Disclaimer: I have no ownership of anything you recognize .
AN: This is not meant to be offensive to anyone who likes Twilight. *I* like Twilight (well, to be honest the wolf pack). But anyway, I'm poking a little fun at the rabid nutcase fans who take fangirling TOO far. And yes, I just made "fangirling" a verb xD.
Title: Who are these people, and why can't they spell?
Rating: K
Length :One-shot
Status: Complete
Fic Type: Humor
Summery: Basically, Bella gets hate mail from rabid Twi-hard fan girls who can't spell and uses a flamethrower.
The Postman trudged up the front walk, dragging a mail bag that looked ready to burst. With what looked like a Herculean effort, he shoved it up on the porch. He sighed exasperatedly, and rapped on the door.
The door opened to Bella, who was smiling brightly.
"Mail for you."
"All of it?" she inquired.
"Yup."
Bella tugged the bag inside, assuming Edward had sent out even *more* college applications. She heaved the bag onto the kitchen table and yanked the zipper open.
Dozens and dozens of letters spilled out, overflowing to the floor.
Picking one at random, she tore it open, anticipation building.
"Wait, what….. Is this a death threat? Signed "Team push Bella off a cliff"?" she wondered.
Throwing it down and seizing another, she ripped it open to reveal a serial killer like note composed of ripped out letters that read "Leave Jake alone, he's MINE!"
Who is sending these? Why would someone say that?
Another read "Just do us all a favor and die already!"
That's awful! Who would write this?
"Deer Bela,
I h8 yu. Ur so dum, and Eddy shud b MINE!"
Who are these people, and why can't they spell?
Two hours later, and Bella had lost count of how many letters she'd opened. They lay in the wastebasket next to her, and she'd deduced they were from rabid 11 year old twi-hard fangirls who somehow found her address. Not knowing what to do, she called for Charlie.
-Next Month-
Fred the mailman dragged a similar sack up to the Swan residence. Bella greeted him cheerfully at the door, and dragged the mailbag around the house, to the back yard. She fired up the industrial paper shredder (which had been purchased precisely for this purpose) and emptied the bag into it. The letters were deposited into a massive pile of paper bits at the other end. Bella went into the shed and emerged with a military grade flame thrower and made short work of the hate mail. Dusting her hands off, she turned to go back inside, muttering
"Stupid fangirls".
Endnote: This was inspired after I went to a midnight showing of one movies with a friend who *really* loves Twilight (way more that me). There was a mixture of 40+ women and preteen girls in costume, freaking out, and generally being really rude to the theater staff and calling themselves "Twi-Hards". A fistfight actually broke out between a group of "Team Jacob"s' and a group of "Team Edward"s'. Is this typical of a midnight showing for one of the Twilight movies in your experience, or was it just a fluke? R&R please xD