Henged Perceptions

by ActuallyNevis

Over sake, Kakashi and Iruka bet each other that they cannot last a day in the other's shoes. They spend the next day henged as each other, living the other's life. Amusing, perverse, and thoughtful. Written for Kakashi's B-day Challenge. Yaoi. Complete.

Henged Perceptions

It started, like most of these things do, because of sake.

Iruka and Kakashi were having dinner at Ichiraku's - talking about Naruto and laughing about something silly he had said. Well, Iruka had called it silly, Kakashi had called it stupid. In point of fact, now that Iruka was trying to remember exactly what started the whole wager, he really couldn't. It was just one of those things that snowballed. He did remember the argument. Kakashi-sensei had leaned in a little closer to him at one point after dinner when they were drinking and slyly insinuated how inferior Iruka-sensei was. That's when it had started. See, they probably shouldn't have had the sake. Stupid sake-!

"You're a chūnin, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi smiled under his mask, his one eye curving up happily. "You do a remarkable job with your pre-genin brats, and I am not making light of that accomplishment but in the end, you are merely a chūnin."

Iruka wasn't even sure what the man was trying to say. He was so angry; his mind was a little fried at the moment. He set sake cup down carefully and turned to face the man more fully.

"Kakashi-sensei, are you trying to demean my abilities as a shinobi as well as a teacher, just because of my…rank?" He glared at the man, who had cocked his head to one side, completely oblivious to the fact that he was in immediate danger. The man actually seemed to be contemplating the answer!

"I guess I am," Kakashi said and took another sip of sake.

Iruka's eyes widened a little. He had actually admitted to it! Iruka actually hadn't thought the man would do it. It hurt his feelings a little, not that he wanted to explore why his feelings were hurt. They were just friends of a sort. Why should it really bother him that Kakashi-sensei thought so little of him? Iruka gulped down the rest of his sake in a rush.

"I see," Iruka said; his tone icy. His first instinct was to hurt the man back. He couldn't help it. "I will have you know, that I think that you were the laziest, piss-poor excuse for a jōnin-sensei. You're a lazy pervert who would prefer to spend his day reading than actually helping his students."

Kakashi's gaze - who had been smiling, turned sober.

"You wouldn't last one day in my shoes," Iruka added as an afterthought. He gestured for Teuchi to refill his short sake cup. The man complied then walked off, not wanting to intrude in their conversation.

"I find that hard to believe," Kakashi said with derision, then took another careful another sip through his mask, leaving a dark ring on the black fabric. "And you wouldn't last one day in my shoes! Training Naruto is very different from that baby-sitting you call work." He flapped his hand at the younger man.

"Oh, is that so!" Iruka's voice rose and he slammed his sake cup down angrily. Iruka growled, then leaned over and gripped the jōnin's flak jacket, even surprising Kakashi. "Care to make this interesting?"

Several other patrons looked over nervously.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi asked lightly, "What are you suggesting?"

"A bet," Iruka released the man's jacket and pushed him away. "I'm talking about switching places, that's what I'm talking about."

Kakashi looked calculating. "Henging as each other?"

"Of course," Iruka nodded.

"This isn't-" The silver haired man fingered his mask.

"Get over yourself. I could care less about your damn face, Hakate-sama," Iruka rolled his eyes. "No this isn't some elaborate plot to unmask you." He shook his head and muttered under his breath about stupid stuck up jōnin.

"We have to have ground rules, of course," Kakashi stated, smiling again.

"Of course," Iruka nodded. "I don't want you doing anything perverted with my body."

"Hey, that's my line," Kakashi snickered, looking at Iruka as if he had never seen him before.

Iruka laughed and scratched the scar on his nose. "C'mon, let's go back to my apartment, Baka. I don't want to discuss the details in the open."

They transported to Iruka's apartment via the window. Iruka had to pause for a moment and undo all his traps. It took a moment as he was a unusually cautious man, even though he lived a safe neighborhood in Konoha. Kakashi-sensei whined about the length of time it was taking but he shushed him and after a few minutes they were in his cozy apartment. Both of them were more than a little buzzed from the sake and crashed onto the couch. Iruka shook his head a little, unused to the feeling of transporting while intoxicated.

"Why couldn't we have just used the front door, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka groused.

"We're shinobi, Iruka-sensei. That's why Kami invented windows," Kakashi winked his one eye at him.

At least Iruka thought he winked at him. The man just had the one eye visible, so he could have just blinked. Maybe Iruka was a little tipsier than he thought if he was contemplating the differences between Kakashi-sensei's blinks and winks? Iruka could feel Kakashi's body heat next to him. He shoved the man away and moved to sit on the other side of the couch.

"Just use the door next time. It's polite," Iruka snorted.

"Maa..." Kakashi shrugged.

"Okay, so the point of the bet is that no one should catch on that we've switched, places, ne?" Iruka stated, trying to get back to the topic at hand.

"I get it," Kakashi crossed his legs and started shaking them.

"I think it should last from sunrise to sunset," Iruka continued.

"How do we decide who wins?" Kakashi asked.

"Nani?" Iruka paused and laughed. "I'm not sure, I'm still a little buzzed and trying to think this through."

"Well, obviously if anyone catches on or figures it out, you're disqualified," Kakashi pointed out. "You obviously cannot accept a mission tomorrow as me."

"Don't be obtuse," Iruka glared at the man and crossed his arms. "Likewise, you cannot give any tests to the children. Or read porn in front of them. You are supposed to be me, Kakashi-sensei – I would never do that."

Kakashi was frowning now, Iruka thought, gleefully. Oh, this was going to be easy, he would probably win before lunch break was over. The man was never going to make it through his classes. He couldn't help but look smug.

"Ano, Kakashi-sensei, I also have mission room duty tomorrow afternoon." Iruka grinned at the man. "I'm sure you'll enjoy Genma constantly pawing your ass, Shizune's suggestive comments, stupid jōnin's poorly written reports and Tsunade's drunken tirades just as much as I do!"

"Genma paws your ass?" Kakashi quirked an eyebrow at that statement.

Iruka laughed at the expression on Kakashi's face. Of all the things that he'd said, that was the one thing he made a comment about.

"Yes, constantly. He's like a bad habit. No matter how many times I tell him I'm not interested he constantly finds ways to grab me." Iruka scowled. "He's...Genma."

Kakashi seemed very interested all of a sudden, he was leaning forward on the couch, and his leg where he had crossed it had stopped shaking finally. Iruka was glad, because that was kind of irritating. But he hadn't wanted to say anything; the man was a guest in his apartment.

"So, do you like men, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi asked softly.

"Nani?" Iruka blinked. Where had this topic come from? Was this because of the 'ass-grabbing' topic? He scratched at the scar on his nose and knew if he looked in the mirror that he was probably blushing quite furiously. "Why are you asking?"

"You know, in case someone needs to know for tomorrow. I have to be able to accurately portray you, of course," Kakashi stated.

Iruka narrowed his eyes at the man. It was a good answer of course. Perfectly plausible. But he was suspicious that it wasn't the reason at all. There was a tension in the man, which showed he was listening a little too intently for his answer. Iruka snorted. He should say he was into midgets with a bad comb-over just to throw the copy-nin for a loop.

"I've dated both, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka answered honestly. "And you? I need to be able to accurately portray you as well…"

Kakashi just smiled happily, his one eye curving up. "Maa…no one would ever ask me such a bold question. Hardly anyone ever talks to me, really. Except Naruto, Gai, Sai, Sakura, Yamato, and you of course."

Iruka frowned. That seemed kind of sad really. The man really didn't have many friends, did he? And, now that Asuma-sensei was dead. Most of those people he named were teammates, his rival or his old ANBU buddy, who was now also sort of a teammate.

"All the same. I really should know. Just in case. Naruto could be in an inquisitive mood. You wouldn't want me to tell him that you prefer the company of your niken, would you?" Iruka teased.

Kakashi stared at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "Actually, I think I would like that!"

"Hentai-sensei!" Iruka snickered.

"So what does the winner get?" Kakashi asked after a moment, his leg resuming its shaking.

Iruka scrunched up his face and thought. "Dinner?"

"That's it?" Kakashi scoffed. "Hardly worth my effort."

"Well, and the satisfaction of being better than the other," Iruka stated pointedly.

"There is that," The silver-haired-nin contemplated. He stopped shaking his leg and scratched the back of his head.

"It won't hurt your feelings too much when I win, right?" Iruka commented seriously. "I promise not to rub it in too much."

"Confident, much?" Kakashi turned and looked at the chūnin incredulously.

"Yeah," Iruka smiled.

"We'll see."

"I need my sleep, though and it's getting late," Iruka rose and looked down on the other man. "Why don't you sleep in my spare bedroom? That way we can perfect the henges in the morning before you have to go to work Kakashi? School starts at 7 o'clock sharp!"

Kakashi looked for a moment that he had forgotten that he had to be up early to teach at the Academy. Then he nodded in acceptance.

"I'll get you some fresh blankets," Iruka said and then came back a few minutes later with a pillow, some sheets and an extra comforter. He laid them on the counter alongside a new toothbrush in a package. "Here you go, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi picked them up and followed Iruka as he showed him into his spare bedroom. The room looked like an orange had thrown up on it. Kakashi told him so. Iruka sighed and internally counted to three inside his mind before speaking. One. Two. Three.

