Sinking Deeper

by Panthers Midnight Lair

Daniel's first family reunion gives Jack an entirely new perspective on their relationship. This is part of the How Does This Go Again Series. For the rest of the series visit www.pantherslair.

Sinking Deeper

By Panther

Season: 10+

Series: How Does This Go Again

Pairing: Jack/Daniel

Rating: NC-17

Category: Ship, Drama

Fic Spoilers: Begins Where It Ends, Secrets and Lies, When It Counts, Enlighten Me, Over and Done.

Ep Spoilers: Crystal Skull, Stargate Movie

Warnings: graphic slash, adult situations

Disclaimer: The Stargate universe and its inhabitants are the sole property of MGM et al. I don't own them. I just like to play with them.

Daniel's first family reunion gives Jack an entirely new perspective on their relationship.
This story is part of the How Does This Go Again series. For the rest of the stories visit .

It was a relatively pleasant spring day and Jack was outside, paintbrush in hand, touching up the places on the house the spray gun had missed. He could have hired someone to do it, or better yet, had them come out and put up siding. However, the wood was in decent shape, painting it himself was cheaper, and since he was now officially retired he had an incredible amount of free time on his hands.

He'd been trying to remember exactly what he'd done during his first retirement, but that phase of his life was a blur. What he could actually recall involved an overwhelming pile of self recrimination and a whole lot of booze. He'd been too busy hating himself and trying to drown it in alcohol to do much else.

There had been a brief span after the Abydos mission when he'd been retired yet again, but he'd spent that period putting himself back together. He hadn't bothered with AA since it hadn't been his drinking that was out of hand, just his guilt. Instead he'd spent a lot of time fishing, a lot of time thinking, and a lot of time wondering how a week spent with a geek of an archaeologist could so effectively turn his life inside out.

This time was going to be better. As they said…third time was a charm. Or something like that. This time he was going to enjoy it. Heaven knew he'd earned it. And though he had said it before…twice…he was really done this time. No going back. He and the Air Force had officially parted company and he couldn't think of a single thing they could say to drag him back in. Well, he supposed the President ordering him back in would probably work, but he doubted that would ever actually happen. There were plenty of other people in the small, but rapidly growing world of Home World Security. They didn't need him.

Daniel was still working something close to full-time, most of it from the house, but he'd taken the afternoon off to help Jack paint. They were going to put it on the market next week and hopefully be on their way out of Virginia shortly thereafter. Daniel's condo had already sold. It had taken him all of three days to get an offer he could live with. Fully furnished it had gone for barely over market value, not that Daniel had minded the only modest price increase despite all the high end appliances he was leaving behind. The sale had made him a five figure profit. It was going to cost him in taxes, but it had still come as a pleasant surprise.

They weren't publishing the fact that Daniel had officially moved into Jack's house. For the time being all of his mail was still sent to his post office box in Arlington and from there it was forwarded to the house. If anyone had asked Daniel would probably have readily admitted it, but nobody had asked and after almost a decade of hiding their relationship in the shadows, keeping stuff like that to himself was second nature. At least for now.

Jack wasn't quite sure that the step they had just taken had really sunken in yet. At least it hadn't with him. He was used to having Daniel around the house day in and day out, well at least when they weren't working. It didn't feel all that different, but in reality it was a huge step. It was the end of a way of life and the beginning of something Daniel had been looking forward to for a very long time. Jack, on the other hand, had been vacillating between trepidation and curiosity for the past few years.

He still wasn't sure exactly where he stood.

But, the issue of the day had nothing to do with him wrapping his head around his latest bout of retirement. It was about finishing the painting before something completely inconvenient like wind or rain made an appearance. Daniel had taken a break quite a while ago, presumably to check his e-mail. Jack was considering taking a break of his own to find out what had happened to him when Daniel came striding into the backyard lit up like a kid at Christmas; eyes gleaming and a smile he couldn't have hidden if he'd had to.

"What?" Jack asked, smiling in response to the look on his face.

"Got an e-mail from Dodi." He announced.

"Good news, I take it?" Jack asked, wondering what Daniel's newly discovered second cousin could have said to put that particular expression on his face.

"They're having a Ballard family reunion next month and they want me to come."

"Wow." Jack replied.

He could honestly say that hadn't been anywhere on his list of possible announcements.

"Dodi told them about my visit and some of them want to meet me." He said a moment before a small scowl wrinkled the space between his eyebrows in contradiction to the smile.

"That's good isn't it?" Jack asked. "I mean, that's what you wanted, right?"

"No, yeah, that's good." He nodded, happily.

"But?"

"It's nothing. I just…I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, on the one hand I love the idea of finally meeting my family, but…"

"But…what?" Jack coaxed gently.

He merely shrugged and reached for the paintbrush he'd abandoned.

"What if it's an entire family like good old Grandpa Nick?" Jack supplied.

"Something like that."

Daniel's trip to visit Dodi several months back had revealed some rather unpleasant information about his grandfather. They hadn't talked about it much, but he knew it had shaken Daniel's view of the man. That particular trip had been both enlightening and deeply disturbing.

"I think the fact that they're interested in meeting you probably means they're not a whole lot like Nick."

"I know. You're right." He nodded. "I guess the whole idea's a little intimidating now that I think about it."

"It'll be fun." Jack assured him, nudging his arm with an elbow. "You'll sit around for days while they stuff you full of food and tell you all kinds of stories about your mom. Trust me, you'll love it."

Daniel grinned sheepishly as he dragged the brush across the side of the house.

"You'll just have to figure out what you're going to tell them about your job because you know they're going to ask."

"Yeah, I know." Daniel sighed.

"And what you've been doing with yourself all these years. Got a wife? Kids? Yadda yadda."

"Are you trying to talk me out of this?" Daniel replied.

"Nope. Just been to enough family reunions to know that the old folks get quite nosey." Jack grinned. "And considering that this is the first time they've ever laid eyes on you, there will be plenty of questions."

Daniel nodded and stood quietly painting for a few moments, long enough that Jack knew something else was bubbling away in his mind.

"What would you say if I asked you to come with me?" He finally asked, casting a glance at Jack.

"Do you want me to?" Jack replied, wondering at the sudden tension in Daniel's body over a perfectly reasonable request.

