AN: Hey guys, I worked hard on this. Please R&R, it would mean a lot to me. Especially give me your thoughts on the poem. I'm not a big fan of poetry, but it's an original.

Alex,

I know in writing this letter, you might not even read this. I know in trying to contact you, you might hate me. And I know that I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I just needed to come clean about exactly what was going on in my head when I ended things. Honestly, I was just scared. I was afraid of the pressures of a real life, I was afraid of the emotions entailed with real life. I was afraid of somehow letting you down along the way, and you leaving me, and no longer caring about me, just like everyone else has. I was afraid of the way I felt about you, in such a short period of time I had grown to care about you more than any one I have ever met. I had grown to depend on you, and I knew it would make it that much harder on me if you ever decided to leave.

I was afraid of the love, I didn't deserve, that I saw when you looked at me. But now I realize, you're the only person that ever looked at me that way. You didn't objectify me as the preppy, good-looking, social-chair everyone else thought I was. You were the only one I let my true self come out around. And now, I sit home alone, every night thinking of you. Eventually I fall asleep, or more accurately pass-out, and I dream of you. But I've lost you, the only person that I ever truly cared about, and the only person that truly cared about me.

You have to understand, this was never about Ryan, this was always about my stupid insecurities and trust issues. I'm sorry for that night I spent in a tent with Ryan, I would take it all back if I could. But please believe me, nothing happened with him, and nothing will ever happen with him, not when I'm still dreaming of your beautiful blue eyes I got to wake up to each morning. Not while I'm still in love with you.

I'm truly sorry for any pain that I may have caused you. I'm sorry for ruining that light I saw in your eyes every time you looked at me. I'm sorry for ruining us. That night at the bonfire is, to this very day, the worst night of my life. And it always will be, because I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, the best thing that ever will happen to me, you.

If I could rewind time, I would never start to pull away. I would never have let my mom induce feelings of doubt within you. I would have never turned your cloths pink. I would never have let go of our love.

Lexi, if I'm lucky enough for you to actually read this, please know that every word written was completely true. If I am lucky enough for you to accept my apologies, I will be happy. I'm not asking for another chance (though that would be great), but please just forgive me.

I've attached a poem I wrote after the bonfire, just to tell you exactly how I felt that night:

I know you're broken

I know you tried

But I can't help what I'm feeling inside

All of these walls coming down

All of these emotions, I might drown

Come back to me,

The old way of life

What am I trying to hide?

I know after it happened,

We both cried.

I will always love you. And I will miss you until I get to hold you in my arms again.

Love always,

Marissa Cooper

P.S. Believe it or not, I was heartbroken too that night.