"This was Naruto's room. I let him decorate it. That's why it's…orange."

"They why isn't he sleeping in here tonight?" Kakashi asked, looking down at the empty bed. The man set the blankets and pillow on the bed.

"He has his own place now," Iruka glared at him. He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I just…never got around to redecorating it, Kakashi-sensei."

"Maa…I think you can call me Kakashi," The man said as he took off his flak jacket and folded it to set on the top of the bed next to the pillow.

Iruka felt his face heat up a little. "Alright." Was the man going to undress right in front of him? "Then call me Iruka."

"Aww…but I wanted to call you Ru-ru," Kakashi said; his eye curving up in that manner of his again.

Iruka made a face. "Ugh…please don't…!" Iruka then walked away, back into his bedroom. He shut his door and leaned against the closed door for a moment, glad to have the privacy. This whole evening was just so weird! He shook his head for a moment, shaking loose odd random thoughts. He didn't want to be thinking about Kakashi undressing in the room next door. What an odd thought! He had never really thought about the man, oh, damnit, Iruka, quit lying to yourself! The man is attractive even if you can't see his damn annoying face. Stupid jōnin.

Quit thinking about him, this is not helping matters. It's so obvious how little he thinks of you. You're just a chūnin. Iruka walked over to his dresser and yanked open the top drawer and pulled out his pajamas. He unzipped his chūnin vest and put it away, then took his shirt off and unzipped his pants. He was standing in his boxers when the door opened.

"Iruka-?" Kakashi began to ask something but then stopped because he was staring.

"Kakashi! Don't you knock!" Iruka blushed furiously and reached over to shove the door closed.

Oh, how embarrassing. Damnit and he'd been wearing the boxers that Naruto had given him as a Christmas gift when he'd return from training with Jiraiya, too! The Icha Icha Tactics pair. Iruka slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration. Why couldn't he have been wearing something boring like…white boxers? He figured Yamato-sensei wore boring white boxers! That man just looked boring, with his stupid boring cow eyes. Moo! Stupid wood jutsu. Probably had splinters in his pants. Iruka chuckled to himself, and then pulled on his pajama bottoms. And pulled a white t-shirt on over his head.

He sighed and left his bedroom. Iruka peeked out his door to see what Kakashi had wanted. The man was leaning against the bathroom doorframe.

"I didn't take you for a fan, sensei," Kakashi stated, a smug grin on his face.

He must be referring to the Icha Icha boxers. Iruka was going ignore that statement and just moved on. He did occasionally read some of the books but he wasn't going to give the man the satisfaction of that knowledge because then he'd never let him live it down.

"That's not what you came barging in so rudely to ask me," Iruka crossed his arms over his chest. Why had he chosen to wear this t-shirt? It was too tight! Damn, now he felt exposed. Crap, he wasn't trying to show off his chest was he? Iruka did have a nice chest though; it was broad and muscular and tanned. Ne…he wasn't flirting with that man was he? Oh damnit. Stupid sub-conscious flirting! He really didn't want to think about his feelings if that was the case. The copy-nin looked entirely too…appealing in that doorway.

"Make it quick. I am tired and the sake has worn off," Iruka's voice sounded gruff.

"I was going to tell you that you should probably set your alarm because I might not remember to wake up," Kakashi said with a smile.

"But then wouldn't I be the victor, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka smiled sweetly.

"Would you really want to win by such means, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka leaned closer, eyes narrowing. "You mean, in a manner that proves that you're so lazy you cannot even get up in the morning to go to a job on time?"

"Maa…I'm not sure I'd word it-"

He took a step closer, almost nose to nose with the copy-nin. He could smell him. He smelled like the woods, like weapons, like his toothpaste and a little like wet dog.

"Of course you wouldn't," Iruka nodded finally. He stepped back and went into his room. "Goodnight, Kakashi."

"Goodnight Iruka."

Kakashi gave him his usual salute from the doorway then disappeared into Naruto's room.

He closed the door and went to his bed. It took a while before sleep overcame him. He knew he couldn't hear him, but he kept thinking he could hear Kakashi's breathing in the next room. Finally sleep won out and he passed out sometime around 1am.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Iruka woke the next morning early, feeling remarkably refreshed despite the late hours and the overindulgence of sake. He stood, stretched and slipped his feet into his pair of zori at the foot of the bed and shuffled out of his bedroom. Kakashi was not yet awake, so he knocked on the guest bedroom with his knuckles.

"Kakashi," He said as he knocked. "Time to get up."

There was a muffled curse from the other room and he chuckled under his breath. Iruka continued past the room and walked into the kitchen, starting to make coffee. Perhaps the copy-nin preferred tea? Well, it didn't matter. Iruka drank coffee so the other man was going to have to put up with coffee. Once the pungent brew was percolating noisily, he opened the refrigerator and started pulling out a few ingredients for a light breakfast. Nothing too heavy after the drinking last night. The mere thought of eggs made his stomach revolt. So he shoved some fresh bread in the toaster.

Iruka pulled two mugs down out of the cupboard and when he turned around Kakashi was standing behind him with a grumpy face on, clearly evident even through the mask. The hair was a wild tangle of silver on his head.

"Eep!" Iruka said startled, and pointed the mugs at him.

Kakashi snorted. "Some shinobi you are."

"Well, I was, err, I haven't had my coffee yet," Iruka said made a face as he handed one of the mugs to the other man. "And don't be an ass."

"I thought Genma was the one who grabbed your ass?" Kakashi pointed out.

Iruka flushed and reached into the refrigerator to pull out the butter and some coffee creamer. "Oh, do shut up."

The toast popped up out of the toaster. He reached up and got plates for both of them as well as butter knives. Kakashi snickered and pulled the toast out of the toaster; he placed some of the toast on each of the plates and then started buttering the toast for both of them. They walked over to the kotatsu and sat down to eat. Iruka looked away in respect so Kakashi could pull down his mask.

"Good jelly," Kakashi said after a few moments of them eating.

"Thank-you," Iruka responded with a smile into his mug, still not looking up. "It was my mother's recipe and I-"

"Wait you made the jelly?" The man said. "What kind of shinobi are you?"

"Hey, what does making jelly have to do with being a shinobi? I just like to cook." Iruka groused. "Fuck, Kakashi do you always wake up on the wrong side of the futon or are you just an ass?"

There was silence for a moment and then Kakashi laughed. "Well, I don't have any friends, Iruka so maybe I am an ass."

"Maybe you should work on that," Iruka snorted.

"Work on being an ass?" Kakashi said; a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Ne, Kakashi, I meant work on having friends," Iruka said with exasperation as he finished the last of his toast and picked up a banana that he had brought over. He peeled it and began eating it slowly, taking the banana into his mouth. He could feel the other man watching him eat, but he couldn't understand why. It was kind of an odd feeling. Having someone watch him eat, but not being able to watch in return. Iruka shrugged the feeling off. If Kakashi didn't want to be seen, it was his prerogative and he could respect that.

"Are you going to eat that banana of perform fellatio on it?" Kakashi asked after a moment.

Iruka nearly spat the banana out. "Nani!"

"I said-" Kakashi began.

"I heard you the first time, Kakashi," Iruka swallowed the fruit that was stuck in his mouth and despite wanting to give the man a very dirty look; he sat the now empty banana peel on his plate and crossed his arms. He continued to give the man the privacy he desired.

"Well, I've just never seen anyone eat a banana like that-"

"That was just the regular way-"

"Come now Iruka, surely you read about that in Icha Icha..."

"Kakashi, seriously, shut up," Iruka growled.

"Now who's not the morning person, sensei?" Kakashi chuckled.

Iruka couldn't help himself; he reached over and grabbed the other man in anger. Thankfully he had already pulled his mask up. He was giving him that grin where his eye curved up in that manner of his again – it always felt like he was mocking him. Like he had some sort of inside joke that he wasn't a party to.

"I am a morning person, damnit!" Iruka snarled. "But you would try the patience of saint."

"Are you calling yourself a saint? Or are you a virgin?" Kakashi peered at him curiously.

"What?" Iruka looked at the other man in bewilderment, awkwardness flushing his tanned cheeks. "Where do you get these tangents from? I am not going to talk to you about that."

"Who was your first kiss?" Kakashi inquired, putting an elbow on the kotatsu.

Iruka sighed. "If I tell you, will you shut up and go shower so we can get on with our day?"

"Yes, promise," Kakashi looked happy. "Cross my heart." He made a crossing motion over his heart.

"It was a long time ago, you have to remember," Iruka said, blushing. "I was very young and in the academy."

"Yes. Okay," Kakashi nodded.

"You promise not to judge me?" Iruka said sternly to him.

"Yes, yes, I promise not to judge whatever little schoolgirl your first kiss was," Kakashi nodded.

"Well..." Iruka scratched the bridge of his nose anxiously. "Uchiha Itachi."

Kakashi's chin hit the kotatsu. "What!" He yelled.

"You said you wouldn't judge me!" Iruka yelled back.

"But he's-!"

"We were kids and it was just a little kiss..." Iruka shrugged.

"But-!"

"Kakashi, it was a long time ago, I've had other relationships. It's not like I'm pining away," He laughed at the shocked expression on the man's face.