"Yes. Of course. I want you to meet each other. But…"

"But?"

"I want to introduce you to them as my partner. No lies. No cover story."

Jack suddenly understood the tension. He had known this day was coming. It had been on his radar for years, but that didn't make him any more prepared to take the step Daniel was asking him to take than he had been before.

"They already know about me…about us." Daniel admitted quietly. "I told Dodi about Shau'ri…well, what I could anyway. And I told her that right now I'm living a nice, quiet life with my partner."

"So…almost the truth. The 'quiet' part might be a bit of a stretch."

"Well, yeah. I mean, in comparison to some periods of our life…"

"Wishful thinking?"

"More like hopeful optimism." Daniel replied. "So…what do you think?"

Jack swallowed, scowling back at him.

"I didn't tell her anything other than your first name," Daniel assured him "but she's invited you to come to the reunion with me."

Jack nodded and went back to painting, not sure what else to do. His head was spinning and a little piece of him was running around inside shrieking that he needed to stay as far away from Daniel's family as he could. They'd find out what he was; that he was in love with another man. Something a heterosexual man definitely should not be tangled up in. His world as he knew it would come to an end.

Daniel reached over and gently gripped his wrist, stopping his brush in mid-motion, waiting until Jack's eyes finally found him.

"I know what I'm asking." Daniel said, his face a mask of open concern. "I'm not trying to force you into this. If you're not ready then you're not ready. It's just an invitation. It's not an order. You are allowed to say 'no'."

Jack nodded at him while two completely separate desires tripped over each other as they tumbled through his head. He wanted to grab Daniel, this kind hearted person that had kept his feelings hidden in a box for the last ten years for the sake of Jack's career, and kiss him senseless right there in the backyard. He also wanted to run screaming from the whole reunion idea, never mind the fact that it was his turn to start making some of the sacrifices in their relationship. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. And yet he owed it to Daniel to at least give it some serious thought.

"I mean it, Jack." Daniel pressed, most likely in response to his obvious deer in the headlights expression. "Only if you want to go."

"I don't want you to have to do this alone." Jack replied quietly, his eyes back on the small patch of wood he was painting.

"I'll be fine." Daniel assured him. "It can't be any more intimidating than an NID interrogation, right?" Jack twitched him a smile. "If it gets too…squirrelly…I'll just make an excuse and leave early."

Jack went back to nodding, refocusing his attention on his paintbrush. He knew it wasn't really that simple. If things got out of hand enough for Daniel to make excuses to leave the reunion early then it would most likely be because his new found relatives had found a way to slap him in the face hard enough to send him running for cover. That was not a situation he wanted Daniel to have to face alone.

"I'll think about it." He finally said.

XxXxXxXxX

It was Jack's turn to cook so he was out in the backyard putting steaks to the built in patio grill; the same one he'd spent over an hour cleaning the day before. The house had been on the market for a week and he was coming to understand that it was next to impossible to keep the place looking spic and span and still live in it. If it hadn't been for the fact that Daniel's condo had already sold he would have suggested they spiffy up the house and then vacate the premises to avoid messing it up again.

Since that wasn't an option it was turning into a circular routine of messing it up and cleaning it up. Not just average clean, but not a speck of dust in sight, looks like it's never been lived in kind of clean. It was getting on his nerves. He hadn't retired so he could take up a new career as a housekeeper. In fact, he was seriously considering hiring one to take care of their new house…whenever they actually got to move…so he wouldn't have to do it ever again in his life.

A pair of arms slid around his body as he was grumbling to himself and suddenly Daniel was snuggled up behind him, his chin rested on Jack's shoulder as he watched him turn the steaks. For whatever reason Daniel had been in a cuddling mood lately. Not that Jack minded. In fact, it was probably a good thing because it meant he was more likely to let Jack's recent surliness roll off his back. Retirement was supposed to be relaxing and so far he wasn't finding it very relaxing. He was finding it annoyingly stressful.

He'd been thinking over Daniel's invitation and all the implications that went with it for more than a week. So far he'd come to the conclusion that in a perfect world he would have been happy to go to the reunion, meet the new family, and give Daniel a little moral support. Unfortunately, it wasn't even remotely a perfect world. He wanted to do the moral support thing, but officially owning up to his relationship with Daniel to a group of strangers was intimidating; almost to the point of being mortifying. He knew he was making too much out of it. These people didn't know him and since word had already been spread that he and Daniel were…partners…there wouldn't be any open mouthed stares or people choking on their potato salad in horror. It was quite possible they would be content to pretend they didn't care and make polite conversation that steered clear of the entire subject. The tension would probably be thick enough to cut it with a knife, but they'd most likely keep the comments to themselves.

He didn't want to let Daniel down. He also didn't want to turn a nice quiet reunion into the scene of his own personal breakdown. He didn't know that he was ready to face the reality of what his life had become; what he had become. The more he thought about it the more trapped he felt. The safest bet would be to disappoint Daniel and not go, but it wasn't much of an option.

"I was thinking," Daniel began, his head rested against Jack's "when we finally figure out where we're going to live, why don't we invite Sam out for a reunion Fourth of July barbeque?"

"Sure." Jack replied, trying to sound pleasant. "Good idea."

"And Teal'c, if we can find him."

"I'm sure somebody can track him down. He's not usually very hard to find."

They lapsed back to silence as Jack closed the lid on the grill, the muted sounds of sizzling meat filling the space.

"It's ok, Jack." Daniel said quietly, arms wrapped around Jack's middle, one hand lazily stroking his chest.

"What's ok?"

"You don't have to go."

"Who said I didn't want to go?"

"I've been thinking about it and I know it's asking a lot more than you are comfortable doing. It's not fair to expect you to go from denying we exist to admitting it openly to a group of strangers in one step."

Jack turned toward him forcing Daniel to release his hold. "I want to do this, Daniel." He said, pulling him into his arms.

"I know." he nodded, smiling and briefly stroking Jack's face. "But let's be honest. You and I both know you're not up to this yet."

"No." Jack finally admitted. "I'm not. I'm sorry, Danny."

"No need to be sorry. It's enough to know that you want to do it even if you can't right now. We'll find something else; start small."

"Like?"

