'Hello, Arkham Asylum?'

It's a prison, sure thing, a prison of the mind.

They say that no child is left behind...

Well, try these bars and stripes for size

if you like. I doubt you'll like it – madness rises.

You could say I'm a veteran, if you like,

as I watch and learn and see all the hype.

But I'm more of a recluse. I'll watch from here-

believe me, you don't want to interfere.

Joker's scheming away, all locked in his cell-

maximum security? God, someone ring that bell,

he's getting out again. It's rather distracting,

you know- I hear madness is catching.

Oh, and now she's started. Poor, sweet Harley,

caterwauling away as the guards come crawling

after her Mr J. She used to be his doctor,

'til she kissed the glass and Arkham caught her.

Don't start now, Crane, no one's in the mood-

'I am the Master of Fear!' right on cue,

but he usually is. Scarecrow, what happened

to you? Your own fears aren't even weakened!

The floor's pounding, walls shaking…

Croc's heard the noise their making

I understand. He doesn't normally miss much,

shame it's nothing compared to the fuss.

The Penguin's all tucked up in Blackgate,

and we're stuck in this dive, in this state,

it's really not fair. He's showered in hot meals

and cable TV, while we wait for Zsasz to make another seal.

We all bear the chill every time

we have to go to therapy, that cold chills mime,

all that rubbing your arms and breathing on your hands

begs the question- why build his cell where every path ends?

Maybe I'm being harsh… no, I'm not, I'm being competent-

God I'm getting as bad as Dent.

I'll be flipping coins next, a pointless endeavour,

being as neither will end in his favour.

Hang on- what's… oh, not again. They'll never

build a cell strong enough to give her.

Her plants are like knives, I swear,

Especially when you consider the beauty they should bear.

I shouldn't talk about them this way… they mean well.

Well… they don't. But they at least they've tasted his hell.

Me? I've spent years planning it, but I'm worried it'll fall flat

when I eventually get my time with the Bat.