"Do Ibiki and Tsunade know?" Kakashi asked, still looking shaken by this revelation.

Iruka sighed. "Yes, of course, Kakashi. God, this really isn't a big deal. It was just a little kiss! Damnit, you wanted to know. I shouldn't have told you," Iruka stood and walked out of the living room. "You can be such a child."

He went into the linen closet and pulled out extra towels. Iruka piled a stack on the guest bedroom bed. He noted that Kakashi had already made the bed neatly before coming to breakfast. Bonus points for him, despite his childish antics and rude behavior. He turned and realized the copy-nin was leaning in the doorway watching.

"Here are some towels," Iruka stated. "You should shower first since you have to be at the academy in a half hour."

"You're too kind, sensei," Kakashi said from the doorway.

Iruka turned and glared at him. Yes, he was too kind. "Don't call me that," Iruka said angrily. "I'm not some random sensei who you can't remember their name. My name is Iruka."

Kakashi held up his hands in supplication. "Ne, forgive me, Iruka-sensei," He paused and walked into the room to pick up a towel. "And thank-you for breakfast."

He snorted and left the other man to change and shower. He wandered into the living room to pack up his messenger back full of graded scrolls and a few spare pens and kunai. Iruka then went into the kitchen and packed a lunch. He knew that he was being exceedingly nice, packing a lunch for the irritating man, but he couldn't help it. He was a nice person. And he had already prepared a few extra bento a few days ago for mornings just like this. He slipped the bento into the bag.

Iruka heard the shower turn off. He set the messenger bag by the front door. Kakashi was wrapped in a towel but he had his facemask on, of course. The copy-nin pointed towards the bathroom.

"Shower is all yours, Iruka-sensei."

He felt his face flush a little and he tried not to look at the man's very pale, but nicely muscled chest. Not that he was looking. He wasn't. His floppy silver hair was all wet around his head anyway. He looked a little bit like a drowned dog. Iruka tried to focus on that and not his sinfully taunt, pale body. He chuckled to himself.

"What's so funny?" Kakashi asked him.

"Nani?" Iruka raised an eyebrow as he took stepped into the bathroom and reached up to pull his own hair down out of his usual ponytail.

"You were chuckling to yourself about something?" the man commented.

"Oh," Iruka found himself flushing even redder, remembering his thoughts. "Ano, I was just..."

"I've always wanted to see you with your hair down, Iruka," Kakashi said from the doorway.

Iruka glared at him for a moment. "And I've always wondered if you combed yours."

The other man visibly pouted even through his facemask. Iruka reached over and slammed the bathroom door shut in a fit of pique. "I'm showering now! And when I'm out, we'll perfect our henges, okay?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

After Iruka's shower, he pulled on his blue yukuta and exited, rubbing a towel through his hair. He opened the door and spied Kakashi in the living room, reading an Icha Icha novel. He sighed but didn't say anything. The man was shirtless but wearing a pair of regulation chūnin pants. Kami, he looked good. No, focus, Iruka.

"Are those my pants?" Iruka asked.

"Hn," Kakashi nodded, and then he looked over. "Did you need to borrow some jōnin pants?

"No, I have some actually," Iruka stated and turned into his bedroom pulling out some of jōnin pants over boxers that an old friend had left at his place. When he looked up and Kakashi was watching him pull on the pants. Kami, the man - did not - have a sense of personal space.

"Why do you have jōnin pants, Iruka?" Kakashi asked.

"Is it any of your business?" He asked.

The other man shrugged gracefully and leaned against the doorjamb. Iruka snorted as he zipped up.

"They're too long for you. They're obviously not yours," The silver haired man pointed out.

Iruka sighed. "Let's get these henges perfected, ne?" He smiled gamely. "Let's switch places and begin this!"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Naruto was hungry and a few Ryō short of a ramen bowl. So he did what he usually did in this happened; he went by Iruka-sensei's apartment. He hummed a song to himself and clomped nosily up the steps to his ex-sensei's place. He contemplated knocking, but he dismissed that thought out of hand, and entered the apartment.

He was a little shocked that Iruka-sensei was not alone. He could hear the man arguing with someone in his bedroom. Naruto's cheeks flushed slightly. Maybe the man was entertaining a...female? He chuckled slyly. Oh, his old sensei was a slick one apparently. He hadn't even known he was dating anyone. He tiptoed up to the doorway and peered around the doorjamb, and was shocked.

Iruka-sensei was reaching over and putting Kaka-sensei's facemask on him. And then poofing out his hair! Nani?

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto shouted.

Both Iruka-sensei and Kaka-sensei both looked over at him.

"What are you doing with Kaka-sensei?" He asked curiously, his voice still about five octaves too loud in the small bedroom.

"We were..." Iruka paused, blushing and scratching the back of his head.

"Ano, Naruto..." Kaka-sensei started to explain.

"I wasn't asking you, pervert!" Naruto glared at Kaka-sensei, folding his hands over his chest.

"Maa...that's just rude, Naruto," Kaka-sensei said with a laugh, and then turned back to Iruka. "Well, have fun with the brat," He gave a two fingered salute and wandered out of the room.

Iruka glared at Kaka-sensei and then looked in confusion at Naruto.

"So what were you doing with Kaka-sensei?" The blond youth repeated loudly.

"Practicing...taijutsu?" Iruka-sensei stated in an ambiguous manner.

"You were poofing out his hair. I saw," Naruto reminded.

"It got un-poufy. You know...during the taijutsu practice. A good shinobi must always look his best, Naruto," Iruka nodded and offered this sage advice.

Naruto nodded. "I think Sasuke must know that rule. It explains his hair."

Iruka-sensei laughed and put an arm around Naruto. "I'm not sure anything explains that haircut, Naruto."

"Can you take me out for ramen, Iruka-sensei?" The youth smiled charmingly up at his favorite ex-sensei.

"For breakfast, Naruto? But I already ate with Kakashi," Iruka said.

"I thought you just practiced taijutsu?" Naruto looked confused.

"Ne, well we also had breakfast earlier," Iruka shrugged and flapped his hand.

Naruto gave him a look. "You're not dating Kaka-sensei are you?"

"No," Iruka said with a blush. "Why? Is there something wrong with the man?"

"Yes, he's a pervert!" Naruto laughed. "And he's a jōnin."

"What's wrong with jōnin?" Iruka asked curiously.

"Iruka, you know, we've had this conversation before. They're never around. For the same reason you always hate dating them. And besides, you're too good for him."

Naruto stood next to Iruka-sensei by the front door. "So you're not going to buy me ramen?" He whined pitifully.

His ex-sensei sighed and reached into his wallet and pulled out 5 Ryō. He slammed it into Naruto's hand. "That's all you're getting, you mooch."

Naruto smiled happily then waved and began taking the stairs two at a time in the direction of Ichiraku's. Iruka shut the door behind him, turning around and realized that "Kakashi" appeared suddenly behind him.

"Thanks for leaving me to deal with him," Kakashi, henged as Iruka, said with a pout.

"Well he didn't want to talk to 'Kaka-sensei'..." Iruka said with a laugh as he plopped onto the couch and pulled his lanky hands behind his head to rest. "This is relaxing. I mean, what, you don't even bother to show up for your team training for what...hours, right?"

Kakashi glared at the man. He had about five minutes to get to the Academy and start teaching. This day was already getting longer and longer and it had barely begun.

"I do other stuff, you know," Kakashi made a face.

"Oh, like what? Challenge Gai? Go to the memorial and...angst?" Iruka looked at this nails.

Kakashi glared a little more. He pointed at the chūnin. "You are so...going to loose, Iruka-sensei!"

The younger man laughed. "I highly doubt that, Kakashi."

"Oh, really?"

"Btw, I took the liberty of making you a lesson plan for you," Iruka remarked off-handedly.

Kakashi paused. "Oh...well, that was actually pretty nice of you," the copy-nin said, sounding befuddled.

"It's in my messenger bag, along with the scrolls I graded for the students. Please hand them back. As well as the bento I packed for your lunch." He pointed by the door where the messenger bag sat.

"Thank-you," Kakashi said.

"Don't worry about it," Iruka gestured amiably with a flip of his hand. "Besides, when I win, I expect you to be a gracious loser."

Kakashi's mouth hung open a little. "You little shit!"

Iruka laughed. "You're going to be late. And Iruka-sensei is never late!"

"Damnit!" Kakashi cursed, grabbing the messenger bag and flashing through the signs to transport himself.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Moegi was running late for school, which was a pretty typical occurrence for her. She only hoped Iruka-sensei didn't see her scrambling into the classroom window that morning. She didn't want another detention; or to have to help Konohamaru and Udon clean up the classroom during recess. Or even worse – to have to stand in front of the class and read aloud her report on chakra management; she still was not over her fear of talking in front of large groups. And despite what Naruto said – picturing everyone naked – did not help.

However she was stunned to see, as she got to the window to climb in. Iruka-sensei himself was climbing in the window before her. She opened her eyes wide in astonishment. First of all, because the teacher was running late. Iruka-sensei was never late. And secondly, that he appeared to have tripped his own trap on the window and was sucking on a cut and bleeding fingertip.

"Iruka-sensei?" Moegi asked tentatively, expecting the worst. Sentences, detention, she didn't know what was worse.

"Yes, girl...with orange pigtails..." Iruka-sensei said with a frown, the scar on his nose crinkling. "Did you need help climbing in?"