"I don't know." Daniel shrugged. "Maybe actually take a vacation together somewhere…at the same time…on the same flight. And check into the hotel together rather than me sneaking into the room several hours later."

"We could try that." Jack nodded with a small smile.

"We'll just start slow." Daniel suggested, leaning in and kissing Jack's neck, taking a moment to explore his skin.

Jack closed his eyes and swam in the sensation, face turned toward the sky.

"It's not so terrifying when you just let it happen, is it?" Daniel finally said, Jack able to hear the smile in his voice.

"What's not?" He asked, finally opening his eyes.

"This." Daniel glanced around. "We're standing outside in broad daylight in each others arms and nothing came crashing down. For all we know the neighbors are watching our every move."

"Funny." Jack smirked.

"I'm serious."

"About the neighbors? I doubt they're that bored."

"About this. Do you know what would have happened if I had tried to kiss you like that a few years ago?"

"No."

"You would have jumped out of your skin, pushed me away, and bolted for the house."

"No I wouldn't."

"Yes, you would."

"Would not."

"Would too." Daniel grinned.

"What's your point?"

"My point is if you just stop thinking about it and do what you know you want to do it won't be so difficult."

"It's not that easy."

"It could be."

He knew what Daniel was trying to do. He'd used the same tactic ten years ago when they had first stumbled into their quite unexpected physical relationship. If he stopped focusing on the rhetoric and just focused on the facts things became a whole lot simpler; specifically the fact that he loved Daniel. He didn't have to explain it or justify it. It just was. It had worked then, but this was different. This wasn't just making a tentative peace with himself. This was putting everything out there on the table for everyone to see. This was taking the risk of having people assume he was…something he most definitely wasn't and did not ever want to be.

"You're a man just like everybody else, right?" Daniel said softly.

Jack nodded.

"And affection is part of a normal, healthy relationship, right?"

Jack twitched an eyebrow.

"So, being a normal guy and being most definitely head over heals in love with me…"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"What do you want to do about it?"

"About what?"

"What do you want to do, Jack?" he pressed gently. "I'm right here. Nobody's watching. What do you want to do?"

Jack stared back at him for a long moment. "Turn the steaks." He finally said.

Daniel let out a heavy sigh and released his grip as Jack reached for the lid of the grill.

"Look, I appreciate the attempt, but I'm not an exhibitionist, Daniel. I never have been. Not even with Sarah. If you're trying to work your way up to a tumble in the hammock in the middle of the afternoon then you're barking up the wrong tree."

"That's not what I'm talking about." Daniel hung his head, arms folded across his chest.

"So what are we talking about?"

"Doing what you feel, Jack. Putting aside the discussion about what it means and just going with it. Don't you want to be able to hold my hand just because the urge hits?"

"Yes."

"Then why not do it? Who cares what it means other than that you care about me? In fact, it doesn't have to mean anything else. It's like when you squeeze my shoulder. How long have you been doing that?"

"I don't know." Jack shrugged.

"A long time." Daniel replied. "And every single time you do it I know what it means. It doesn't matter that it's in public and other people can see it. You do it because you want me to know you're there and that you love me."

"Right." Jack nodded, noting the sincerity in Daniel's face, something almost desperate in his expression.

"And you do it all the time without thinking. So why is any other form of affection different from that one gesture?"

"I don't know."

"It's different because you decide it's different, Jack." Daniel shrugged.

"It's not just me." He argued. "If I squeeze your shoulder that's nothing to anyone that might see it. If I hold your hand that means something else entirely."

"To them."

"Yeah and I have to live in the same world with them. Go to the same restaurants. Fill up at the same gas stations."

"So?"

"So, gay rights are not my issue, Daniel and I don't want them to be. That's not my fight."

"Who said anything about gay rights?"

"If I grabbed you and stripped you out of your jeans in public the many…many…times I've actually had the urge to do so people would notice and believe me, it would be an issue. They're comfortable with things they can ignore. Making it obvious just gets attention and I don't want to deal with that."

Daniel's eyebrows crept up his forehead.

"Many times?" He swallowed, before minutely shaking his head. "That's not what I'm talking about, Jack. Besides, I'm pretty sure that would be breaking a few public exposure statutes."

"Then will you please, for crying out loud, tell me what we're talking about?" Jack gasped.

"I'm talking about taking you to something like my family reunion and being able to put an arm around you now and then or sit with a hand on your leg and not have you come right out of your skin. I'm talking about being able to touch you in public without pushing you over the edge because you're positive it means you've just been outted and you don't think you can stand the kind of scrutiny that goes along with that." Daniel barked back at him.

Jack blinked, scowling at him.

"You desperately do not want to be gay. I understand that, but I really don't want to do this secret lives thing any more, Jack. I love you. I want to be able to openly admit it without you losing your mind in the process. I just…I don't know how to make that happen." Daniel sighed. "You have boundaries you won't cross. I can respect that. I do respect that. I'm just having trouble figuring out where we go from here."

"Meaning?"

"That's not what I meant, Jack. This isn't an ultimatum." He shook his head. "But how do we fit into a new community, a new neighborhood when we can't even admit we're together? What do I call you, Jack? What do I tell people you are to me?"

Jack nodded at him, fiddling with the steaks and finally pulling them off the flame. He knew Daniel didn't want to hide any more, but his retirement didn't mean he was any more comfortable being in love with a man than he had been when the Air Force had insisted he do whatever it took to pretend it wasn't the truth. They could move to a new community, make a new start where Jack didn't have to try to live up to the expectations people had of a Brigadier General. Even a retired one. He just wasn't sure a new location would make any difference.

"You really want me to go, don't you?"

"What? To the reunion? No. I don't. I just need to know that at some point something like that will actually be possible. We're going to have a hard time settling in anywhere if we can't tell anyone we're together, living in the same house, sharing the same bed." Daniel said. "I don't need you to be obvious about it, but I do need you to figure out how to at least admit it because I can tell you right now, nobody is going to believe that we're just two friends sharing a house because we got tired of living alone. That excuse stopped working in the 60's. People will figure it out whether you say anything or not. So why not just admit it?"

"Because it's not that easy." Jack replied.

"I know." Daniel said quietly, reaching out and resting a hand on Jack's chest. "I do. I know what I'm asking, Jack, but at some point it needs to happen."

