Summary: His hoodie, gray and faded, used to make her feel safe but now she feels as if it's suffocating her and the worst part is; it's all her fault. He finally lets a tear drop down his lonely cheek. He just let her walk out, with out anything more than three words. BL short chapter fic.

Author's notes: This story is something close to my heart that is personal for me and I'm just tweaking it a bit to fit Brooke and Lucas. Read Review anything. It's my therapy in a way. I don't know how many chapters it will be most likely very short. It's slightly based on the song "Ships In a Bottle" by Butch Walker as well. It's a great song. I suggest you check it out.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill, this characters or the song.

Ya know everybody sleeps

But I haven't done that in the last few weeks

Or so and yeah I know the remedy

But that ran out yesterday I can't refill anything

Especially my heart especially my brain

If I could bottle up this mess I could do it all again

She buries her hands in her face letting the tears stream down her face and through her fingers, while still wrapped in his hoodie that she holds on to for dear life, her tears drenching the ends of the sleeves. His hoodie, gray and faded, used to make her feel safe but now she feels as if it's suffocating her and the worst part is; it's all her fault. But something inside of her won't allow her to take it off. She wonders if she chose the wrong path for the two of them.

"I feel like I'm holding on to the two of us for you but not for me."

"I'm sorry I kissed Peyton, I should have told you."

"It's not about that Luke, it's not about her. This is about me."

"I can't do this anymore. I think we need a break."

He looks at her with questions in his eyes.

"A break from us, to figure out what we want and what we need."

He looks up at her tears forming in his eyes. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

She walks away and is stopped by his voice.

"Brooke, I'm sorry."

She turns around, hesitant at most.

"Yeah me too."

Before turning around and walking out the door.

He sits in his room. He hasn't moved since she walked out the door. He just sits and stares and replays the events that happened just a mere two hours ago. The sent of her still lingers in his room. He finally lets a tear drop down his lonely cheek. He just let her walk out, with out anything more than three words. She had given him not one but two embarrassing speeches in the last twelve hours and even though he had given her two embarrassing speeches in their entire relationship, he had no words, he couldn't speak but yet there was so much he wanted, no needed to say.

I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it.

How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas I am holding on for dear life and why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why didn't you call me when you were away and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?

She pounded on his chest as she pleaded the end of her speech. And yet all he had to say was…

Please don't be mad Brooke.

Truth was she wasn't mad she was hurt, no shattered would describe it more, she thought to herself. He ran away. She understood he was broken over Keith and not being able to play basketball due to his heart condition but he shut her out. She was his everything or so she thought. The one person he was supposed to come to and cry or scream or punch holes into the walls around. But this time he ran, ran far away and the worst part is he ran far away from her, refusing to give her the chance to let him in or give her the chance to be there for him. He just ran, no phone calls, no letters, nothing. In a blink of an eye he was just…. gone. That was one week and one day ago today.

He didn't mean to hurt her. He wanted so much to let her in but he didn't know how. He had never felt this way about anyone before and as his world crumbled around him he got scared. He didn't know what else to do so he ran. He thought she would understand, thought she needed the space he so desperately wanted to grasp from the road ahead of him, he thought he was doing the right thing. Now he knows he couldn't have been more wrong. This time in a blink of an eye it was her that was gone, running from him and all he could think is, "It's all my fault."

He's been distant lately, she didn't know if it was the horrid events that had happened in the past few weeks or if there was something else, something he was hiding. She found out today that there was a secret he kept; her best friend kissed him during the shooting. Much to her surprise it didn't bother her, not this time; of course it hurt but she knew he loved her and he wasn't going to hurt her again. She knew it didn't mean anything…at least not to him. It wasn't about her this time. It was about them. They had drifted apart and she just wanted so badly to get back to where they used to be, when they were happy and in love, living the lives they both knew was right for them. She just happen to find out about the kiss on the wrong day, truth was before she found out about the kiss she knew this break was going to happen and no it was not a break up, just a break, it was her turn to run.

He was broken beyond belief. His tears had run dry as he sat silently on his bed. He had finally moved, if only a few feet between the chair next to his bed onto his bed, still he had moved, at least it was a step. He pulled his laptop close to him as he stared at the picture on his bedside table of him and Brooke, they were happy. He looked at the blank screen for a few seconds before he started typing. He had always had a passion for writing but not until this moment had he felt he need to write, he had to get it all out, he couldn't bear the pain that made his chest want to explode anymore so he wrote and he wrote and the only thing he wrote about was her.

She was fiercely independent, brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years she grown more than anyone I had ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday and she doesn't even know it yet.

She sat in her unfamiliar setting just thinking, wondering if what she did was right. She was at Rachel Gattina's, in her bedroom none the less. This girl was her sworn enemy a week prior to now but at this moment she was living with her, she felt as if she had no one else to turn to and maybe she should give Rachel a chance. Her thought we're interrupted abruptly by the thought of one of her favorite episodes of Friends in which Ross and Rachel take a break.

"What were you trying to put in her purse?"

"You know what I want you to leave get out"

"No I want to stay I want to talk about this"

As Rachel slams the door she words leave her mouth every so sarcastically.

"How was she?"

"What?"

"Was she good?"

"Come on Ross you said you wanted to talk about it so let's talk about it, How was she?"

"She was…She was ugh… she was different"

"Good? Different?"

"Nobody likes change, she meant nothing to me!"

"And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship?"

"I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize; I thought we were broken up"

"We were on a break"

"That for all I knew could have lasted forever that to me is a BREAK UP"

"You think you are going to get out of this on a technicality"

"I'm not trying to get out of anything; I thought our relationship was dead"

"Well you sure had a hell of a time at the wake"

This is when the panic sets in, did she make the right decision, was this going to drive Lucas further away, he only said I'm sorry did he even mean it, was he going to go rushing to Peyton or another random bar slut, and soon settles in oh my god what the fuck have I done. What if Lucas thought it was a break up rather than just a simple break to figure things out. She tries to compose herself but she only cries harder and wraps herself closer to his hoodie; if that was even possible. For a moment she wants to run back to his house as fast as she can to tell him she made a mistake but her thoughts stop her, "People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end". This time she need to believe that more that the last she said it. Last time those words escaped her mouth she truthfully was talking about Keith and Karen and sadly they didn't get their happy ending; she had to believe her and Lucas would get theirs. This time it was in the hands of fate, destiny or what ever the fuck you want to call it. She loves him she just needs so much to believe he loves her back. But more than anything if given the chance she would to do it all again.

He woke up with his laptop still clinging to his hands, eyes red from the tears he cried as he wrote all night. He wrote about how she changed his world, about how he was an asshole and crushed her, about how seeing her but not being with her broke his heart and he longed to be the hand that held hers ever so tightly again, about how she stayed in his room so she didn't have to go to California with the parents who never gave a fucking damn about her, about how he confessed his love for her before she left for the summer, about how she confessed her love for him in 82 letters written each day they spent apart, about how they fell in love, about how she broke his world into pieces the day she told him they needed a break because he knew he broke her heart first and that's why it had to happen and finally about how she was the girl behind the red door and he would see to it that she would have a future with him behind a red door with 2 boys and one girl and they would be a family spending their summers at the beach house in Tree Hill and winters in the south of France and most importantly that if that didn't happen it didn't matter as long as they were together. His thoughts were broken up by the thought of where he needed to go today; his mother's café, where she would be working behind the counter along side his mother. He promised his mom he would help out with deliveries today as Haley and Nathan were gone on their honeymoon in London.

She woke up head aching, stomach feeling as if she was going to run to the nearest bathroom, eyes red and puffy. She spent the night sitting along side Rachel as they downed batches after batches of Rachel's amazing blend of whatever liquors they could find mixed with the various sodas and juices in the fridge. Rachel tried to get her to open up with a few sarcastic comments but not one word escaped her lips, she just pressed the glass against her empty lips and let Rachel's concoction burn down her throat. That was a mistake, she muttered to herself as she gets herself out of bed and thinks about how she needs to get ready for work. That was another mistake she says quietly to herself as she thinks about her place of employment, Karen's Café, the last place she wanted to enter today. She wishes she never took the job back the minute she returned to Tree Hill in the beginning of the school year, but she needed to pay rent and more importantly buy the sexy outfits that Lucas couldn't resist and as he enters her mind she runs to the bathroom empting all the liquor she drank the previous night.

Today they would see each other for the first time in twelve hours. It has only been a short time so it should be easy but this would be one of the hardest days either of them would face.

I would love it if you reviewed. As stated above I'm writing this as my own person therapy but I will update as fast as possible. But again it will most likely only be a few chapters.

Thanks for reading,

Angie