let it go
summary: "That's the thing about pain, it demands and deserves to be felt." "It doesn't have to be like that, baby. Not anymore." or, where the weird annie cresta and unforgettable finnick odair finally cross paths, yet somehow manage to damage it beyond repair. [modernday!au]
a/n: erm, i really wanted to make this a peeniss{ahem everlark}fic but i just thought that odesta would fit it better, although there may be a bit of katniss in annie, for a tiny part. let's see how this angst goes.
disclaimer: ahbviously nawt.
prompt: "come on take a walk on the wild side; let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain; you like your girls insane" from born to die by lana del rey
dedication: for the monthly one-shot competition, at coppertone wars.
.
.
.
Annie Cresta—
insane.
"She's a rather mad, peculiar girl," says the seventy five year old man, who is currently fishing, as warmly as possible.
"She seems to be doing…something…unique with her life," fumbles a middle aged, tiresome mom.
"Yeah, I used to know her. She liked to laugh at random times and covered her eyes and ears often. Glad I got out of that friendship," a former classmate notes.
"She screams and cries a lot," a five year old chirps, licking his strawberry lollipop happily.
(When she's questioned on a description of herself, all she does is scream and run out of the room, accidentally hitting some random car parked on the curb.)
.
Finnick Odair—
irresistible.
"He's so dreamy, I could die," melts a Finnick fangirl.
"Charming, sexy, and unforgettable; I think my reproductive system explodes whenever I see him," adds a scientist, adjusting her white lab coat at the thought of the blonde.
"We have a fan club for him."
Mags, his motherly figure, simply smiles when asked about the legend.
"He's a heartbreaker, but those girls are lucky to even experience him up close."
(He says that he loves that people love him, that all of this is a huge distraction because they're only human, right?)
.
One day, they're asked about each other.
"Finnick Odair? All I care about are the 'Odair-puns'—not like I ever get the chance to use them, anyway," she comments, snapping the last part bitterly.
"Annie Cresta…(he pauses, skimming through his brain for a bio to match the name)…she's the one at the mental institute, am I correct?"
.
Okay, so yes—Annie Cresta is officially insane, but who ever said this tale was normal? Both base each other off on reputations, clichés that they wouldn't mind being unwritten. They're alike in that sense, but that still doesn't change the fact that at first, they just don't mix.
Because the tale of Annie and Finnick, just isn't one you see in the storybooks, and both never signed up for typical happy endings.
It doesn't help that they meet in her ward.
.
Her once bright, green eyes are dull and lifeless as she stares hard at the wall, the only sense of emotion coming from the coldness in those eyes. Annie doesn't know what she did to end up on this bed, she really doesn't, but apparently she's diagnosed with psychotic schizophrenia.
She lets out a small sigh and picks at a hanging nail. She likes to think of this as a game—they say she's mental, she'll live up to her reputation and give them a show. She's been here for about six months now, so her cover has been built, her name known, and her walls are built up completely.
That's probably why no one bats an eye when Annie cuts the nail and digs it deep into her leg upon hearing the footsteps approaching. (Or maybe it's because it's a goddamn mental institute and they've seen far worse—if that's the case, then Annie needs to step up her game.)
Shortly after, she hears the bell tower in the distance ring—it's noon now, and according to her strict schedule, meds should come any second now. And as expected, the nurse comes rolling in with her huge cart, trying to avoid eye contact with Annie. (The nurse has only been here for a week, but word spreads quickly here, and it doesn't take much to fear the brunette.) She gives her the pills, delivers some papers to her from her therapist, and is out the door, rushing to the next cell (where some lady named Wiress is—she yells tick tock every time that bell rings and Annie has tried to attack her when she first came in).
Although there's really nothing for a girl like her to do here, she is always busy—she, along with all the other psychos locked up here, have to follow the same routine every day. If she's not eating those disgusting meals or taking her meds, she's in therapy or group activity. In visiting hours, she does the same thing as she does in her leisure time—plot, psych people out, whatever the hell she wants because she doesn't get any fucking 'visitors'.
