, Fool Me Twice (or it's WIP sequel, Fool's Gold) then it's okay. There's a small spoiler here for FMOFMT, but nothing too major and no references that don't make sense. This is pretty canon compliant. I've been hit with a LOT of muse for Gallagher Girls and Heist Society recently, and I will be posting a lot of oneshots and such over the next few weeks. But aside from some wild AU ones here and there, most of them belong in the same universe (I'm pretty stubborn about my headcanons like that). So if there's a reference of one in another or vice versa, then don't worry too much. I'll make sure each of them make sense as independent pieces. But for the most part, they're all set in the same universe. In many ways you can think of this as a past scene from FMOFMT - but also as a post-UWS scene, if you'd like.
I also wanted to point out that the rating for this fic is M, and you guessed it, it's for sexual reasons. I suck at writing explicitly detailed stuff, so there's nothing explicitly written. But I've certainly put in some details, there's still some pretty M rated content, so if that's not your kind of deal, then proceed with caution.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Ally Carter. I don't own copyright to canon Gallagher Girls series material, and only own creative and intellectual property.
Hypnotic
My feet were killing me. There was no other way to put it. My ankles felt incredibly sore, the tips of my toenails felt like they would never come out of my skin again, and I couldn't even feel my heels anymore. The dress was clingy and hot, and even though it was the length I'd begged Macey to let me keep, I felt like I'd die to let my thighs breathe a little. My hair had long since come out of its half up-half down thing that Tina Walters had successfully tried. My makeup was still intact (Primer, hello, Macey's voice rang in my head) but it was starting to feel caked on.
Yet, I couldn't help but smile the widest smile I'd smiled in a long time. Around me, my classmates felt the exact same way. The sun had set a while ago, which was saying something since summer was about to start. It was well into the night. But none of us cared.
It was the one night we had to act like normal kids – before the world of danger and mystique swallowed us. We were living it like we always imagined most kids would live their graduation. Parents and family members had long since abandoned us for a special dinner party that the Headmistress – Mom – and the trustees had organized at a hotel within the town of Roseville. Many of them had probably already returned to whatever mission they'd taken a detour from to see their daughters graduate. The underclassmen had all been packed and sent home for the holidays.
All that remained were us graduates, laughing and screaming under a huge white canopy that had been set up for us. The initial graduation party idea had been a bonfire – but that felt too traumatic so soon after our school had burned down. We didn't mind, though. There were soft lanterns, amazing food, and perhaps the first time we could let our guards down and do some good-old underage drinking. Basically, everyone was having fun.
Music was blasting from speakers, and Macey twirled me closer, giggling into my ear. Madame Dabney had not taught us how to do informal dancing, but we figured it out easily enough. I put my hands on Macey's waist and she put hers around my shoulder, resting her head there.
"Oh, wow," she laughed, slightly tipsy. I knew she had the best tolerance out of all of us. Even though we'd all been taught to be constantly vigilant our whole lives, we'd also been extensively trained in the art of holding our liquor and drugs, should we ever be drugged or, you know, drunk to keep our covers. Alcohol was hardly going to be the downfall of this sisterhood. But there was a certain tolerance that came from experiencing casual drinking, and only Macey had ever really done that. I wonder how much she'd had to have had in order to be tipsy. I wasn't tipsy – I was happy. I just pulled her close.
"Who knew I'd graduate with you guys, Chameleon?" she whispered in my ear.
"I did," I responded. "I always knew you had it in you."
"Don't go cheesy on me," she whined, but I could hear the happiness in her voice.
"Who's going cheesy?" Bex demanded, and I turned to watch her leave Grant's side and throw her arms around us.
That was another beautiful surprise I'd managed to pull off, with my mom and Abby's help. When we'd realized that Zach would be the only male graduate, it seemed sad that he would graduate separately from the classmates he'd known all his life. In terms of family, all he had was Townsend, and even that was at a rocky stage. It wasn't fair. He hadn't complained about it even once. So, when I'd asked my mom if there was something we could do, Townsend had conveniently dropped the information that Blackthorne would be conducting its graduation two days before ours. And that two specific boys could always make a little comeback to the school they'd once been exchange students at.
