An Interview with Varrock Guard
INTERVIEWER: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Runescape Interviews. Today, I have here with me, Mr. VG.
VARROCK GUARD (VG): Hello everyone! (Waves arms about)
INTERVIEWER: Mr. VG, tell us why you love being a guard?
VG: (scratches his ear) Well, the thing is, I actually don't. Being a guard is very physically demanding. I need to be able to hold in my piss for eternity as there are no bathrooms around. (chuckles)
INTERVIEWER: (frowns) And as a citizen of Varrock, do you think that the public requires more bathrooms?
VG: Yes, definitely, although from my understanding bathrooms tend to draw in perverts. But hey, I mean, it's alright isn't it? (he laughs) Kids just wanna have some fun!
INTERVIEWER: …Right then, moving on: How do you feel about fighting, Mr. VG?
VG: Well, I'm not that much of a fighter myself. I'm mostly just there to make Varrock seem safe. The truth is, there are a lot of crazy people out there. They come along and kill people all for the sake of "training." Yes, you heard me right – these people will kill innocent people all to "train themselves." I don't know whose crazy idea this was but now everyone is doing it. They hit me, I hit none, they hit again, I hit none, and then they kill me. They're getting pretty good at this too, they used to hit 2s and 5s sometimes 10s – now they hit 40s, 70s! It's crazy!
INTERVIEWER: In your honest opinion, what do you think of the Market Guard?
VG: The market guard eh? (thinks for awhile) He works in Varrock Square. Not too smart, and not that good a fighter. In fact, I don't even recall him doing any combat what so ever. He and the general store guy are good mates, I reckon. He's always getting discount prices. I also reckon he's gay with that Romeo lover boy. Poor dude lost his girl and his sexuality.
INTERVIEWER: What do you do when you are not guarding?
VG: Well, I die. Then I wait to respawn.