UNTITLED (CUZ I'M JUST SOOO ORIGINAL)
"You know this is wrong, don't you?" Foreman asked, as he watched House unfold a ladder and prop it up against the side of the house. "We are spying on Dr. Cuddy, and you will be breaking and entering," he explained, but House did not seem to be listening to him.
"House? Hello? Can you hear me?" Chase asked. "Foreman is right. We shouldn't be doing this to Dr. Cuddy," he said.
House sighed. "I have to find answers and this is the only way, since Cuddy won't give me what I want. I don't need the two of you bitching at me the whole time. You knew what we came here for. If you don't like it, leave," he said, as he began his journey up the ladder.
"What do you expect to find, anyway?" Chase asked.
"Annabel Martin's file," Foreman said, before House could even answer. "You don't even know if Cuddy took the file home with her," he said to House.
House stopped about midway up the ladder and looked down to Dr. Foreman. "It's Cuddy. When have you known her not to take her files home, especially when she's hiding them from me?" he argued. When neither of the doctors answered, he continued on his way up the ladder. When he reached the top, he peered into Dr. Cuddy's bedroom window. "I think she's about to go to sleep. When she does, I'm going to break in, and you two goons are going to help me look for that file... quietly," he explained his game plan in a hushed tone.
Foreman and Chase exchanged glances.
"What's she doing up there? Does she see you?" Foreman asked.
"I don't think she suspects I'm here," House replied.
"Well, that's good," Chase said under his breath.
House scooted further up the ladder to get a better look into the bedroom. "I think she's got company," he said with a snicker.
"Oh, no," Chase muttered.
"This is wrong on so many levels," Foreman groaned, shaking his head.
"Oh, she definitely has company. She's talking to somebody out of sight, someone's in the bathroom," House observed. "I wonder who it is?" he said.
"I don't know, but I don't think it's right to stick around and find out. Maybe we should come back later, once we're sure she's asleep," Foreman suggested.
House made a gesture for Foreman to be quiet, then went back to the window. He kept his head low, virtually out of sight, but his eyes were glued to what was happening inside Dr. Cuddy's bedroom.
Dr. Cuddy was dressed for bed in a skimpy nightgown, something House had seen her in many times before when he snuck into her bedroom to snoop around, and she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached over to the bottle of lotion on the bedside table and squeezed some into her hand, then began to rub it onto her legs. Then she went to the bathroom door and stood there for a minutes, talking to someone who House still couldn't see, and the person didn't speak, so he couldn't make out his voice either. When Cuddy left the bathroom doorway, she went back to the bed and sat down again.
"I don't understand why House can't just let this case go," Lisa said with a sigh.
"It's because he's House," the unidentified voice said from the bathroom.
House's ears perked up when he realized that the person in the bathroom was another woman, but he still couldn't discern her identity.
"I just... I thought this would be the best thing for that little girl. House would have killed her if he would have put her on all those drugs," Lisa continued. "But now he is pissed, and he's on a mission to prove me wrong and save the day," she said.
"It's not your fault. You did your best, and you did what you thought was best for Annabel," the voice said.
Lisa smiled half-heartedly. "Are you coming to bed soon?" she asked the voice. "You've been in there for almost an hour. It shouldn't take you that long to get ready for bed."
"I had to take a shower. I'm so stressed out right now. Hot showers help," the voice replied.
House saw a shadow come towards the bathroom door, but it stopped just before he could see who the person was. He gritted his teeth and groaned, clearly frustrated.
Down on the ground, Doctors Foreman and Chase sat on the cool green grass. Chase was picking weeds, while Foreman was picking the pedals off of a small flower he had managed to find. They were growing more impatient by the second, and more apprehensive about what House was doing and about what they were about to do. There was always the possibility that they might go to jail for helping Greg House get his way, but the doctor usually never dragged them into things like this. They were sure to go to jail before the night was over.
"What's taking so long?" Chase whined.
"They're still talking, and they're talking about my case," House said.
"They're talking about what used to be your case," Foreman corrected.
House rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said. "If it helps you any, our mystery guest is another woman," he added with a tiny smile.
Upon hearing that, Foreman and Chase scrambled to their feet and ran to the ladder.
"I thought that might get your attention," House said.
"Well, let us look for a while," Chase said.
"No, I thought you felt bad about doing this," House said, obviously taunting the doctors. "You shouldn't be forced to do something you feel is ethically wrong."
"I don't mind," Foreman assured.
House rolled his eyes again. "No," he said simply. He looked back to the window just in time to see the mystery woman coming out of the bathroom, and he nearly lost his footing and fell from the ladder when he saw who it was. His eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open slightly, and when he tried to speak, he was only able to utter bits and pieces of his words.
"What's wrong?" Chase asked.
"Yeah, what's going on up there?" Foreman asked.