Nothing spectacular ever happens to her here, so imagine her surprise when Finnick Odair—the Finnick Odair—shows up during visitor hours. Obviously, he's not here for her, but seeing him in the institute is enough for her. She remembers seeing him once or twice in the halls at school, when she still went of course. He was probably three, four years older than her?
Annie had heard a story or two before, on how sometimes kids from her school visited the three people (well, four now, but she's never gotten a visit like that yet) that got sent to the institute. They would go and stare and taunt the teens like they were caged animals. Annie always makes sure to prevent this from happening to her, so during visiting times, she makes herself unapproachable.
Knowing that Finnick Odair would be one of those people, she crouches down in her chair and creeps over to under bed, where hidden in plain sight is a bundle of spare gowns. Naturally, she slips on the one coated in blood and grabs a glass shard that was hidden inside, scraping it over her leg and forming a huge gash. (Blood is no longer a scary sight to her, as the moment she stepped in, all feelings were gone. Hating company of actual human beings now, blood was her new best friend—not like she had any to begin with.) Staring at Finnick's tall outline, making sure he never sees her, she creeps back into her rocking chair.
She rocks back and forth, grateful they haven't wiped up the red marks on the wall she's facing menacingly. Out of the corner of her eye, Finnick has entered the cell two down from her right, but he's seen her, definitely. (She swears there was a moment's look of recognition in his eyes, but it's over and she wishes it hadn't happened.)
Trying to put that weird encounter behind them, Annie picks at a scar on her leg, something that usually calms her down. She traces the long line (it has to be a new one because the color is bolder than most) down to her ankle. She sees him in her peripheral vision yet again and—and she's making a big deal out of this.
Breathe in, breathe out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Perfect.
For once, something goes right in her life. She finally has her feelings under control; if her therapist came in and asked her to "tap into your feelings", she would be able to tell her everything that was wrong and what wasn't—
And then, before she knows it, Finnick is asking a worker to visit her. Did he not notice the murderous look on her face, all the scars covering her body better than her skin itself?
As he steps in, she can feel her control fly out of the window. She desperately wants to jump and grab them, and Annie even lifts her hand up softly (which her visitor takes as a friendly wave, but she's not worrying about him right now). But the window shuts, opportunity crushed, and everything else is once again, gone.
So, fuck Finnick Odair.
He pulls a chair out and awkwardly sits down, braving eye contact with her. "What are you doing here?"
"What the hell do you want?"
Obviously, he's taken aback that she's acknowledging him. (And he doesn't seem the slightest bit insulted with her jab; apparently, attention is attention in Finnick's world—let it be negative or positive.)
He takes a deep breath and says, "I asked you first."
Annie doesn't say anything to him because in all honesty, she's confused. These aren't how those "special visits" are supposed to go—at least, not what she's heard of them.
She guesses that she was showing emotion on her face (and believe me, she's pissed about that) because Finnick himself admits, "I'm not here for that."
Silence.
"Annie..."
"What the hell do you want?" she repeats, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I want to...talk."
"You hesitated," she can't help but point out. "Why are you even here?"
He bites his lip and peeks at her. "Can we not get that personal right now? Can we just talk about something?"
"I don't even know you."
"So why not get to know me?" he counters.
Annie is really starting to get fed up with him, so she reaches into her chest (which Finnick really doesn't seem to mind) and pulls out a needle. She starts humming to "Teddy Bear's Picnic", which was one of her favorite nursery rhymes as a child. As she hums, she starts to caress her finger with the pointy end of the needle, adding more and more pressure to the weapon as her tune gets louder. She's smiling insanely as the blood pours out and doesn't care about the few droplets on her gown.
The needle digs as much as it can in and she feels her eyes watering—not because it hurts but because the pain feels so damn good. Her trusty needle is covered in nothing but blood, except for the pinch she was holding it. She hits that last note and throws it on her bed, knowing she'll encounter it again later. Annie looks at the chair and expects it to be vacant once more, to see that Finnick had left crept out by her weirdness, only to see him still sitting there, waiting rather patiently.