XxXxXxXxX

"All passengers seated in Group Three can now board." A pleasant voice announced over the intercom and Jack got up from his seat with a firm grip on his carry-on.

He'd lost his mind. That was all there was to it. He was getting on a plane, flying to a place in Idaho he'd never heard of so he could climb in a car and drive two hours to the Middle of Nowhere, Wyoming and be officially introduced as Daniel's partner. He'd lost his mind. He was going to come apart at the seams as soon as he heard the words leave Daniel's mouth. He could feel it coming; as long as he didn't hyperventilate first. In which case he would simply pass out and Daniel could tell him how the whole thing had gone later.

"You ok?" Daniel asked as they inched toward the gate with the other passengers.

"Yeah."

"You can change your mind. It's not too late."

"I know."

"You don't have to do this."

"Daniel." He warned.

"Alright."

It was somewhere around the hundredth time in the past week that Daniel had given him the chance to back out. He knew it had nothing to do with Daniel having changed his mind about making introductions. It was because he had a feeling Jack was in over his head and was just too stubborn to admit it. He was probably right about that, but the more Jack had thought about it the more the idea of letting Daniel get on the plane alone had bothered him. This was possibly the single most important event in Daniel's adult life. He wasn't going to make him do it alone.

After 40 years of being on his own he was finally getting to meet the people that he had thought didn't exist. If everything went well he would have something he'd been dreaming about since he was a boy; a fantasy he had given up for dead long ago. He would finally have his very own family. To some people that was overrated, but then they had actually had one long enough to decide such a thing. If ever there was a time he needed to be there for Daniel, even if only to lend moral support, this was it.

Jack was anxious. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in days. He was more than a little cranky lately, but he was going. Settling in the seat beside Daniel and fastening his seatbelt he tried to stifle the swarm of thoughts buzzing in his head.

XxXxXxXxX

Daniel had done what he could to convince Jack that coming to terms with his sexuality didn't have to be done right this minute just because of the reunion. A lot of things had changed for them in very short succession and he was afraid it was all going to come crashing down on Jack.

He had retired signaling the official end to the Don't Ask Don't Tell rule that had plagued their entire relationship. On one hand it was a tremendous relief. On the other it meant Jack was in charge of setting his own boundaries. The threat of a dishonorable discharge was gone, but that didn't mean his comfort level had changed. The same issues that had set him on edge in the past still did now. It just meant that he no longer had the option of blaming the military for the restrictions in his behavior. It was all him. As a result it had stirred up the old argument about how he saw himself and what he was afraid other people might see in him.

With those insecurities still boiling away inside Jack had put himself on a plane to do something he would never have considered doing a few months ago; probably not even a few weeks ago. He was going to stand in a group of strangers and let himself be introduced as Daniel's partner…his friend and his lover. Daniel had no idea what to expect, but suspected that his vision of a nice pleasant introduction to his family was going to be a bit bumpy. Jack was setting himself up for some kind of breakdown and he didn't know what it would look like when it hit.

Glancing over at Jack as he sat staring out the window Daniel had a sudden urge to grab him and hug him. Never in all the years they'd been together, through all the things they'd faced, had Daniel loved him more than he did at that moment. Jack was at least two steps past what he could comfortably handle, marching headlong into something that struck him right down to his core and all because he was determined that it was vitally important Daniel not go through the first official introduction to his family alone.

Reaching over the armrest Daniel took Jack's hand, laced their fingers and tucked the tangle down into the seat beside Jack's leg, conveniently out of sight. Jack glanced over at him and Daniel smiled back at the scowl that had been present on his face for days.

"I'm serious, Jack." He said quietly as the flight attendant began her speech about airplane safety. "This is far enough."

"I know." Jack gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"We're on the same flight, going to the same place, checking into the same hotel at the same time. That's more than enough for me." He pointed out.

"I know."

"Jack."

"Daniel." He warned.

"Ok."

Once again he agreed to drop the subject, but kept a grip on Jack's hand. He had the urge to bring their mass of fingers to his lips and kiss it or at the very least rest his head on Jack's shoulder, but there were rules. For the first time not military rules, but the rules Daniel had written for himself in order to respect Jack's boundaries. Theoretically they could do pretty close to whatever they wanted, wherever they wanted as long as they didn't push things any further than the average heterosexual couple, but that was just theory. When it came to Jack being able to display any type of typical affection in public it was going to be an exercise in trial and error. Daniel had imagined them slowly wading into the concept one baby step at a time and here they were about to jump into the deep end.

Daniel dozed off and on throughout the flight, each time waking to find Jack still staring out the window or scowling at the back of the seat in front of him. It had been like that for days. Daniel slept. Jack didn't. At some point he was going to crash. Most likely after the stress of the reunion was over and the anticipation of what was going to happen had faded. If Jack really did force himself to go through with it Daniel expected to see a gigantic weight lifted from his shoulders when he realized the world hadn't come to an end. People weren't staring, pointing, or glaring at him with accusing eyes. For the most part they simply didn't care. There were always exceptions. Some people took personal offense at something that had nothing to do with them, but in this case they were walking into a secure environment. Dodi already knew Daniel was currently in a homosexual relationship and had most likely spread the word to the rest of the group that he was bringing his partner to the reunion. Whatever shock they might have felt at the news would have faded by now. The reunion would come and go and things wouldn't be nearly as traumatic as he knew Jack was imagining. Then his newly retired General would most likely collapse in a heap.

Finally arriving in Idaho Falls they climbed in the rental car and headed to Jackson, stopping at their hotel on the outskirts of town, 15 or 20 minutes from Dodi's house; the site of the reunion. Daniel had booked them a room at the Wyoming Inn. It hadn't sounded like much and Jack had scowled at the name, though lately he scowled at everything so Daniel hadn't read too much into it.

The room wasn't anything spectacular, but it was cozy with a nice big bed, a fireplace, and a Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. After a day spent on a plane he was happy to be able to finally relax someplace. Jack apparently felt the same way because he dropped his bag and collapsed on the bed almost as soon as they stepped into the room. Stretched out on his back he let out a heavy sigh and Daniel watched as his eyes slid closed. Smiling to himself he crawled onto the bed and stretched out beside him, his head rested on Jack's chest.