When Zach had stood on stage, it had taken all my strength to remain silent as Jonas and Grant came up behind me. When he'd accepted his diploma, and hesitantly looked at my mom before kneeling before Gilly's sword, I'd held my breath. He didn't kiss it like the rest of us, but he certainly paid his respects. And when Jonas yelled and clapped, and Grant whistled, and Zach whirled around with wide, disbelieving eyes, I'd grinned and clapped and cheered at the top of my voice.
The thank-you kiss I'd received after that had definitely been on the top three.
"Who's being cheesy?" Bex asked again.
"Cammie's being cheesy," Macey teased.
"Cammie's always cheesy," Liz said from behind us, barreling into us. Her tiny body had happily let her become a lot more drunk than we were, and I laughed and threw an arm around her.
"Don't I know it," Zach said from behind me, snaking his arms around my waist. Bex whacked his hand away and he hissed.
"Hey – " he complained.
"Girls hug," she said, resting her chin on my shoulder, and I could only imagine the look she was giving him. I laughed and pulled away.
"Oh, play nice, Bex," Liz said, half leaning onto Macey. "It's graduation."
"Let them go make some ridiculously beautiful babies or something," Macey said. "Where's that punch. I need more – Walters!"
She headed in the direction where Tina and Courtney Bauer were executing some kind of mix between salsa and tae-kwon-do. Liz immediately followed and Bex continued dancing on the spot, oblivious to everyone around her. Zach took the opportunity to whisk me out of the canopy, into the warm night.
I took off the offending shoes and held them in my hands, curling my toes in the grass. Zach had his arm around me. His shirt was starting to un-tuck, and his tie was missing, the top button on his shirt undone. We walked in comfortable silence until we reached the scaffolding where the building was being rebuilt. With some of the most exquisite financial backing, and fastest workers, it was doing well.
He took my hand, gave me a wink, and pushed aside the plastic tarp covering the spot where the main doors would go. I smiled and followed, feeling more like a Gallagher student than I had in the past few weeks. We walked around the spots where there were piles of wood and cement, tip-toed around cans of paint and glue. The summer breeze followed us, the unfinished walls around us a reminder that there was a lot of work to be done. The next floor was only half built.
We finally stopped where the dining hall used to be.
"Come here," he said, tossing his black graduation gown on the ground and we sat on it.
"I can't believe it's over," I said, for the eleventh time. My head rested on his shoulder. He put an arm around me, kissing my hair.
"It'll be okay," he responded, like he had during each of those times. "We'll be okay."
"But – "
"You're a Gallagher Girl, Cam," he smirked, and maybe it was the booze, but I felt dizzy watching him.
"And you're a Gallagher Guy," I teased. His only response was to poke my side and then laugh when I giggled. I shoved him back, and he pulled me along with him until we were laying on the unfinished ground, watching the stars shine above us through gaps in the unfinished first floor.
"Where do we go from here, Zach?" I asked. I felt his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath.
"We relax for a while before Bex yells for another dance, and then we make sure Liz doesn't throw up in her sleep. Then, you drag me to Nebraska, even though I told you – "
"That's not what I mean," I said. The fingers that had been stroking my hair stilled and I turned in his arms, putting my chin on his chest so that I could see his face.
"We'll figure it out, Cam."
"Will we?" I asked, feeling a bit of my buzz die down. I straightened a little, sitting up. He sat up along with me.
"Gallagher Girl," he said, but I didn't respond. I felt his fingers under my chin, tilting my head to look at him.
"Cammie," he said. "What's wrong?"
His eyes were wide with worry, a little confused. I blame the liquor, entirely, for my wildly swinging emotions. I shrugged a little, struggling with my words, and he noticed, turning my body entirely so that we were seated facing each other. His one hand remained under my chin, the other tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.
