What Do I Know
By Panther
Season: 10+
Series: How Does This Go Again
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Rating: NC-17
Category: Ship
Fic Spoilers: Begins Where It Ends, Rupture, Enlighten Me
Warnings: graphic slash, adult situations
Disclaimer: The Stargate universe and its inhabitants are the sole property of MGM et al. I don't own them. I just like to play with them.
Jack is running for cover and Daniel has no idea why.
This is part of the How Does This Go Again series. For more stories visit .
Jack sat in the living room in his favorite recliner scowling at the paper. It wasn't often that an article left him grinding his teeth…except maybe a post game report during the Stanley Cup Playoffs. That rainy Saturday morning he had stumbled across the exception.
It didn't come as a complete surprise that the announcement of an upcoming gay pride parade had him bristling. It seemed to happen every year. Glaring at the half page ad, he flipped impatiently past it before tossing the entire section aside and pulling out the sports page instead. However, despite the change in topic he still found himself glaring at the newsprint, an annoyance that rarely lasted long bubbling inside.
Jack had nothing against gay people marching up and down the street celebrating…whatever it was they celebrated. It was their prerogative. If asked he would readily admit that the concept of them needing to demand the same rights as everyone else was completely ridiculous. This was 21st Century America, for crying out loud. Whatever happened to let bygones be bygones and minding your own damn business? However, it wasn't gay pride week or the tangled issue of gay rights that had gotten under his skin. It was the other topic it had managed to stir up, one he worked very hard to keep buried.
Despite what some might consider to be overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Jack was not gay. He had never felt comfortable including himself in that category and as far as he could see he never would. It simply didn't fit, or rather he didn't fit. He was an avid hockey fan. He drank beer. He was perfectly comfortable in a room full of Marines. He had an ex-wife, for crying out loud. He had even fathered a son. He was a lot of things, but gay wasn't one of them. He was a regular guy just like everyone else. The only difference was he just happened to be in love with another man. He knew it was a blatantly obvious contradiction, but he didn't care. That argument was all that was keeping the peace between the part of him that demanded that everything he felt for Daniel was wrong, and the part of him that knew how right it felt despite all logic.
For that reason he made it a point never to look at the argument too closely, to leave it buried in the grave of things he refused to think about and took offense anytime someone dared to bring it up. If it allowed him to love Daniel without loathing himself in the process then he was willing to leave well enough alone whether it made sense to anyone else or not.
Settling into their relationship had been a very frustrating process for him. All he could say was he was lucky Daniel had an inordinate amount of patience because their first few years together had been turbulent and Jack knew damn well that it had been entirely his fault. It had taken a lot of work to put the subject of his sexuality aside and allow himself to feel what he felt for Daniel without labeling it as anything other than the blatantly obvious emotion that it was. He was in love; very much so. It didn't make any sense at all, but there it was. In the end he had found it much easier to deny the topic, resisting the temptation to follow the train of thought to a darker conclusion, than to deny what he felt. So he had done exactly that. He was in love up to his chin…with Daniel…who just happened to be a man…but he absolutely was not gay.
Eventually he had made peace with their relationship, melting the complicated and incredibly disturbing mess down to one simple point. It wasn't about his sexual orientation or the fact that his mid life crisis had apparently gotten way out of hand. It was how Daniel made him feel and that with each passing year he seemed to need that connection more; craved it more. In simplest terms, Jack didn't want to be without him. Being a stubborn, bull headed, dolt there had been times when he'd forgotten the simplicity and waded up to his hips in the conundrum of what it all meant only to be brought right back to the main point when Daniel had gotten fed up and threatened to toss the whole thing in the bin. It had happened more than once and eventually he had learned that there was no need to explain what he felt or why. It was powerful and incredibly simple when he let it be. He just needed to let it be.
The current military restrictions that demanded they keep their love affair a secret made it that much easier. He wasn't allowed to admit it, talk about it, hint at it, and most definitely not get caught doing anything even remotely affectionate. He had to admit, there had been times over the years when he had wanted nothing more than to hold Daniel's hand, touch his face, or smile at him with an expression that held more than just humor. Having to stand there and keep his hands to himself during those moments, especially when Daniel was upset, had always felt like a betrayal. For the sake of those moments he was eagerly anticipating the day when he didn't have to pretend.