"Why don't you go fishing tomorrow?" Daniel suggested as Jack wrapped an arm around him. "The front desk said you can rent a pole. Of course, knowing how you fish you probably won't need one."

"I heard." Jack replied and Daniel felt him press a kiss to his head.

"You could just rent a chair, sit by the water, and listen to the fish jump."

"I'm fine."

"You don't have to do this, Jack." He said for the hundredth time.

"Sleeping." Jack muttered.

"Right." Daniel nodded, taking the hint.

XxXxXxXxX

Jack tried to control is fidgeting as Daniel drove them toward what he was trying very hard not to think of as the scene of his impending nervous breakdown. Winding their way through the streets of Jackson, Wyoming he focused on the scenery, the road, tracking the smallest details of every single thing they passed, anything to keep his mind off what was coming.

Hands rested on his thighs he sat at attention, willing himself to be calm, or at least look it. He hadn't missed the fact that the tension had finally spread to Daniel who had been casting glances at him all morning. He felt bad about that. Daniel had enough to be anxious about without worrying about him.

Jack had stood in front of the mirror that morning and given himself a silent lecture as he glared back at the reflection. He was not going to lose his mind. He was not going to have anything even remotely related to a meltdown because he was not…absolutely not…going to ruin this for Daniel. He'd been having mild chest pains for the past few days, sneaking the occasional nitro pill when he had to, but had been doing his best to hide it. The concept that he was getting too old for this crap was no longer just a concept. It was fast becoming a reality. He simply couldn't take the stress any more. Too many years of living in a wash of adrenaline was catching up to him. However, he wasn't going to have a heart attack or anything else that was going to make the reunion unpleasantly memorable. He could come apart at the seams afterwards, but not before and most definitely not during.

It wasn't the end of the world. So people might mistakenly think he was gay. Did it really matter? Would it be catastrophic if they did? Keeping up appearances was no longer necessary. His military days were over. After 40 years he was back to being plain old Jack O'Neill. No rank. No title. He could do whatever he wanted without having to answer to anyone…except maybe Daniel…and Daniel was hardly demanding. Lately he'd been the epitome of patient and tolerant.

As they pulled up to the curb in front of Dodi's house he determinedly focused on that point. Daniel had not only put up with his surliness for the past few weeks, but he'd put up with a hell of a lot more than that over the course of their relationship. If he kept his mind focused on counting the number of things Daniel had done for him over the years, the sacrifices he had made, it could keep him busy for at least an hour. That would be plenty of time to settle into the whole reunion situation. He could start with the first mission to Abydos when Daniel had purposely thrown himself in the line of fire and taken a staff blast to the chest that had been meant for him. The list went on from there.

"Last chance, Jack." Daniel offered quietly as he rang the bell.

"I'm fine." Jack assured him one more time, reaching out and gently gripping his shoulder just to make his point.

Daniel smiled, ducking his head. The door opened a moment later bringing it right back up. Standing behind Daniel he couldn't see much, but he heard a woman's voice, bubbling over with excitement.

"Danny. It's so good to see you again, Boy. Come in. Come in."

The screen door squawked and he watched Daniel duck as a thin pair of arms circled his neck.

"It's good to see you, too."

"How was your trip? Have you had a chance to rest?"

"It was fine. We got in last night."

Jack shuffled in behind him, glancing quickly around the space. He knew there were people around by the small collection of cars out front, but the crowded room he'd expected to step into was completely void of people. It was cluttered with pictures and trinkets instead. So this is where Daniel got his penchant for collecting bits and pieces. Jack smiled to himself at the thought.

"And who is this handsome gentleman?" the woman asked.

Jack snapped his attention from the living room décor to the petite, white haired woman smiling up at him.

"Dodi, this is Jack." Daniel said, Jack instantly noting that he had left off the title, yet one more attempt to shelter him. "Jack, this is my cousin, Dodi."

"It is certainly a pleasure to meet you." She grinned. "Danny didn't mention that you were such a nice looking gentleman."

"Thank you, ma'am." Jack smiled despite the knot in his stomach. "He didn't mention that you were a stunning beauty, either."

"Oh, you." She huffed, blushing slightly, batting a hand at him. "Such a charmer." Daniel stood grinning between the two of them. "Everyone is in the backyard." She added. "Right through the kitchen." She pointed, shooing Daniel ahead before winding an arm around Jack's. "Shall we? I hope you don't mind, but it has been a while since I was escorted into a room by a tall, handsome, gentleman." She smiled up at him, a gleam in eyes that were a very familiar shade of blue.

"My pleasure." Jack patted her hand where it rested on his arm and let her lead him through the kitchen and out the back door.

If her intention had been to put him at ease it had certainly worked. Dodi knew he was…with Daniel and from what he could tell she didn't seem to care at all. He found the reaction a bit odd. He'd been expecting something else; something a bit more standoffish and laced with insincere politeness. He'd expected something that looked like barely concealed disgust.

He knew how men on a typical military base reacted to the news that one of their ranks might be gay. Some said nothing, keeping their opinions…good or bad…to themselves. The ones that spoke up were far from kind and meeting the accused person face to face they might have been polite, but the revulsion was obvious in their expression and forget about shaking hands. You wouldn't want to touch someone that was gay. It might rub off. It was idiotic and childish; Jack had always thought so, but that was the real world. He found it surprising that Dodi didn't live in that same world. He didn't know if she was always such a flirt or had picked up on his nearly overwhelming anxiety, but either way she was certainly working her charms on him.

They met Daniel standing out on the back porch gazing over a dozen or so people scattered in chairs around the back yard, a handful of kids giggling and laughing around an inflatable kiddie pool in a far corner of the lawn. Suddenly Jack remembered why he was really there. For whatever reason, Dodi had gone out of her way to make him feel comfortable. It was his turn to offer some support to what looked to be an incredibly nervous Daniel trying his best to pretend he wasn't.

"Breathe, Danny." Jack whispered as he slid up next to him, Dodi still on one arm.

Daniel nodded back at him, casting a quick glance in his direction before returning his gaze to the crowd of strangers.

"Everyone?" Dodi called, attracting the group's attention.

