*raises hands* Don't kill me! I haven't started yet another story it's just an innocent one-shot! I wrote it in good faith! It's... it's a gift? Now, lower those pistols? *breaths in relief* Thanks...

Everyone wish happy birthday to Justa Little Puppy-kun of the Dog Family! Also, happy birthday to Thatch, because he's totally awesome! But mostly to Puppy-kun-chan-ya! No better fitting present than a story about a dog, right? I hope she'll like it, and I hope you will, also x333

Oh, in case I should warn y'all, I'm not really sure about Haruta's gender, and it seems no one is. Most of the people here are going with female, I see, but it's a little disagreeing with my mental image of him. So, in this story, I'll try and be ambiguous!

Disclaimer: if One Piece did belong to me, Thatch would be still alive! So, everyone vote for me as the next owner of the amazing manga/anime known as One Piece, so you can have absolutely crappy art and even more horrible storylines, yay! Seriously, it's far better for the world that I'm here, writing fanfiction :)

"Is everything ready?"

"Aye-aye, commander!"

"You're a commander, too!"

"Are you done yet, yoi?"

"Yes!" Ace picked up something from the table "Wake him up, Haruta!"

"Thaaaatch~! Thaaaatch~!" Thatch sleepily slapped Haruta's hand away, but the kid simply pulled his cheek again. "Thaaaaaa~tch~!"

The man opened one eye to stare, somewhat annoyed. "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing, Ace has set your kitchen on fire." Haruta smirked evilly as the Fourth Division Commander suddenly sprang to a sitting position, before bolting out of his cabin in the blink of an eye. He didn't even bother to open the kitchen door, instead kicking it down, then stared breathlessly at the show before him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THATCH!"

He gaped in surprised, eyes wide and mouth opening and closing like a fish, without making a sound. He must have had a really ridiculous face right then, because his brothers would tease him forever with photos they had secretly taken that day.

The entire kitchen was a gathering of crewmembers, the ones that didn't fit crammed up in the mess hall. Vista and Fossa were grinning and waving atop a table, while Ace was hopping around, breathing fire confetti. Namur broke out of a large cake, and even Marco was smiling (but only slightly, only slightly, yoi)! Haruta chuckled from behind him and Oyaji's laughter shook the entire place.

"Gurarararara! Happy birthday, my son."

Thatch squeed a little, running to hug his best friend and grinning in satisfaction when the Phoenix blushed, then going off to do the same with the other commanders. Sure, he had a little burn from Ace, Namur reeked of fish and Izou had effectively punched him before he could even touch him, but he was even more excited when he turned around, squeeing again at the sight of the amazing cake (still stuffed with Namur, but fish is edible, so...)

"I love you all, guys! Thanks! So..." he smirked, holding out his hand. "What did you get me?"

Akward silence fell on the small kitchen as everyone stopped their running around to brush the back of their heads in embarrassment.

"Err..."

"We wanted to give you kitchen stuff, commander..."

"But you already had everything, yoi." Marco was the only one who wasn't looking at his shoes, but Thatch figured the wall was as close as he could get.

"And Grumpy Phoenix was against the idea of an all-pranks day."

"Ace, yoi..."

"So we decided to let you loose on the island and let you bring aboard something."

Thatch raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, sorry, commander, that's lame..."

"Oyaji."

"Yes, my son?"

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay."

A gust of wind preceded the door closing, while the crew still stared at the spot where Thatch stood just a second ago.

"Is it even humanly possible to be that fast, yoi?"

"...The commander had that grin, didn't he?"

"Can't you give me at least a little wood?"

"Define, 'a little', boy."

Thatch smiled, opening his arms: "Enough to transform a small cabin into a nest! Also, I need a bucket, itching powder, a dress, a cake, very strong glue and a pineapple!"

"Pineapple?"

"Banana will also do."

"Here you go, boy, just leave the store."

Thath smirked evilly while scooping up the material he needed for causing justa little ruckus* on the ship. He carefully planned his moves, nodding satisfied when he calculated a minimal rate of injury from Marco and/or Izou, with a small percentage of chance of Ace also exacting revenge.

"Arf, arf!"

The commander froze and slowly turned around, all the materials in his hands dropping to the ground.

"Arf!"

"Thatch."

"Yes?"

"What is that, yoi?"

"A dog."

"A dog."

"A dog."

"A dog, yoi?!" Marco's face announced danger to come, and Thatch immediately took measures.

"Yes! Look at him! He's like a chibi Oyaji!" he motioned at the small, moon-shaped moustache unnaturally growing under the dog's nose. "Please? Please, mommy? Can I keep it?"