Moegi blinked for a few times at her sensei a few times. "No, I'm good."

She hopped up into the classroom, a little dazed and confused, easily avoiding the trap. She knew to avoid the simple traps as it was the thing the teacher told them about on the first day of class. Did she just get away with being late and not receive a lecture about tardiness and the vices of lethargy in shinobi life? Maybe Iruka-sensei's watch was running late? Maybe he was in an uncharacteristically charitable mood today? This was awesome. She had to tell Hanabi, Konohamaru and Udon. It was time to set action-plan-tiger-alpha into motion.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Shizune had always thought more of Kakashi-san. Actually, she had never really thought much of the man at all. I mean, he was fellow jōnin, and one of the best shinobi in Konoha and that was about all she thought about him, besides the fact he was huge headache for the Hokage-sama. But what was the man doing over there? She squinted her eyes at his antics.

The copy-nin was literally...talking and...crying loudly in front of the memorial stone?

"Oh! Obito!" Kakashi-san cried out and pelted his gloved fists against the statue a few times. "Why!"

Shizune had been walking past and stopped to stare. She shook her head at the man. He was just weird, not even including his obsessive reading of those pervy Icha Icha books.

Kakashi-san continued to sob bitterly, banging his head against the memorial stone.

Shizune was definitely going to make a note of this and tell Tsunade-sama. Maybe the man needed to have a reevaluation with Ibiki-san.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Now, class..." Iruka-sensei said as he pulled out various papers from his messenger bag. "You're going to be very well behaved today, aren't you?"

Hanabi raised her hand.

Iruka-sensei sighed and flapped his hand at her. "Yes, Hyūga?"

She raised her eyebrow at being called by her last name. That was...different. "Iruka-sensei, may we have weapon's training after lunch today. Please."

Iruka-sensei frowned and looked down at the paper in his hands. "Well, it's not on my lesson plan..."

"May we please?" Hanabi asked in excitement.

The tanned sensei scratched the back of his head and then shrugged.

"I don't see why not, I can skip this boring lecture on the five Kages..." Iruka-sensei set the lesson plan down and looked over the classroom. "So did everyone do their homework?"

Hanabi turned and grinned to Udon. "Action-plan-tiger-alpha is go!"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Yamato was setting up for training when Kakashi wandered into the training area for Team 7. He looked a little surprised to see him; the man was essentially on time.

"Kakashi-sempai," Yamato said with a wave.

"Yo...Yamato," Kakashi sat and down by a near by tree. He pulled out his Icha Icha book and started reading.

Yamato appeared nonplused. Had he actually called him Yamato and not Tenzō?

"Are you feeling alright, Sempai?" Yamato asked Kakashi.

Kakashi looked wary for a moment. "Maa...I'm fine," He laughed a little and flapped his hand back and forth. "Naruto woke me up this morning early begging for ramen. And I was out late drinking sake with Iruka-sensei. I'm just a little tired."

"Oh, okay," Yamato nodded. The man's hair did look a little droopy. "It's just..."

"What, Yamato?" Kakashi asked, looking puzzled.

"You...called me Yamato."

"Maa...it is your name," The copy-nin shrugged and went back to reading.

He frowned and stared at Kakashi in confusion. What did this mean? Why was he calling him Yamato and not Tenzō? Did he respect him now more? Were they better friends? Was the man hitting on him? You never could tell with Kakashi.

"Did...you want to go to the hot springs after training?" Yamato asked tentatively, a slight pink tinting his cheeks.

The silver-haired man looked up at him and arched an eyebrow. "Keep it in your pants, kohai."

Yamato choked. "What?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Udon raised his hand. Iruka-sensei was sitting on his desk, dangling his feet back and forth instead of standing at his podium. He also hadn't handed back their graded assignments, taken roll, given them their quiz that they were supposed to have or gotten onto Konohamaru for talking out of turn.

Iruka-sensei was telling them a story about a mission that he had been on to Suna a few years ago. It was very entertaining, if a slightly far-fetched story about princesses, giant yeti's and himself as the hero – saving the beautiful damsel in distress.

Udon waved his hand more urgently, wiggling his fingers back and forth.

The teacher finally called on him. "Yes, noodle."

"Udon," He corrected his teacher, amidst the laughter of his classmates. He flushed.

"Yes, Udon," Iruka-sensei nodded. "Of course, I knew that. I was testing you."

He looked quizzically at his professor. "Umm, Iruka-sensei, I don't think yetis are indigenous to Suna."

"This was a...mountainous region of Suna," Iruka-sensei clarified.

"I don't think it snows in Suna," Moegi interrupted. "Don't yeti's need snow?"

Iruka-sensei scratched the back of his head. "Maa..."

"This story is great! It reminds me of the ones Boss tells!" Konohamaru exclaimed in a loud manner. "Quit nagging Iruka-sensei about the details."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sai walked into the training area carrying his backpack over to the spot where Yamato-sensei was setting up. The backpack carried his scrolls, artist brushes, sketch pad, and charcoal pencils. He looked at the man, who was currently staring at Kakashi-sensei with a pensive look on his face. The other man was reading under a tree.

"Good afternoon, Yamato-sensei," Sai said politely.

"Hey, Sai-" Yamato said distractedly. He tilted his head to one side. "Do you think something is different about Kakashi-sensei?"

Sai peered intently at the other man. Kakashi-sensei looked the same. Same hair, same clothes, same posture, same position under the tree reading. Well, almost.

"His book is upside down," Sai pointed.

"Senpai's book is...what?" Yamato squinted and looked over.

Kakashi turned a page and appeared to be engrossed in the little novel.

"It's upside down," Sai explained. "I don't think he's reading it that way. Although it's possible he's viewing the sexual positions better that way."

Yamato flushed and grimaced at the younger man. "Sai-"

"I have that particular issue and on page 137 there is a fellatio scene that-"

"Damnit Sai, I don't want to know!" He yelled at the artist.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Moegi sat and ate her lunch calmly, trying not to let Konohamaru's retelling of the yeti story to one of the kids; in one of the other pre-genin classes annoy her. Hadn't she been in the same classroom? She had heard the story. And he was getting all the details wrong. Iruka-sensei hadn't saved the Suna princess from a pirate; it had been a lamb cattle bandit. Although she had doubts there was such a thing as a bandit that specialized in lamb cattle. Hadn't the boy been listening at all? She sighed internally and stabbed at the leftover tamagoyaki that her mother had packed in her lunch, swallowing it with a scowl.

"Konohamaru, you're getting the story all wrong," She glared at her friend.

He reached over and tugged on one of her pigtails.

"Moggie, great storytelling is all about the storyteller, not the details," He winked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't call me that."

Udon snickered.

"You shouldn't talk, noodle," Moegi shot a glance over at Udon.

The other boy's laugh turned into a sulk. "Iruka-sensei said he was just...testing me."

She laughed. "Yeah, a pop quiz about your name."

The object of their discussion suddenly walked out into the yard during lunch holding a bento in his hands. Iruka-sensei walked over to a tree in the yard and sat down under the branches, leaned back and popped the box open, peering curiously in, as if he had forgotten what he had packed. He looked surprisingly pleased with his own lunch and began munching on some onigiri and then pulled out what look like a textbook and started reading.

That was weird. Iruka-sensei rarely, if ever, ate lunch outside. The academy teacher usually ate inside while grading scrolls. To see him outside sprawled out under a tree reading was unusual to say the least. Before she could consider it further, Konohamaru was already strutting over there to speak with their sensei. She exhaled noisily and followed. Udon trailed after her.

"Iruka-sensei!" Konohamaru shouted and waived.

Their teacher had some takoyaki between his chopsticks. "Yes?"

Konohamaru plopped down on the grass beside his teacher, "Whacha doin?"

"Eating my lunch?" Iruka-sensei said as he took a few bites of the takoyaki, and then ate a few hard boiled egg slices.

"Oh," Konohamaru said and blinked a few times.

"As stimulating a conversation as this is, I am reading-"

"Whacha readin?"

Moegi watched as Konohamaru reached over and grabbed the textbook that Iruka-sensei had discarded a moment earlier. He looked at it for a few moments and then started laughing.

"Iruka-sensei, why are you reading a romance novel that you put a geography cover on?" Konohamaru snickered and tossed the book back onto the ground.

Their bashful sensei was blushing furiously and he held a hand up in embarrassment. "Now, kids...if we could just keep this between us..."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Yamato was about to ask if his sempai was feeling alright again, when there was a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned around and gazed intently into the trees for any signs of danger. Sai stood on guard beside him as well. Kakashi had wandered over, putting away his little book into his flak jacket.

Unexpectedly, Naruto and Hinata tumbled out of the bushes, looking very much disheveled. Was Hinata missing part of her shirt? The zipper to Naruto's black and orange jumper was partially unzipped. His hitai-ate was crooked. The raven-haired Hyūga heiress was blushing intensely under the scrutiny and hid her face.

"Naruto?" Kakashi-sensei said inquisitively. "What were you doing?"

"Ano...practicing our taijutsu?" Naruto said with a quick grin.

"I guess that explains why Hinata's hair is so poufy," Kakashi pointed out, and if possible, the young lady's blush intensified.

"I guess he's not dickless after all," Sai commented.