Jack reached over and rested a hand on Daniel's back as she spoke, feeling him vibrating mildly under his palm. Apparently he was more nervous than he looked. Jack reached over and took hold of his hand without thinking, lacing his fingers with Daniel's. It was a reflex, one that felt perfectly normal until he realized there at least a dozen pairs of eyes on them.

To his credit Daniel didn't react at all other than to give his hand a gentle squeeze and tuck it behind his back and out of sight. The motion caught Jack by surprise. When had Daniel decided that above all else they had to keep things like that hidden? He realized it was a stupid question before he'd even finished it. It had always been like that. Not just because of the Air Force, but because of Jack's extreme discomfort with the whole thing. Even retired their love was still a dirty little secret because to a part of Jack it was shameful and ugly and he'd taught Daniel to hide it right along with him. Regardless of what Daniel actually felt. Respecting that request had apparently become second nature, like a reflex. Here Jack was trying to offer him a little comfort in the face of something that he knew had to be incredibly intimidating and Daniel's first priority was to make sure Jack didn't accidentally end up too far outside his comfort zone.

It suddenly dawned on him that that was what Daniel had been talking about several weeks ago…and off and on for years. From Jack's perspective hiding in the shadows kept him safe. From Daniel's perspective it meant that whatever else he was feeling, sheltering Jack from his own demons was a priority. Daniel was trapped in the shadows right along with him, forced to pretend, hide, outright lie if necessary all to keep Jack from coming apart.

Damn, but he was a selfish bastard.

What had he done?

"Everyone, I am so happy to be able to introduce you to this young man. This," she said motioning toward Daniel "is our long lost Danny Jackson."

A round of grins broke out on the people in the yard, a couple of them immediately getting to their feet. Jack caught her wiping at her eyes with a handkerchief and rested his other arm across her shoulders.

"And this handsome fellow here is his partner, Jack." Dodi said, giving him a watery smile.

The title flowed over him sending a mild shockwave through him before settling somewhere near his feet. He wasn't sure exactly what he had expected from the group; embarrassment, uncomfortable fidgeting, maybe a meaningful look between people, but as far as he could tell none of them had any more of a reaction than Dodi. Smiles didn't fall. Grins didn't give way to disgust or disapproval. Nobody seemed to care. It was as if he'd stepped into an alternate reality where he was someone other than Jack O'Neill and where the notion that he might be in love with another man was completely irrelevant.

Daniel's grip on his hand tightened for a moment, though he didn't know if it was in reaction to his own case of nerves or an attempt to help ground Jack so he didn't lose his mind at the first official announcement of their relationship. Finally Daniel released his hand as people came up to greet him, patting him on the back, shaking his hand, commenting on just how much he looked like his mother. Some of them knew her from memory, some only from pictures, but the resemblance was apparently obvious.

The two of them were swept off the porch and out onto the lawn before being settled at one of the folding tables. Every now and then someone would wander over and hug Daniel, the kids taking turns coming up and giving a bashful hello at the insistence of their parents before dashing off again.

It seemed Nick was the only archaeologist in the family other than Daniel so there weren't a lot of in depth questions about what he did and where. He said he was in archaeology, they nodded politely and then went on to talk about something else. It saved him from having to lie or give them the "my work is classified so I can't talk about it" speech. His PhD, however, had earned him several impressed nods of approval.

As for Jack, he told them he was a retired pilot, which was almost the truth. He was a pilot. He just hadn't been flying when he'd retired. He'd left out the military part entirely. He was proud of his rank, proud of what he'd accomplished in his career, but combining the "partner" title with the "retired military" title was a bit more than he was willing to do.

The rest of the day went pretty much the way Jack had predicted. The group sat around telling stories about Daniel's mother, Claire, and about each other. Daniel soaked it all in paying rapt attention to every detail. When they fired up the grill Jack decided a change of scenery was in order and surprised himself by giving Daniel a squeeze on the shoulder and planting a quick kiss on his temple as he got up from his chair to wander toward the smell of propane, hardly realizing what he was doing until it was done. The look of surprise on Daniel's face had made Jack smile despite the disturbed confusion that rumbled through him. It was like he was running on auto pilot, not entirely in control of his own actions. The notion that he'd been in that particular situation with Daniel before wasn't exactly comforting.

The gesture had gotten a little bit of attention, as Jack had feared something like that would, but instead of hostility he had heard someone ask Daniel where they had met. It seemed a reasonable question. After all, archaeologists and pilots weren't known to associate much. He felt slightly bad about leaving Daniel to make up a story on the spur of the moment, hoping he'd had some kind of explanation already rolling around in his head. Knowing him, probably one that was incredibly close to the truth. The men seemed not to have noticed the gesture, welcoming Jack into the group as they stood around talking sports, fishing, hunting, and the best way to grill a steak.

By the time the stars came out that night Jack felt perfectly at home with people that had been strangers a dozen hours earlier. He was more relaxed that he'd been in he honestly had no idea how long. He hadn't realized it until that night, but even in a social setting with his friends and teammates back at the SGC there had been a certain amount of tension involved in making sure the relationship was hidden well enough to avoid suspicion, policing his every move, analyzing his every word before he spoke it, schooling his expression. It hadn't bothered him at the time, but now sitting next to Daniel, sipping a beer with his arm rested across the back of Daniel's chair and Daniel's hand rested casually on his thigh he didn't feel even remotely self conscious. For the first time he felt the distinct lack of pressure to keep up appearances and realized just how smothering it had always been.

The day had been incredibly odd, actually. Of course, this was a completely unique situation. He could hardly expect the same reaction from the general population or to feel the same level of comfort, but he was starting to think that maybe on a case by case basis being a little affectionate in public was ok. Maybe once in a while admitting what he and Daniel had together was acceptable. Maybe.

Maybe he had just lost his mind, but if he was having some kind of mental breakdown it was a hell of a lot calmer and quieter than he'd imagined, and to be honest he wasn't sure he really minded. He actually loved the idea of being able to broadcast to anyone that might be paying attention that Daniel was his. Making out with him right there in view of everyone would have been way over the line, but reaching up every now and then to rest a hand on his shoulder and inconspicuously stroke the back of his neck with a thumb made his point loud and clear. This was his territory. His Alpha Male side was reveling in it a bit.