On the other hand, the idea of retirement didn't always sit so well. When his military career was over and he could go back to being a civilian and making his own rules he was quite certain he didn't want to become "that nice gay couple down the street". He wanted a life where he didn't have to hide what he felt, but at the same time getting rid of the excuse to side step the entire concept of what his sexual orientation may or may not have become was making him anxious.
There would be nothing standing in the way of him reaching out and holding Daniel's hand as they walked down the street other than his own demons. No more convenient excuses. No more blaming someone else because he would have no one to blame, but his own insecurities. Don't Ask Don't Tell could be a royal pain in the ass when it came to things like taking vacations because both of them being on leave at the same time would create far too much suspicion. But it also meant he didn't have to come right out and admit that the thought of public displays of affection between them made him uncomfortable, even without the rules.
When it was just them he had no problem at all. He touched and kissed Daniel all the time for no particular reason other than because the mood struck. When there were other people around to witness it, well, that was different. It had nothing to do with being ashamed of Daniel. That had never been the case. Exactly what it was about was complicated and impossible to explain even to himself. In all honesty he wanted to be able to reach across the table at a restaurant and stroke Daniel's face in full view of anyone that happened to be paying attention, but the thought of actually doing such a thing terrified him.
He was petrified of what he would become when the military was no longer there demanding that he keep it under control. What if he finally mutated into the gay man he desperately did not want to be? Without the convenient excuse of regulations to keep him from doing exactly what he felt whenever he felt it, could he control himself? Would Daniel understand if he stuck to vigilantly policing his actions when the need for it no longer existed? Would he eventually choose the silence of his demons over keeping Daniel just to prevent himself from going completely out of his mind? It terrified him to even think it, but what if he really did have the potential to become a fully, stereotypically gay man? He was fairly certain he couldn't live with that.
For obvious reasons he never ventured very far into the topic. He didn't want to think about it. He had never broached the subject with Daniel so he had no idea what rosy little picture he had been painting in his mind of what he expected after Jack's retirement. However, he'd brought up the topic of things changing often enough that it was obvious he was only playing along because he had no choice. When the Air Force was history his pretending days were over. Jack was afraid he was going to have one extremely disappointed archaeologist on his hands at some point in the not too distant future. He could keep putting off the inevitable by putting off retirement, but that wouldn't work forever.
Jack had been hoping that with off world missions and the chaos of the SGC behind them it would be smooth sailing from that point on. Something inside told him he might have spoken too soon and as time passed and his retirement drew nearer the topic disturbed him more and more. Once upon a time he could have brushed it off by reminding himself that the whole gay "issue" was complicated, but he wasn't gay so what did it matter? That didn't seem to be working any more.
XxXxXxXx
Jack had always taken pride in his poker face. Over the years it had been honed to a well practiced blank stare thanks to several decades in military positions where giving away what you felt could get you in a hell of a lot of trouble. It didn't work as well on Daniel, though. While Daniel couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking, he could tell that he was wrestling with something and eventually would make at least a half hearted attempt at wheedling it out of him.
His annoyance with the topic stirred up by the gay pride ad had clung to him through the morning and into the afternoon. Yard work went a long way to helping him work such things out of his system, but with the rain that hadn't been an option. So he'd been stewing. It didn't come as much of a surprise when Daniel appeared in the living room later that afternoon. Nor was it much of a surprise when he stretched out on the couch with his head propped up on a pillow, arms folded across his chest, and sock covered feet settled in Jack's lap, wearing a deceptively innocent expression. Jack knew that look.
"So…" he began, his full attention rested on Jack.
"So?"
Daniel merely raised his eyebrows.
"What?"
"You tell me."
"Daniel." Jack sighed heavily.
"You've been stewing over something all day." He pointed out.
"And?"
"And I can't help wondering what it is."
"It's nothing."