"For Kami sake, Sai!" Yamato grimaced and turned towards the younger man, who looked perplexed.

A slight frown crinkled Sai's pale features. "What did I say?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

After lunch was usually the most boring time in Iruka-sensei's class; but not today. Hanabi shot an excited glance over at her red-haired cohort, Moegi, who in turn nodded imperceptibly at Udon, who made the necessary signal to Konohamaru.

Hanabi raised her hand silently and waited to be called on.

Iruka-sensei was writing on the chalkboard a little stick figure with a simplistic henohenomoheji on the face. He started drawing lines out from the various chakra centers of the body. He gave the stick figure shoes and poufy hair and he was even holding a superfluous kunai in one hand.

Hanabi looked up at the clock and groaned. Was the teacher ever going to turn around and look at her? She started waving her arm around in the air a little.

Finally Iruka-sensei seemed to be done drawing the sick-figure. The figure had an impossibly number of chakra centers on his body; much more than they usually studied. And he was standing on a dead body of a fallen shinobi stick figure that was decapitated. There was also a little dog summon standing next to the stick figure, and he had one what looked like a torn arm in his mouth. Hanabi's arm wilted as she stared open-mouth at the diagram.

Iruka-sensei smiled happily at her. "Hyūga! Did you have a question about the chakra centers of the body?"

"No," Hanabi coughed into her hand. "Iruka-sensei, do you remember earlier, when you promised that we could have weapons training this afternoon?"

"I vaguely remember something about that," the academy teacher scratched the back of his head and frowned in consternation. "Did you still want to do weapons training?"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei!" Hanabi said fervently.

"Well," The teacher set the chalk down and brushed his fingers off. "Then let's go!"

Konohamaru fist pumped at his desk.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Naruto hunched over the tree stump and stared glumly Yamato-sensei while the man carved on some wood. Sai was sketching something in his artist pad and Kaka-sensei was back reading over under his tree. Why weren't they doing anything? This was so boring! They should be training or sparring or doing anything but just sitting around.

"This is so boring, Yamato-sensei!" He whined.

Yamato looked up from his task. It appeared that he was whittling a little owl figure.

"You could always practice your taijutsu, Naruto," Sai suggested. "Your technique lacks finesse."

Naruto groaned. "Ano...shut up."

"We could do a mission this afternoon, Naruto," Yamato-sensei suggested.

"Really?" He perked up, feeling a sudden fondness for the man.

"Why don't you and Kakashi-senpai go pick up a mission and we'll meet you buy the front gate?"

Yamato-sensei and Sai stood, gathering their things and already started to walk off when Naruto walked over to Kaka-sensei.

"C'mon, Kaka-sensei," Naruto said as he walked over to the silver-haired man. "Yamato-sensei says we're going to do a mission, so we've gotta go to the office and pick one up."

Kakashi was not a man of hesitancy or in-action. To see his sensei sitting there just blinking up at Naruto; suddenly unsure for a moment was slightly bewildering. However, before Naruto could consider the man's reaction further, Kakashi-sensei sighed and put away his book and stood with a graceful movement.

"Okay, Naruto, but make it a D-rank. I have plans for tonight." Kakashi-sensei scratching his nose, but when faced with the fabric of the mask in his way, he pulled his hand away. It was a gesture that struck Naruto as funny, but he couldn't seem to place it.

"Oh, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto teased. "Hot date?"

"Maa...dinner with Iruka-sensei," Kakashi-sensei shrugged as they walked through town towards the mission office.

"Again!" The blond youth looked at him in surprise. "But it's your birthday!"

Kakashi-sensei seemed surprised. "Today is?"

Naruto grinned. "You can't have forgotten!"

"Of course I haven't forgotten my own birthday," Kakashi laughed a little too loudly.

They reached the mission office by this point. Naruto opened the door, but Kakashi made a gesture of refusal and leaned against the wall.

"I'm going to wait out here. Pick out an easy one for us. I don't want to be late for my birthday dinner after all..." Kakashi-sensei said lightly.

"Believe it, dattebayo!" Naruto laughed.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Konohamaru had always liked Iruka-sensei. I mean, he was a pretty cool teacher. He taught them cool stuff and he was really smart and he had been Boss's sensei and he took them out for really great ramen at Ichiraku's. That was really nice of him – I mean; other teachers didn't do that for students. Iruka-sensei was special, you know? He had always known that. And Boss was always telling him stuff about how cool Iruka-sensei was, and while he did believe it in practical sense. Because he believed most things Naruto said as fact.

But today? Today he was starting to see it. With is own two eyes. Well, except for the fact that Iruka-sensei read totally fruity romance novels. That was completely lame. It wasn't even the good kind like Icha Icha with the pervy pictures that Boss's hentai-sensei, Hatake Kakashi read. This was all romantic-y with sappy stuff like love and romance and stuff!

They were out in the training field right behind the academy and Iruka-sensei had handed three shuriken to each student. And then put them in groups, in short lines in front of the targets. Konohamaru gripped his three shuriken tightly and looked at Udon happily. They hadn't been able to convince their teacher to let them do weapons training in over a month. Not since Hanabi had 'accidently' hit Ebisu-sensei with a stray kunai during a training session. He had taken one look at her unashamed features, and another look at Ebisu-sensei's bleeding backside and they hadn't had weapons training since.

"Does anyone need me to show you what you're supposed to do be doing?" Iruka-sensei asked when everyone was looking up at him expectantly and holding their shuriken's.

Udon raised his hand.

"Okay, noodle, you're up first," Iruka-sensei said with a smile.

Moegi snickered.

Udon walked over and Iruka-sensei balanced six shuriken on the back of his knuckles. He then released them off simultaneously at the target and they all landed firmly in the center of the bull's-eye at the end of the lane from where he was standing.

"There," Iruka-sensei said as he turned to Udon. "That's all you have to do. But I only expect you to do that with one shuriken at a time."

Konohamaru nudged Moegi from where he was standing next to her in line behind Udon. "Iruka-sensei is the coolest teacher ever!" He exclaimed at full volume.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sakura was walking past the old Haruna place that been dormant for a while, which happened to be next to the back alley to the hospital. When she was strike by an odd sight that she hadn't seen in a while. There were around thirty Naruto clones running about the old place painting, hammering, weeding, mowing, moving rocks, repairing a fence, even one was planting some flowers over-seen by the direction of Yamato-sensei. Sai was helping one Naruto clone, or that could be the original by the way he was arguing over the paint choices two garden gnomes.

"Sai, no one wants a gnome with pink hair!" Naruto yelled.

"Well, I think it's a great hair color," Sakura interrupted with hand on her waist.

"Sakura, how are you?" Naruto stuck a finger to loosen his collar comically. "It looks great on you, of course. But on a gnome..."

She glared at her blond teammate. "Where's Kakashi-sensei?"

Naruto pointed upwards.

Kakashi-sensei was, by the looks of it, actually helping out on a D-Rank. This had to be a first. The copy-nin had paint on his clothing and was chatting amicably with one of the Naruto clones while sitting up on some scaffolding near the roofline. As Sakura looked on with interest, the two guffawed over some shared joke – Kakashi-sensei even shaking his head at some antic of the clone. She let out a startled sound of amazement. Naruto wasn't exactly a source of cerebral humor, and Kakashi-sensei wasn't really the type to bust a gut laughing at the types of jokes Naruto told.

"Have they...been up there for long?" She asked.

"All afternoon," Sai supplied.

"Really," Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Hey, I'm a funny guy!" Naruto said, his expression starting to sulk.

Sakura arched an eyebrow at him.

"Well, Hinata thinks I am. So do Kiba and Konohamaru. And Iruka-sensei." Naruto listed off.

Sakura snickered. "Okay, your girlfriend and Iruka-sensei, who is basically your brother, do not count. Konohamaru is like your #1 fan; again, he doesn't count. I'll give you Kiba, though," The medic-nin laughed. "But he's kind of a nincompoop, so take it or leave it."

Naruto pouted but ultimately sighed. "I'll take it."

In the mental scoreboard she completed daily, she thought to herself: Sakura 1, Naruto 0.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Kotetsu eyed Iruka as the man walked in. He was unusually cheerful. He kept smiling in this creepy way that made his eyes turn up bizarrely. It was freaking him out. He was also not doing his share of the paperwork. He was just sitting there reading at the desk. A few minutes ago Genma had entered and then spied Iruka sitting there. He had rolled his senbon back-and forth in his mouth, and then leaned a little closer to the sensei. Genma had insinuated that Iruka might be bored or something.

Iruka had laughed and said, "No, I shouldn't be bored; I brought a book to read in case this mission duty shift is too tedious!"

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei," Genma leaned into Iruka's personal space. "Am I being too tedious for you?"

Kotetsu pulled Genma away from Iruka before the academy teacher could get angry. They had all seen what had happened that one time a few months back when Genma got a little too hands-y. To say that the tokubetsu jōnin needed stitches because of the incident explained nothing really; because he needed 23 stitches from nothing more than Iruka and a tape dispenser. Iruka's temper was fierce indeed.

Iruka peered over at Kotetsu and Genma as they talked on the other side of the mission room in harsh whispers. Kotetsu came back over and sat between Iruka and Genma. He also slipped the tape dispenser far, far away from Iruka. He just hoped Iruka didn't notice the gesture. When he looked up, the sensei was looking at him curiously.

