Spider-man: Jigsaw Jameson Returns
"Run, Jonah! Run!" Peter Parker cried as he dashed by. A simple photo-op and interview had turned into a war-zone. Half-way though J. Jonah Jameson's interview with the new chief engineer on New Kensico Dam in Valhalla, New York, an octopus-like robot the size of a Volkswagen ripped off the outer wall of the office. Without a moment's hesitation, it dropped the wall and charged toward Peter and Jonah. Bellowing obscenities, Jameson raced toward the dam on Peter's heels. The robot was gaining quickly as Peter stopped in the middle of the dam. "What are you doing, you moron?" Jameson shouted as he ran by. "Do you want to get killed?" "We can't out run him, but maybe I can get him to fall off the edge of the dam." Peter said. "Fool." Jameson muttered as he turned to face the robot.
The robot scuttled along the edge of the dam and stopped just short of running over the two humans. Raising a tentacle, it smashed a clawed hand down at Peter. Heeding his spider-sense, Parker leapt out of the way, and the tentacle shattered the top of the dam. Cement flew apart. One chunk caught the robot and flung it into the water below. Cracks radiated from the impact point as concrete crumbled. Unfortunately, even Spider-man could not run faster than the cement could break. The concrete under Peter's feet cracked apart, and, even with his enhanced abilities, Peter could only grab the slimy, damp edge of the dam. Dangling precariously, Peter shouted for help. His feet could not find purchase in the slick, smooth wall, and his hands were slipping. "Jonah! Help! I'm slipping!" Peter cried as his fingers slid another inch. Jameson ran towards Peter as fast as he could, but the broken cement forced him to watch his step. Jonah just made it to Peter's side and reached down to grab his hands, when a jolt shook the dam. The robot had thrown itself against the dam with enough impact to make Peter's fingers loose their grip. "No!" Jameson bellowed as Peter fell towards a watery grave.
Bereft of his web-shooters, Spider-man could only imitate his namesake to try and slow his fall. His fingers found no purchase in the slimy dam wall as he tried to slow his descent. Unheeding of a sudden spike in his spider-sense, Peter's head brushed the side of a drainage pipe. Sudden pain exploded in a flash of light then darkness prevailed. Jonah could only look on helplessly as Peter's limp body plummeted towards the unyielding wall of water. Inches from imminent death, a metal arm caught Peter's unconscious body and drew it to safety. Opening a large panel in its torso, the robot lowered Spider-man into a casket-like space. To Jonah's horror, red blood streamed from Peter's head and ran in small rivers, leaving crimson stains on the robot's silvery arm. The panel whispered shut, sealing Peter in. The robot skittered off to present its master with its prize.
Peter opened his eyes. Black clouded the edges of his vision and lights danced before him. The pain in his head was immense. Peter tried to reach up and feel if there was actually a hole in his head, or if it only felt that way. When his arms didn't move, he glanced painfully down. His body was clamped, spread eagle, to the wall with adamantium shackles. His cloths had been stripped off with the exception of his underwear. Completely confused, Peter had difficulty grasping the seriousness of his situation. The robot kidnapper lay silent in a corner of the antiseptic looking room. A single metal door was the only way in or out. It slid open silently.
In rolled a small muscular man in a wheelchair. He was short, thin, and well groomed. Peter was curious if this was the man who had sent the robot, and, if so, why? "Ah, good, you are awake. How do you feel?" the man asked inquisitively. "My head hurts, and the shackles are a bit chafing, not to mention the draft." Peter said sarcastically. "Ah yes, that famed Spider-man humor. No need to deny it." The man said as he saw Peter recoil. "I know who and what you are. In fact, that is precisely why I procured your company." The man continued. "Let me tell you a little story. I was once the greatest gymnast in the world. Everyone agreed that I was the most agile and balanced person that ever lived. Then you came along. You, with your back flips and various stunts stunned the world. I was forgotten. I finally decided that I too could do amazing and dangerous stunts. I failed. Now I am paralyzed from the waist down. All because of you." As he finished his monologue, the man pushed a button on his wheelchair. A gleaming white robot the size of a basketball floated into the room. Various sharp instruments glistened at the ends of its articulated arms. "Now," the man said, "you will feel the torture you put me through. Though mine was mental, your pain will be physical." The man cackled and set the robot to work. Peter's screams blended with the man's laughter and shattered against the walls of the torture chamber.