"See, this is real," he whispers to her.
"What?"
"I'm not faking. A person who actually cares stays here with you even while you go through all of that. A person who cares knows that you need to do that, and they don't walk out on you. I care."
"Getting a bit personal there," she mumbles.
But she knows he's right. She knows that when people love something (or in this case, someone) they'll always stand by them. With Annie? People always walk out on her, and here she, finally has to face the truth. No one cares about her—even a stranger figured that out.
Once again, fuck him.
(But, then again, Finnick was here for her and he did care. She still has no idea in hell why or how he even knows her, but it helped to have him here.
She decides that maybe, he wasn't so bad after all, and decides to trust him.)
"Um, Annie?"
She feels heat rise up to her cheeks upon realizing she spaced out. "Erm, what was your first question again?"
He blinks. "Never mind, forget that. I don't want to pressure you so...just ask me something."
(She has a feeling that he sensed her discomfort at first and is trying to win her trust, so she silently applauds herself for masking her most recent change of heart.) "What brings you here? Like, to the actual institute?"
He lets out a small sigh. "My mom. She's right over there (He points to the right, the cell he was just in) and will always be. I don't like to speak of her, or any of my family for that matter."
Annie remembers the fragile, old women who was with him. "So then who were you with right now when you visited your mom?"
"Mags. She's a close family friend and has been raising me ever since my mom got locked up. It's always been just her and me since then—my dad's dead, and my brother...he doesn't care anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if he died in a bar fight, or drowned."
"I've never seen you around here before. Is your mom that sick?" she asks softly.
"We don't visit her that often."
And in this light, she sees Finnick Odair as a human being—someone with actual feelings. As they talk, she develops more respect for him after all. Obviously, his charm that girls idolize him for pops up every now and then, but Annie feels special because she's seen a genuine side of someone, even more so that it's one that nobody has ever seen before.
Then, Finnick mutters something to her that gives her the "blood-rushing-to-your-cheeks" feeling all over again, and her stomach is jumping. Now, she realizes that she had been blushing because of him, and that he actually gave her butterflies.
Conceal, don't feel, Annie. What the hell's going on with you? CONCEAL, DON'T FEEL.
And she doesn't let it show, so props to her. Then again, she can worry about what happened another time.
Because she has a friend now.
She's friends with the Finnick Odair.
(She was starting to wonder if maybe she really was crazy.)
.
Annie starts to sleep walk about two months after she's met Finnick.
She didn't know when it specifically started or how it even happened, but one minute she was wrapped in the mucky white covers and the next she was in the bell tower. She was standing on the very edge, one leg extended onto the cement wall that surrounded it. Pulling it back down, she leaned and stared at the night sky. It was completely dull and lifeless, no bright lights from the moon or even stars. The cool breeze swam gently towards her and she felt like it was hitting her like soft waves.
Annie loved to swim. With every stroke she took, she felt like she was one stroke closer to freedom. In a game of her and the water, she always won. She would never drown and sometimes, when she was little, she would dive down to the very bottom of the pool then floatfloatfloat back up, tricking it. As she grew older, she still would long for tricking the water again, but she came to realize that if she were to go down, then one day the pool might win, and she might never come back up again. (It was more inevitable when she knew that all the other teens were on the pool's side.)
She smiles at the memory, though a hint of sadness creeps up as she rejoins reality. All these walls that surround her—both literally and figuratively—bounce her back inside every time she tries to get out. When she finally finds what seems like a flaw in the design, it seems as if they are always a step ahead of her and they torture her until she has no choice but to creep back in. she hates it, she really does.
So she just stares at the asylum, feeling sucked into their game, and she knows they are going to drive her into actual insanity one day.
This continues on for a week.
And then another.
And another.
The next day, it's worse. The tension grows and she keeps adding body parts outside of the wall.
She's defiant now.
(Finnick hasn't even visited her all month, so she knows the drill.)
She adds.
And adds.
AND ADDS.