"Sorry, Iruka," Kotetsu said.

"What if I needed to tape something?" Iruka-sensei said inquisitively.

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you assaulted me with a tape dispenser you thug!" Genma said in a harsh whisper.

"Iruka?" Iruka laughed. "Thug?"

"That's right!" Genma's face lit up with a flush. "It's not funny, you asshole! I had to get 23 stitches on my groin!"

Kotetsu made a placating gesture. "Now, now, guys. We can all continue to work together just fine. Stop antagonizing each other. Genma if you would stop groping Iruka this wouldn't have happened."

Iruka made a choking sound in the back of his throat.

"I'm going to get him, he's teasing me again!" Genma threatened.

"I'm not! I swear!" Iruka managed after a moment.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

They were walking as a group to the mission office to turn in the mission report when Gai and Lee found them.

"Kakashi! My Eternal Rival! You are the essence of youth!" Gai hollered as he spied him, and then bounded over to greet the silver-haired shinobi.

"Yo!" Kakashi greeted his friend and rival.

"I have decided for this challenge, our body, mind and soul will be put to the test. To hone our hand-eye-coordination, the finest qualities of our manhood will be demonstrated!"

"Eh?" Kakashi looked skeptical. "Well..."

"For this challenge Kakashi, we must compete in the deadly but beautiful art of..." Gai paused dramatically and did a little dance. "Rock-paper-scissors!"

Rock Lee who was standing next to his jōnin-sensei, clapped excitedly. "Yosh!"

"Oh, not again, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto exhaled nosily.

"I wish you luck, Eternal Rival," Gai said, overflowing with confidence. "If I loose, I will walk backwards throughout Konoha on my hands-"

With a smile only seen by the curve of his eye Kakashi interrupted his rival to reply, "Maa...Gai, that's not necessary. If you loose, bake me a cake."

Gai looked confused, "A cake, my youthful rival?"

"Today is my Birthday," Kakashi said with a shrug.

Disbelief was written on the faces of each of his teammates, except Naruto. "Why didn't you say something, Senpai?" Yamato groused.

"I knew," Naruto said sourly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"SO COOL AND HIP, Kakashi, taking youthful D-class missions on your Birthday!" Gai exclaimed.

"Yosh!" Lee agreed enthusiastically. "So cool!"

Gai held his fist out. "Let us compete!"

Kakashi leaned in and held his fist out. "You're going down, Eternal Rival!"

"Trash talk, Kakashi? That's so vigorous! The springtime of youth runs strong in your body even though you have grown another year older, my silver-haired rival!"

"Maa...Gai, lets just get the challenge over with," Kakashi growled.

"Count it out for me, Lee!" Gai requested of his worthy and youthful pupil.

"One, two, three...Go!" Lee said with an animated face, eyebrows perked up, both of his hands balled into fists pumping in anticipation.

Both Gai and Kakashi put one of their hands out.

Gai had a rock.

Kakashi had paper.

"Yatta!" Kakashi exclaimed. "I won!"

"Indeed, you have. Congratulations Eternal Rival!" Gai bowed slightly. "Happy Birthday, as well. And I shall bring you your cake tonight to your apartment.

Kakashi flapped his hand at Gai. "Bring it to Iruka-sensei's apartment. That's where I'm having dinner."

"Oh, did you finally work up the courage to ask your youthful and inspiring chūnin-sensei out?" Gai smiled happily for his rival.

"What?" Kakashi said as he nearly tripped over some dirt in the road.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Genma was actually getting bored himself, until Kakashi-san and Yamato's team came into the mission office. He sat up straighter. Oh, this should be pretty amusing, he thought to himself. Kakashi-san always said the funniest things and teased Iruka mercilessly. It was very entertaining to watch. Today, Kakashi's whole team, minus Sakura appeared to be there. The copy-nin walked up to the desk, with an almost bashful air about him. He held out a very crisp mission report to Iruka.

"Here is our mission report, Iruka-sensei. It is completed perfectly, you will see. All of the mission parameters filled in correctly. No doodles. No food spills. No blood. And on time," Kakashi smiled sweetly at Iruka. "Maybe you should take some notes..."

Iruka took the paper from Kakashi-san, and then proceeded to crumple it into a ball. He tossed it over his shoulder where it landed in with a bounce behind them.

Yamato's face looked stricken.

"I thought you weren't going to taken any missions today, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka-sensei stood up and glared at the copy-nin. He pointed a finger and poked the jōnin's flak-jacket.

Kakashi blushed, of all things. Genma couldn't believe his eyes!

"Ano, well, Naruto got bored and...it was Yamato-kohai's idea..." Kakashi-san said.

Yamato was holding up his hands in a gesture of entreaty. Kakashi turned around at him and huffed, then turned around and looked at Iruka-sensei again.

"It was just a D-rank, okay?" Kakashi shrugged. "I painted the side of a house. No big deal."

"Hrmph," Iruka-sensei crossed his arms and glared at the other shinobi.

Genma was crowing with delight on the inside. What was this dynamic between Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-san? The copy-nin was so whipped by the angry little tanned, chūnin sensei. Oh god, Genma now couldn't stop thinking about what sort of sexual kinky mojo the man might have to get the pervy Kakashi-san to act like that? His fingers itched to grope the man even worse. He rolled the senbon back and forth in his mouth intently and stared at Iruka.

"He won a challenge with Gai!" Naruto chimed in animatedly and slung an arm around Kakashi-san, who didn't push the arm off.

Iruka-sensei arched an eyebrow. "Maa...really?" He paused. "Doing what?"

"Rock-paper-scissors!" Kakashi-san said proudly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When Kakashi let himself into Iruka's apartment later that night, he belatedly realized he probably should've used the door. He had been warned. The window was not necessarily the first choice when entering anyone's apartment for polite purposes. But the chūnin should have known to expect him, he thought with a painful groan as he was caught into one of the man's traps. He should've looked for traps, Kakashi thought to himself too late. But he was already completely immobilized with glowing chakra wire in a map of intricate knots over his naked body. Buck naked except for his hitai-ate. He also realized this had to be the kinkiest trap he'd ever come across. Iruka-sensei had a perverse streak he could definitely come to appreciate.

"Kakashi, I believe I've told you before...I don't like it when people enter my apartment through the window," Iruka said softly.

Of course, all Kakashi could see were Iruka's feet, but ironically, they weren't Iruka's feet. They were his pale, boney feet; he would recognize his own feet anywhere. It startled him to remember that they were both still henged as each other.

"Maa...this is a hinky trap you've got here, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said, wiggling a little in the bonds. "Very advanced. Jōnin-level."

Iruka made an irate, impatient sound and walked a little closer. He pushed him over with his bare foot so that Kakashi was facing up.

"I'm sick of you second guessing my abilities as a shinobi Kakashi," Iruka reached over and picked up Kakashi, slinging him over his shoulder and carrying him into his bedroom. Then he threw him onto his futon roughly.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi said waspishly, hating the sound of his on voice. "Untie me!"

Iruka got out a kunai and stood over Kakashi, watching his eyes grow round.

"What the fuck, Iruka?" Kakashi exclaimed.

"This whole, entire day was apparently a waste. You still see me as something beneath you. A second-rate nobody." Iruka argued furiously.

"No..." Kakashi disagreed shaking his head. In his mind he was seeing a tape dispenser and 23 stitches. "That's not true."

The copy-nin's henged face was for once free and clear to be seen even if it was not his own visage; it was flushed with emotion and he tried to sit up on the bed, squirming in the bonds. The chakra wire glowed against the false tanned musculature of his body.

"I think it is true, Kakashi," Iruka pushed the man back down on the bed and he straddled him. "And I don't think you consider anyone else's feelings but your own. The great Copy-Nin of Konoha. Classic Narcissist."

"No..." Kakashi protested weakly.

"I can't believe you crumpled up my mission report!" Iruka yelled.

"Well, why did you go on a mission in the first place?" Kakashi sulked.

"It was just a D-rank!" Iruka reminded him, his anger growing by leaps. "Are you saying I can't even paint a house with two ANBU members accompanying me?"

"Maa...I didn't say that," Kakashi said with a desperate air as he watched Iruka bring the kunai closer to his face.

"Kakashi, I think you need to learn the importance of keeping your mouth shut," Iruka stated and then shoved the side of the kunai in to his mouth. "Bite down on that if you want."

There was a muffled sound from him as he continued to struggle against his bonds, but Iruka manhandled him in such a manner so that he was back on his stomach. He groaned slightly as he squirmed. Kakashi couldn't help it, but as much as the chakra ropes hurt, as they chafed, he garnered a tingling sense of enjoyment in the friction against his bare skin. Not to mention the sensei sitting on his backside like that, it was arousing. He could feel his cock straining to life proudly. He was not the only one to notice, either.

"Oh, you like that Kakashi?" The chūnin breathed in his ear. "Nice to know."

He stopped moving as he felt the man's voice on the nape of his neck. What...what was Iruka doing? Saying? Wait...what was that sound? Kakashi turned his head to the side and realized he could hear the academy sensei stripping. The metallic noise of a zipper being opened sent a chill through the copy-nin's heart. Exactly what sort of lesson was the kind-hearted sensei planning on teaching him? Despite his breath hitching nervously, he wasn't as anxious as he probably should have been. He knew that Iruka wouldn't hurt him too badly; even if he did misbehave - he was a better person than that. That, and maybe he didn't mind what was happening all too much.

