Animal Crossing: The Series
Characters:
Some Guy - Narrator
CJ - Human
Curt - Human
Sakura - Human
Lindsay - Human
Poncho, Alfonso, and Snake - Friends of the humans
Cookie - Enemy of the humans, Limberg's girlfriend
Limberg - Enemy of the humans, Cookie's boyfriend
Wolfgang and Octavian - Friends of Limberg
Buzz - Drug Dealer
Tom Nook - Shopkeeper
Copper and Booker - Policemen
Pelly, Phyllis, and Pete - Post Office employees
Able Sisters - Tailors
Blathers - Museum Curator
Tortimer von Tortimer III - Mayor of Hell
Kapp'n - Sea Captain
Episode 1: Pilot
It had been just over year now since four twenty-somethings met on the train ride on the way to the small town of Hell. Their names were CJ, Curt, Lindsay, and Sakura. Though they were humans, they had moved to Animalia, a country completely populated by anthropomorphic animals. Was it because they liked animals? Somewhat. It was more for the cheap housing and change of scenery.
Anyways, ever since they met, they've been very good friends and found homes relatively close to each other. They even made friends with some of the Animals in town. However, they made some enemies as well, such as Thomas Edward Nooklittle, aka Tom Nook, who forced them to work in the little shit-shack he once called a shop when they were unable to make a down payment on their homes. Once the work was done, though, the gang was able afford their homes and even upgrade them. Nook was also able to upgrade his Cranny to a fully functional shopping centre.
But worst of all, there was Cookie, the bitchenator, the bitch-of-all-bitches, who began a relationship with CJ shortly after he arrived in Hell and then dumped him for that dumbass, Limberg. Since then, it has been the gang's main priority to make life miserable for that horrible couple.
But I digress. Here is where the story begins...
CJ knocked on Curt's door. There was no answer. CJ pulled out the key to the house (The gang all had keys to each other's homes) and went inside.
"Yo man," called CJ, "Are you here?"
No answer.
"C'mon dude, stop messing around!"
CJ heard a noise in the living room. There, he saw a half-naked Curt lying on the couch. He was extremely hungover and the whole house was a fucking disaster.
"Man," said CJ, "What the fuck happened here?"
"Ugggh..." said Curt, "I don't remember anything."
"Looks like you had one hell of a party," observed CJ.
Curt stood up. He was wearing nothing but a pair of dirty briefs. He scratched his crotch and walked across the living room floor, which was covered with smashed beer cans.
"Where the hell are you going?" asked CJ.
"Bathroom," replied Curt. "I need cold shower and a bottle of Tylenol, because I have a fucking headache."
"Well, when you're done, come outside. We have to go to Nookington's to pick up the barbecue I ordered, remember?"
Since the gang moved in, the gang always shopped at Nook's, even when they were working for him. Of course, the gang still hated Nook, but since it was the only major retailer town, they had no choice but to shop there (Damn those big corporations always stealing business from small companies!).
"Fucking barbecue," muttered Curt.
"I'll be outside waiting," said CJ, "The weather is starting to get warm. I can't wait to get my barbecue so I can use it tonight!"
"Whatever," said Curt.
As Curt took his shower, CJ waited outside and lit a cigarette. At that moment, Lindsay walked by.
"Hi, CJ!" said Lindsay.
"Hi, Linds!" said CJ.
"Didn't you and Curt go pick up the barbecue yet?"
"No, that bastard is still inside, completely hung-over. Apparently there was some kind of party."
"You weren't invited?"
"Nah, I was working late."
"You still work at that dumb burger place?"
"Hey, I gotta make a living. It's not much, but it pays the bills."
"Right. I gotta get moving. Sakura and I are checking out the new gym they built. Bye!"
CJ waved goodbye. At that moment, Curt emerged wearing a tight t-shirt and leather jacket.
"Yo, Grease Lightning!" laughed CJ.
"Ha! Very funny!" said Curt, "All my other clothes are covered in puke. Now, let's go."
The two headed down to Nookington's.
Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay headed off to Hell's Gym.
"It's about time they built a gym here," said Sakura, "I was beginning to turn into a slob."
"I know," said Lindsay, "This past Christmas I ate so much!"
"Not as much as Curt. That guy ate practically the whole turkey, a mountain of potatoes, and 50 fruitcakes. I think he even ate some of the napkins!"