Until one day, she's completely outside and finally ready.
Annie stares at the ground as she sits down on the cement wall. She feels half asleep but can very clearly see the pool of water below her—she even rubs her eyes to make sure it's real. For the first time this month, she has a genuine smile. An opportunity has finally given her that drive, that trigger.
She could be a kid once more and go back to the start, to let the pool win this one time against her. The mood is exactly like it was that first night, but the wind is blowing hard against her tonight. She pats her burgundy coat down and hears the bell tower ring—she can just imagine Wiress right now, yelling 'tick tock' in her sleep.
There's a tiny bit of regret in Annie as she thinks of this, but that passes quickly; there's nothing she is leaving tonight. Instead, she stares at the small light in the sky and thinks, I'll be joining you soon.
So she braves herself for the jump, and gets ready to dive—
"Annie! Annie stop!"
In all the times this month Finnick chooses to stop by, it's now? He's completely ruined her peaceful vibe, and she needs to switch the track to something intense—looks like she can't even die in peace anymore.
She flips him off and prepares herself once more—it's just a fast passing down. She screams, covers her ears with her hands, and jumps.
And she's doing it—she's really doing it…until a strong pair of hands pull her back up.
"Let me go! Let me go! Why won't you just let me fall?!"
"I don't want you to die, Annie," Finnick whispers.
"But the water! The water needs me!" She rushes to the edge and can see the ground despite her watery eyes—and no pool. "You idiot! You made it go away!"
"Annie, you were hallucinating. There was no water."
She doesn't know what to do and starts punching her face repeatedly—and she's not playing any tricks this time.
"You're hurting yourself! Stop, please," he begs.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands and deserves to be felt."
"It doesn't have to be like that, baby. Not anymore."
Once more, she believes him. It wasn't easy, but she does and never wants to swim again. And unknowingly, randomly, and without any reason whatsoever, Annie finally breaks, and her walls fall into the "water" that she imagined there. Out of sight, out of mind.
.
Her first kiss is magical.
No, correction; their first kiss is magical.
She's just putting on one of her nicer asylum gowns (completely blood and wrinkle free, of course) for Finnick's visit that afternoon. Believe it or not, it seems as if they have had a…more than friends type relationship ever since that night on the bell tower. It's strange to Annie how much she's shifted lately, but she's getting used to it.
She's running her fingers through her hair, trying to get as many knots out as possible, when he walks—well, more like waltzes—in.
"Hey there Miss Mischief. I brought you some bubblegum."
She rolls her eyes at the nickname and catches the strip. "Ooh, what a rebel. How are you? Oh, you should really change that nickname, by the way. And—"
"Whoa, slow down there," he interrupts, flashing a toothy grin. "One, thank you, looks like you're rubbing off on me. Flirt turned rebel, sounds pretty good, doesn't it? (She throws her balled up wrapper at him for this line.) Geez, tough crowd. Two, I'm doing fine, thanks. And um, three, what do you mean?"
"Instead of Miss Mischief, ditch the repetition and go straight to two words, 'Miss Chief'. It's refreshing and we both get an excuse for me to be the boss, everybody wins."
He tilts his head as he considers this, then snaps his fingers like a mad scientist. "Brilliant! I'm adopting this."
She gives him a sarcastic eyebrow raise and clicks her tongue.
Annie jumps on her bed and invites him to sit. "Finnick, I've been meaning to ask you something for a while now."
He plops down beside her, poking her leg. "Shoot."
"Why did you come see me all those months ago?"
Immediately, Finnick heads towards the door. She looks at him regretfully, thinking he would leave, but all he does is pull the curtains shut and come back to the bed.
Finnick shrugs. "I knew you from some places, and you looked pretty miserable. I heard about the news that you got locked up here, and it didn't make sense to me. Do you wanna know something?"
"What?"
He leans in and whispers to her, "I know you're not crazy."