Daniel continued to stare at him, the innocent expression mutating into a calculating look that told Jack he was attempting to read between the lines of what little he was actually saying. Typically he was quite good at figuring things out when Jack wasn't in the mood to give details, but he was fairly certain Daniel didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of fleshing things out this time.
"Doesn't really look like nothing."
"Trust me. It's nothing."
"Jack."
"Not gonna work, Daniel." Jack said, hefting Daniel's legs off his lap and giving them a gentle shove toward the floor as he got up from the couch.
He wasn't in the mood to be scrutinized and he definitely wasn't in the mood to talk. He could feel Daniel's eyes on him as he stalked out of the room and knew that if he truly wanted to put an end to the topic he was going about it the wrong way. He didn't need to see his face to know Daniel's expression had just gone from curious to concerned. Refusing to talk about it only guaranteed he would make another attempt at some point.
XxXxXxXxX
Daniel turned off the bedroom light and slid under the covers, settling in behind Jack. Something had been bothering him all day. He'd been perfectly happy when Daniel had left to pick up a few things at the grocery store, but when he'd returned "perfectly happy" had been exchanged for mildly annoyed, eventually mutating into pensive. Jack had no trouble spilling his guts when he was angry. Tirades poured right out of him without any need for coaxing. Things that struck a bit deeper than annoyance were harder to get to. Jack guarded them closely, keeping them tucked away inside. Even when it was obvious he was harboring something it could take a while before he was willing to admit what it was. He had to sort out what he was feeling before he would consider sharing it. The fact that he'd been puzzling over…whatever this was…for the better part of a day and still hadn't come to a point of being willing to talk about it had Daniel a little concerned. Not exactly worried, but concerned. Something was going on and it had apparently come out of nowhere.
"You ok?" he asked quietly as he nestled against Jack, an arm tucked around him.
"Yeah." Came the less than convincing response.
Daniel wasn't sure he was going to get any farther with the topic than he had that afternoon, but sometimes it was easier for Jack to talk in the dark, to reveal things that were getting under his skin when he didn't have to see Daniel's expression as he did it. At night when they were cuddled together their bedroom often became Jack's confessional. Staring out across the room with the reassurance of Daniel's touch he could admit to things he would never talk about in broad daylight. Guilt, remorse, fear, apprehension; it all came pouring out eventually.
Pressing a kiss to Jack's shoulder he waited…and waited…and waited. Nothing came pouring out or even trickling out. Jack stayed quiet, breathing into the darkness without saying a word. This was obviously bigger than his average dilemma if he still wasn't ready to talk about it.
Jack wasn't the type to stew over things indefinitely. He didn't have the patience for it. When things struck Daniel too close to home, by his own admission he'd been known to be quiet and withdrawn for days. Jack didn't work that way, at least not normally. He'd give it a few hours, come to some sort of conclusion, and then push the issue aside. Sometimes he would trade pensive for testy, but the quiet, withdrawn thing had a very short shelf life. Daniel couldn't explain the difference this time. The only thing he knew for certain was that if Jack wasn't ready to volunteer information about whatever was on his mind there was no point pestering him about it. For whatever reason he wasn't ready to talk and pushing the issue would only serve to have him climbing out of bed and seeking refuge somewhere else in the house.
Daniel kissed the back of Jack's neck and settled in to sleep. It would keep…for now.
XxXxXxXxX
Daniel stood in the living room sipping at his morning coffee and watching Jack through the sliding glass door. He was taking advantage of the fact that it had stopped raining and was out mowing the lawn, despite the fact that it didn't really need mowing. Yard work was his long time coping mechanism. At certain points when things were really eating away at him they had an immaculate yard.
Jack had awakened that morning just as pensive as when he had gone to bed, but his actions had spoken of something else. Rolling over in bed he had spent a long moment staring into Daniel's eyes, studying his face before planting a kiss on him that had very nearly wiped all conscious thought from Daniel's head. Then without a word he had gotten up, headed to the closet and started pulling on clothes. He'd been outside working in the yard ever since. Daniel hadn't bothered to ask for an explanation. The turmoil in his eyes had made it obvious he wouldn't get one. He knew that look. Whatever was going on inside was still too jumbled for Jack to put it into words. Instead Daniel had settled for studying him as he worked, trying to read the answer in his body language.