"You still haven't told me what you're doing after this," I finally said. My voice shook a little, and I realized that no matter how far we'd come, I still feared all the secrets he was so good at keeping. The same fear that made me wonder if this was a fleeting romance, and we were spiraling towards a blazing end.
He sighed and pulled me into his arms. I hugged him back and squeezed my eyes shut, the fear expanding in my chest. Was this it? Was he going to tell me we were done? That our star struck romance had come to a practical, realistic end? I shivered despite the balmy night, and tightened the hug, pressing my face into his chest.
"Do you know why I told you I didn't want to stick around for too long in Nebraska?" he asked. I shook my head, dreading the answer.
He pulled back a little, looking down and fiddling with the hem of my dress.
"Townsend's moving to America. Did you know that?" he asked. My eyes widened, and I shook my head again. I, suddenly, remembered the way he'd clutched at Abby's hand when I'd been on that stage.
"He's leaving MI6?" I asked.
"No," Zach said in a quiet voice. "He's just going to be working more closely with the CIA now. In fact, he's going to be taking on Princess Amirah's case."
"Wait – Amy's case? But that's – "
"I know. It's your case. The reason you're going to Georgetown is related to her, right? He's going to be your handler."
This was a surprise. I sat back, pondering over this for a few seconds, before I went back to the topic he'd smoothly walked around.
"But what does that have to do with us?"
"You know," he continued as if I hadn't asked anything. "He's trying very hard – to make up for Catherine, I mean. He's trying to make up for leaving me with her. He keeps saying he never would've left me with her if he'd known."
"Do you believe him?"
"I don't want to."
"Why not?" I asked, putting my hand on his cheek, noticing how tense his jaw was.
"Because if it's true then it means he could've been a good father. I could've had a decent childhood. And I don't want to imagine what I was cheated out of."
"Zach," I sighed sadly, and he sent me one of those signature smirks that didn't fool me anymore.
"He's trying, though. He even – I asked him if he really loved Abby enough to move all the way here. And you know what he said? He said he didn't do it for Abby. He said he was done letting the women in his life decide for him. He said he was doing it to be near me."
"That's a good thing, Zach," I swallowed, scooting closer to him. "He already loves you. I never thought I'd say that about Townsend, but he does. He's the one who told me Jonas and Grant would be free tonight."
"Really?" Zach asked, looked up with wide, hopeful eyes. It was a rare moment of vulnerability that I grabbed at.
"Yeah. He helped me organize the whole thing, with my mom and Abby. He's on your side, Zach."
"So was Catherine," he spat, his eyes becoming jaded again.
"No," I corrected him. "You were forced onto Catherine's side. This is different. Townsend is on your side. Not the other way around."
"He offered me a job, on behalf of the CIA," Zach finally said, finally answering the question that had been lingering at the tip of my tongue. My breath hitched. I had just taken a job with the CIA. We'd both taken up jobs at the CIA?
"And?" I asked, feeling hope inflate inside me, erasing the fear I tried to cling to in case the answer was not what I wished for.
"And I'm moving to New York."
Wait. What?
"You're…moving to New York," I said in a flat tone. New York. New York was a long way from Georgetown.
"Townsend said that's where my main cover will reside – you know, like a home base. He said he's getting me an apartment and I'm not supposed to fight him on it. I tried telling him that I can take care of myself."
"What did he say?" I whispered, willing my voice not to crack.
"That I shouldn't get too ahead of myself, and that he wasn't going to provide for my upkeep. He was just going to lend a hand for a starter apartment and then let me earn everything else that came my way."
"Sounds like he doesn't want to spoil you but he also wants you to know you can count on him. Like a good father," I felt myself say, but my mind was spinning. New York. He was moving away. He was going away. We were going to be on separate missions all the time, and who knows when – if – we'd ever see each other again. This was not like my friends. He was my…well, not to sound as cheesy as I'd been accused of being, but he was the boy I loved. I loved him. I loved him and he was going away.
"Yeah, your mom thought as much."
"Yeah, she…wait, what?" I snapped back to attention. "My mom knows?"
