Title: Checking In
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: T
Pairing: N/S, Catherine/Sara friendship
Disclaimer: Don't own them, I just like to play with them and then return them (mostly) unharmed.
Spoilers: none that I can think of
The door opened to reveal a disheveled, half awake Sara. Catherine couldn't help but smile at the sweatpants and long sleeved tee shirt combination, uncoordinated in color, but coordinated by the matching stains spattered randomly.
"Thought I'd stop by and see how you're holding up. And I come bearing gifts." Catherine held up the casserole dish she was carrying as Sara smiled. "Vegetarian lasagna."
"You didn't have to do that, but thank you." Sara opened the door further to allow Catherine access to the Stokes residence, holding the door open with her foot as she hastily gathered her hair back into the ponytail holder it had escaped from.
"It's no problem. Lindsey and I had some bonding time this weekend, and we ended up cooking up an army's worth of food. Is he awake?"
Sara unsuccessfully suppressed a yawn as she answered. "Nick? Or the baby? I put Nicky down not too long before Nick got home. They're both sleeping. Sorry about the mess…things have been kind of hectic…" Catherine noticed the laundry baskets, clothes, and baby gifts scattered all around the living room. Catherine couldn't believe that Sara expected to keep up the same level of clean as she did before the baby.
"Sara, you just had a baby four weeks ago, things are gonna be messy for awhile…" The look on Sara's face told Catherine that this was a touchy subject right now, so she changed it quickly. "So you guys decided on Nicky, huh? Doesn't it get confusing between the two of them…well, I guess you never really call Nick Nicky, huh?"
A small, but genuine smile appeared on Sara's face as she closed the door to the afternoon Vegas sun. "Sorry, but I decided early on that someone that looked like Nick could never be Nicky to me. And right now, the baby is either, well, the baby, or buddy. I don't think either of us has been awake enough in the past month to think of anything more creative." Proving her point was the way she blearily ran her hands through the disheveled curls already making their escape from her hastily thrown up ponytail.
"Nicky's good. And it fits, he looks so much like Nick…"
"Has Nick been torturing you guys with pictures? I tried to tell him that he doesn't need to take new ones in everyday, but he just won't listen…"
Catherine chuckled. "Actually, he does. Judy, Wendy, Mandy, and a couple other girls are waiting in the break room every day for the latest round. Archie scanned a couple and has them hanging all over the AV lab. Vartaan stops by every day to ask how you're doing, and to see the new ones. Nicky's popularity around the lab is rivaling his father's, it's cute."
Catherine headed for the kitchen to deposit the casserole dish into the refrigerator as Sara veered off to another part of the living room. "Shouldn't you be getting some sleep too?" Sara really should be getting some sleep whenever the baby was asleep, and she obviously needed it desperately. Nick kept up the 'everyone's doing great' thing for most of the lab, but Catherine had been able to glean bits and pieces of the truth; yes, they were very happy with their bundle of joy, but they were also exhausted and very frustrated.
Sara shook her head and sighed, and Catherine noticed that she had picked up a laundry basket as she passed the kitchen. "Everything I own is covered in breast milk or spit-up, or baby powder…correction, everything that actually fits. And Nick needs clothes for work tonight. I think. That could have been what he mumbled before he passed out."
Catherine remembered what life was like with a newborn, and she couldn't help but feel for the couple. Nick had been walking around like a zombie for the past few weeks, and with Sara out on maternity leave, the rest of the group, Nick included, was left to absorb her shifts.
Sara looked as if she could barely see straight as she propped herself up against the wall, laundry basket resting on her hip. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.
"Sara, things will get better…"
"Everyone keeps saying that," Sara cut off, looking dangerously close to tears. "He's a month old Catherine. I should know what I'm doing by now, but I don't. Sometimes he cries, and I have no idea what to do…I haven't slept, or showered. Nick's trying to help, but he's so exhausted by the time he gets home, and he doesn't sleep much either…I worry about him driving out to scenes, falling asleep at the wheel…"
Catherine could see that Sara was slowly unraveling, so she gently placed a hand on her arm. "This is what I want you to do, okay? Give me the laundry basket, get a glass of water, and go sit on the couch for a minute." Sara was about to protest when Catherine interrupted. "Sara, I'm serious. I'll be there in a couple minutes."
Sara sniffled and nodded before relinquishing control of the basket and heading into the kitchen.
After situating the laundry in the washing machine and folding the load fresh from the dryer, Catherine made her way back out to the living room. Sara was curled up in one corner of the couch, clutching a glass of water and staring off into space.