When House didn't answer, Dr. Chase tapped on the ladder with his knuckle. "Hello? Anyone home? What do you see?" he asked.
"It's Cuddy's mystery guest," House said slowly.
"Yeah, what about it?" Chase asked.
"It's a woman," House said.
"We know that already. Who is it?" Foreman said.
House was silent for a moment, and the doctors could tell he was trying to mentally process something at that moment. Finally, he whispered, "It's Cameron."
"What?" Foreman asked.
"Cameron is Dr. Cuddy's mystery guest?" Chase asked.
House nodded.
"So? What's the big deal about that? They're probably friends. Friends hang out at each other's house sometimes. You'd know that, if you actually had any friends," Foreman said.
"Foreman's right. And women are different from us. They sleep in the same bed, they have long meaningful talks about their crappy bosses, and it's all perfectly normal," Chase chimed in.
House scoffed. "Is it also normal for women to make out with their slumber party buddies?" he asked.
"What? They're making out?" Chase asked.
"No, House is just pulling our strings," Foreman said.
House slowly and carefully climbed down the ladder. When he reached the ground, he stepped aside and motioned for one of the other doctors to go up and take a look. Dr. Chase was hesitant, so Dr. Foreman started up the ladder. When he reached the top, he peered into Dr. Cuddy's bedroom window. Dr. Cuddy was sitting at the foot of the bed, and Dr. Cameron straddled her legs, facing her. Allison slowly ran her hands through Lisa's hair and kissed her forehead.
"You're tired," Allison said softly. "You should probably get some sleep," she continued, as her hands traveled down Lisa's arms.
"I don't think I could sleep right now, not even if I wanted to," Lisa said.
"Too tired to sleep? I hate it when that happens," Allison said with a smile. "So, what do you wanna do?" she asked.
"That is a loaded question, Dr. Cameron," Lisa said, smiling as she leaned forward to kiss Allison.
Foreman rubbed his eyes and pinched his arm, as if he were a child trying to wake himself from a dream, but the images before him did not go away. Dr. Cuddy was still kissing Dr. Cameron, and Foreman was sure it would take him months to cleanse his mind of the scene that was unfolding before his eyes.
Allison cradled Lisa's head in her hands, pulling her closer as she increased the pressure, kissing harder, tongue sliding more aggressively over Lisa's. Lisa's hands traveled down Allison's back and slipped under her tank top, and she slowly inched the shirt up Allison's back. Lisa broke the kiss, leaving Allison gasping for air.
"Why did you stop?" Allison asked, between breaths.
Lisa didn't say a word. She grabbed the bottom of Allison's tank top, pushed it upward until she had successfully removed it, then tossed it down onto the floor. Allison giggled as the cool air caressed her skin, but Lisa silenced her when she kissed her again.
Outside, Dr. Foreman had averted his eyes the moment Dr. Cameron's shirt came off. Now, he slowly climbed down the ladder.
"House wasn't lying, man," was all Foreman could think to say when he reached the ground.
"They were really making out?" Chase asked.
"They were doing a little bit more than making out," House said. "I can tell by the look on your face," he said to Dr. Foreman.
"Are you serious? They were...? Oh, my God!" Chase said, unable to hold back his smile.
"Now is probably as good a time as any to get in there and get what you need," Foreman said. "We should do it while she's... distracted," he added.
"He's got a point. Let's go," House said. He folded up the ladder, then he headed for the door. He knelt down and pulled a small kit from his back pocket.
"You're going to pick the lock?" Foreman asked.
"Yeah," House said.
"What about the alarm system? Doesn't she have one?" Chase asked.
House let out a heavy sigh. "The funny thing about Cuddy is, when she gets distracted, she forgets to do all sorts of things," he said. He wiggled the pick in the lock a few more times and the lock clicked open. He pushed the door open and waited a few seconds before entering the house. "Well, are you two cowards coming, or am I going to have to do this alone?" he asked.
Foreman and Chase slowly and cautiously followed House inside. Foreman quietly closed the door behind him, then pulled three tiny flashlights from his coat pocket. He handed one to House, one to Chase, and kept one for himself.
"I'll take her office," House said, as he ventured off.
"I've got the living room," Foreman whispered, as he ventured off as well.
Chase sighed. "What does that leave me?" he asked.
"Take the scenic route," House instructed from somewhere he couldn't be seen.
At first, Chase didn't know what he meant by "the scenic route," but then it hit him like a ton of bricks. House was referring to Dr. Cuddy's bedroom. Chase slowly and quietly made his way up the stairs, all the while cursing himself for being so stupid. When he reached the top of the stairs, he heard sounds coming from Dr. Cuddy's bedroom--sounds of someone moaning. He stopped and stood there for a while, just listening and trying not to pass out. When he regained a little composure, he began walking again. He made it all the way up the hall, then stopped just short of Dr. Cuddy's bedroom door. He knelt down and put his ear against the closed door. The moaning had stopped. Everything was still and quiet. Then, he heard footsteps coming toward the door. He scrambled to his feet, ever so quietly, and tip-toed as fast as he possibly could down the hall and down the stairs.