He hesitated then, and I raised myself higher, hoping to gain some amount of control over where this conversation was heading. I knelt before him and he looked at me, a sheepish smile on his face.
"See, she overheard the conversation we were having – "
"And she didn't tell me?"
"- so, she kind of assumed, and this is really embarrassing and awkward – "
"She didn't tell me?!"
"-and I know you're probably going to spend holidays with your grandparents or with your friends – "
"She – they're your friends, too, Zach – "
"- not to mention, your new cover requires you to stay on Georgetown campus, and I'll be there, of course – "
"Zachary – I don't know your middle name," I stumbled, in the middle of snapping at him.
He finally shut up, staring up at me, stunned that I'd called him by his given name.
"What?" he asked, confused.
"How do I not know your middle name?" I gaped at him. "There has to be a rule against that kind of thing."
"It's Edward," he sighed.
"Edward," I gaped at him. "As in, Edward Townsend?"
"My mother was a firm believer of hiding in plain sight."
"Anyway," I shook my head. There was only so much weird I could handle on one night.
"Zachary Edward Goode," I continued, with the missing information I'd obtained. "Are you rambling?"
He shrugged, sheepishly.
"As I was saying – "
"I didn't hear a word of that, sorry. I was too busy focusing on the part where my mom knows that you're moving to fricking New York."
"That makes me feel so warm and special inside," he sarcastically replied, although he looked a little relieved that I had ignored his fumbling, scattered words.
"Please explain yourself."
"As I was saying," he said again. "I know your cover means you have to go to Georgetown. And I know you'll try to spend holidays with friends and family, and if all goes well, you'll be in college for the next four years. But – " he took a deep breath.
"But?" I prompted.
"But, if you ever need a place to call home aside from Gallagher and Nebraska – you know this is – "
"Zach," I repeated, trying to stop myself from yelling at him.
"Would you like to come to New York with me?" he finally blurted out.
I sat back on my heels, stunned. My eyes were wide as I stared at him, and I watched his eyes widen a bit as well. I didn't say anything, my hands slipping to my sides, tightening in the folds of the graduation gown we were sitting on. The only thing I could hear was the thudding of my heart speeding up.
Had he just done what I think he'd just done?
"Are you – " I squeaked, before clearing my throat. "Are you asking me to come with you to New York?"
"I know," he quickly added. "I know it's a lot to ask. And you don't have to, I totally understand. But, I'd really like it if you did."
"And when you said you wanted me to call another place home…you meant…your new apartment."
"I know," he cringed again. "Again, you don't have to. You can always get a hotel room. But I thought it would be nice if we could hang out in New York when you aren't busy, and it would be a whole lot convenient if you had my place instead of getting a different place each time. But if you don't want to do that – "
"And," I said, my breathing speeding up and my words quicker. "When you said that my mom agreed with Townsend, and it was awkward – "
"Well, see, I think she thought I'd asked you to move in with me and after she was done giving me all kinds of lectures, she said that if her daughter was going to get a starter apartment then she was definitely going to lend in a hand along with Townsend – "
"What about the part where you said you'll be at Georgetown?" I demanded. That hope bubble was completely inflated right now.
"That's the other part. You're not the only agent there, obviously. So, should there be a need to send you on other missions, then Townsend will be in D.C. And since he's my handler too, he assumed we'd be partners. I told him I would love to, but I hadn't asked you – "
"So, let me reiterate. You're going to be my partner. You asked me to move in with you, with our parents' blessings, might I add. And we're not breaking up?"
"Breaking up?" he asked, frowning. "No, why would we – "
I cut him off by throwing my arms around him and kissing him. He responded automatically, as if kissing me was something that came naturally to him. His arms wound around my waist, pulling me into his lap, as my lips moved against his. We kissed until I had to breathe, and then I kissed him again. And again.
"Yes," I whispered against his lips.
"Yes?" he asked, looking a little dazed.
"Yes. Yes, to being your partner. Yes, to getting an apartment together. Yes, to everything you just said."
"Cammie, are you sure? This is a huge decision, and we've both been drinking. I really want you to think about this before you agree to it."