After applying for a membership, the two headed to the locker rooms. Sakura put on the most revealing fitness outfit she could find.
"Sakura!" said Lindsay, disapprovingly.
"What?" asked Sakura, "Jealous of my sexy outfit?"
Lindsay shook her head. They left the locker room. Sakura ignored the ogling men at the tennis court and made her way to to the fitness machines. When they got there, they were greeted by the gruesome twosome: Cookie and Limberg.
"Well, well, well," said Cookie, "Look who's here!"
"Cookie..." said Sakura angrily, "We meet again."
"What are you two doing here?" asked Cookie "Judging by your outfit, I'd say you're looking to score with some balls and rackets, if you know what I mean."
"Cookie," began Sakura, "If you're looking for the whore house, you got the wrong place. Turn left and head to your mom's place!"
"Guys!" pleaded Lindsay, "Please stop fighting!"
"This is ridiculous!" snapped Cookie, "Limberg, defend my honour!"
"Wow," said Limberg, "These protein bars are delicious!"
Limberg gobbled down and entire bar.
"Ooooh...Stomachache!"
Cookie sighed, "Help me onto that machine."
Limberg lifted Cookie onto a nearby elliptical.
"You stupid bitch!" snapped Sakura, "We were going to use that!"
"You snooze you lose, fuckers!" Cookie chuckled.
Sakura and Lindsay walked away from Cookie and Limberg.
"Cookie's mean," said Lindsay.
"I know," said Sakura, "We need to find a way to get back at that cunt and her dumbass boyfriend."
"Oh, no..." said Lindsay, "I smell one of your crazy plans."
"Smell is correct, my dear..."
"Huh?"
"CJ is buying a barbecue today, right?"
"Yes, why?"
"Tonight, we're gonna throw a party..."
At Tom Nook's store, Curt and CJ took the barbecue to the cash.
"Ah?" said Nook, "A barbecue? Would this be all?"
"Yes, Nook," said CJ.
"That would be 3,000 Bells."
"What?" asked Curt, "The flier said it was on sale!"
Curt showed the flier to Nook.
"Idiot," said Nook, "That flier is 2 weeks old. Now stop yelling in my store!"
Suddenly, two little Tanukis approached the counter.
"Daddy," said one of them, "Tommy and I were playing with rubber balls in the pet section and Tommy broke of one the fish bowls and now people are falling on the floor!"
"Nuh-uh!" said the other, "It was Timmy who threw the ball, daddy!"
"Shut up!" snapped Timmy.
Nook rubbed his forehead.
"Who are the munchkins?" asked CJ.
"My kids," replied Nook, "My wife took them when we divorced. I can only see them once every two weeks, and now I have to take them to my store because I'm not spending enough time with them, evidently. It would have been have been once every week, but a certain 'accident' involving a dirty magazine prevented that from happening."
"Ha!" laughed Curt.
"You think this is funny?" demanded Nook, "How would like it if this happened to you? How about I laugh at your misery, you klutz?"
"That I'd like to see," said Curt.
"Bastard," said Nook, "Take your barbecue and get out of my store!"
"Bye!" yelled Curt as he and CJ approached the exit, "Loser..."
"I heard that!" yelled Nook.
Since they met, the gang were always getting themselves into some kind of trouble. Not a day goes by in Hell without some kind of adventure. There was that time that the gang blew up the police station with bottle rockets (And blamed it on Limberg), that time Curt was caught peeping in the girl's locker room at the swimming pool, and when Sakura got kidnapped by a Mexican circus and CJ had do go undercover as a bearded lady to rescue her...
Alright, maybe I made up that last one, but the gang are always involved in some crazy adventure, and today was no exception:
"Please?" said Sakura.
"For the last time," began CJ, "NO!"
"Come on!" said Sakura, "You bought a barbecue and you don't even wanna throw a party?"
"No, I just wanna have a casual evening tonight. I'm tired and Curt here has had enough partying."
"What are you talking about?" asked Curt, who was lying on CJ's couch, "I can party all day! I'm like that bunny from the Duracell commercials! I go on and on and on..."
"Um, Curt," began CJ, "That's Energizer."
"Oops..."
"Come on, let's have a party," begged Sakura, "I'll help set up the party and clean up after it's done!"
CJ thought for a moment.
"You're no fun!"
"Alright, alright...But keep it small!"
Excited, Sakura ran to her home where she called up Lindsay.
"Guess what?" Sakura said, "The party's on tonight!"
"Sakura," began Lindsay, "I think this is a bad idea."
"Hey, it's about time we stand up to Dookie and Limberger!"
"Alright. How much cheese should I bring?"
"Just enough..."
Sakura then hung up and laughed maniacally. Her plan was to throw a party to attract Cookie and Limberg to it (Which wasn't hard, as they had a habit of showing up unannounced at parties) and attacking them with Spoiled cheese bombs. When Sakura was growing up, her brothers made many of those and called them Cheese-Poppers. It consists of moldy cheese and spoiled milk placed inside of small vials or rubber balloons. As you can see, it's pretty damn gross.
Alfonso the Alligator walked down the long road to Poncho's house. Since the town of Hell was so small, walking was the common mode of transport. Plus, it was a great way to get in shape.
Speaking of shape, Alfonso was a small alligator with a long snout and rows of jagged teeth that had been sharpened down. Alfonso was the most naive and gullible person in town, and not to mention, accident prone. That didn't stop him from being a genius in many subjects like math and science. Come to think of it, Alfonso is a nerd. But, behind the nosebleeds, the bed-wetting and the bad hay-fever, he was a sweet guy.
When Alfonso reached Poncho's house, he knocked on his door.
"Yo, whazzup?" asked Poncho.
"CJ told me to tell you about some barbecue he's throwing at his house," said Alfonso.
"Sweet! I'll bring the beer!" said Poncho.
"CJ also wanted me to tell you that this is going to be a quiet party," added Alfonso, "And he expects you not to make a total fool of yourself."
"CJ's no fun! Now, which K.K. Slider CD should I bring? A Dawg's Life, or Astro-Cocks?"
"I really don't care. Personally, I'd like to listen to some Beethoven."
"You suck! What happened to the old Alfonso, who used to get into trouble and have fun? Like that time you got stuck in the airvent at Pork & Cheese's?"
"I'm trying to forget that time. Anyways, I have to go now. I gotta call Snake!"
With that, Alfonso left.
"Right," said Poncho, "Bye dude!"
Meanwhile, at Nookington's, in the dairy aisle:
"Limberg," said Cookie, "Can you hurry up and buy your cheese? This place smells funny!"
"Buying the perfect cheese requires patience and careful observation," said Limberg.
"How typical of a rat!"
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Here, how about this cheese?"
Cookie held up a bunch of cheese strings.
"Hmmmm..." Limberg pondered for a second, "Nah, too thin!"
Cookie muttered under her breath.
Lindsay suddenly appeared in the same aisle as Cookie and Limberg. She was on the cell phone and did not notice the couple.
"Quick, Limberg!" said Cookie, "Hide!"
She pulled Limberg to the other side of the aisle.
"Huh, what?" asked Limberg, "Who's there?"
"It's the bitch's friend!" said Cookie.
Cookie and Limberg spied carefully on Lindsay, who was still speaking on the cell phone.
"I don't know the name of the brand, Sakura," said Lindsay.
"I think it's called Moo-Moo Cheese," said Sakura over the phone, "The stinkiest cheese ever!"
"I don't think they have anymore," said Lindsay, "Listen, I don't know if the whole barbecue thing is going to work. I mean all this just because she stole your favourite exercise bike before?"
"It's not just that!" said Sakura, "It's everything. Those two have been nothing but trouble since we moved her. It's about time we put our foot down and launch an offensive strike!"
"Yeah," said Lindsay, "But I'm beginning to think that throwing rotten cheese at Cookie and Limberg is not a good idea. What is CJ going to say?"
"He'll be happy we threw them out!"
"All right..." Lindsay sighed.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle:
"Did you hear that?" asked Cookie.
"No," replied Limberg, "I was too busy picking at this wart on my face."
"Dumbass!" snapped Cookie, "She's throwing a barbecue!"
"Great! Let's go!"
"No! Sakura is planning on throwing rotten cheese at us!"
"Oh! Now what?"
"Come with me..."
Cookie and Limberg ran out the store. It looks like the Cookster has something special planned for the gang...
To be Continued...