Eye of London Park – A Wednesday on Aaronworld-301
Chapter 1: Riding in a London with no fog
"Why is it still called the Eye of London if the Amusement Park around it is themed around North America?"
"It was developed in 2 separate stages. The Eye itself was built first, completed in March 2000. Then stagflation hit the United Kingdom (where the economy stagnates and there's massive inflation at the same time). Pretty much the whole south bank of London was for sale by 2003 and Guinness bought it all lock, stock and barrel. Construction began in 2005 and finished in 2009."
The one who asked the question was Melinda Hughes and the one who answered it was Gregg Davis. They had known each other through a mutual friend for over 15 years and were put together by said mutual friend when each of them separately told him they wanted to go to London, after a couple of phone calls, they were on the same flight sitting next to each other. Gregg (for reasons unknown, even to him) felt restless inside the taxi they were in.
"Sorry, I'm still upset that there was no sufficient vegan options in Jack Layton or on the plane." offered Gregg with a dejected sigh.
Gregg in fact, had to go 14 hours without food. They had to arrive at Jack Layton International Airport 4 hours early to check-in, present baggage for inspection, be interrogated individually by several large security officers stroking guns and then present their passports as they boarded (while thanking their lucky stars that they weren't subject to full body cavity searches). Their flight was uneventful minus the airline forgetting his vegan sushi.
"Hey, at least you got some vegetable stir-fry after we landed." added Melinda in some measure of sympathy.
That was true. In fact compared to Jack Layton, Heathrow airport was disturbingly quiet. They landed at terminal 2, gate 14 at 1:00 am Greenwich mean time (8:00 pm the previous day by their internal clocks). It was obvious that even Heathrow's security and staff wanted to rush through their flight as they may very well have been the last flight of their shift. They had their bags and were in the airport shuttle to take them to Hotel 41 in under an hour.
"There was less room in my prom limo than there was in that van. Then again, I think we were the only 2 on the plane heading to 41." thought Gregg out loud.
It was large white van made by a company called Tennant, even with luggage taking up most of the back bench seat, Gregg and Melinda still had more than half of the van to themselves. Melinda even counted how many people could've sat in it. 12, counting the driver all told.
"Check-in at the hotel was a breeze." added Melinda.
Indeed it was, although Gregg could only indulge in the interior decor of the hotel itself. The main foyer harkened back to the decadence of the roaring 20's in America: Brightly coloured, Staff dressed in forest green suits, Black and White checkered tile floors, large staircases made of the finest American Redwood. Melinda however, was not only impressed that they allowed such a late check-in but had 4 different kinds of Champagne for her to drink while they verified their I.D.'s and reservations. Gregg was straightedge (No alcohol, tobacco or narcotics either legal or illegal) so he "politely" declined. He did however enjoy the complimentary fruit that was offered (Grapes, Clementines and such).
"Hey I'm just happy we got the Conservatory Suite." replied Gregg.
Melinda nodded as each recalled quite fondly their Suite with 2 King size beds at opposite ends of an 800 square foot, 5-room suite. It was named the Conservatory Suite as each bedroom's ceiling was entirely made of windows. Between that and the fresh cut flowers in every room, they were spending a week (quite literally) in their own solarium.
"What rides do you want to go on?" asked Melinda.
"The Sasquatch for starters." answered Gregg, who paused for a moment to gain his thoughts. "I like the interlocking loops at the beginning and end of the ride. Secondly, Rocky Mountain Way because it's supposed to simulate the cold you would actually feel while skiing. How about you?"
"The Bull's Run. It doesn't do any loops but you ride through a replica of Mexico City like you're running with the actual bulls. And White Water Rapids because, I just love water that much."
There was an awkward silence as they entered the park grounds. After handing the cab driver his fare and getting out of the cab, Gregg continued sorting out in his mind the seeming paradox of going to Europe primarily to go to an amusement park modelled after North America while Melinda was looking for the third person in their group.