He wasn't angry because he wasn't stalking around the yard, scrubbing at his hair in frustration. He wasn't depressed because he didn't have the haunted look that typically went with that. Besides, if something had hit him that hard Daniel would have known about it. That kind of stuff didn't just come out of nowhere. It was a big, obvious gorilla stomping through their lives mangling things as it went. From where he stood it looked like a combination of hurting and something akin to fear, but not quite. Fear was another thing that had a very short shelf life where Jack was concerned. Fear turned to anger in the blink of an eye because Jack truly hated being afraid. It pissed him off.
Concluding that watching him work wasn't really giving him any answers, Daniel wandered back to the kitchen and started breakfast…that would be closer to brunch by the time Jack was ready to eat it.
XxXxXxXxX
Daniel had locked himself in the study nearly two hours earlier to work on his anniversary present, taking advantage of the fact that Jack was more than a little preoccupied. Their anniversary was still a few days away, but he was hoping that surprising Jack with his gift a little early would help snap him out of a mood that still clung to him.
Next week marked one year since Daniel had given up his job in Boston and they had finally been able to put their relationship back together. After three years of a long distance nightmare he had grown to loathe they were back in the same state, under the same roof, finally able to pick up where they had left off before Jack's transfer to HWS had torn everything apart.
With the chaos of the SGC behind them and life threatening off world missions a thing of the past they finally had a chance to make their relationship a priority rather than having it shoved aside to battle bad guys, save the planet, etc. No more distractions. This was as close to a normal life as they could really expect to get, military restrictions not withstanding. For that reason Jack had been working very hard to steer Daniel away from his penchant for overtime. It hadn't been entirely successful thus far. More often than not Daniel still found himself working on the weekends and occasionally at night purely out of habit. Work was his escape and had been since before college when "work" had taken the form of school. It was his job. It was his hobby. It was pretty close to his life. Breaking himself of a 30 year habit wasn't going to be easy. Relationships had come and gone for him, but regardless of who had been in his life his work had always come first. Even on Abydos.
Up to that point Daniel had been making half hearted attempts to play along with the new rules. However, the fact that his desk was piled with books and files and he still logged a decent number of hours on his laptop spoke to the fact that he wasn't really committed to the idea. At least not until that morning.
His anniversary present was going to be proof that he was finally ready to commit to putting them first instead of his job. He wasn't entirely sure how well that was going to work and really had no idea what he would do with all of his newly discovered free time, but he was willing to give it a decent attempt. If it managed to reduce Jack to grinning teary eyed speechlessness it would be worth it. The Capitals season tickets he had bought were his back-up plan. Jack wasn't really a Capitals fan, but it was hockey. He'd go anyway.
Struggling to hide the grin on his face Daniel slipped out of the room, closed the door behind him and went in search of Jack. It wasn't much of a search. He was in the den settled in his favorite chair watching ESPN.
"Got a minute?" He asked casually.
"For?"
"I need to show you something."
"Can it wait?"
"It could, but I really think you'll want to see this."
Jack scowled at him for a long moment before reluctantly pushing himself out of the chair. Daniel led him down the hall to the study and stopped in front of the closed door.
"Close your eyes."
"Daniel."
"Just humor me."
Jack cocked an eyebrow at him before closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.
"Give me your hand." He said, opening the door.
"Daniel, I'm really not in the mood for this."
"I know, but it won't kill you. Just give me your hand."
Jack shoved his hand out in front of him and Daniel led him a few steps into the room.
"Ok. Open them."
Standing aside he watched with eager anticipation as Jack opened his eyes, the scowl on his face mutating to uncertainty. A room that had once been Daniel's home office was sporting a completely clean desk and a distinct absence of books and files. All of his reference material and current projects had been packed away in two boxes that would end up back in his HWS office the next day.
"What happened?"
"Remember what you said about wanting to put us first?" Daniel said with a satisfied smile, arms folded across his chest.
"Yeah."