"Are you drunk?" I demanded.
"No," he scoffed, as if I'd offended him by accusing him of being a lightweight.
"Neither am I."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I thought we were breaking up. Kind of killed the buzz."
"About that," he narrowed his eyes. "Why would you ever think that?"
"I thought this was it, Zach," I shrugged. "I had no idea what your plans were, and I knew you're not doing the whole college thing. I just – I was just being practical."
"Has being practical ever kept me away from you? The exact opposite, if I'm not mistaken."
He knew he wasn't. I stared at this boy who had left everything behind to keep me safe, and suddenly felt a little stupid for thinking that something as silly as growing up could ever keep us away from each other. I finally allowed myself to smile at him, a wide, giddy smile. He returned it with an equally dazzling one.
"Cammie, I'm asking you again. Are you sure –"
"I love you, Zach," I whispered. He froze halfway through his words. But, I soldiered on.
"I love you," I repeated, as if testing the words that had never sounded more sure to me. "I want to be with you. Spying…it's a family business. I had no say in that, and I'm fine with it because I was born to be one. I love doing it. I always have. But if there's something I've always feared it's that I'll never have someone to do it with me. I mean, yeah, I'm part of a sisterhood that's remained solid through the decades. But being a spy isn't easy. It's a lonely job. But if there's anybody I'd choose to have by my side, it would be you. I love you. I love you. I choose you."
He looked stunned, hearing me say the words we'd always skirted around but never said to one another. The hand that had been resting on my back moved to touch my face, the touch much gentler than the passionate one we'd been embraced in.
"I love you too, Gallagher Girl," he smiled. "We're doing this. We're really doing this. Moving in together?"
"We're doing this."
"From what I hear, only stupid kids move in together at eighteen."
"Well, we were always one step ahead of normal kids."
"That's a good point."
"I can't believe my mom agreed to this," I laughed. "Are you sure she wasn't pulling your leg?"
"The apartment lease says otherwise," he smirked. "I'm pretty sure she agreed only because she knows you'll actually be living on campus for the next few years. By the time you graduate, we'll be a lot older."
"Zach and Cammie's apartment in Manhattan – wait, it's Manhattan, right?"
"Yes, it's in Manhattan. Why do you think we could use all the help from them we can get? You think you and I can afford that kind of real estate? We're only starting out," he laughed. I rolled my eyes.
But even then I couldn't keep the smile away.
I kissed him again, letting that hope-bubble inside me burst and consume me. I poured all of the happiness into the kiss, and he responded in kind, crushing my body against his. As the emotions grew rampant, the kisses got hungrier and the movements sloppier. When I pulled back to breathe, his lips simply moved to my cheek, and then my jaw. I tilted my head back, sighing in delight when his lips found the pulse on my neck.
"Zach – " I hinted, shivering. The warm, summer air felt frigid in comparison to the heat rushing through my body.
He hummed in response, moving his kisses to my bare shoulders, skirting around the straps of my dress. I swallowed, choosing my next words carefully.
"You know what else couples do when they get an apartment together?" I whispered.
"I'm not getting a pet. We don't have time to tend to it," he responded, moving his kisses to my collarbone.
"I wasn't talking about a pet," I groaned, his teeth grazing my skin.
"Then what?" he asked.
"We christen the place."
His movements stilled. I swallowed nervously. He pulled back to search my face, his eyes glazed with need, but also completely shocked.
We'd never done it. Sex. I mean, after Gallagher had burned and we'd all been temporarily moved to another off-site location to finish the last few weeks of our education, we'd fooled around. We'd fooled around a lot. It probably had something to do with needing to know we'd made it out okay after everything we'd been through. There had even been some under the clothes action. Okay, a lot of under the clothes action. We weren't exactly strangers to each others' bodies, if you know what I mean. But we'd never done it.
And now, sitting in his arms, under the moonlight and between the walls of the home I'd known best, I couldn't think of a better place.
"Cammie," he groaned. "You're- "
"If you say I'm drunk, I'm going to hit you," I said, my tone serious. "I'm not."
"You're sure?" he asked.
"I asked, didn't I?"
"We're in the middle of a construction site – "
"Well, we were always unconventional."
"It's reckless – "
"Nobody ever said we were careful people."
"Cammie – "
"Don't you want to?" I asked, chewing my lip nervously.
"Oh, trust me. I want to," he huffed, and the way he said it made my skin tingle and my heart race.
"Then – wait, do you not have a condom?"
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Is that a trick question?"
"What kind of trick question is that?" I asked, confused.
"The kind where I'm too presumptuous if I say yes, but I'm a careless idiot if I say no."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, seriously. "Do you not have one?"
"I do," he admitted. "But that's not the point. We can do this some other time, really. I've asked of you a lot tonight."
"Nothing I didn't say yes to," I reminded him. "Besides, who says you're the one asking of me. Maybe I'm asking of you – and you're free to say no, by the way. So, here I am, doing the asking. Zach. Do you want to - do you want to make love to me or not?"
Make love. God, I'd always thought that was such a cheesy phrase, and I once again found myself falling down that rabbit hole. But I could think of no other way to describe it as I watched Zach's eyes shine, his hair – which had finally grown out of that rugged buzz cut – sticking up in five directions, the moonlight glinting off his jaw where an evening shadow graced his face. I loved him. He loved me. Now it was time to show it.
"Why, Cameron Morgan. I do. I really do."
He kissed me then, again, and I ran my hands up his chest. I thought he would jump right into it and start taking my clothes off. But he didn't. He kept kissing me, his mouth moving against mine as if we had all the time in the world. His mouth moved as if he had no purpose, as if he was simply enjoying the taste of my lips on his. I grazed my teeth against his lower lip, and he groaned. I smiled. Straddling his lap, I pushed him back until he was laying on the gown we'd been using as a blanket.
For a second, I thought he'd stop me. I thought he'd tell me to let him take control. But then he stopped and simply lay back down, and I loved him for it. Because he knew being in control made me feel less nervous. I leaned down and kissed him again, and he responded in kind, threading his fingers through my hair. I let my kisses move to his jaw, nibbling on the skin, reveling in the hissing sound he made in response. My fingers, meanwhile, had decided to start unbuttoning his shirt.
When the fabric fell apart, I slid it off his shoulders, and he helped me take it off. His hands rested on my waist and I ran mine across his bare arms before ducking my head and placing a kiss on his chest, right where his heart was. He made the fun hissing sound again. I kissed him everywhere – over his chest, down those hard abs that felt amazing when they pressed against my body. My fingers moved lower, down to his waist, and I felt his hipbone disappear under the waistline. I grazed my teeth along it, and then the world tilted.
I found myself on my back, Zach hovering me, a look of utter desperation and want on his face. I gasped, less from shock, and more from the amount of desire I saw reflected in his eyes. This handsome boy was in need. And he wanted me.
"You're teasing me," he whispered in my ear, nibbling on the earlobe. I arched into him, pulling his body down over mine and groaning when I felt certain parts of his anatomy confirm just how much he wanted me.
"What are you going to do about it?" I breathed as his fingers pulled down the straps of my dress. He pulled it down till my waist and I raised my hips so he could slide it off. He'd seen more of me than this before, but he still looked down at me as if he was seeing for the first time – as if he could never get tired.
"Return the favor, of course."
He kissed me again, and then his kisses trailed across my torso. It was like he was worshiping my body. He was both slow and gentle, yet smoldering. Where his lips didn't find skin, his fingers remedied. First the bra came off, pushed aside, and I think I bit my lip hard enough to bleed when his mouth sent bolts of desire coursing through my body. His lips moved down my ribs, kissing each one. Then, across my stomach, too slow for my liking, and when it was his turn to nibble at my hipbone, I nearly unraveled under his arms. The gown under my body felt silky against my hot skin. I felt like I was burning up.
"Cammie," he called my name to get my attention and I blinked hard. I hadn't even realized I'd closed my eyes.
"Yes?" I breathed.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, his fingers tracing the edges of my panties. I thought I was going to melt into a puddle right there, when he continued placing soft kisses across my thighs.
"Yes – but – what are you doing?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning and looking up at me.
"Er – " I blushed, red. Oh god, I was going to kill the mood. But curiosity and I didn't get along until one of us was satiated.
"Never mind," I mumbled.
"No, tell me," he said, moving up again, holding his weight with his arms on either side of me.
"It's nothing."
"Talk to me, Cammie, come on," he urged, softly. "We're not going to do this if we can't even trust each other."
"We've done…that before," I said, gesturing to where his kisses had been aiming at. He smirked.
"Yes, I remember. Quite vividly," he responded, kissing my neck. I sighed, relaxing under the attention he was giving me.
"I just thought…we were going to have sex."
"We are…if you still want to," he said, looking down at me.
"I do," I said. "But…then why aren't we?"
He laughed, and kissed my cheek. I wrinkled my nose, but he kissed that away too.
"I'm not laughing at you," he swore.
"Then what's so funny?" I demanded.
"You're silly if you think I'm going to let this be a quick thing. This kind of thing is supposed to be special, remember?"
"I'm a practical girl, Zach. I know it can hurt. I know it's going to."
Not all of Tina Walters' gossip was nonsense. Besides, I'd handled more pain for things I didn't need. I could handle more in return for how much I wanted him.
"And I really am sorry about that," he said, the amused expression sliding off his face. "But I told myself I'd never let you get hurt again – not if I can help it. And jumping into it right away, to put it bluntly, doesn't exactly help in that department. It's not going to hurt any more than it absolutely has to."
"So, what you're saying is – "
"What I'm saying, Gallagher Girl, is that I want all of you regardless of what the endgame is."
"I'm sorry," I flushed. "I've never done this before – "
"What makes you think I have?"
I gaped at him, a little unsure how to respond. Well, that was a surprise. He seemed so sure of himself whenever we were intimate with each other – I'd always assumed he knew exactly what he was doing. Practice makes perfect, after all. And he seemed pretty perfect to me.
"But – "
"Cammie, in case you haven't noticed, I've been in love with you since we were in the tenth grade. I haven't exactly had the time or interest to mingle with other girls."
"But – but – you seem so sure of yourself!"
"Well, I can't help but being naturally charismatic, Cammie – "
I smacked his shoulder, but he continued.
"And you seem pretty sure of yourself too, when you're in control."
"I do?" I asked, eyes wide.
"Need I remind you that this night was initiated by you? That we started this with you on top?"
I didn't think I could turn more red.
"It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous," he said, looking down at me, his one finger stroking my cheek. "And even if I seem like I know what I'm doing, you have to know that I'm doing what all spies do. We improvise. Because this – this entire thing. The sex, the love, the forever thing. It's all yours, Cammie. I'm all yours."
I kissed him then and he groaned, kissing me back hungrily. I thought my incessant chattering would've ruined the mood but we picked up right where we'd left off, as if our bodies were used to us doing that through the years. He kissed me again, and again, and then trailed kisses down my body all over again. I lifted my hips to help him get rid of my last piece of clothing, and then I kind of stopped thinking altogether.
My mind was spinning. My heart felt like it would burst right out of my chest. My throat felt dry from the rapid breathing, and my tongue felt heavy from moaning his name over and over.
My entire body was on fire, and I felt like there was nothing more appropriate than burning where Gilly's mansion had burned.
He didn't let up. Whether his hair was tickling the insides of my thighs, or his mouth was pressed against my neck while his hands replaced where his head had been, he kept going. I was going to go into spontaneous combustion before we even got to the good stuff – although I didn't know how it could get any better than this.
"Zach," I groaned, dizzy from the third high he'd sent me toppling off of since we'd started. "Enough. Enough."
"What do you want, Cammie?" he whispered in my ear, and I noticed how husky his voice had gotten.
