Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls
Someone on Tumblr sent me a request for a drabble based on a list of prompts. The one they sent me had the line "You were never just my friend." I wrote around that line and around the supermarket scene in the second episode of S7. It's an extension for that episode. One-shot.
"You go back to being Lorelai Gilmore. I'll go back to being the guy in the diner who pours your coffee."
The tears had long dried, staining her cheeks with the remnants of the mascara so carefully applied earlier this morning, but Rory remained beside her, squished onto the too small cushion of their lumpy couch acting as the support that she didn't want to admit she needed at the moment.
She tried to block them out. She really did. But no matter how many song lyrics she went through, the more annoying the better (hello, "It's a Small World), she couldn't forget Luke's words from earlier. It's just, we're not right together, you know? As much flack as he had given her over the years concerning her eating habits and how they would hurt her, she just didn't think it would come to fruition as she stood in the frozen food aisle of a supermarket outside of Stars Hollow with a pint of ice cream in her hand as he used a few words to break her down.
Not that he knew because she remembered saying something about her ice cream melting as an excuse for the conversation to come to an end and so she could leave before his words had the time to fully sink in.
Rory hadn't asked and she was grateful for that because she wasn't sure how to tell her what happened. Which was stupid, of course, because they always shared so much. But this she didn't want to share, unsure of if she could actually repeat what Luke said to her to her daughter. Luckily thoughRory seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk so she didn't ask any questions. She just stayed by her side, comforting her by simply being there.
The more that she thought about his words though, even if she didn't want to, the more the pain she originally felt melted away only to be replaced by an anger that grew in intensity every time his words played in her mind; eating away at her, wrenching and twisting deep down inside her, festering until it threatened to bubble over. As cold and callous as she had heard him even through their many fights over the years.
You don't belong with me. You belong with someone like Christopher.
You're you. I'm me. I just want to stop pretending we're something else.
Let's just stop fighting it, okay?
The guy in the diner who pours your coffee.
Infuriated didn't even begin to cover it.
Later she would have to ask her human dictionary of a daughter if there was a better word for the anger that she felt but now wasn't that moment. If he had truly ever felt that way, why were they even in this position in the first place? Just the guy that pours her coffee. Ridiculous. He was much more. So much more.
And yes, she knew that she had hurt him. But he had hurt her too. She had been a jerk. She even admitted that. Right to his face. Then he came back with just the right words to plunge the proverbial knife even deeper. He could be a man of few words, knowing when to make it count, she just didn't think that the words he uttered tonight would be something he would ever say. Because if he knew anything at all about her then he knew that what he said, what he believed, wasn't true at all.
Before any rational thought could creep into her mind, Lorelai sprung up from the couch inadvertently knocking Rory to the ground in the process. She paused just long enough to pull Rory up from the floor and mumble some sort of apology before she dashed upstairs in search of her shoes. Mere seconds later she was back downstairs with her shoes on but the laces barely tied. She headed towards the front door without her car keys, it probably wasn't safe to operate heavy machinery right now, and with Rory asking her over and over again just what was going on.
But she didn't have time to answer. If she took the time to answer she wouldn't already be out of the yard and stomping down the road; she would be curled up on the couch with that pint of ice cream that she bought earlier and didn't have time to eat. She would have realized that she had put no though into what she was doing and how incredibly stupid she was being. She would have realized that the very few townspeople that were out at this time of night were staring at her as she made her way towards the diner, her jacket falling off her shoulders and shoes slipping from her feet as the laces started to unravel.
She didn't have time for those realizations. Instead she hardened her expression and picked up her pace when she spotted his rusty, old green truck pulling to a stop in front of the diner. The words flew out of her mouth as soon as the door to his truck opened and his feet hit the pavement.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?"
His head turned at the sound of her voice. He noted the angry slash borderline crazed look in her eyes, the way her shoulders were squared and her back stiffened as if she was preparing for a fight, and the way the street light illuminated what he knew were tear tracks on her cheeks. He watched as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes, prompting him for answer that he didn't have. He barely understood the question.
"Lorelai...what are you doing?" Luke sputtered. The sound of his truck door closing punctuated his question.
"Is that what you really think?" Lorelai prodded on.
