It's been a month since Emily "died". I know she's not really dead, but she's still gone. Every one is devastated, even. Almost every one is trying to hide the pain, some better than others. Hotch and Rossi are being strong rocks.
Morgan is trying to be Garcia and Reid's rock, though he is very angry. Angry with himself because he thinks he didn't get there in time. Angry with Doyle for killing her. Angry with her for leaving.
Reid is taking it really hard, I'm pretty sure when he leaves for the night he cries. And I don't think he's sleeping well, he's abnormally tired.
Garcia doesn't try to hide her tears but she doesn't let it effect her work. She's actually found another way around the bureau so she doesn't have to walk past Emily's picture on the wall.
I want to tell them so badly that she's okay. That she's doing fine and that's she's on the road to recovery. But I can't. I'm sworn to secrecy, for her protection at least until Doyle is caught or killed.
It's odd; while I know she's not dead I'm still having to deal with my own grief of losing her. Most of the time I can cope with her not being there, but there are instances, small paralyzing moments, when I can't. They're just small things that catch me off guard, like when I go to fix coffee. I'll make two cups only to get to her desk and realize she's not there. Or I'll save her seat in the conference room, and wait for her to rush in at the last second; only to be disappointed when I remember she's not coming. Or I'll think I smell her perfume and I turn to look for her. While they are all small things, when they hit, it's like being hit by a ton of bricks. I forget how to breathe and my goes go weak. Everyone just assumes I'm just dealing with her "death" and Hotch thinks I'm just faking it so the team doesn't figure it out. None of them truly understand how much I miss her and how much I need her in my life. I didn't just lose my best friend; I lost so much more. I lost my lover, my rock, my constant companion. They never knew, we could never tell them. It would breaks protocol for anyone in the same department to be in a relationship. And well I'm not sure how the team would have taken it if they found out.
I'm actually not sure how I'm functioning. People say losing someone like that gets better with time; that the pain dulls. But I don't see how that's possible when my world completely collapses in those paralyzing moments. It causes fresh waves of pain and just renews the same old hurts.
I cannot hope more than I do that she'll return home soon. And I can only hope that things return to the way they were before all of this happened. But I know it will be a long road for all of us.
A/N: This is supposed to be a one shot but I have some ideas for making it a two shot and possibly even a multi-chapter story. Just let me know what y'all think. Thanks for reading.