Catherine settled next to her, and when she realized that Sara wasn't going to be the first one to speak, she decided to open up the lines of communication. She remembered the rollercoaster of emotions she rode after she had given birth to Lindsey, and she also knew that Sara didn't have many female friends, and that she was the only one Sara was remotely close to that had a child.
"Sara, you can read all the books, visit all the websites out there…but then you have a baby. And they hand you this eight pound person who is completely dependent on you, and twenty four hours later, they send you on your way. You don't get to sleep, your back hurts, your breasts hurt, and you feel like you have no clue what you're doing. But you will, you just have to give it time. The first time he smiles at you, the first time he says mama, I promise, that those moments will make all of this worth it."
Sara was sniffling by the time Catherine was through. She set her glass of water down on the floor by the side of the couch and wiped at her eyes. "He's smiling a little you know…when we go into his room and talk to him before we pick him up…he smiles."
Catherine smiled and turned to face Sara a little more. "See, he's happy, and he's healthy…you guys are doing good. Sara, I know it's scary, but you've never failed at anything, why do you think you will now?"
Her voice cracked a little as she answered, wiping at her eyes again. "Catherine, I'm just so scared…this is more important than anything else I've ever tried to do, I can't afford to mess up."
"And that's why you won't," Catherine replied simply. "This means too much to you. You guys will be fine. And you have Nick, and he loves you both so much…"
Catherine thought that this information would reassure Sara, so she was surprised when the new mother started to cry again. Catherine wasn't exactly sure what was going on, so she reached out to pat her arm gently. "Sara, what's going on? You two aren't fighting, are you?"
"No," Sara croaked, "it's just…you know, never mind, I'm just being stupid…" The look Catherine shot Sara implied that she didn't buy a word of that. "I just wonder if it was a mistake." Now Catherine was really confused, not having the slightest clue as to what Sara was talking about. She knew Sara was stressed, but now she was beginning to suspect that her friend was slipping into some serious post partum depression, and she was worried.
She decided the best way to deal with this was to be direct, but gentle. "Sara, what do you mean? What's a mistake?"
"Everything happened so fast…I got pregnant, and Nick proposed, and we got married…Catherine, I know Nick, and I know that he wouldn't have left me pregnant and alone…sometimes I wonder if he just talked himself into all of this, that's he's just doing the right thing." Tears were streaming down Sara's face as she twisted her hands in her lap.
"You think Nick only married you because of the baby?" Catherine tried to keep any tone out of her voice that Sara could interpret as unsupportive, fully aware that Sara opening up like this was a rare occurrence.
Sara chuckled nervously. "Stupid, huh? I know he loves me, but I'm just so tired, and I can't think straight…I'm just not sure about anything anymore. I've always thought like a scientist, Cath, I need concrete evidence that something exists, and I know it's ridiculous…"
To anyone that had spent five minutes with Nick and Sara, it was apparent how much Nick adored his wife, and Catherine had been a spectator to their burgeoning relationship for years. She had noticed something between the two since Sara had moved to Vegas, but it had taken years for them to arrive at the point where they would admit it to themselves, and to each other. Truth be told, Catherine had sometimes been jealous of the way that Nick looked at Sara, of the twinkle in his eye whenever he talked about her; not because she wished Nick would look at her that way, but because she didn't think that anyone had ever looked at her the way Nick looked at Sara. But she understood what Sara meant; she knew it was sometimes easier to see what someone feels for someone else. Sara was close to the edge, and Catherine had some information that just might come in handy.
"Sara, you want evidence that he didn't just ask you to marry him because of the baby?"
"Cath, how can you…"
Catherine held up her hand and smiled. "Hey, just hear me out. Now, you realized you were pregnant in what, June?" Sara nodded, looking at Catherine curiously, but at least she had stopped crying. "And you remember when Nick and Warrick went to that basketball tournament in Summerlin at the end of March?" Sara nodded again. "Well Sara, I hate to break it to you, but there was no basketball tournament in Summerlin that day."
Sara's brow was furrowed. "So how does Nick lying to me about going to a basketball game prove anything, except that apparently he lies to me?" She really didn't seem too pleased at that prospect.
Catherine couldn't help but chuckle as Sara's sleep addled brain interfered with her logic, but she knew she better clarify before she landed Nick in trouble. "Well Sara, Nick lied to you because he didn't want you to know where he was going. Or more specifically, what he was doing. And it was something that he wanted his best friend's opinion on, seeing as how said best friend knew his girlfriend, and her taste, pretty well too."
It took another few seconds, but Catherine saw the exact moment that realization dawned on Sara as the expression on her face changed from exhaustion to enlightenment. "He and Warrick were buying my engagement ring…but that was way before…wait, how did you know?"