"Well, this is me putting us first." He nodded toward the desk. "I packed it all up and it's going back to the office tomorrow. Of course, this means I won't get things done quite as quickly and I guess if there's an emergency they could call or send me an e-mail or something. Though I don't actually get translation emergencies all that often any more…"
His rambling was cut short when he glanced over to find Jack grinning at him, tears gathering in eyes that still held a fair amount of that disturbing whatever it was. "Happy anniversary." He offered.
Without a word Jack reached out, curled a hand around the back of his neck and pulled Daniel into his arms. He had his grinning teary eyed speechlessness. He would have been thrilled were it not for the fact that Jack was most obviously still upset. A hand on the back of his head, Jack stood holding him in silence.
"My Danny." He finally mumbled.
Arms wrapped around him, Daniel held him, longing to say something that would inspire an explanation.
"You sure about this?" Jack asked.
"I'm sure." Daniel said, pulling far enough away to look him in the face, Jack's expression having grown more disturbed. "Jack, whatever this is…"
"I know." He interrupted.
"I want to help."
"I know."
Daniel finally nodded at him, resting his chin back on Jack's shoulder content to let the topic lie, at least for the moment. But, whatever was bothering Jack was starting to bother him and he wasn't willing to leave it alone much longer.
He finally reached the end of his patience that night as he found himself once again snuggled up to a very quiet incarnation of Jack. He was determined to get an answer out of him even if he had to follow his attempted retreat all the way through the house and pester it out of him. Whatever it was might end up coming out in a full volume tirade, but he didn't care.
"Jack." He said quietly, an arm holding him tightly.
"I know." Came the equally quiet reply.
"So…?"
"What would you say if I decided not to retire?"
"Ever?" Daniel asked in confusion.
"Maybe."
"I'm not sure that's an option unless you plan to keel over at your desk." He asked, propping himself up on one elbow. "Why?"
"Just thinking."
"Thinking that you love it so much you don't want to retire?"
"Not exactly."
"So…what, exactly?"
"I don't think I can be…I think it'd just be easier if I didn't retire."
"You think what will be easier?"
"This. Us. Everything."
Daniel blinked at what he could see of his face, thoroughly confused.
"How will we be easier if you never leave HWS?" He asked, feeling Jack's body tense in his grip. "Jack?"
"Things are good right now."
"Yeah."
"Really good, in fact. Maybe we should just leave well enough alone."
"What are you talking about? Jack, look at me." He urged letting go of him long enough to rest a hand on his face and gently coax it toward him. Even in the dim light he could see the misery in his expression. "What?" he asked, a thumb stroking his cheek.
"I don't think I can…be…what you want me…to be." He admitted haltingly.
"What do you think I want you to be?" he asked having no clue what they were even talking about. All he knew was the conversation sounded eerily like the ones they'd had way back in the beginning when Jack had been so confused by what he'd been feeling he'd nearly lost his mind. Daniel was sure they had gotten past that…or at least he had been.
"I can't be…that way, Daniel." Jack replied with a hint of desperation. "Not even after I'm retired and we can do whatever we want. I just…it's not me."
Daniel had learned a long time ago what the phrase "that way" meant. It was interchangeable code for bi-sexual or gay, depending on the conversation. He found it more than a little disheartening that they had apparently come full circle on the issue…nine years later. At the same time he wasn't entirely surprised.
Jack had never looked the reality of his sexuality in the face. In the beginning it had been far too disturbing so he'd buried it the same way he did everything that struck a bit too deep for comfort. While Jack had grown much more at ease with his feelings he had never really made peace with the underlying concept of exactly why he had them. The closest he had ever come was admitting that he was a straight man with some rather odd tendencies. As long as he got to play the dominant role in their relationship most of the time and the dominant role in their sex life all of the time things were just fine. Daniel had never been bothered by it. If Jack pushed too hard he knew how to push back and as for the sex, well, he'd never had any complaints. Still it was obvious the topic of Jack's sexuality would never be put to rest until he laid it out on the table and officially dealt with it. However, that was something Jack had to be willing to do on his own. Daniel couldn't do it for him. So he fell back to the same line of reasoning he had used way back in the day. Keep it simple.