It was getting late, the kids beginning to doze, but no one seemed interested in bringing the day to a close even though they had all day tomorrow to continue the visit. As it turned out most of the family was sprinkled along the east coast in Maine, New York, and Florida. Dodi was the only one that lived that far West and Jack suspected the only reason they had decided to have the reunion at her house was for Daniel's benefit so he wouldn't be walking into completely unfamiliar territory. Jack had apparently been right about this group. They weren't much like Nick at all.

"Before we all pack it in for the night," one of them said, getting to his feet at one of the folding tables "I'd like to propose a little toast."

If Jack remembered correctly his name was Will and he was Dodi's nephew which made him…something other than Daniel's nephew. His third cousin maybe? It was all a bit confusing.

"Come this summer it will be 38 years ago that we lost Aunt Claire. I know a lot of you don't remember that, but for those of us that do it was…well, you know." He said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "For a long time we thought we'd lost Danny, too, and all I can say is I'm glad that wasn't really the case. We've had to put this off for a long time, but…Danny, welcome home." He said, raising his half empty bottle of beer.

It was followed by a quiet round of "hear, hear". Jack raised his bottle along with everyone else as he reached over and gave Daniel's shoulder a gentle squeeze, seeing the tears shimmering in his eyes in the dim light.

Dodi broke the somber mood by giving out sleeping arrangements to those staying at the house and making sure everyone had the schedule for the next day. Breakfast was at 9:00 sharp for anyone interested and they would start showing some old home movies somewhere around 10:30.

"You'll be back in the morning right?" Dodi asked as she walked them to the front door.

"Yes." Daniel assured her.

"Don't worry about breakfast." She said. "You two boys sleep in. I can fix you something when you get here, but be sure not to miss the home movies. You're going to want to see those."

"We'll be here." Jack replied.

"Good." She smiled. "Sleep tight." she added, patting Jack's arm and Daniel's back as they headed outside to the car.

Daniel didn't say much on the drive home and Jack was content to let him stay in his thoughts. He had a few of his own to mull over, the day spent in the company of the Ballards had certainly given him a lot to think about. It had been enlightening and completely unexpected.

Jack had expected things to gradually change once his retirement was finalized, but gradually had not been the way it had happened. The newest phase of their life together had started in one great big nerve wracking rush.

Daniel had a family. A real genetically linked flesh and blood family that seemed to be just as thrilled to have him back in the clan as he was to be there. Jack had spent an entire weekend living as Daniel's partner and had found that to his surprise he had honestly enjoyed the freedom of being able to do what he felt without the fear of people's reactions.

With the house on the market it was only a matter of time before they had a new city to call home. Once it sold they were free to go wherever they wanted and completely reinvent their existence. Yes, Daniel was still working for HWS doing what he had always done, but he was connecting to the Mainframe from his laptop which meant he could work from anywhere and he was free to give that up any time he wanted. The future was wide open, but at the moment Jack was enjoying the present far too much to give the future much thought; content with the fantasy existence he'd stumbled into.

They rode the elevator up to their third story room and trudged down the hall before closing themselves in the silence. Jack's head was spinning lazily from exhaustion and the whirlwind of thoughts. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed. It had been far too long since he'd had a decent night's sleep. However, as he strode toward the king sized bed that was calling his name Daniel grabbed him and hugged him, holding on tight. His grip got Jack's attention pushing every other thought out of his head. Fisting handfuls of Jack's shirt in his hands, Daniel's chin rested on his shoulder, Jack didn't need to ask for an explanation. He could only imagine the level of emotional overload. Daniel had been welcomed back into his family with open arms and for the first time in their history together had been able to introduce Jack as his partner and actually have it really feel like Jack was his partner. No hiding. No lies. No keeping his hands to himself. It probably seemed a bit surreal. At least that's the way it felt to Jack.

Not to mention long overdue.

"You ok?" He asked quietly, rocking him gently where they stood, a hand at the back of his head.

"Yeah." Daniel nodded.

"Quite a day, huh?"

Another nod.

"You were right." Jack admitted. "The world didn't come to an end."

Daniel pulled back a few inches, loosening the grip on Jack's shirt, smiling at him. "I honestly didn't imagine anything like this." He admitted.

"To tell the truth, neither did I." Jack replied, thumbing stray tears from his face before resting his palm against Daniel's cheek. "You look tired."

"A little, but I don't know if I can sleep."

"You can stay up if you want, but I'm dead on my feet." Jack admitted.

They both got ready for bed and Jack crawled into the sheets sinking into the surprisingly comfortable mattress. To tell the truth he was so tired he could have slept on the floor without a complaint. Daniel settled in one chair, rested his feet on another and sat staring out the window into the night and Jack fell asleep watching him contemplate the darkness.

XxXxXxXxX

That morning had been the final breakfast at Dodi's house before everyone went their separate ways after two days of reminiscing and reconnecting, or in Daniel's case, connecting. Nearly everyone in the family had stopped to give Daniel a hug and extend an offer for him and Jack to visit. By the time they made it back to the hotel sometime around noon Daniel had been walking on air. Jack had quite honestly never seen him happier. In fact, he'd been very nearly overwhelmed by it all.

They'd ended up back in their room not entirely sure what they were going to do with the rest of the day, but a quiet cuddle on the bed had led to lazily making out which had eventually led to them shedding clothes; mouths and hands everywhere all at once. As unromantic as it was, Jack's knees had been bothering him for most of the day so that limited their positions, not that Daniel had seemed even remotely inclined to settle in one place. His lips, tongue, and hands had covered nearly every inch of Jack before they had even gotten to the point of needing to figure out such things. During the brief periods where Jack had managed to get a look at his face he had seen emotions ghosting across it in such rapid succession it seemed his thoughts were traveling at the same whirlwind pace as the rest of him. Eventually Jack had urged him off the bed and kept him in one place with a hand on either side of his head, battling his tongue for control as he walked him the short distance to the chest-high dresser. He'd been coherent enough to formulate at least that much of a game plan. The dresser meant he wasn't on his knees and the mirror meant he could keep track of Daniel's face. His emotions were going to settle somewhere eventually. Jack wanted to know it the moment they did. That was pretty much the last thought he managed to hold onto. The moment he slid inside Daniel that was the end of thinking.