She leans back on her bed, bumping her head on the headboard, and gasps, eyes widened. She's half-joking, half-serious about her shock. She's spent her entire almost-year here making sure that if all else failed, she would convince everybody that she really, truly was crazy. That was the one thing she swore she would forever keep, and that was gone.
"Well, congratu-fucking-lations."
"You're not officially crazy; you're different, and I like different."
She doesn't know why the last part was added but she chooses to ignore it. Instead, she leans into him and whispers in his ear, "What about you? Got any secrets worth my time?" She winks.
He smirks at her confidence but it soon changes into a frown. Then, he explains everything, "Well, yes, actually. My mom…she forced me into prostitution, to put it simply. When the officials found out, they tried to take her to prison, but that didn't work out. That's why she was sent here. And that's how I knew you aren't crazy, because you obviously aren't as horrible as her."
"Wow...that must have really…sucked," Annie fumbles, not finding the right words.
"It still does. The charm and seduction stuck around, and I don't think it can be repaired."
And all this time, she wasn't trying to fix Finnick—she thought there was nothing to fix. Why try to glue something back together that wasn't even broken in the first place? Turns out, they're more alike than she originally thought.
She blows a huge bubble in place of a response. Unconsciously, he pops it. She spits it out onto the floor, watching the yellowish-green bundle land with a soft thud. She turns back to him with a smile on her face, only for their noses to touch.
And Finnick leans in even more and softly presses his slightly wet lips against hers; and it's heaven in a kiss. Annie doesn't know how to react to this, except for what she assumed was kissing back and to wrap her arms around his neck. He lifts her to his lap and her legs are wrapped around his waist by the time they break apart.
(Annie thinks that this is her favorite memory, and Finnick just adds to it by placing her invisible crown on top of her brunette head, transforming her into his princess and granting her explicit royalty.)
"You naughty boy," she breaths.
"Ain't too bad yourself, Miss Chief," he teases back.
"Yeah, well, (She gestures to the formerly-blood coated walls surrounding them and to the mahogany curtains) you like your girls insane."
"That I do, Annie; that I do."
She grins at him and captures his lips once more, and now she's a queen and everything is perfect.
.
"We're busting you out of here."
She tears her eyes away from the wall and stares at Finnick. "What?"
"Come on, I'm helping you escape this hell hole. Climb on my back."
Annie stands up and starts packing her few belonging away. "Ooh, you're in your rebellious stage, I love it. But what the actual fuck? There's no way I'm breaking out of an asylum on piggyback, no sir. You only do this once, we should make it a good one."
He pulls out an axe from out of nowhere and sends her a mischievous look. "I'm already ahead of you."
She jumps up, all packed, and comes closer to him, caressing the blade very gently and slowly. "Whoa, where'd you get this from?"
"Pen pal in District Seven. Lumber."
"Nice. May I do the honors?"
Finnick steps back. "Fire away."
She flashes a smirk before swinging at the window and boom. The glass shatters all over the floor and she screams in delight as they flow around them.
"I'll jump first and wait for you. Well, my arms and I will."
They salute each other before he goes, and Annie takes one last look at the room she's spent a year in. it's then she realizes it's already been a goddamn year today, and she can't help but love Finnick even more for remembering. Nice present there.
Now, one last time, she's going to bring blood. As she picks up one of the glass shards lying around, she swears it's the very last time she's going to do this to herself on purpose, and cuts her tummy. She hops over to those muckywhitesheets and lets the blood pour onto it; this room can use one more ounce of red, after all. (Going away present, if you will.)
She collapses into his arms and they run off, wearing huge toothy grins. She's done it, she's actually done it! There was no right, no wrong, and no more rules for her—she's broken through and she's free.
She and Finnick continue their triumphant run, one with each other, the wind, and sky. The cold attacks her and she gets a rush of chills and adrenaline as they land in District Four's park (currently deserted due to the nighttime—it's way past their bed times, after all). The wind howls like the swirling storm she had just left behind, and really, Annie's having way too many 'perfect moments' for a girl as miserable as she used to be.
They fall onto a park bench and hold onto each other, laughing like maniacs.
