fSeeleyHiii!! This one took me a little while but I'm pretty proud of it- my first BB creation!
Title: Early Mornings, Late Nights, and What Comes In Between
Summary: Both Booth and Brennan have been having trouble sleeping, and Booth decides a day off is the only way to catch up.
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: Oh, you haven't heard? Fox sold the show Bones to me yesterday. Yeah, that can only lead to trouble! No, unfortuantely this is a lie- I do not own Agent Booth or Dr. Brennan or any other such Bones-related things.
It was late. Very very late. Temperance Brennan looked up from her computer and out of her office, scanning everything in sight. Not a single shadow graced the Jeffersonian's walls and not a single voice echoed in its open halls. She saw, far off, bright red characters that read 1:34 AM. Swallowing a yawn, the dedicated doctor turned back to her research, but now that she knew how late it was, it became harder and harder to convince herself that she wasn't tired. It wasn't that Dr. Brennan wanted to stay up all night; rather, she just didn't want to go to sleep.
Or, more specifically, she didn't want to drive home to her empty rooms and go to sleep in her bed. Her bed was large and comfortable, but cold and empty. She didn't want to face the reality that magnified itself more and more as each day passed. The reality that she might never wake up to find someone breathing in that space next to her scared her more and more each day. But even more than that, the thought of waking up for the rest of her life with someone who wasn't him scared her. It, all of it, scared her. It scared her that for some reason, the one person who had straight up drawn a line, built a wall, and posted guards every 5 feet, was the one person she wanted. Yet, part of her thanked him for that wall. Every time it chipped, she took the time to fill the holes, because she had learned that it was better to have some of him instead of none of him. They were friends, and in her eyes, that was better than getting hurt.
Temperance realized she had, once again, become distracted from her work. Scrolling through the web pages and spreadsheets, she felt her eyes becoming heavier and heavier. I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes, she said to herself…
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It was early. Very very early. Seeley Booth untangled himself from the sheets and stared at the red numbers. 1:34 AM. His apartment creaked without heeding the fact that no one was there to hear. No one but Agent Booth could appreciate the symphony of windows clunking against one another and doors groaning. He hated the way that he couldn't stay asleep anymore. It was impossible for him to just remember the last time that he had slept all the way through the night. And he wished that, just once, he didn't have to wake up in the darkness and realize that that's all it was. Him and the creaking apartment.
Booth couldn't help being disappointed every time he awoke to the cold emptiness next to him. He needed someone to sleep peacefully next to him. A hand against his chest that would radiate warmth. He hated waking up to no one. He hated waking up to face the reality that he was alone, and that maybe there would never be a hand against his chest to comfort him. Waking up to realize that the person next to him would never ever be her. It broke him a little more each day. It was so wrong, that the one person who he had given an unwavering 'no, not ever' to was the one person who he wanted. But he remembered why he had built that divide. To save himself, and to save her. To keep them together, because going any farther than this might just tear them apart. So that line had to be there. To save them.
Many hours later, the FBI agent still lay restlessly in his bed. Eventually, when the red numbers flashed 6:30 AM, he figured that he might as well head to the Jeffersonian and wait for his partner. The thought of her name alone made his breathing hitch in the back of his throat. So he rolled out of bed, and pitching the sheets into a crinkled ball on the floor, began to prepare himself for another day.
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Agent Booth poked his head around the corner, hoping with his whole being that Bones' office would be unlocked. But he saw that not only was it unlocked, but the light was on and his favorite forensic anthropologist was fast asleep on top of her keyboard. Slowly creeping to sit on the couch, he never let his eyes leave her. For a while he simply watched her sleep, her mouth hanging slightly ajar and the smallest hint of an expression passing across her features every once in a while, an obvious sign that she must have been dreaming. The edges of her lips curled, then her face went limp again. A few minutes later, her eyebrows furrowed for half a moment. Then, after a while, she took a deep breath and then sighed. The ever-serious Dr. Brennan never looked so open, so beautiful as she did now, with all her guards down. See? He thought. Would this not be the best thing to wake up to?