"Nngh!" Kakashi gasped when he felt a hot hand spank his bare ass suddenly.

"You will respect me Kakashi!" Iruka shouted.

The angry sensei spanked him harder.

For the life of him, he blushed and shuddered from the emotions swirling inside him. Desire, mortification, pleasure, pain and a rawness coursed through his body causing his entire being to feel stretched out like a bowstring. He shuddered on the bed with it.

"Say it, Kakashi!" Iruka demanded, spanking him again and again.

His ass burned with pain and redness; the very real imprint of the teacher's hand on the firm pale cheeks. Kakashi couldn't speak the kunai was stuck in his mouth; he was slobbering all over the side of it. The way his face was pushed into the side of the bed, it was acting like a gag. Iruka reached up and removed the kunai from his mouth.

"Behave," Iruka ordered.

"I do respect you, Iruka," He said, his voice was ragged from being gagged. He licked his mouth after being silenced for so many minutes. His lips tasted like metal from the kunai.

"Why should I believe you?" The sensei slid a hand around Kakashi's ass and rubbed it in a soothing way. "Today was an enlightening experience, wouldn't you agree?"

Kakashi didn't know how to take that ambiguous comment. What did the teacher mean by it?

"You are a liar, Kaka-sensei," Irukapressed his rough hand against his ass, cupping it, and then slid his fingers between the cheeks. He then took two of his deft fingers and slipped inside, making the silver-haired man shudder visibly. "Perverted little liar."

"It's funny; I've never even seen your little lying mouth," The teacher said as he fingered the man, making Kakashi whimper as he brushed up against his prostate with a crooked finger.

Iruka picked up the discarded kunai that was still glistening from Kakashi saliva and slid the blunt end of it into Kakashi's ass gently, rocking it back and forth. Rubbing it against that nub inside him. The coldness of the metal and the strangeness of the shape was foreign but pleasurable. Kakashi couldn't believe what bold little chūnin was doing to him. His dick was currently leaking copious amount of pre-come ooze from his ministrations.

Satisfied that Kakashi was stretched enough, Iruka removed the kunai, then spat into his hand and slicked his cock. He braced his hands on either side of Kakashi's back and pressed forwards with a groan. The tip of his erection slid inside of Kakashi easily; he could feel Iruka shivering with desire. After he caught his breath for a moment, he thrust forwards quickly, burying himself to the hilt.

"Mmf!" Kakashi gasped.

"I didn't even look at your face today," Iruka commented. "I had ample opportunity. But I didn't."

Kakashi felt something inside him stir at his comment; but he didn't have time to examine his feelings about it because the teacher was doing such naughty things. Iruka smacked his ass harshly as he settled himself into a better position and ground into him.

Arching his back sharply, Kakashi cried out; the sound carried a more pleasured tone than pained, if not sounding surprised. Iruka moved one hand to grip the rope that knotted down Kakashi's spine, holding tight for leverage. He bucked fast and hard, forcing himself in deep inside the man. Kakashi's one solitary blue eye was clouded over with lust. His arousal ached, twitching with need while the hot, sexy chūnin fucked him. Choked moans turned to whimpers and Kakashi began to rock his hips restlessly, desperate for friction and trying to rub himself against the bedspread.

"Is there something you want?" Iruka breathed into his ear.

He nodded.

"Tell me, Kakashi," The chūnin ordered.

"I'm sorry I'm an ass," He said closed his eyes. "I'm sorry I failed Sasuke. I'm sorry I don't hand in my mission reports on time. I'm sorry I haven't been better with Naruto. I love you."

Iruka looked down at him in confusion. "You...what?"

"Please untie me?" Kakashi asked.

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Iruka reached over and placed his hand on the chakra ropes that bound Kakashi-sensei. His chakra released the bindings from the man, and the fell off him in a soft whoosh. Abruptly the man sat up, and released not only his own henge, but his as well. They were themselves again, blinking suddenly at the bared faces at each other.

He turned away from Kakashi's bare face, realizing what he was looking at.

"Gomen," Iruka said, blushing. He scratched at the scar on his nose. "I didn't mean to see. You should have warned me!" He felt a little ashamed; his dick was still erect and remembered being inside the tight heat of Kakashi. Damnit, stop thinking about it, he commanded his inner self. Have a little self-control.

Kakashi was unexpectedly crowding him, kissing him. He didn't know what he had expected after the man's quiet confession of apology and love but it wasn't to bare his face and then kiss him. But he kissed him so softly. As if he was unsure of Iruka's response? Iruka's gaze met his, eyes open during the kiss. He smiled slightly at the unsure needful mouth, putting his arms around the older man and nipping at his lower lip. After a few minutes, Kakashi pulled back to give him some air, chest heaving from the lack of preparation before the kiss.

"You kissed me," Iruka stated as he gave the copy-nin a good look in the face. The man was good-looking but vaguely unremarkable. He had a small scar by his lip, but no reason to keep his face masked. He supposed it must be for emotional reasons.

Kakashi pushed Iruka down on the bed, flushing from the scrutiny. "Hn."

"Why?" Iruka asked.

"Because," The silver-haired man looked discomfited. "You put your dick in my ass first."

"I was teaching you a lesson!" Iruka shot back hotly.

"You teach all of your students lessons like that sensei?"

"You liked it, Kakashi," Iruka purred and reached up to fist the man's still hard erection and pump it a few times. "Or did you forget already?"

"Are you playing games with me, Iruka-sensei?"

"Ne," Iruka gazed at Kakashi seriously. "Sometimes the best foreplay is wordplay."

Kakashi smiled at that and dipped his head to focused his attention on Iruka's chest, placing slow and passionate kisses on his nipples, then dragged his mouth along his collar bone and letting his fingers run over his sides. The man was making his way down southward, swirling his tongue around his navel. Iruka arched into his touch, eyelids fluttering closed.

"Ka-kashi!" Iruka moaned in anticipation, hands fisting in the bedspread. The little hairs on his body shot up in eagerness. He shuddered.

The jōnin smiled and lowered his head again; this time taking Iruka's straining manhood into his mouth. Iruka let out a loud groan, throwing his head up and lifting his hips. Kakashi's tongue ran over his length, his teeth scraping him slightly.

"Ahh," Iruka reached up and shoved his hands in that messy head of silver hair. "Mmm!"

Kakashi's head began bobbing up and down, gradually gaining speed, and if possible Iruka wound his fingers tighter in his hair. Watching that smug face suck his cock was incredibly arousing, he thought idly. Kami, he was good at it, too. Iruka winced as he felt the copy-nin insert a slicked up finger in his ass. Shortly followed by another. His toes curled as the fingers probed and stretched. The man's hot mouth still wrapped around his dick; he barely resisted the urge to thrust up into that moist heat.

"Fuck," Iruka could feel the tension building up; he was going to burst if the man didn't stop soon. He quivered slightly. "Ano, Kakashi, I'm gonna-"

Those words and simple actions seemed to snap something inside Kakashi. He groaned loudly as he released Iruka's cock from his mouth and then shifting his own body to forcibly press Iruka's knees apart. He situated himself between the chūnin's tanned thighs. Iruka's chocolate eyes glazed over with passion and reached a hand up to pluck off the one piece of clothing between them; the slightly askew hitai-ate that was still on the infamous man's forehead, covering the sharingan. The chūnin tossed the hitai-ate over his shoulder and it landed somewhere on the ground. He looked up into the mismatched eyes as he felt the press the tip of Kakashi's cock into him.

Kakashi placed his hands on the sides of Iruka's head and gently rocked his hips into him. He let out a loud gasp and grabbed the man's pale forearms, throwing his head back in pleasure.

The man was slowly thrusting in a maddening pace. Too slow. Iruka wasn't satisfied. He braced himself and shoved his own hips upwards, towards the copy-nin, causing the man to grunt in pleasure and squint at him. But he didn't change the pace. Iruka panted and then squeezing the man's cock from the inside. Obviously unprepared that, the silver haired man groaned and his pace faltered, causing the chūnin's grin to turn sinful on his lips.

"Maa...you're a naughty little sensei, aren't you?" Kakashi reached down gripped Iruka's weeping erection.

"Don't call me sensei," Iruka licked his lips. "I have a name."

Kakashi gave him a look with both of his eyes, staring down at him intently. Iruka could see the fine silver eyelashes on the man's face, the scar over his red sharingan eye. His pale features and the flush on his cheeks from the exertion; even his lips were even slightly swollen from kissing. A few strands of silver hair were plastered to his forehead with sweat. Damnit, the man was hot.

"Iruka," Kakashi growled; his voice hoarse."Don't be contrary."

Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck while his body was rocked with powerful each thrust as he picked up speed and lost much of the man's earlier rhythm. His nails drove deeper into the pale flesh the man's back, eventually drawing out small amounts of blood in half-moon shaped crescents. He clung to the man, letting out helpless little whimpers - it was like riding inside a storm, with all that sweaty silver hair in his face, that electric pulsating energy running through his body, causing his entire body to tingle with keenness. Kami, the man was hitting his prostate with every damn stroke. Iruka was on the edge of an abyss, teetering over.