"What do you think I want you to be?" He repeated, gently rolling Jack onto his back. He didn't want only a half view of his face for this.
"Something that looks more like…what I'm not."
"For example…?" He coaxed, resting his hand on Jack's chest.
"A person that can hold your hand in public without losing his mind." Jack ground out through clenched teeth.
"What exactly do you think I expect from you that's any different from what I've seen in the last nine years?" He asked, trying a different tactic.
"I know you have expectations, Daniel. I know you've been putting them off because of my career."
"You're right. I do have expectations." He admitted. "I expect that one day we will actually live in one house together without pretending we don't. I also expect that one day we might be able to go on vacation without having to invite the rest of the team along just to throw off suspicion."
"And?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"And one day we won't have to worry about keeping our hands to ourselves in public unless we want to."
"Yeah, but I don't really think that part's going to change much." He shrugged.
The dumbfounded look on Jack's face in that instant finally gave him a clue he could work with.
"At the risk of starting this whole conversation over again…what do you think I expect?"
"More." Jack said simply, brown eyes intently searching Daniel's face.
Daniel smiled down at him, watching as apprehension turned to confusion.
"So you think that I think the only reason we don't go flouncing down the sidewalk hand in hand or go to New York to march in the gay pride parade every year is because of the Air Force?"
Jack shrugged noncommittally. "Something like that."
"How long have we known each other?" Daniel asked.
"12 years…give or take."
"And in all that time you don't think I've figure you out?" He smiled.
"I, uh, I don't know. I guess." Jack stammered.
"Let me put your mind at ease." He said, lacing the fingers of one hand with Jack's. "I am well aware" he paused to press a kiss to Jack's neck "that you are not exactly comfortable" a kiss to his shoulder "with the idea of public displays of affection."
"Ok." Jack swallowed.
"And there is a world of difference" a kiss to his chest "between making love in the middle of the night" and back to his neck "in stealth mode under a blanket in the backyard and…" he paused to thoroughly explore Jack's mouth, nearly losing his own train of thought in the process "doing something like that in the middle of the airport."
"I, uh…"
"In short, I've known all along that Colonel Jack has limitations on physical contact." Daniel summarized paying continued attention to several patches of Jack's skin. "I don't expect that to change just because General Jack turns in his uniform."
"Really?" He asked in obvious surprise, the scowl returning to his face.
"Really." Daniel smiled at him. "I want you, Jack. Just the way we are. Exactly like this…except maybe without the mortgage payments on the condo."
Jack twitched a smile at him.
"I don't expect you to change for me. I'd never ask you to. In fact, it's entirely possible that I would find a Jack O'Neill who is willing to suck the air out of my lungs in the middle of the pasta aisle at the grocery store a bit disturbing."
That remark earned him a multi-watt grin and he heaved a quiet sigh of relief, returning it with an evil smirk.
"Of course, I suppose if it didn't bother you too much," he said shifting position and attacking the far side of Jack's neck "we could pretend to be screwing each other senseless in public. A little fantasy maybe?"
"Not really much of an exhibitionist." Jack swallowed.
"Yeah, I kinda got that." Daniel grinned.
The quiet conversation had somehow managed to get his motor running and he was hoping to turn it into at least a few minutes of foreplay even if it didn't actually go anywhere.
"You wouldn't be trying to start something, would you Dr. Jackson?" Jack asked before moaning in appreciation as Daniel began suckling his earlobe.
"Actually, I think I would." He returned his attention to Jack's mouth and was rewarded by being wrapped in his arms, a hand in his hair.
Straddling his body Daniel began slowly working his way down Jack's bare chest, pausing to give special attention to each nipple, smiling to himself at the low growl it inspired. Reaching his navel and the narrow trail of gray hair below it, Daniel stripped him out of his sweats. He paused long enough to burn a lustful gaze up the length of Jack's body, reveling in the view of a fully naked Colonel Jack. How many times had they repeated this ritual and the sight still stirred him?