J. Jonah Jameson was not type of person to leave a man behind. It was obvious that the police would be useless, so he decided to track Parker down himself. Jigsaw Jameson was back. Following the prints and broken branches, Jameson tracked the robot through the forest and into a clearing. There, in the center of the clearing, sat a large brick mansion. Jonah was certain this was the robot's lair, and somewhere inside was Parker. Sneaking in was not a problem, but finding Parker in a house that large would be. As Jameson slid through the shadows, he stumbled upon a large metal door. "This should be it." Jameson muttered to himself. "All robot building creeps have metal doors in their lairs." Jameson punched the prominent red button. The door slid open. Horrendous screams of pain and an evil chuckle greeted him. A man in a wheelchair laughed manically as Peter shuddered in his chains. Jameson looked on in horror at the bloody mass of Peter's body and the equally bloody white robot.
Luckily for Jonah, the man had his back to the door and had not heard it hiss open over the sound of his cackles. Quickly, Jameson dove behind a large computer and took stock. Another atrocious scream ripped from Peter's raw throat. Jameson looked on as the man pushed a button on his wheelchair and the now scarlet robot sank to the floor. "I think that is sufficient. Any more learning and you might pass out, and we wouldn't want that, would we? Now for the real business. We'll see how agile you are with your back broken." The man snickered and threw a switch. The metal wall that Peter was chained to began to fold in half. Peter's head and arms were forced back, and his legs were forced to meet them.
As the wall continues to bend, the man thought to himself, it will break even Spider-man's back. The man chuckled maliciously as he looked on. Jonah knew he had to do something, and fast. So, he went with his gut. Grabbing a nearby piece of piping, Jameson snuck up behind the man and knocked him unconscious. The man fell silent mid-cackle, and Jameson immediately flipped the switch and stopped the wall from bending any further. Shuddering and almost incoherent, Peter rasped "Hit the blue button." Jonah glanced around and finally found it. The shackles sprung open and Peter dropped to the floor. Jameson ran to his side. "Come on Parker! We've got to get out of here." Jonah said. Peter threw his arm around Jonah's shoulder. As he got a good look at his wounds, Jonah was surprised that Parker could keep up as they shuffled out of the mansion as quickly as they could.
Once they reached the safety of the forest, Jameson sat Peter down against a tree. Pulling out his cell phone, Jonah dialed the police. As he waited on hold, he turned to check on Peter. Jameson froze. A moment ago Peter had been sitting tiredly against the tree, but now he lay silent and unmoving, face down. Dropping his cell phone, Jonah kneeled down and turned Peter over. "Parker, wake up! Do you hear me?" Jameson shouted before he realized Parker wasn't breathing. "Oh God!" Jameson gasped. He grabbed his cell phone and called 911, but he knew they would come too late to save Peter. Gasping out his location, Jonah laid the phone down and started CPR. Five minutes later, Parker still wasn't breathing. Jameson continued his CPR as, in the distance, sirens approached. It had begun to rain; as it ran down Jonah's face, it could almost be mistaken for tears. Shouts from the paramedics echoed through the woods and, after one last breath of air, Jameson shouted, "We're over here!" As he looked down at Peter's body, movement startled him. Peter drew in one breath, gasped, and started coughing. Jameson grinned and shouted to the paramedics as they came in view, "He's breathing! He's okay!" Peter opened his eyes and looked into Jonah's grinning face. "I'm still alive?" Peter whispered and fell unconscious once again. Jonah nodded.
An anxious Jonah paced outside the emergency room. As the doors opened, Jonah charged the first doctor he saw. "How is he? Is he okay?" Jameson asked concerned. "He required quite a few stitches and dislocated his shoulder, so he'll have to use a sling for awhile. He also lost quite a lot of blood. I'm surprised he didn't need a transfusion, thankful too. That young man has very unusual blood factors! He'll need to stay in the hospital a couple of days for observation, but he's recovering remarkably fast. He'll be out in no time." The doctor said. "I'm just glad he can come back to work soon." A relived Jonah said with a grimace.
The next day Jameson visited Peter's hospital room. "How you doing, my boy?" He shouted. "I'm doing good Mr. Jameson, thanks to you. The doctors said I wouldn't have made it without your help." Peter said. "Ah, it was nothing, just a little detective work by Jigsaw Jameson." Jonah crowed. "Thank you, sir. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't found me." Peter said gratefully. "Don't mention it. Just hurry up and stop goldbricking so you can bring me some incriminating Spider-man photos." Jameson grumbled. "Yes, sir!" Peter said saluting with his good arm. Thanks to Jonah there would still be a Spider-man. Now wouldn't he love to know that?