He was a shaking mess, and Kakashi fucked him harder, deeper, one hand stroking him until his eyes rolled up in the back of his head; the sensation of the man inside him and the tight grip of his hand tugging harshly on his cock was just too much. Entirely too much.

"Fuck!" Iruka trembled with climax, the feeling of it rip through his body. "K-K-Kakashi!"

White warmth gushed out from the end of Iruka's dick, coating between the man's slippery fingers, and he continued to pump him as the liquid spurted out of the tip onto both of their chests between them. Kakashi followed a moment later, possibly spurned on by the sight of so much chūnin orgasm underneath him, or possibly the feeling of Iruka's ass constricting around him as he climaxed. For whatever reason, he closed his eyes tightly for a moment, his own body jerking a few last erratic times against Iruka, and then he buried himself as deep as he could manage and shuddered with a frantic, violent release, his mouth open and speechless with satisfaction.

He slumped against the other's exhausted form. It took him a few minutes to come back, and they stayed like that for a few moments, panting before Kakashi rolled off Iruka and lay beside him and staring at the ceiling, arms folded underneath his head. Iruka turned his head and looked at the man. They needed to talk about this. What about his earlier declarations? Had he really meant it?

Iruka opened his mouth to say something when there was a knock on his front door. He blinked at the sudden intrusion, and then smiled. It was probably Gai with the cake, remembering winning the challenge from earlier. He smiled at Kakashi and sat up excitedly, pulling on a pair earlier discarded chūnin pants.

"Oh, good! That must be Gai-sensei!" Iruka said happily.

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow at him. "Outside of Lee, you're probably the only one who's uttered that statement with so much enthusiasm."

Iruka tossed a pair of pants at the jōnin, along with his hitai-ate and the discarded facemask. "Ne, Kakashi. He knows it's your birthday and he had to bake you a cake when he lost the challenge."

The other man looked discomforted as he began to dress. "You told him?"

"Yes," The academy sensei walked out of the bedroom.

Iruka padded barefoot and bare-chested to the front door, not wanting to make Gai-sensei wait any longer. He opened the front door, expecting to see the taijutsu master outside. He was not anticipating to see the Hokage to be standing there looking annoyed.

"Hokage-sama..." Iruka said momentarily taken aback.

"Is this how you're greeting guests now, Iruka-sensei?" the Hokage asked, pointing a finger up and down at his appearance.

"Maa...is that Gai with my cake?" Kakashi said coming up behind him and peering around the door.

The Hokage took in both Kakashi's disheveled appearance and Iruka's state of undress grinned brightly.

Iruka looked over at the man who hadn't taken the time to put on a shirt, realizing for the first time the pale shinobi was covered in scratches and cuts from where he had held onto him. Kakashi was covered in a mass of marks from where the chakra ropes had marked him up in a very odd network of kinky patterns. Iruka blushed fiercely.

"Do you have any sake, Iruka-sensei?" the Hokage inquired as she walked past both men into the living room.

"Ano...maybe?" Iruka scratched the scar on his nose. "Let me look," He rushed into the kitchen and scrambled through the cabinets looking for that old bottle that Sakura had brought him back from Wind Country six months ago. He knew he hadn't drunk it; it had to be in a cabinet somewhere. Finally he spotted it behind some fish sauce and tempura mix. He pulled it out and started heating it up. He tried to keep one ear open on the conversation that Tsunade and Kakashi were having, but it was hard, they were whispering quietly even if it was obvious that the man was upset about something.

The phrases "memorial stone", "I don't need an evaluation" and "I am fine" were repeated a few times. Iruka flushed remembering that morning. Maybe he had gotten carried away? He couldn't remember exactly what Kakashi did at the stone. And he had been a little angry at the man at the time. But surely the Hokage herself wouldn't speak with Kakashi in person over something as silly as that would she? Oh kami, he hoped not.

Iruka placed the warmed sake and three cups on a tray and brought them into the living room. Kakashi was giving him a death glare from where he was now sitting on the couch.

Tsunade picked up a cup of sake greedily. Neither Kakashi nor Iruka took any of the alcohol.

"Iruka, I thought we discussed putting a hold on weapons training with your students for the time being?"

"Nani?" Iruka looked at the Hokage in surprise.

"You know," Tsunade waved her hand around and took a gulp of warm sake. "After the last incident with the youngest Hyūga...?"

"You mean when Hanabi skewered Ebisu-sensei with the kunai? Yes I am in full agreement with you on that. They are being punished for their actions and until they mature, obviously they are not allowed any weapons training," Iruka nodded.

Kakashi looked away and suddenly became very interested in the pattern of the couch cushion.

The Hokage appeared confused. "Then why did take your students shuriken training this afternoon?"

"I did what?" Iruka's scowl was thunderous. "I'm sorry, Hokage-sama. I-"

There was another knock on the door and Iruka rose to answer it, not even bothering to give an excuse. He opened the front door.

"Dynamic Birthday Entrance Number #2," Gai-sensei proclaimed as he entered Iruka's apartment. There was a rainbow, a few balloons and even some confetti behind the man as he stuck his right hand out with a good-guy pose, and the left hand out with a birthday cake complete with lit candles.

Iruka chuckled despite his recent anger and took the balloons from Gai and put them by the kitchen.

"Is today your birthday, brat?" the Hokage asked Kakashi.

"Maa..." Kakashi shrugged.

"Kampai!" the Hokage replied and drank another cup in his honor, even if she was the only one drinking.

Gai held the cake out for Kakashi and the man reluctantly leaned over and blew out the candle. Gai set down the cake on the kotatsu and clapped. "Yosh!"

Iruka was getting plates and offering to cut up slices of the cake but no one appeared to really want any of the dessert except the chūnin himself.

"Best wishes for a long life and lengthy springtime of youth for my Eternal Rival!" Gai offered. "I would love to stay and have cake with you and your hip and cool sensei lover, but I have training with my most vigorous pupil, Lee!"

Then Gai waved and exited the door without a backward glace.

Iruka couldn't help but giggle slightly. He sat cross-legged on the couch eating a big slice of the white cake cheerfully.

"Yosh!" The academy teacher did an impression. "My most vigorous pupil, Lee. He bulges with hip and cool muscles. His taijutsu is so powerful-"

Kakashi gave him a disgusted look. "And you call me hentai."

Iruka laughed.

"And don't do that impression again. Ever." Kakashi threatened.

The Hokage pointed at the two of them with her sake cup, "So'how long have you two been together?"

The copy-nin scratched the back of his head. "A day, maybe two. I'm not sure how you count these things really."

"I don't think we can count yesterday, Kakashi," Iruka pointed the fork at him.

"But I slept here," The man argued.

"Ano..." The tanned chūnin pondered this. "I suppose you're right. Okay, two days."

The Hokage looked surprised and then stood. "Well, I will leave you alone to celebrate your birthday in peace. Just needed to clarify those matters...glad we got these issues clarified."

Iruka was going to set his plate down to walk the Hokage out, but the woman waved her hand at him. "I'll see myself out Iruka-sensei."

After Tsunade transported away Iruka really wanted to be angry about the shuriken training, but he also knew he might have done something wrong at the memorial stone if the Hokage had to speak to Kakashi about it. Maybe he should just let the matter drop.

"So I figure we...call the bet even?" Kakashi stated after a moment.

"I think that's for the best," Iruka finished the cake.

"I'm sorry about the shuriken training, Iruka," Kakashi said. "I didn't know."

He shook his head. "It's fine, of course how could you know? And I'm sorry if I made you look foolish at the memorial stone..." He blushed at the memory.

Kakashi took the plate from his hands; he was done with the slice of cake anyways. He set the plate down on the kotatsu and scooted closer.

"I imagine you made quite the impression out there for them to come and speak with me," Kakashi smirked.

Iruka blushed but before he could speak the man had pushed down his pushed down his facemask and claimed his lips. Another kiss, slanting sideways across his lips. The chūnin's response was almost immediate. He wrapped his arms around Kakashi, pulling him closer, his own body's reaction almost startling him.

"Iruka," Kakashi murmured. "I said some things earlier..."

He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against the silver-haired man. "Did you mean them?"

"Maa..." The silver-haired shinobi shivered slightly. "The thing about love, Iruka. I'm a rational man. If one devalues rationality, the world tends to fall apart."

"Love's not rational, Kakashi."

The copy-nin frowned at this thought.

Suddenly, Iruka stuck his hand in Kakashi's pants and wrapped his hand around the man's arousal.

"Where's your rationality now, ne?" Iruka leaned forward and leered.

Kakashi moaned and gripped a possessive hand around Iruka's hair, yanking the man's head back. He dipped his face forward and licked the exposed neck, raking his teeth against the tender skin.

"Do you love me, Iruka?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Kami, yes." The tanned teacher answered without thought.

They stared at each other a long moment, grinning like naughty children.

"Good."

...

A/N:Please Review ^_^ - Reviews matter! - That's how we decide who the winner is!

And thus ends that. The worlds longest one-shot! And my entry for the "ActuallyNevis's KakaIru Kakashi Birthday Smut Challenge."

Other participants in the Challenge are: The-Lady-Smaell, dattebayo1013, WhitenyRose, Cardboard Bike, assassi, melissen, Yanvi and Fred-the-Moose.