Marco's eye twitched, but he decided to ignore yet another bird reference from a horrible writer, instead focusing on the real problem at hand. "Thatch..."

The fourth commander decided it was time to resort to the most extreme of measures: the Face. The doggy joined him.

And so was that Marco the Phoenix, legendary Commander of the Fourth Division of the Whitebeard Pirates, was defeated by puppy eyes.

Thatch yelped in triumph and ran off, leaving the still-stunned bird behind.

"Oyaji! Ace! Haruta! Izou! Vista! Look at this!"

The nearest commander, a certain crossdressing man, widened his eyes at the sight before him.

"K...k..."

"KAWAII!" Haruta bolted to the doggy's side, snatching him from Thatch's arms and holding him at eye level.

"It's a doggy! And it's like a chibi Oyaji! Thatch brother, I love you! Ace, Vista, look at this!"

Ace gaped. "It's a chibi Oyaji!"

"Yes!" Thatch snatched the dog back and stuck his tongue out at Haruta, before pointing at the large seat towering over the deck. "Let's show it to Oyaji!"

"Oyaji!"

"Oyaji!"

Whitebeard slowly opened one eye from his sleep to look at his sons, running towards him.

"What is it, my sons?" he asked, curious to see the reason for the chaos. Not that chaos usually needed a reason on the Moby Dick, but this time apparently there was one, and his red-haired son was holding it under his nose for him to see.

"It's a chibi version of you! Look at him!"

Haruta took the dog once more from Thatch's arms. "Please, Oyaji, can we keep it? It's so cute!"

"And sorta cool!" Ace added in. Marco threw a glare their way, but couldn't say anything, because the old pirate burst into amused laughter.

"Gurarararara! You may keep it, sons."

Thatch elbowed Haruta and took the puppy back. "Yes! Thanks!"

"Ouch! Thank you, Oyaji!"

The old man rubbed his chin in thought. "What's his name?"

Dead silence.

"Just a Little Puppy**?"

"What was the double asterisk for, yoi?"

"Shh, don't break the fourth wall!"

"Thatch, Just a Little Puppy isn't a name! It's too long! How about JLP?" Haruta suggested.

"That's not a name either, yoi. Oyaji, how about you decide?"

"No, wait! It's my birthday gift, I get to decide! I just got the perfect name! Stefan!" Thatch proudly announced. All the others raised an eyebrow.

"Stefan?"

"Yes! Like the best friend of the second grade cousin of an old enemy of my fourth brother. We were very close."

"..."

"... I suppose it's good enough, yoi..."

"Yup."

"Yeah..." Ace nodded slowly, gaze going from Thatch to Stefan and back again.

"Stefan! I like it!" Haruta finally squeed, running off with the dog before Thatch could do anything about it.

"H-hey! Give Stefan back!"

"No chance, nyah-nyah! Try and fucking catch me!" Haruta turned around just long enough to stick his tongue out at Thatch while showing the red of his left eye, before running again, a little faster, as the fourth division commander decided to extract his sword in the chase.

"Haruta's back." Izou announced, leaving the group and going after the two three-year-olds of the crew.

"We have a new crewmate, Oyaji." Three-year-old number 3 commented.

"Gurarara! It ccertainly seems so, my son."

"Hmmm... Actually, I'm somehow glad he didn't bring back materials to transform my cabin into an explosive nest, yoi."

"Hey, Haruta! Let's go on the shore! I forgot something on the island!"

I'm sorry, so really sorry! I'm really not any good at writing cute and funny stories. *Sniff*. Well, hope it was decent... Happy birthday Puppy and Thatch? At least there's deadpan...

Has anyone used Write or Die? I did for this. It's an evilly genial program. Oh, my poor babies! The second I stop writing, they get disemvoweled! Disemvoweled, I say!

Justa little note! When Izou says "Haruta is back" at the end, it's because I'm imagining Haruta as a sort of little devil who doesn't exactly use a proper language, much less adopts a mature behavior. So here!

Can anyone guess what Thatch intended to do with the materials? Apart from the nest, of course! xP

Did you peoples like the story? Did you?! DID YOU, YOI?!

I'll reply privately to reviews for this one (duh, 'ts a one-shot), but to guest reviews I'll respond here as I don't have anywhere else!

To itachi: Thankie, Thankie! I'm glad someone liked it :'D If you like Stefan, you should absolutely check Luffygirl's "Adopting Stefan", it's so brilliant! Much better than this, I assure you!

*All puns intended, yoi ^^

**Same as before, reader-ya.