Shaking himself out of his reverie, he realized it was probably not so good that she was asleep on top of a keyboard, which would, without a doubt, leave a nasty mark. He carefully and quietly stood and walked to her desk, carrying a pillow from the couch with him. Gently he held her head up just long enough to slip the pillow underneath, and then brushed her hair from in front of her eyes, his hand lingering just for a moment on her neck. She seemed to have gone undisturbed, until her eyebrows pulled together and a hand came up to rub her face.
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Dr. Brennan allowed one eye to draw itself open to survey the situation. In such an unaware state, she was wary of any hand stroking her neck. When the adorable smiling face of her partner looked down at her, she groaned and closed both her eyes tightly. Of course it was him. Of course life would have it that he would find her here, having fallen asleep on top of her computer.
"Seeley Booth," she stated, almost just to reassure herself that it was, indeed, him.
"Temperance Brennan," he replied, amused.
"Seeley Booth," she whispered slowly as she struggled to open her eyelids once again.
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
She smiled through a yawn. He was truly the only one who could wake her from deep sleep and still seem endearing. Suspiciously, he looked out into the lab and then back at Bones. She tried as hard as she could to prevent her heart from beating faster when he leaned closer to her. As if telling a really great secret, he whispered.
"You need to take the day off, Bones."
"You know I can't do that," she said, her smile disappearing, "I've got-"
"Work to do?" Booth interrupted, "Might I remind you that we don't have a case?"
"Booth, I do work other than FBI cases," she said indignantly.
"If that skeleton has been sitting around since the Palentifical-"
"Paleolithic," Bones corrected, on her toes, even early in the morning.
"Era," he continued, "then it can wait for you one more day."
Without her giving a response, he exited the office and beelined straight for leaving the building. Dr. Brennan looked around for a moment before grabbing her coat and purse and running after him. She couldn't, for the life of her, understand why. But for some reason, her partner was an unbelievably convincing man. Catching up to him, she protested, even though she had already made up her mind to go.
"Booth, what am I supposed to do at home all day? If I'm just going to sit around in my apartment and be bored, I might as well be at work."
"Oh, you're not going home, Bones," he replied with a silly tone to his voice, "We're going to take advantage of a beautiful day. You need an adventure to take your mind off of all this."
"What?"
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Booth looked for any rationality to what he was doing. They were driving down highways, towns whipping past them. He still hadn't told her where they were going. After they had passed the border into Maryland, Booth had pulled into a drive-thru and bought them both coffees. As they proceeded down the highway, he made a quick phone call to say that Bones was very sick and wouldn't be at work that day. The forensic anthropologist rolled her eyes while he lied through his teeth and then as he hung up the phone, he asked, "What were you dreaming about?"
She looked surprised before saying, "How'd you know I had a dream?"
"Oh, you make all sorts of facial expressions in your sleep," he responded through a smile. She peered back with half-curiosity, half-annoyance.
"Well, to tell the truth, you were in my dream."
"Yeah?"
"Mmhm. I went to your apartment to find you, but Rebecca and Parker answered the door, so I was just about to leave, because I had no idea what was going on, but you appeared behind them and invited me in. So I tried to come in, but I couldn't. There was a sort of invisible wall at the doorway to your apartment. It was actually quite strange."
"We should find someone to interpret it," Booth joked, but he looked at her with a defined scrutiny. He knew exactly what that wall was. Did she realize that? Was she even aware of the thoughts bouncing around in her head? What stood between them? An invisible wall. Their precious wall, the one that kept him up at night. The one that kept them safe.