With over 15 years difference between them he had learned long ago that making love to Jack required priming the pump a little first. He wasn't 30 any more. Getting up to speed took a little longer than it used to. Not that Daniel minded. He loved the anticipation of what was to come almost as much as he loved the feeling of having Jack inside him.
Now and then he missed the sensation of being buried inside someone's body; of being on the giving end instead of the receiving, but Jack was not even remotely interested in changing roles. Once in a while he'd be willing to accept a finger, but that was as far as it ever went and even then it was rare. Tonight, however, Daniel was perfectly happy with the way things were.
Taking Jack in his mouth he began licking and sucking the barely awakened cock to something more closely resembling a full salute. Knowing Jack only had one orgasm in him he stopped before he was fully hard, confident that he would have no trouble getting the rest of the way, himself. As for the state of his own erection he wasn't worried. Just the sight of Jack writhing and panting on the bed had him half hard already and they had barely started.
"This isn't going to work with you wearing all those clothes." Jack pointed out, nodding toward Daniel's t-shirt and sweats.
Kneeling beside him Daniel did a slow strip of his shirt, smiling at the chuckle it inspired as well as the blatant desire in the brown eyes he knew so well.
"That's a start." Jack replied sitting up and taking possession of Daniel's mouth, crawling forward as he did and forcing him back down onto the bed.
Jack went to work licking and sucking his way across Daniel's chest and stomach eventually rolling him over as he went, stripping him out of his sweats. It was no secret that Jack had problems with his knees. They seemed to get worse with each passing year so the amount of time he spent kneeling, even on the soft mattress, was limited. They had tailored their love making to that rule long ago. Stretched out beside him on the bed, legs dangling over the edge Jack rained kisses on Daniel's ass, kneading and massaging his cheeks. Daniel quivered at the sensation knowing what was coming.
"On your knees." Jack instructed in a husky voice, Daniel instantly complying.
A moment later Jack had him spread wide, his face buried in the space between his cheeks, hungrily lapping at his hole. It was a sensation that always turned Daniel's legs to water. He couldn't help the groans that escape him, nor did he bother trying. They had the house to themselves. There was no need for stealth mode.
Once upon a time Jack would have taken great care to replace his tongue with a couple of long, slender fingers and slowly stretch him, but Daniel had steered him away from that long ago. He much preferred to be stretched by the girth of Jack's plump, meaty cock. The sensation was that much more intense as it pulled him wide so Jack settled for using his mouth and tongue to warm him up.
Within moments Daniel was fully hard, leaking in anticipation by the time Jack finally relented and let him sink to the bed. Jack poured himself over the top of him, resting on Daniel's back taking most of his weight on his arms. Settled between Daniel's spread legs he paused long enough to coat himself with lube, massaging a generous amount on Daniel's skin as well, the dusky button puckering and twitching in anticipation. Positioning himself right where he wanted to be, Jack pressed lightly against Daniel's hole, leaning forward and kissing the back of Daniel's neck.
Daniel resisted the urge to push back into him. He was aching with need, his body on fire. He wanted this…badly.
"Jack." He groaned.
"You want something?" he replied casually.
"Yes. Very much." He panted.
With a slight nudge Daniel felt the head of his cock breach the opening and settle there.
"Jack." He moaned impatiently, knowing there was an evil smirk plastered on Jack's face without having to see it.
He liked to tease.
Another gentle nudge had the mushroomed head finally popping inside and Jack pushed in a little further. The sensation was exquisite, Daniel's own dick twitching in appreciation as he fisted the sheets in both hands. Another stroke and Jack was halfway seated inside. There he paused, kissing random patches of Daniel's skin as he waited for his body to adjust.
It was a tight fit at first and they had both learned that going too fast too soon made for an intense ride where Daniel was concerned. Sometimes when he was in the mood to be aggressive he didn't mind the pain or the sensation of being stretched to his limit with Jack buried to his hilt before Daniel's body had a chance to acclimate, but most of the time he preferred not to be left feeling like he'd been split apart when it was over.
