This isn't the natural order. What were you thinking? You could be in heaven right now, drinking a beer at Harvelle's. It's not right. You know that.
Dean wasn't sure what he was thinking. Yeah, he was glad that Bobby wasn't suffering. Hell, he was even glad to see Bobby. But their life showed them that nothing can go right. Everything would end in misery.
After Dean's little tirade Bobby had disappeared. Sam glared at his older brother. Even though Dean had a point, and what he said was the truth, he could have at least shown Bobby enough respect to talk to him in private. Same sighed in disgust. It was typical Dean fashion to point out the mistakes of others instead of talking about his feelings.
First with Sam; Dean refused to talk about the time when Sam was in Hell. Then with Cas; Sam knew that his brother nearly drove himself crazy worrying about Cas, but Dean wouldn't say a word about the matter. Now with Bobby. Dean had to find a better way to deal with his emotions. Drinking them away would lead Dean to an early grave, and Sam was tired of sitting on the sidelines letting it happen.
When they pulled into the run down motel in a new city Dean took the flask out of his pocket. The look on his face was a mixture of pain and anger. Sam watched as Dean took a healthy drink and threw the flask in the back seat.
Dean made Sam get the room. Sam didn't complain, he was almost used to Dean ordering him around. It was like the good old days, the days before Sam and Dean had to deal with being adults. The days when Dean smiled more and frowned only when their dad lied about staying in town a few extra days, Sam missed those days more often lately.
Once they were in their hotel room Dean started looking at the yellow pages, no doubt searching for dinner. Sam had other things on his mind. More specifically, Sam planned to have a full-out argument with Dean about his actions. He knew it wouldn't be easy, and more than likely Dean would refuse to talk to him, wanting nothing to with his soap opera girlyness. But it had to happen, and Sam decided that after the blow up on Bobby Dean needed a healthier way to feel emotions. Alcohol and anger were not the answer.
It took an hour for Sam to muster the courage to start the conversation. Though he wanted to get it over with, talking with Dean was something you had to prep for. Dean could be really level headed, but he was also stubborn as hell. When he didn't want to do something he would fight head tooth and nail until you gave up or he couldn't fight anymore.
Dean knew that something was up. Sam had barely talked the whole drive. He knew he may have taken it a bit too far when he yelled at Bobby – well, ghost Bobby. Dean wanted to blame it on shock. He also wanted to say that it was in a hunter's nature to resist befriending anything other than human. But somewhere deep inside Dean knew that he yelled at Bobby because Bobby cared more than his own dad, Bobby stuck around even after death to make sure that he and Sam were taken care of. Yeah, Dean knew that his dad loved his sons. But hunting overshadowed them so many times. And Bobby always put them first. It hurt to know that Bobby wouldn't take happiness, just this once, and he was the cause.
When Sam gave him a pointed look Dean sighed and stood. He wasn't in any mood to deal with Sam's bitchiness. Dean had enough on his mind.
"Dean," Sam said.
"Save it." Dean huffed.
All six-feet-three-inches of Sam stood, blocking Dean's path to the bathroom. With crossed arms Sam scowled at his other brother. Dean scowled back, ready to force Sam to move.
"Get out of the way." Dean nearly growled.
"Make me!" Sam replied childishly. Dean's harsh shove may have caught him off guard but Sam quickly regained composure. "You're not getting out of this," Sam said evenly. "We're talking about things."
"Save me the soap opera drama Sam. There's nothing to talk about." Sam knew that Dean was closing down.
"Bullshit Dean! I'm tired of this!" Dean turned towards the door.
"Well, when you're off your period you can find me at the bar we passed." Dean muttered.
"You're just like dad. Drink your problems away, ignore all your feelings. Fuck you Dean!"
Sam hadn't meant to bring their father into the argument. The statement just slipped out. It was the truth, a harsh one they barely spoke of, and Sam didn't want the conversation to head in this direction.
"You know what; you don't know a damned thing. You never did understand why dad was so hell bent on finding what killed mom. You didn't care to find out why we did what we do. You just wanted your own damned life, fuck anything that didn't agree with what you wanted." If Dean were in the mood to be honest he would admit that he didn't quite understand his father's actions either. But Dean was far from admitting his own faults. "Dad worked himself to death saving your ass from things that we'll never understand. And you want to act like he's some scumbag who never gave a damn about us!"
By now Dean was seething with rage. Sam hadn't seen Dean this emotional since they had witnessed Bobby take his last breath. It took a moment for Dean's words to sink in before Sam replied.
"You know what you ignorant asshole; I left because of what dad was doing. I figured if I was gone he'd take the time to realize that wasn't a life worth living. Moving all the time, never knowing anyone, never having friends; dammit Dean how many kids honestly say that their sibling is their best friend? Not too many that I can think of! If you took one minute to think about our lives you would realize that I didn't leave to piss anyone off. I left to have a normal life." Dean scoffed.
"Normal? Nothing about our family is normal Sam. It never has been and never will be!"
Sam knew what Dean was thinking. He had thought the same thing himself. Mary Winchester would still be alive; John and Dean would have lived a normal life with a normal father and son relationship if Sam hadn't been born. But Sam was born. And their lives were anything but normal.
Dean took the opportunity to walk out the door. He barely reached the car before Sam was by his side, grabbing his arm. If Dean hadn't been seeing red before he was now, there was no way his younger brother was going to tell him what to do.
"What the hell are you doing? Let me go!" Dean exclaimed, fighting the grip.
"And let you drink your emotions away. Dean we're talking about this!" Sam argued, not afraid to stand his ground.
Anger took over Dean. Normally he would never want to see his brother hurt. At the wrong time in the wrong moment Sam had pushed Dean too far.
Bitch, asshole, jerk, fuck you and other curses were thrown back and forth. In the end there was no real winner. The fight left bruises and blood, as well as hurt egos and broken pride. Sam had his older brother pinned, thankful that he had been the one who trained Sam. Dean still fought against Sam's grip, wanting to throttle his younger brother a bit more.
"Will you idjits stop it!" Bobby's voice suddenly appeared. Dean stopped struggling and Sam's grip went lax. "Jesus I leave you two alone for a few hours and you're at each others throats. What in the hell are you two thinking?"
Sam's gaze hit the pavement. Dean scowled at Bobby's ghost. It didn't seem to faze Bobby, who continued to yell at the brothers.
"Look at you two, fighting like you're five. Grow up dammit! There are bigger problems than hurt feelings. There are bigger problems than the miniscule arguments you two always seem to have." Though there was no need for Bobby to breath it looked like his chest was heaving. "I'm so damn tired of hearing how Sam is being a bitch or how Dean is an asshole. You two need to realize that you're all you have. There is nothing those things want than to see you two fighting. You idjits should realize that there's more to life than being right!"
As suddenly as Bobby appeared he was gone again. Sam moved, freeing Dean completely. Dean remained silent. When Sam finally looked at his brother there was an unmistakable look of guilt etched on his face.
"I,"
"Look," The brothers started talking at the same time. Sam paused, letting Dean go first.
"Look, I know I can be a pain in the ass. But I'm doing my best here. I was taught to protect you, to hell with everyone else. Then Bobby comes along and makes me realize that he's the man I always wished our dad was. I know I'm an asshole and a son of a bitch and everything else you could think of. But dammit Sam, Bobby deserves to rest in peace. He's done his part. Why the hell would he give that up to be with us?" For the first time Sam realized that Dean's outburst wasn't anger at Bobby. It was guilt.
"Dean, Bobby made a choice. I don't know what he was thinking. But you can't blame yourself. Hell, he's happy with what he's doing. Why make him feel like shit for wanting to look over us. Would you do that to Cas?" Both Winchesters winced at the angel's name.
"Guess not." Dean mumbled. His busted lip was beginning to swell.
The next morning Bobby was sitting at the table. Sam had a nice bruise shadowing his eye, as well as a few scattering his torso. Dean had a busted lip and a shiner that matched Sam's. Bobby nodded and the men sat.
"So, what made this town so special?" Bobby didn't look up from the day old newspaper on the table.
"Three kids have gone missing in the past week. There's been more before that; total of fourteen for the whole month." Sam replied.
"Can't be teens running away," Dean added. "They were all last seen near the woods. We decided to check it out." Bobby nodded.
"Well what are you idjits waiting for? Let's go!"
Later in the day, when Sam was busy researching something at the library, Dean's conscious got the better of him. Bobby hadn't mentioned it, and Dean knew he never would. Still, Dean had to say something.
"I'm sorry Bobby. I'm sorry that I yelled at you," Bobby raised his hand, stopped the elder Winchester.
"I won't hear it boy. I know why you said what you did, and in a way you had a right to say it. Now I want you to listen to me." Bobby stared intently, making Dean a little nervous. "You and Sam are the closest thing I have to kids. There is no way in hell I could rest in peace knowing you two were here alone. I chose to stay. I wanted this – well not this," Bobby waved his hand, motioning that he wasn't alive. "But I wanted to stay with you idjits. So the next time you want to jump someone, make sure you know the full story."
Dean nodded. He didn't notice Sam leaving the library, paper in hand and a smile on his face. Dean nodded. He didn't notice Sam leaving the library, paper in hand and a smile on his face. What Dean did notice was the strong emotion that made his eyes burn. He noticed the love in Bobby's eyes and realized just how much he missed being called idjit.