"I wonder how they're going to react to that whole thing," she makes out between laughs.
"They already know, babe."
Record scratch.
"Huh? What?"
He smiles at her. "They were going to release you tomorrow, but since I showed up, they let me kidnap you."
"So…you did…all of this…to make me…feel good?"
"Yup."
"You're amazing, you know that?"
"Well, I've decided to take a walk on your wild side."
"And how long will you stay there?"
He rubs his chin. "How long is forever again?"
She grins and twirls out of the bench. "A very long time." Annie pulls Finnick up and tugs him towards the playground. "Come play with me."
They take turns on the swings and assault each other with the grimy sand. He even lifts Annie up to the slide and sends her down upside down, some of the sand in her shoe flying into her mocha eyes and she lands in the sand with more in her hair than ever. She sees Finnick on the seesaw in hysterics, so she has an idea and runs to sit on the other side, sending him down and now she's the one insanely laughing.
He's sent back into the air again and gradually, Annie crawls up the wood. It's started to rain now, so her hand slips on one of the rain drops and she clumsily crashes into Finnick, and they both tumble off the seesaw. He shakes his head at her mockingly, and she decides to take the upper hand. Moments later, they're kissing in the pouring rain, she straddling a very flustered blonde (because let's face it, he has no idea how to take over).
Satisfied, she breaks the kiss and tugs him up.
"Where to, madam?" he drawls in a fake-British accent.
"Home!" she exclaims happily.
"Ah, sneaking up on those idiot-parents of yours, then? Hold still motherfuckers!"
She slaps his back. "Not that, Finnick. (She hops onto his back like he had wanted her to earlier and points north.) Your lodge. Our home."
.
"Finnick, can I have some hot chocolate please?" Annie asks him a few nights later, snuggled under layers of blankets in front of the fireplace (it's become their new favorite place to sleep—screw beds).
"Of course, be right back."
She gives him a smile and closes her eyes for just a moment; sometimes, she needs to lie down and put the world on pause, recite her list to herself to remember what was real. The last one on her list is the one that makes her smile the most—Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. (He even goes to tell her every night before they sleep, "What we have is and always will be real." And Finnick keeps his promises, doesn't he?)
"Here you go."
She peeks out of the quilt (no more tarnished whites for her) and hurriedly grabs the mug. She sips it because she's lying down, some slips out of the rim and onto her chin and clothes (and one drop in her eyes for some reason) and it's superhot.
"Oh god, are you okay?" Finnick rushes over upon noticing her predicament.
"Yeah, fine." She struggles to get up, so Finnick puts the mug down and carries her to the couch, positioning them so they're cuddling.
Annie stares at Finnick from her long lashes, and she feels a rush of tears rush up. She tries to blink them back like they do in the movies, but then again, this isn't a movie—this shit is real life. She doesn't want to admit the reasoning behind them, so she has no explanation when Finnick sees her in emotional turmoil and points it out to her.
"Come here, baby," he whispers, pulling her up to his chest. "You okay?"
She gives a slight shake of the head, because there's really no use in lying to him. "I hate myself," she blurts. It's only half of the reason for her sudden drift in emotions, but hey, it'll have to do.
"Baby, how could you? What is there to hate?"
"I'm a demon on the inside, it's scary," she undertones.
"Annie…"
"And I don't think you love me."
"You're not treating yourself right. I want you to be happy, darling, about yourself and about us. Our hands fit perfectly together, and your smiles and laughs are heaven. I treasure our conversations, guard them like my deepest secrets because I don't want to let them go. Your eyes remind me of chocolate, which reminds me of sugar, which reminds me of sugar cubes; every time I think of you, I think of my favorite sweet, remember that.
"You need to love yourself like I do, Annie. With us, it was meant to be, and I'm always going to keep you safe. And all of these little things that just slipped out, I love them and you endlessly. It's you they add up to, and that's the truth."
Annie gives him a small smile and hugs him, not wanting to let go. If she lets go, it's one step closer to having him torn apart from her side forever. Of course, he can never know this, but right now, she wants to spill everything as she stares into his gorgeous eyes. "I have another problem."
