Your Royal Highness King Roald III,
Greetings, I am Gillie Groats of Lumbridge. My husband and I own a cow farm where we supply milk and beef for your kingdom as well as many other kingdoms in Runescape. It has come to our attention that we lose many tens of thousands of cows per week on average due to an epidemic. I request for your help by directing your guards to my farm so my cows are guaranteed maximum protection.
A huge loss of cows is believed to be due to your crazy idea of to create that stupid Grand fucking Exchange. Now, everyone kills my cows for their "cowhide" so they can sell and get lots of money. King Roald III, I understand that the "G.E." boosts your economy especially during the recession, but have you ever thought of the cows?
Lumbridge has been suffering from inflation. We are not getting good salaries and the cost of living is expensive. Living conditions here are bad. People have start revolting outside the castle and many more are striking. The general stores have lost business because everyone trades at the G.E now. The goblins have resorted to sleeping in a broken down shack – all 20 of them. Many houses are vacant now. This is because everyone has decided to sit and sleep on the castle's courtyard.
People of Lumbridge have been begging for everything: money, armour, clothes, runes, even girlfriends/boyfriends. Our people have become weaker and many get killed by the goblins that eat their human meat after grilling over a fire. Worse cases are humans killing humans to steal their money and suck on their bones.
Please do something to stop this. The biggest resource Lumbridge has is my farm. I beg you to save my farm. I promise to provide double of what I supply monthly to your city. I await your reply.
Yours Faithfully,
Gillie Groats