"Interpreting dreams is ridiculous. All dreams are is neurons firing randomly while you sleep, and the brain tries to make sense of them by creating a picture. Dreams don't mean anything; they're a result of electrical impulses. There's nothing… to… interpret. It's… not… anything… at all. Just… electricity," She was rambling now. Repeating herself, pausing between each word, her voice peaking every few words. Bones never rambled, she stated her anthropological facts and then moved on. Now she was lingering, why? Not enough sleep? Not enough coffee? Was she uneasy about the fact that she was missing work to drive down the highway, seemingly aimlessly? Or was she trying to convince herself, rather than him, that this dream meant nothing? After a minute of nonsense rambling, Bones finally gave a reassuring smile and looked away from him, out the window. So for a long while, they sat in a perfect silence.
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Finally, Dr. Brennan saw something different on the horizon, and suddenly she knew where they were going. The ocean. She had always had a liking for the ocean. It was so big. It was a whole different world. Everything seemed insignificant. And for a moment, she almost believed that skipping work was worth this. Okay, yes, she admitted to herself, maybe she could enjoy this. It was nice to be at the ocean instead of at work, just this once. And it was nice to be… with him.
The interstate dwindled down to a state highway and then into a one lane road and finally, it landed the two of them at the beach. One Agent Booth looked at her and smiled, "Bring your bathing suit?"
"What? No," she said seriously.
"Kidding, Bones. Get out of the car," he replied as he opened the door and hopped out himself. They both walked over the tiny hills of sand and in between bits of grass towards the water. She felt like the salt was intoxicating her, and the wind blowing her hair magnified the insanity of the situation, but she liked it. As the stopped at the shore, the doctor looked out over the water, going on past where she could see, the huge waves toppling over each other. She felt small, and for some reason, that felt good. Perhaps because that meant whatever had happened to her and whatever would happen to her was nothing to worry about. There are so many fish in the sea, so many people in the world, and you are just one. When the world seems to fall apart, the ocean still stretches beyond the horizon and the world is still just as big.
Standing with her hands in her pockets, she quickly caught a glimpse of her partner. The sight of him made her feel as though she struggled for air. He looked peacefully at the horizon; what was he thinking? She shifted closer to him and said softly, "Thank you."
"Anything for you, Bones," he replied without a moment's hesitation. She felt the strong urge to say something more, or at least to touch his arm, to give him a hug. But she felt the presence of that invisible wall, even here. So instead, she plopped onto the ground and lay on her back, staring up at the pure, blue sky. Booth joined her after a moment and they both simply looked as clouds rolled by, as birds flew, as boats passed.
Neither of them said a word for a very very long time, until Booth finally broke the heavy silence with his child-like wonder. "That cloud looks like a saxophone," he said.
"That one looks like a femur," Bones replied, and her partner laughed, because it was such a squinty thing to say. She paused a moment before reciting, "Gros nuages gris dans le ciel gris, où courez-vous si vite? Nous allons pour aller, nous courons pour courir."
"I don't speak French, you know."
"It means grey clouds in the grey sky, where are you running to so quickly? We go to go, we run to run. Have you ever felt like that? Like you were going simply to go?" She asked, more rhetorically than anything, and then sighed.
"All the time." They were silent for what seemed like an eternity. A couple walked by behind them, talking about where they wanted to go for lunch, so Brennan deduced that it was approaching noon. The couple looked at the two of them with interest, then continued on their way. She dug her hands into the sand and then released. Booth let out a little sniffle. She wondered if he knew that she hadn't slept at her house in three days. She wondered if he knew why. Booth was good with people, he always noticed things, and that's probably why she was here. How could she even explain why she didn't want to go to sleep at night? How could she explain that the line that was meant to keep them safe was breaking her to pieces?
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Going to go, running to run, Seeley thought as he lay in the sand with her next to him. Doing things without thought, all of it just waiting for the climax. They had to have been there for at least an hour and a half now, most of it spent in stillness. He suddenly turned his head to look at her and was surprised to find those deep blue eyes staring back.
"This is crazy. All of this. Us being here, us being us." He nodded in agreement, so she continued, "It's completely irrational. We skipped work, you lied and said that I was sick, we drove all the way out to the coast, and now we're lying here in the sand in our work clothes, probably looking really out of place and getting terribly sunburned. I don't even really know where we are. It's irrational," now he could tell that she was about to start rambling again, "and I think all of my irrational things have just been leading up to it. It's irrational that I refuse to sleep in my own bed. It's irrational that I just can't wait to see you in the morning. It's irrational that I feel like I want to just tear down a wall that doesn't even exist. It's irrational that being around you seems to be the one thing that makes me feel good. And the only logical explanation I can come to would be that my brain increases serotonin and dopamine production at the sight of you, which, I can only conclude, must mean that I love you, which is, more than all of these things, utterly and unbelievably irrational."
He thought for a long moment, searching through the thick confusion and surprise that this little speech had brought on. Eventually, he spoke.
"This is absolutely insane, I agree. It's insane that some part of me isn't surprised you said all of that. It's insane that I can't get through the night without wondering what you're doing. It's insane that the smallest things you do distract me and it's insane that only you can make me feel alive, as hokey as that sounds. And you know, you can rationalize it with serotonin and dopamine and testosterone and estrogen and whatever the hell else goes on in our brains, but in the end, what we're doing is anything but rational. Everything is so irrational that I believe the only thought that makes sense to me is that I love you too. For some reason, that is right."
"Okay," she said diplomatically, as if being in love were as simple as a business agreement. But she watched in wonder as he leaned very close to her, his nose nearly brushing against hers.
"There doesn't have to be an invisible wall in the doorway," he murmured.
"But what about," she just barely was able to get the words out, "high-risk situations?"
"The only thing that could put us in any more danger than we already are in would be a gun in your hand." And with that, Special Agent Seeley Booth carefully placed his lips against hers in a kiss that was eager, but chaste. Slowly, in the sand, with their bodies pressed against each other as if they were made to fit, the sweet kiss amplified until her hands against his jaw burned and they felt as if maybe, just maybe, suffocation would be worth keeping this. But, as it always seems to go, they needed air, and as they gasped, their faces rested close together and Dr. Brennan gave into her need to have the last word.
"I resent that. I am perfectly capable of handling a gun," she spat just before pressing her lips against his once again.
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It was late. Very very late. Or was it very very early? Neither of them could tell. The black SUV pulled into a parking spot outside of Brennan's apartment. She looked calmly at him, clumps of sand still clinging to her clothes and her hair still frazzled by the wind.
"Promise that you'll go inside and go to bed instead of calling a taxi and going to work?" he said, the thought of her sleeping at the lab for three days in a row still keeping him unsettled. She looked away and swallowed slowly, the fear of lying alone in the deep darkness of her apartment.
"I can't promise you that," she mumbled.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to make sure of it," Agent Booth jumped out of the car and led the way up to her door, taking the key right out of her hand and unlocking it himself as she stared in shock. "I'll just sleep on the couch and make sure you don't exit this door until tomorrow morning, if that's all right with you."
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied more wearily than amusedly. She enveloped his hand and they walked silently to her bedroom, where the bed that was large and comfortable stood prominently in the middle of the room. She silently changed into a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, Booth standing in the doorway with his mouth agape, trying to avoid staring, but realizing it was impossible to look at anything else when his beautiful partner stood naked in front of him. Then she looked back at him and rolled her eyes, asking, "You're not going to sleep in that, are you?" referring to his suit.
By the time Seeley had stripped down to his boxers, she was already underneath the covers, eyes struggling to stay open. When he slipped in next to her, she snuggled up to him, soaking up the feeling of having someone to sleep next to. Sleeping next to him. The feeling of their two bodies as one, breathing together as if they were but one being, was comforting. He smiled at the warmth that radiated when she placed her hand against his bare chest. Within moments, her breathing slowed and he softly pressed his lips against her forehead and heard her whisper.
"This is so irrational," she repeated softly.
"More rational than running simply to run," he answered without hesitance.
"Good night, Seeley Booth," she sighed.
"Sleep well, Temperance Brennan," and with that he allowed his eyes to drop closed, the last image that burned into his retina being the red numbers of the clock that read 1:34 AM, and he knew that he'd not wake again until morning.