Julie Bourke was silently using the time in her taxi to write about her journey on her Ipad:
"I'm so happy that the surgery to remove the benign tumour in my brain didn't kill me and that I can live a normal life now. I didn't even mind the staring from some of the passengers at the scarring that was left behind."
Julie noticed that the cab driver was peaking at the scarring too (located on the right side of her head beginning 3 centimetres above the right ear and spanning for 10 centimetres in 3 other directions which unlike the passengers on the plane, did bother her for some unknown reason). She adjusted her black, shoulder-length haired wig and continued typing:
"I respect Arthur Phillip international airport's policy of having actual employees of airlines checking people in. It sure beats the self check-ins where airline staff get paid to stand around and watch their customers do their work for them. In fact, a woman about my age named Cristina bumped me to the pre-boarding group when she saw that I recently had major surgery. I guess she's afraid that I'll fall between here and customs or something and sue them for millions. For the record, I didn't fall. Customs was actually pretty quick, they only asked me where I was going, reason for going and for how long I was going to be there which in this day and age is practically unheard of. I must confess that I was worried when I saw the 787 outside my gate as I remember reading somewhere that the lithium-ion batteries powering the lights had a tendency to catch fire. After the recall however, the problem was solved."
Julie then briefly stared at her watch: An Orphan Black digital watch that played Helena's screeching music every time a new hour struck. She then continued typing:
"The flight to London was eerily quiet. I think there were less than 20 passengers including me. I Slept all the way through the first half of the flight. They woke me up for breakfast, which was Gluten-free pancakes, Orange juice and Soya Bacon. I don't normally eat Gluten-free or Vegan as such, but a long time ago, I learned that the meals are fresher if you order them to be custom made to a certain diet. The Pancakes surprised me, no difference in taste or texture at all compared to regular pancakes that have Gluten in them. The Orange Juice could've used a little less pulp but it's no big deal. The Soya bacon...spectacular failure. Soy is very versatile, using it for bacon should never be one of it's uses. It seriously tasted like someone took regular bacon, dunked it in soy sauce and left it in the soy sauce for a week. They gave me another glass of Orange Juice after noticing the funny face I was making in response to the Soy bacon, and for that I'm grateful. I slept for most of the rest of the flight as it's a side effect of the pain medication I'm taking post-surgery. It's not even Morphine or Vicodin, just Tylenol 3. I'll deal with it, the surgery I had only just made it to a rating of 50/50 chance of survival a few months ago (and when I was 10 years old it was 95% unsuccessful so I'm even happier that I waited)."
Julie was distracted by a protest going on outside the right side of her Taxi. It was a protest that she knew was going on globally, and had been for decades:
"I'm looking at a crowd on William Hartnell street that is protesting the same thing I saw being protested outside the windows at Heathrow last night as I was heading to baggage claim. Armenia went through a most terrible genocide to start the 4th century from the Roman Empire simply because they POLITELY declined to convert to Christianity. The Vatican still refuses to apologize or even acknowledge it. And because they in some way control more than half the money and nuclear weapons in the world, no one can really make them change their minds."
"Turning to something happier, my taxi to The Egerton Hotel was free because the driver was an Australian Nationalist who noticed my accent. I...don't know if I want Australia to leave the British Commonwealth but, as I said, free cab ride. The Egerton itself has been very impressive: Tea and a personalized welcome card upon my arrival, candles by the bathtub although I have no idea what music was playing when I entered my room. The bellhop told me it was some shoegazing band from Montreal but they sounded like a tribute band to the cure recording in a poorly ventilated shoebox (seriously, what kind of an album title is between illness and migration?). My room was simple: the bathroom is to the right of the front door and had light green wallpaper and white tiles to go with the stainless steel sink, bathtub/shower and white ceramic toilet. Almost immediately past the bathroom is the combined bedroom and living area. A double bed entirely decorated in black and white horizontal stripes from pillow to end, a brown cedar dresser and a small blue sofa. I did like the M.C. Escher framed pencil sketch above the dresser. Granted, it was a replica but I love the hands drawing each other."