When Dr. Chase reached the kitchen, he found House sitting at the breakfast bar sipping from a can of Diet Coke while he read over what appeared to be the Annabel Martin case file.
"What are you doing?" Chase asked in a hushed tone.
"Reading the file," House said.
"We have got to get out of here," Chase said. He was urgent and panicking. "One of them is coming downstairs," he explained.
House quickly folded up the file, stuffed it into his coat, took a long sip of his Diet Coke, then he and Chase hauled tail out of the kitchen. They had just made it into the laundry room when Dr. Cuddy came down the stairs. She went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine, a small container of strawberries and a can of whipped cream, then turned and headed right toward the laundry room. Chase's breath hitched in his throat as Dr. Cuddy passed right by the door. She went to the cupboard instead and grabbed a wine bottle opener and two wine glasses. She passed the laundry room doors once again on her way back up the stairs.
Chase let out a heavy sigh of relief as he stood. House peeked through the crack in the door. Just then, Dr. Foreman entered the kitchen.
"Guys? Guys, I didn't find anything," Foreman said quietly.
House held his breath as Dr. Cuddy stopped in her tracks at the top of the staircase.
"Dr. Foreman? Is that you?" Lisa asked, as she came back down the stairs.
Foreman clicked his flashlight off and stood silent. Lisa flicked the kitchen lights on and Dr. Foreman was the only man standing in the kitchen, a look that said "I'm guilty" was plastered on his face.
"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Lisa asked.
"Um... well, ma'am," Foreman began.
"House put you up to this, didn't he?" Lisa asked.
"Yeah, he did," Foreman admitted.
"Where is he? Outside?" Lisa asked.
"No, he's in here somewhere. Him and Dr. Chase."
"Where the hell are they?"
House pushed the laundry room door open with his cane. "We're right here," he said. "Surprise!" he added with a small smile.
"You want to explain to me what the hell you're doing in my home at this time of night?" Lisa asked.
"It's simple, really. Breaking and entering, basically," House replied.
"I can see that. May I ask why?" Lisa said.
"House wanted the Annabel Martin file so he could solve the case before you did," Foreman answered.
"Thanks, Snitch," House mumbled.
"Enough!" Lisa said. "I want you all to leave now, or I will call the police," she added.
Doctors Foreman and Chase turned to leave the kitchen, but were halted when they heard Dr. Cameron's voice as she descended the stairs.
"Lisa, what's going on?" Allison asked. When she saw the doctors, she stopped. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked.
"That's funny. I could ask you the same thing," House said. He smiled when he realized that Allison was in her underwear. "So, what are you doing here, Dr. Cameron?" he asked.
Allison opened her mouth to answer, but closed it again when nothing feasible came to mind.
"Let me guess. You're renovating," House said.
Allison remained silent, a look of guilt plastered on her face now.
"No? Fumigating, then? Termites? Rats? Cockroaches?" House taunted.
"That's enough, House," Lisa finally said, when she'd had enough of House's antics. "I want the three of you out of my house now," she added firmly, through gritted teeth.
"Let me ask you one question," House said.
"Out!" Lisa demanded.
Foreman and Chase turned and left the room, but House stayed behind.
"If you don't leave in the next ten seconds, I will call the police," Lisa said.
"Hmm, I never knew satan was a lesbian," House commented over his shoulder as he turned to leave.
Lisa rolled her eyes. Allison followed House to the front door to make sure he left, then locked the door, set the alarm, and returned to the kitchen. Lisa sat at the table, tiredly staring down at the glass of water in front of her. Allison ventured over to her and sat on her lap, leaned her head against Lisa's shoulder.
"You okay?" Allison asked softly.
Lisa didn't answer.
"Hey," Allison said, picking her head up. "Don't let House get to you. He's just going crazy because you won't let him have his way, and he knows you won't give in this time," she continued.
"You don't seem the least bit worried that House knows about us now," Lisa finally said.
"Why should I be?"
"Because you know House. He's going to make our lives a living hell now."
"Now? Hasn't he always?"
Lisa couldn't help laughing. "Imagine how much worse it'll be now," she said.
"Ah, well, he had to find out sometime."
"I guess you're right."
"So, do you wanna go to bed now?"
"Would you be upset if I said I'm too tired now to continue where we left off?"
"Of course not."
"Then, yes, let's go to bed."
Allison smiled as she removed herself from Lisa's lap. She grabbed the older woman's hand and pulled her upright, then led her upstairs to the bedroom.