"Who do you think held onto it for all those months? Nick was afraid you'd find it if he kept it anywhere in the house, and he wanted it to be special. Besides, I told them that they needed final approval before buying anything…I know both of them have pretty good taste, but you can't be too careful."
Sara's eyes shone with tears again, but this time they appeared to be happy. "Thanks Cath…I really needed to hear that today."
"Sara, he loves you. You gave him a son, and everyone could see how happy you made him even before that. He didn't just marry you because you were having a baby. You guys are stressed, and tired, but you have to remember that."
Sounds of gurgling and cooing from the baby monitor thrown on the floor next to the couch interrupted Sara's sniffling. "I guess someone's awake now, would you like to go in and see him?"
Catherine nodded eagerly, pleased at the chance of seeing the baby awake, and happy that Sara seemed to be in better spirits than when she first arrived. The two women made their way back to the baby's room, tip toeing quietly past the closed door where Nick could be heard snoring lightly.
"Hey buddy, you ready to visit with Aunt Catherine for awhile? She came to see how big you're getting," Sara cooed quietly as she rubbed Nicky's stomach gently. Catherine stood next to the head of the crib, watching Nicky smile a little and gurgle at the sound of his mother's voice. "You want to show her how good you're getting at holding your head up?"
Sara picked him up, holding him close to her for a moment as she dropped a kiss above his ear, before she handed the baby off to Catherine. His eyes were wide as he tried to focus on Catherine's face, and she was pleased to see he was wearing a yellow fuzzy sleeper that she had given Sara at her baby shower.
"Pictures just don't do him justice," she murmured, savoring the moment with all of her senses. Catherine hadn't realized how much she missed the smell of baby powder, the feel of a little hand grasping at her finger. "You won't believe it now, but once he gets older, you'll really miss these days." Things had been rough with Lindsey the past few years, and though they were finally getting along again, Catherine found herself wishing more and more she could keep her as a little girl, playing the girl in the moon. She marveled at the tiny creature for several more minutes, until he began to fuss and Catherine reluctantly handed him back to Sara.
"Someone's hungry, huh?" Catherine couldn't help but smile as Sara talked quietly to the baby as she settled herself into a glider in the corner of the room. Though Sara was unsure of her abilities, Catherine thought that she was adjusting well to motherhood.
"Baby, are you planning on getting any sleep before I have to head back into work…oh, hey Cath. Thought I heard voices," Nick called from the doorway somewhat sleepily. He smiled briefly at Catherine before making his way over to the glider and planting a kiss on Sara's head as she began to nurse.
"I knew he'd be getting up to feed again, and there's laundry that needs to be switched out…" Sara sighed as Nick rested his hand briefly on the baby's head before stroking Sara's hair gently. Catherine felt suddenly awkward at intruding on such a personal moment; Sara nursing wasn't anything she hadn't seen before, but this was Sara and Nick's family time.
"You know, that lasagna was just one of the gifts." Catherine reminded Sara why exactly she had stopped by. "The other gift is sleep…I was scheduled off, but Lindsey is at a friend's house tonight so I'm going to go in. Grissom said Nick could have the night off."
Sara and Nick stared at Catherine as if she had just announced that she was paying for an all expenses paid trip for them to go to Hawaii. Nick was the first to recover. "Cath…thanks so much."
Catherine turned her gaze towards Sara. "Now this means you have no excuse not to take a shower and get some sleep yourself." Sara nodded, tucking an errant curl behind her ear. "I'll stop by with some more goodies from Aunt Catherine in a couple days."
"Hey, Catherine?" Sara called out, momentarily readjusting the baby in her arms. She smiled at her friend and coworker. "Thanks."
Catherine returned the smile as she headed towards the door of the nursery. "Anytime Sara. Just give me a call if you need anything."
Catherine let herself out, leaving the Stokes family to their afternoon. There were many more sleep deprived days ahead of them, but Catherine knew they would make it. She made a promise to herself that she would stop by a little more often to give Sara a link to the outside world, and to make sure that she knew she wasn't in this alone. And when she thought they were ready, she would bring up a babysitting proposal that Lindsey had excitedly made a few days after Nicky was born. But for now, she would just let them get some sleep.
FIN.
A/N: I've had a really crappy week so far (pretty bad since it's only Tuesday), and I've been super-stressed lately, and apparently when I get super-stressed…I write Snicker baby fics. This random plot bunny took over a couple days ago, and momentarily side tracked my "Rashomama" post ep plans. Trying to finish that one up in the next couple days, but work may interfere, at least until Thursday. Hope you enjoyed this fic, let me know what you think in a review!