The cab driver turned left onto Baker Bridge, she knew that she was getting close to the park:
"Wrapping up today's post, the ride that I want go on the most is the Alberta Log Flume. Supposedly you're taken through an actual stable where they feed horses just before you plummet 200 feet into the water. After that, I wouldn't mind checking out Montezuma's Revenge. Hopefully I don't actually get sick being spun around for that long. Time permitting, and if I can get my 2 long distance friends to go with me, I'd love to try the Cajun skydiver. Hopefully I'm the one who pulls the cord."
The cab pulled up to the main entrance to the park as Julie saved her blog and shut off her Ipad. Julie looked at the meter which read 13 Euro dollars even. Julie pulled a 20 Euro bill out of her pocket and handed it to the driver:
"Just give me back 5. 2 for yourself for Aussie pride."
The driver smiled, saying nothing as he handed her 5 Euros back. Julie smiled back and left the cab, already seeing Gregg and Melinda.
Melinda immediately ran into Julie's arms with Gregg not too far behind, they knew she had been in the hospital recently and were relieved to see her in such great spirits.
"You look amazing." exclaimed Melinda as they ended the hug.
"Thank you." said Julie, blushing slightly.
"Are you laying off the hard stuff?" asked Gregg, his sense of Straightedge and concern being the same thing at the moment.
"Just Tylenol 3, and no booze either. Counters the effects and such."
Gregg hugged her in pride, saying nothing.
"Let's line up for tickets." said Melinda.
"What line-up? It's a Wednesday." replied Julie.
Julie was actually right. They walked straight to the #3 ticket counter.
"3, please." asked Julie.
The woman behind the cash register (a blonde girl with a polish accent named Anna) punched a few buttons on her touchscreen register. "204 Euros, please." was all that she said. She gave off a vibe that she was cold, her customers didn't mind (at least she wasn't running the Tilt-A-Whirl or something). Gregg, Julie and Melinda each handed Anna three 20 Euro bills and one 10 Euro bill. Anna handed each of them a map, 3 tickets and a 2 Euro coin in change, saying nothing else. They walked through, and a teenager employee with no nametag drew 3 "X's" (1 for each of their hands) for re-entry.
They walked over to the gift shop (that 1 would normally go into as they're leaving) but stopped short of entering it. They unfolded the map and quickly scanned it for the best route to accommodate everyone.
"I'm starving. How are you guys?" asked Gregg.
"I need to take my morning meds with food." answered Julie.
Melinda pointed off to place 100 metres or so due west "Let's try the diner over there. They're always good for breakfast back home."
Julie and Gregg nodded in agreement, with Gregg offering "And the Sasquatch is right next to it. Further along is The Bull's Run which Melinda wants to do. Anything along the West side for you, Julie?"
Julie focused on the left of the map, the entire map was on a green background with the park itself drawn as though it was done by a caricature artist. "Yes, the Alberta Log Flume. And it's right next to The Slap Shot so you 2 can get some Canadian food for Lunch. But after that there's just the Gretzky Bridge leading you to the North Side of the park."
Melinda smiled, adding "And that's where White Water Rapids is."
Julie smiled back "And Montezuma's Revenge."
Gregg then pointed along another bridge called the George Washington Bridge "And that leads to the Rocky Mountain Way..."
Julie then interrupted by accident "...And after that, we get dinner at The Panama Canal. Close the night out with The Cajun Skyflyer and drinks at The Soca?"
Melinda nodded, adding "Perfect. Off to breakfast. Via a locker rental so we put stuff we want protected inside. I doubt Ipads run cheap in Australia."
Julie nodded, accepting the point that Melinda was trying to make. They headed over to the locker station, paid the 7 Euro fee and put all non-essential gear inside (Watches, Julie's Ipad and Gregg's Minor Threat baseball cap). They were ready for the day.