"What is it?"
"I think…I think I'm falling in love with you," she stutters.
He looks at her. "I have a bigger problem, then."
She cringes, knowing he's going to insult her and kick her to the curb.
"I've fallen harder a long time ago."
Her world brightens and she looks at the coal at the bottom of the fireplace. If blood could be the new black, why couldn't black be the new blood? Finnick was the white and she the black in yin and yang, after all. He's that gleam of light that appeared in the dull sky the night in the bell tower, the place she always finds her way back to.
"Well, you crept up on me."
.
The other half of her emotional outbursts pops up a month later.
She never wanted it to show, never meant for it to leak out.
But then again, this is her payback for getting all those glory filled days.
It starts when she's packing up her things from Finnick's lodge.
(She's already figured out her escape plan—she picked the nighttime when Finnick's asleep, knew which door to walk out of, and she even knew which district to flee to so Finnick didn't have to see her ever again. Now, it's all a matter in actually leaving. And she just can't bring herself to do it.)
She closes up the black and white polka dot duffel and checks the time. She's done some sniffing around and found Finnick's District Seven pen pal he had talked about all those weeks ago—Johanna Mason. She agreed to keep her lips sealed and to wait for her tonight, so Annie guesses she should get going right now.
She puts her right foot in front of her, then her left. Right, left, right left, right left, right—
"Where are you going, Annie?" Finnick yawns from the doorframe.
Fuck.
She sighs and decides to face her shit like a man—she owes it to Finnick to leave him as best as she can. "I'm leaving, Finnick."
"Excuse me?"
"I don't want to hurt you," she whispers.
"Oh really? You don't want to fucking hurt me? Then what the fuck is this? Because you seem to be hurting me right now!" he screeches.
"Finnick, calm down."
"I'm not going to fucking calm down. You probably find this really funny, don't you? You're probably laughing on the inside that you fooled me and sucked me into your stupid little game where you build and tear my heart out, huh Annie?"
She doesn't know how to react to his outburst—Finnick was always better at handling hers than vice versa. "I'm still dangerous."
He paces around the room before seemingly calming down. "How. The. Fuck. Are. You. Dangerous?"
"Um—"
"You know what Annie, screw your excuses."
"I murdered someone, Finnick!" she screams, letting it all go.
He stops pacing and stares at her. "What?"
"Last month. I wasn't crying because of those 'little things', I was crying because I'm a stupid ass motherfucker who should rot in hell. That's where I'm going now, so just leave me alone! I ended somebody's life and didn't even know it."
"Annie…Annie no, wait. Let me help you."
"No," she spits out.
"But Annie, we can do this. We will do this. I'm still rooting for us."
"I want to keep you safe, Finnick. With me…you're not safe with me," she murmurs, no longer staring at him now that their screaming match has ended. "It's risky for me to stay here."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take." He steps closer to her.
"Well I'm not."
She can feel his eyes beg hers to stare at him, even to give him a glance, so he could figure this out. But she wasn't going to give him it. "Look, Finnick, you've given me the best six months or so of my life. You saved me from myself and this world and that's a debt I can never repay, honest. But now I want to try to figure something out on my own. I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving this life, please understand that."
"But I was a part of your life, so you're still leaving me," he chokes out.
Annie bites her lip and swings her duffle onto her shoulder. "Finnick, I lo—"
He holds the door open for her.
.
{Maybe they end up together, maybe they won't.
She had to let him go in order to let it go, but wasn't it worth it in the end? Annie Cresta was truly, finally, happy—and after getting through the initial heartbreak, that's enough for Finnick Odair.
And maybe, just maybe, their paths will cross again, if it was meant to be.}
(They just have to find their better half on the end of the bumpy road.)
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a/n: um i really don't know what i did with this /hides hopefully you liked it and sorry that it seemed odd at times. i'd love to edit this because this seemed to have actual potential, so maybe in the future i will. please leave a review, though?
xoxo,
abi