Daniel groaned as Jack breached him, arching his back and pressing himself against Jack's stomach, taking his length in one fluid motion. For a moment they stood, Jack suckling Daniel's earlobe, waiting. They didn't do this part fast. Jack wasn't outlandishly big, but it was always a tight fit at first and though Daniel's body was used to the mild abuse it still took a minute for his muscles to get with the program. So Jack held him, slowly stroking his already hard cock, watching him in the mirror, eyes squeezed shut, chin toward the ceiling. He was nothing short of beautiful.

A couple of long, slow thrusts and he could feel Daniel relax around him and picked up the pace. Jack honestly could have cum from just watching him, hearing him moan, blue eyes gleaming in the light as he smiled at their reflection in the mirror. Hands gripping the dresser to ground himself, Daniel was along for the ride as Jack both invaded him and stroked him. His entire body shuddered with a climax that built rapidly, but seemed to hold out at the peak for damn near ever. For a brief instant Jack contemplated changing positions, but it felt far too good to stop.

"Cum for me, Danny." Jack panted in his ear, Daniel nodding back at him.

It wasn't as if he wasn't trying. Jack released him and tugged at his hips pulling him back just far enough to slightly change the position and pounded into him harder. With a white knuckled grip on the dresser, ragged gasps rushing out of him, Daniel finally broke free, Jack able to both feel and hear it. His muscles squeezed Jack's cock, milking him savagely as Daniel groaned his name to the ceiling, Jack following a moment later.

As he'd known they eventually would, Daniel's emotions finally settled while they stood panting together, Jack's arms around him. Hands that had been still rested on the dresser drew back to grip Jack's arms and a brief flurry of twitches finally gave way to streams of tears.

"Danny?" Jack watched him in the mirror paying rapt attention.

He had never in all their time together seen Daniel burst into tears after a climax. Usually it was followed by a huge grin or possibly an incredibly evil smirk. For a very brief panicked instant he thought maybe he'd hurt him, but then he realized Daniel didn't cry when he was hurt. This was something else. Jack slowly eased out of him before turning Daniel in his arms, hands at his face, searching his expression for an answer.

"What?" He finally asked, thumbing tears from his skin that were immediately replaced.

"Way too much." Daniel replied with a watery smile.

"Too much what?"

"Everything."

"Ah." Jack nodded, finally releasing the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

Jack pressed a kiss to his forehead before wrapping him back in his arms. "My sweet Daniel." He sighed, realizing that what he probably needed was a bit of time to decompress and let everything settle.

He had just the thing. Several minutes later they were soaking in the two-person Jacuzzi in the bathroom, settled up to their chests in water, Daniel leaned back against him, his head rested on Jack's shoulder. With his arms once again wrapped around him Jack was content to stay exactly the way they were until their skin was nice and wrinkled.

He'd spent the weekend seeing Daniel through new eyes and looking at their relationship from a completely different perspective and he could honestly say he had never loved Daniel more than he did at that moment. He'd also never seen himself as quite such a self centered, pain in the ass before.

That weekend was what Daniel had been begging him for for the better part of a decade; a chance to be happy together rather than living in constant fear of who might find out what. In his own defense he'd had no idea such a thing was even possible, but if he'd known it could have been that good between them he would have retired a long time ago. He didn't expect things to be perfect despite the way they seemed at the moment, but he was a lot happier being "Daniel's Partner" than he had ever thought he could be.

Jack leaned down and kissed Daniel's shoulder, working his way toward his neck. Held securely in place Daniel had no choice, but to submit to the mild assault without any hope of reciprocation, settling for reaching a wet hand up and running it through Jack's hair.

Jack wanted to tell him how deliriously happy that weekend had made him. How undeservedly lucky he was to have Daniel in his life. How much he adored him from the tips of his spiky wet hair to the end of each wrinkled toe. That he never for the rest of his life wanted to be without him, but one thing hadn't changed in the last week. He still had no idea how to put it all into words. So he settled for saying the only thing he could ever think to say, even though at the moment it seemed completely inadequate.

"I love you." He murmured against his skin.

"I know you do." Daniel replied. "But feel free to show me again." He grinned before turning his head far enough to reach Jack's mouth, distracting him from his neck. "I love you, too." He mumbled against Jack's lips.

XxXxXxXxX

Daniel woke to a sunny room and stretched, grinning up at the ceiling. The past four days had been like a dream, or the most pleasant alternate reality he'd ever stumbled into. It was like his life had started over only this time everything had been put right. He had a good paying job that didn't put his life at risk. He had a family. He had a partner that felt perfectly comfortable sitting with an arm around him or kissing him in full view of anyone and everyone that might be watching. He didn't have to lie. He didn't have to hide. He had absolutely everything he had ever wanted. It was far too good to be true, which meant it probably wouldn't last, but at the moment he was blissfully happy swimming in the illusion.

Jack was still asleep beside him where they had been cuddled together on one side of the king sized bed that provided a lot more room than they really needed. For the past two days they had rarely left the room and in the process had discovered the major downside to the hotel. They didn't do room service. That meant that if they wanted to eat they had to get dressed and go find food at least once a day. It was just as well because it gave them a chance to look at some of the scenery. It would have been a shame to say they had gone all the way to Wyoming and seen nothing, but Dodi's house and the inside of their hotel room.

It wasn't that they had spent every waking moment making love on every piece of furniture in the room. Ok, yes, so it had included nearly every piece of furniture, but far from every waking moment. Jack didn't have that kind of stamina any more. Most of the time they spent simply cuddled up together somewhere; either in the Jacuzzi or on the bed talking, thinking, staring at nothing on television, letting the world go by without them. It felt a lot like the days during their long distance separation when they had been limited to seeing each other only three or four times a year, meeting in hotels or Jack's cabin, trying to squeeze an entire relationship into three days. Only this time there was no crushing good-bye waiting at the end. They would simply pack up and go home and with Jack now retired there was no reason for the level of intimacy they were currently reveling in to change, except for the fact that nothing this good lasted forever. It was a lesson he had learned a long time ago. It was enough that it had it now and would for two more days. After that, well, he'd have to wait and see.