"Lorelai," he breathed out her name with an exasperated sigh.
She moved forward just by two steps, close enough to talk, far enough away to keep a respectable distance. "Is that what you really think?" she demanded again. She could hear her voice quivering – betraying her. She wasn't going to break down. At least not in front of him.
His voice was calmer, as if he had practiced this. "Come on Lorelai, you know it's true. You don't belong with me. I don't belong with you. It was never right."
Lorelai shook her head at the stubborn man in front of her who was holding onto something that wasn't true. That she knew wasn't true. "You're insufferable," she said. "No," she backtracked. "You're insane if that's what you really think, if you think any of what you said is true."
"Then I'll fit right in with everyone else in this crazy town."
She scoffed and looked everywhere else but at him. As much as she wanted to storm off and go back home where she didn't have to listen to any of this, she couldn't get the right motivation to turn around and walk away. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and as he took a step towards her, she took a step back.
When she heard his voice again, she couldn't help but watch him. While he spoke, a variation on the speech he gave earlier, she could tell that he was spouting off the words but he didn't mean them. It was in the way he looked at her; the way his eyes pleaded with her needing what he said to be true because he was hurting. The hurt that she had caused him. She was still trying to figure out why she did what she did that night and she had many guesses but she knew for certain that her actions hurt him. A person that she never wanted to hurt.
And then it was as if someone had flipped a switch, she knew that it wasn't just anger over what he said that led her here. That led her to arguing with him in front of the diner, drawing the attention of any passerby. And yes they did stop to watch, already whispering to each other and not minding their own damn business. It was just too good of a show. Tomorrow they would be the cover story of Stars Hollow's edition of Hello magazine.
Instead it was the wrenching feeling that twisted deep down inside of her over the possibility that Luke felt that any of his words were true. Of how deeply he wanted to believe in what he said. Not for her sake, but for his. That he could know only think of himself as the guy that poured her coffee. That he ever thought of himself that way. Not when that didn't even begin to cover what he meant to her.
"You were never just my friend," Lorelai spoke up as soon as he had finished. Her voice so soft that he didn't hear her and she had to repeat herself. "You were never just my friend."
The silence loomed between them as she struggled for the words to follow. He didn't look like he was going to speak anytime soon. She sniffled softly and used the sleeve of her jacket to wipe at a tear she felt on her cheek, wondering when she had started to cry again. Then she felt it her babbling capabilities kick in.
"You were never just my friend," she repeated yet again. "And you were never just the guy that poured my coffee. Maybe at the beginning, yeah that's what you were. For the first few times I went into the diner. But I started to come in more often, I brought Rory. It wasn't long after we met that you helped me with Rory for this first time. She fell off her bike right in front of the diner."
She took her eyes off of him for just a moment to look over at the aforementioned spot. It was only a second before her eyes were back on Luke. She focused on him and hoped he would pay attention to what she had to say.
"And you, cranky pants, rushed out the diner to help her. I gave her a band-aid, you gave her ice cream to make her smile. Then I called you Duke and maybe it was just to annoy you but maybe it was because I couldn't get too close, not after that. And you started to help with her more when you didn't have to and you were in this weird place that was more than just a friend. I didn't see it at first. I couldn't see it. I had Rory. You helped me and you cared for Rory so much. You care for her. You could never be just the guy that pours my coffee. Or just my friend. Yeah, you do pour my coffee, or you did, whatever, but I don't want you to feel that way. You are not just that to me."
She watched him for a moment longer before ducking her head and staring at the untied laces on her shoes because she could feel the tears pricking at her eyes. He couldn't see her cry. She didn't want him to see. A silence fell between them while she composed herself enough to look back up at him. As she started to speak, she failed to notice that he had opened his mouth as if he was going to say something.
"I should get back home. Rory's probably worried that I have completely lost it by running out of the house with no explanation," Lorelai spoke up. "I need to get back home before she sends out a search party."
She gave a curt nod of her head and declared to the people still watching that the show was over before she turned and started to walk away. She didn't get very far before she heard Luke's voice calling out to her.
"You need to tie your shoes or you'll trip. I don't want to see you hurt."
Hope you enjoyed!
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