Daniel could feel Jack's slick and now fully hard cock retreat an inch or so before pushing right back in, gaining more ground with the second thrust. He moaned loudly as the third and fourth thrusts finally saw Jack fully sheathed. Slowly, deliberately Jack pumped in and out of his body and he could tell by the pace that that particular position wasn't where they were going to end. Jack was just warming him up. And he was indeed pleasantly warm by the time they moved, his body thrumming. He didn't care where they went or how just as long as he had Jack back inside him in short order.
Rolling onto his back he wrapped an arm around Jack's neck and pulled him close, kissing him hungrily, imitating the workout his ass had just gotten with his tongue in Jack's mouth. Sliding slowly, deeply into the darkness. Jack moaned in obvious appreciation. As good as it felt it was more than just a pantomime designed to turn him on, it was a heartfelt message of adoration. Daniel poured all the emotion he had into that kiss and what had started out as playful sex had suddenly become a soul to soul connection.
"Jack, please." He breathed, his words marred by the continued connection of their lips.
He loved the feeling of them together, their bodies melted into a single entity, one that simultaneously gave and received pleasure. He wanted Jack inside him. Wrapped in each others arms sharing the same breath was good, but he wanted more. He need to feel Jack around him and inside him all at once, to hold on for all he was worth and let the connection, the sensation sing his fears to sleep.
Their separation during the past few years still clung to him awakening a fear he found hard to ignore that one day it would be gone; he'd be alone. The rational side knew there was an explanation for the feeling: a life of isolation and repeated abandonment. It was just old wounds. The rest of him didn't want an explanation. It wanted Jack. He did his best to tuck the thoughts further inside and held Jack a little tighter, trying to press their bodies even closer and simply burrow into his skin.
Jack's hands left his body and settled on either side of his face, fingers stroking, thumbs caressing, gently prizing Daniel's lips from his mouth. An instant later brown eyes were studying him intently, drifting back and forth across his face, gathering details. He knew his touch had given him away. He'd never clung to Jack like that until after the infamous transfer. Like a handful of other things that spoke of a pain that went all the way to his bones, that particular touch belonged to the period of misery they were both trying hard to forget.
Wrapping him once again in his arms Jack rolled with him and settled between his legs. Feet on the end board of the bed frame and his upper body propped up on his elbows he settled in to their modified version of the missionary position; one that took a good deal off stress off his knees. It wasn't adventurous, ambitious, or even remotely kinky, but it was Daniel's favorite, nonetheless. Legs around Jack's waist Daniel felt him position himself once again and this time slide easily back into his body. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensation, the way his body stretched to accommodate the girth of Jack's fully erect cock, the weight of Jack's body, the scent of him, the feel of his mouth on Daniel's skin.
For him this was the ultimate in intimacy. With his eyes closed he could feel every connection their bodies made. With his eyes open he could lose himself in Jack's. He loved it like this; when Jack was all around him and completely inside of him, buried up to his balls in his body. The sensation was nearly overwhelming every single time and he couldn't get enough of it. If Jack had been able Daniel would have been willing to repeat it over and over and over again until they both collapsed from exhaustion.
A slight change in position brought his eyes open as Jack clamped fingers around the base of Daniel's cock even as he stroked into him in earnest. Increasing the pace Jack reaching that much further inside until the thrusts no longer brought the quiet pat of his balls on Daniel's ass, but instead sandwiched them between them. Daniel moaned with each movement as it stroked his prostate first one way then the other; back and forth in a sawing motion. Driving him on Jack held him there, perched at the peak of a climax until he was bathed in sweat, hands fisting the pillow on either side of his head, chin toward the ceiling, mewling desperately with the need to cum. It felt like he was going to explode. His body trembling, Jack's name came flowing out of him in steady stream, chocked off by a hoarse cry as Jack finally released him. The strong spasms of his muscles closed tightly around Jack, milking the semen from his body and soon they were both panting and trembling.
Laying side by side gathering enough strength to at least consider the concept of cleaning up Jack reached out and ran fingers into Daniel's short, sweaty hair. "My, Danny." He smiled, stroking his face. "I love you, you know."
"I know." Daniel smiled back. "And that's all I need."