Chapter 2: Morning along the West
They walked towards the diner (a dining car called The Jersey). It was a 50 foot long, 8 feet wide and 12 feet tall stainless steel subway car brought over from Newark (hence it being named "The Jersey"), open as long as the park is open and no change in menu regardless of time of day. A stunning Marilyn Monroe lookalike walked over to Gregg, Julie and Melinda.
"For 3?"
All 3 nodded, saying nothing.
"Counter or booth?"
After a moment's consideration, they answered "Booth, please" as 1.
They were lead to a booth in the back corner. White plastic with Burgundy leather cushions, a Stainless Steel jukebox on the table top (also white). They sat down as the Marilyn Monroe lookalike handed each of them a Menu. All 3 immediately headed for the breakfast section. A Humphrey Bogart lookalike came to the table with a small pad of paper and a golf pencil.
"In all the diners in all the world, we're honoured that you 3 came to this one. What will you have?"
Julie spoke first, "As long as there's no Soya Bacon, I'll eat just about anything. Ooooooh, A Turkey Bacon and Organic Egg meal. I'll have that, please."
Gregg needed a minute to find what Julie was talking about: "I'm having that too, looks healthy."
Melinda was looking at other options, "Chorizo Omelette for me. With homefries."
The Waiter wrote it all down, "Anything to drink?"
All 3 simultaneously answered "Coffee."
The waiter nodded and headed to the back. Gregg reached into his pocket and pulled a 25 Euro Cent coin and put it into the jukebox. After a few moments of going through the selections, he finally picked the theme from the movie "Rocky". "Gonna fly now" by Bill Conti.
"Seriously? The music from most of the Rocky training scenes?" asked Melinda.
"I have a thing for movie scores." replied Gregg.
"I like it, It's very empowering." added Julie in defence of Gregg.
The waiter came by with their coffees, handing a cup to each of them.
"Thank you." whispered Julie but spoken by the other 2. The Waiter nodded, only saying "Your meals should be out in about 10 minutes." before leaving their company. Gonna fly now ended and "Rocket 88" by Ike Turner came on courtesy of another group at a booth on the other side of the restaurant. Something was on Julie's mind, and had been for some time:
"Are you guys getting the Armenia protests in Canada?"
Gregg and Melinda nodded, with Gregg adding "Religion kills, all Armenia wants is to be left alone and they're being executed because of it. My hearts go out to them, I hope we can avoid a fourth world war over this. We're not too far removed from the third one and no one's allowed even close to the Pacific side of North America. A shame too, Hollywood and San Francisco collapsing put the world economy back several years."
Melinda (with a sense of national pride) added, "Don't forget Vancouver. The fishing industry is crippled and without the de-radiator being invented by Dr. David Suzuki, the human race was on pace to be wiped out by lack of water in 50, maybe 60 years."
Julie took off her wig and a jar of adhesive from her pocket. She applied the adhesive all over the inside of the wig via a small brush (not unlike applying nail polish). No one in the diner noticed her being temporarily bald and she put the wig back on without incident.
"There, now it won't come off no matter how extreme the rollercoasters are. I'll have to buy more adhesive after we leave the park tonight though."
The Waiter came out with a black tray with 3 plates, walking towards them. The Marilyn Monroe lookalike from when they came in walked ahead of him with a foldable mini-table. She unfolded it and he set the tray down.
"OK, Chorizo Omelette and Homefries for the curly blonde one. Turkey Bacon and Organic Eggs for the other 2, enjoy your meal everyone."
"Thank you." replied Gregg, Julie and Melinda simultaneously and the waiter grabbed the foldable table and left (The Marilyn Monroe lookalike had to tend to some new arrivals).
They quickly dug into their respective meals. Melinda loved the spice that was a pre-requisite to any given Chorizo (originating from Spain's Iberian Peninsula), Gregg loved how full the flavour of his organic eggs, while Julie actually stopped eating momentarily to take her pills, washing it down with a mouthful of coffee.
"Why couldn't they serve this on the plane instead of that Soya crap?" asked Julie.
Gregg nodded in sympathy, "Even I can't handle how salty that stuff is."
Melinda merely shrugged, continuing her omelette.
The rest of the meal continued in relative silence. Gregg finished first, followed by Melinda and Julie was a distant third. The waiter came by with the bill, it was...well, it was amusement park high, put it that way.
"53 Euros and 75 Cents?" asked all 3 almost at once. They dropped a 20 Euro bill apiece and walked out (indifferent as to whether or not anyone else at a different table would steal the money).
Gregg stood in awe at the Sasquatch's interlocking loops. The entire roller coaster was yellow steel and was world-renowned for its' safety. The interlocking loops are actually used as signal for the roller coaster operator to send the next car. When Car #1 is on the second loop and Car #2 is on the first loop, the operator can send out Car #3 without any problems.
"I rode this when I was a little kid, well the original one in Williamsburg. I can't believe it's still in operation in both places."
Julie looked at a sign up ahead, "Gregg, do people actually try to high five each other on different cars as they pass each other in the interlocking cars?"
Gregg nodded and winced simultaneously, "Some red headed guy lost his hands and committed suicide a few years after it happened because he couldn't hold a job as an amputee. He didn't live too far away from Mel and I, actually"
They reached the part of the line-up where they decide what part of the roller coaster they sit on.
"One of the middles?" asked Gregg.
Julie and Melinda nodded, saying nothing. They boarded the middle row, which (like every row) was 4 seats across. The roller coaster itself was predominantly a medium shade of Green, with black leather padded restraints (over the shoulder and lap combo). They were actually surprised when no stranger took the 4th seat. A park employee came by to make sure their restraints worked properly (and to lock the restraints of the empty seat completely). After 5 minutes (most of which came from someone needing to switch seats because 1 restraint combo was defective), they were off and running.
Gregg remembered the ride like it was yesterday: A short turn to the right and then straight into the wind-up hill. From there they could see the car that got sent out before theirs pass the halfway point over to the left and the car sent out before that one wind down back into the shelter to unload and pick up new passengers. The wind-up hill was always the most tense moment for any rider as it went so slowly.
"Might want to pay attention ladies, with this coaster facing south and it being a clear day, we might just be able to see France at the top of this hill, it's 315 feet above the ground I think."
Sure enough they could make out France (although the smog kept them from seeing much more than the northern edge of the country), but that was momentary and secondary to the exhilarating rush that filled their minds (especially Gregg who rode this before more than 30 years earlier and on another continent) as they raced downhill to pick up speed. Then it was uphill and to the left (only much faster now, obviously) followed by another plummet (that was 26 stories) that lead to the first loop. The conflict regarding playing it safe inside the coaster and breaking the rules and trying to high-five someone in the car that got released before your own only added to the excitement of the ride itself. All 3 of them restrained themselves, if only barely.
Then they did a sideways turn at the Southernmost point of the ride (a U-Turn if you will) and went up the third wind-up hill (approximately 28 stories), they were so far out from there starting point that they couldn't see the starting shelter or any other coasters (in front or behind them) but as they passed the peak of the hill and began to plummet to the ground again, that exited their minds 1 more time. After 1 more side turn to the right, they reached loop #2. It was actually harder to not high-five the car behind you this time because you had already resisted temptation the first time. For reasons of childhood nostalgia, it was hardest for Gregg not to spread his arms. But as with everything with roller coasters, all moments were fleeting in the passage of time. A sharp left turn was followed by a sharp right turn then a slight uphill and then, the entire coaster slammed on the breaks (signalling the end of the ride). They slowly made their way back to the shelter where their first ride began. Once they stopped inside the shelter, the restraints automatically released themselves. Gregg had a huge grin on his face, as did his 2 female companions. They walked out via a staircase located in the middle of the south end of the shelter. They rushed out, saying nothing until they were back on the ground.
"1 ride done, and I'm not even close to puking." commented Melinda.
"And my wig stayed on." added Julie with a smile.
"Onto The Bull's Run." declared Gregg, and all 3 headed north.
"Wow, I didn't know that 'The Bull's Run' went that close to the River Thames" offered Julie.
"Yes, it makes it look like you're throwing yourself into the river, rather than being caught by the bulls." answered Melinda.
"Here we go, ladies." interjected Gregg.
It was an over-suspension roller coaster that allowed 60 degree movement on all 3 axis. This particular ride never goes completely upside down but it provides a more realistic sense of flying like a bird. That was the great paradox of this coaster: The theme is supposed to be 1 of running yet the ride itself is flying. They entered a red coaster car that seated 3 people horizontally. Melinda took the front, Gregg took the middle and Julie took the rear. The maintenance crew checked the restraints (just black, padded and over the shoulder this time), and all were clean. They all gave a thumbs up sign to what looked like an aerial mirror but what was probably the ride operator signal to start the ride. With these types of roller coasters, there was a wind-up hill directly out of the shelter (no turn preceding it). They went up the wind-up at the standard 45 degree incline, one could even see Buckingham Palace out to the right. When they reached 27 stories, then came a sharp turn to the left followed by a rapid descent which had a left turn/upper twist combo (making it feel like you were being thrown into the Thames). After about 30 metres of being as close as a coaster could be to being on the ground safely followed by a second wind-up hill (being ascended much more quickly). It reached 22 stories, then plummeted down to the ground again, then pulled up 11 stories, then alternated upper twists in both directions (left and right) as they go through a replica of Mexico City. Melinda was happy as this was her ride of choice, but the most at peace was Julie. She went through an operation that saved her life...
...in fact, she was the only one in recorded medical history to not only survive but not end up blind and paralysed. When she told the news to her close friends, 1 in Canada (who wasn't 1 of these 2 with her, but he knew them well) told her that he dreamed of other Julie's who didn't make it. It seemed like a strange choice of words, but Julie didn't care. She had never felt so alive as she did in this moment. If she were a cat, this was life #2 for her. Of course, she began crying as the ride pulled into the shelter and all of the restraints were automatically released. It didn't take long for her travelling companions.
"Are you OK, Julie?" asked Gregg.
"I was the first to not die or be blind and in a wheelchair. Thank you for this, guys." answered Julie.
They shared a group hug, with Gregg only adding "Wipe away the tears, we got a Log Flume to ride with your name on it."
"Do they really have log flumes in Alberta?" asked Julie.
Gregg and Melinda laughed, "Just in the Edmonton Mall nowadays. It's as far west as you can travel in Canada now."
Julie nodded, satisfied.
"Are you OK?" asked a concerned employee. He had a German accent and was of slight build. Julie nodded, "Tumour survivor, my first big adventure since the surgery."
The employee nodded and handed her a card, "That'll get you a free funnel cake anywhere in the park that serves it."
"I look forward to the sugar rush, thank you." replied Julie. She, Gregg and Melinda then headed down a wooden staircase back to the park itself.
"Nice to be on a ride that doesn't have an over the shoulder restraint for once. Those things can bruise." lamented Melinda.
"I agree, in fact I think it's funny to be on an amusement ride with a plain, ordinary seat belt." replied Gregg.
"Our asses however, will be wet from the log seats before the ride gets the rest of us wet. Is there a drying station nearby? I think none of us remembered to wear bathing suits." wondered Julie out loud.
"It's right next to the Slap Shot." answered a park employee who was holding the log steady, she was a brunette, less than 5 feet tall, wore horn-rimmed glasses and sounded like she had answered the question many times on that day alone.
The log itself was not actually made of wood but the plastic was shaped, painted and formed to look like it, then "hollowed out" to include white, un-contoured seats. