To this I have to say that my intention wasn't to write a slash-story but to write something about love. And because at the moment I'm all about Lord of the rings, don't really like Arwen but with Aragorn and Legolas being my favorite characters, somehow I got stuck here.
Perhaps you just read for yourselves and decide if you like it or not but I for one had so much fun to write something like this for a change.
Oh, and
please note that English is not my first language and I didn't have anyone to
beta this so just read over the mistakes you find, please. If anyone would
agree to beta the next parts I would be very grateful!
***
Series: One Moment's Bliss
Title: Octoberdawn
Author: Borrible
Category: Romance, General, Spiritual
Spoilers: perhaps some scenes from book or movie
Disclaimer: Aragorn, Legolas or any other person mentioned doesn't belong to me
Feedback: Would be so wonderful!
Rating: PG, at most PG-13
*********
One Moment's Bliss
*****
Octoberdawn
I am home.
It is the first time for so long and finally I can take these moments I need. Moments of rest and peace, far away from all the dangers of this world. It does not only ease the hearts of the hobbits.
Tenderly the wind whispers through the leaves hanging golden on the trees and runs through my hair. And I close my eyes as strands are blown in my face and a sweet scent is brought to me from somewhere.
Rivendell's gardens must look like the ones of the Valar for I do not know any place more beautiful in entire Middle Earth. I roam through them for hours, listening to the music of the water and the wind and finding moments of this rare happiness. And I am grateful to be able to call this place home.
But home for me is not anymore what it was before since ...
I have always loved the day. Loved how the sun rises in the morning and touches everything with her rays. How she brings all things to life, keeping her endless round and giving her love to the land. Every time she sets red-golden in the west, sending out her warmth for the last time, I cry a tear for her. And I wait for the morning for I know that she always returns and sends out her rays once again.
Somehow I believe that you are like the sun.
Coming from the gardens I am now standing at a point from where the courtyard of Rivendell spreads out before me, only hidden by the veil of leaves hanging on their twigs in front of me from a high tree.
I do not know why I come to a halt, but for some reason this sight from this point seems so familiar to me ... as if just yesterday I had been standing here and had gazed down although I do know that I did not. Years have passed since the last time I was standing here.
It comes to me all too suddenly why it is familiar to me.
Yesterday I had a dream.
I stood out here, at this very place and the darkness of the night rested heavily upon my heart. But I looked up into the black sky and suddenly it was lit up by stars. So innumerable many ... And they brought light into my darkness.
I tried to reach for them. Like I always do. Although I do know that they are unattainable for me. I reach out for them and it seemed to me that I could touch them. Like over diamonds lying on deep blue satin my fingertips glided. And under my touch they seemed to come to life. Every one I touched shone more brightly than before.
I wonder if this means anything. Certainly it does. Dreams like this from me always have a meaning.
A strange feeling has seized me since this night. I am restless as if my spirit was waiting for something I did not know anything of. I always had this feeling when ...
I miss you.
Every morning I wake up without you, every evening when sleep catches up with me, in my days and my nights. I tried to forget you. I really did.
I'm sorry.
I still see you in my mind, your face at the moment we - I - decided over our lives. Never have I seen an elf cry. You did not either but there were tears in your eyes. Their sparkling betrayed you.
I never knew happiness can be so passing. So ... mortal.
I remember this like nothing else. It is burned into me forever, this farewell. Did you know that even scars hurt? Do you feel it like I do?
We had been given one last moment together back then as we stood there facing each other, one of these special moments that will never leave you. And even after everything that happened afterwards I am still thankful for that.
Back then I felt it for the last time - this warmth. This feeling as if I could spend my whole life in one fleeting moment.
I lived through the moment I let you go over and over again. I hope you did not forget my words just before I kissed you on your brow.
By now farewell has a different meaning for me.
Never forget that I love you ...
It was the last time I touched you.
Today a shadow lies over my days. A shadow that won't leave me alone, no matter what I do. There are some wounds that time can not heal. Perhaps the decision we reached then was right. Today I am not so sure anymore.
Colorful leaves whirl around me and their colors blend together before my eyes. Red, orange, yellow.
Golden.
Like you.
I don't know how much strength I have left for this fight. Feels like walking on a wire. So insecure ... I am afraid to fall. Because who can really say where I would come down? There is only so little lacking to make me falter in my steps. I am so close ...
I should go. Should turn my back on my father's courtyard lying spread out under me and seek the shelter of his house. The world stands still and a feeling like a faint foreboding seizes me.
I really should go. My body does not submit to my will anymore, a shiver goes down my spine. And I know that it is too late as the sound of horse hoofs reaches my ears.
A gentle breeze precedes the arrivals, whirling through the gate and bringing colored leaves with it; lifting them from the path like envoys announcing their coming. They do not let the wait become a long one. The sound of horse hoofs suddenly dies down in my ears, just like everything else, as the animals carry their riders through the gates of beautiful Imladris.
I think that everything inside of me stops living for a moment.
It must be that way for I do not feel my body anymore. Everything suddenly seems so far away.
I know that my heartbeat must be doubling this instant, my breath getting faster, a warmth that I have not felt in far too long rising inside of me. A storm going through my blood. But for one moment I am aware of nothing of all this.
It is like a shock, to see you again so suddenly. And yet I realize now that I should have known. The dream, this foreboding ...
Oh Elbereth ...
And when my eyes reach you, only one single thought exists in me.
Beautiful ...
I always had you in memory like this. I always had your picture before my eyes and yet it is nothing compared to reality. Valar, I have forgotten how beautiful you are ...
Your moves seem so flowing as you slide from your horse, so light, as if you barely had any weight at all. I see you through the golden veil before my eyes lifting your gaze, spellbound by the beauty around you as much as I by you. See your eyes wandering over the trees and your head slowly turning - in my direction.
I barely noticed your gaze getting closer to me until suddenly your eyes meet mine, despite the leaves separating us. And the moment our eyes lock something so powerful happens that it takes my breath away.
Utter stillness floods my world as everything stands still and nothing more exists any longer. Only you on the one side of the veil and me on the other one. Your eyes, still not having broken away from me.
I can not think anymore.
Is this really true? Can it really be that your soul still speaks to mine as it did back then? So willingly, so easily ...
I know that in this moment I lost my fight. All the efforts, the grief only to keep my will upright suddenly lose their power.
And I fall.
I wait fort the suffocation fear that I always dreaded to come crushing down on me but it does not come.
I fall but not the way I feared I would.
I fall and yet I suddenly feel full of life.
Even though I know that I should not, that I should cling to something, I can not.
I know that it is not right and yet there is nothing I have never known to feel righter than this does.
Nothing to feel righter than you do.
It seems that the Valar decided that I could not live with you. But without you I can not either.
And to me it does not matter if they have to grace to forgive me for this.
Everything
that matters is that you do.
I can't run
anymore
I fall before
you
Here I am
I have nothing
left
Though I've
tried to forget
You're all that
I am
Take me home
I'm through
fighting it
Broken
Lifeless
I give up
You're my only
strength
Without you
I can't go on
Anymore
Ever again
I can't run
anymore
I give myself
to you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
In all my
bitterness
I ignored
All that's real
and true
All I need is
you
When night
falls on me
I'll not close
my eyes
I'm too alive
And you're too
strong
I can't lie
anymore
I fall down
before you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
All the times I've tried
To walk away from you
I fall into your abounding grace
And love is where I am
My only hope
My only peace
My only joy
My only strength
My only power
My only life
My only love
Evanescence ~ October