"I want you," I breathed. I was seeing stars, and I didn't know if it was behind my eyelids or the real sky that was above us. I barely heard the sound of his belt unbuckling or of his pants dropping. When I finally blinked back to my senses, he was half leaning over me, shuffling through his pockets. It was only then that I noticed his hands shaking a little and I realized he was just as nervous as I'd been. I sat up a little, and he looked up at me just as I kissed him again.
He kissed me back, his hands around my waist and I let my fingers slide into his pocket and find the condom. I multi-tasked a little bit, kissing his lips, his neck, relaxing him just as he'd done a spectacular job of turning my body to goo. And when I'd finally unwrapped the condom and started sliding it onto him, he bit my lower lip, hissing.
"Cammie," he groaned, his forehead resting against mine. My hands seemed a lot more sure of what they were doing, and I kissed him again. When I was done, I lay back down and pulled him on top of me.
"Last chance to change your mind," he reminded me, looking up at me through slightly hooded eyes. My only response was to reach for him again and guide him, raising my hips to meet his.
And when we finally became one, I felt like time was standing still.
He stilled, not moving even a little bit. It hurt a little, and it was uncomfortable. But he'd made good on his promise, his earlier teasing doing a good job of making sure I was ready for this. It was a foreign feeling I wasn't used to, but I'd never felt more – complete.
This was it? This was what everybody talked about? For a wild moment I thought it was all anti-climactic.
He simply placed kisses across my brow, as if waiting for me to say the word.
"Are you okay?" he asked, and I nodded.
"Sure?"
"I'm good. I'm wonderful."
And then he started moving, and oh, god, that's what everybody talked about.
His breathing grew more labored, and his hands moved down my body, between my legs.
"Zach," I gasped, my voice ridiculously high pitched, but I didn't care. My nails dug into his back, and we moved like we were working parts of a whole. Partners. And then I was falling over that edge again, and he was following right after.
We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled away. I closed my eyes, my body thoroughly exhausted, limbs shaking and twitching a bit. He came back a few minutes later, I assumed from disposing off the condom (I don't even want to know where it ended up).
But he had his arms around me and was pulling me closer and I thought that if this was the first time, and it got better, then I was more than prepared for the rest of our lives.
"I still can't believe you're a virgin," I said, after we'd finally dressed again and left (minus that graduation gown, thanks).
"Well…I'm not anymore, if that helps," he smirked, putting his arm around me.
"I could've sworn you said there were some girls from the past – "
"I said there were girls. I didn't say I slept with any of them," he reminded me, and once again, I realized he'd given me half-baked information and let me run along with my assumptions.
"How do you know so much about sex and – this stuff, then?" I demanded.
"Spy," he said, pointing to himself. I knew that was code for I'm not answering.
We walked back into the main part of the building and I looked to where the staircase was being built. I looked all around me, sighing sadly. We'd spent our last hour here (I know. It felt like a lot more than that) but it didn't feel enough.
"I'm going to miss this place," I said.
"Me too," he said, looking up at the half built ceiling.
"Really?" I asked, surprised.
He turned to me and took my hands in his, leaning down to give me a gentle kiss.
"Cammie, I learned a lot here. I fell in love here. I made friends here. I – I lost you here," he said, his voice shaking at the words, and I pulled myself closer to him, but he continued. "And I found you here again. I graduated from here. And, let's face it, I lost my virginity here."
I smacked him, knowing he was attempting to make light of the situation. But he only laughed for a second before a serious look came onto his face.
"This place took me in. You took me in."
"Gallagher does that."
"No, you don't get it. Nobody ever takes me in."
I smiled at him sadly.
"It's okay. You're returning the favor by taking me in. New York, and all."
"You'll always have a home with me, Gallagher Girl."
"And we'll always have a home here," I said, looking at the staircase. When I turned back to him, he had that signature smirk back in place.
"Then one last time, I guess. For luck."
"What are you – oh," I squeaked as he grabbed me by the waist and dipped me, his lips on mine. I kissed him back readily.
I think I handled myself a whole lot better than last time.
But that's what a Gallagher Girl does best, anyway.
Yes? No? Let me know!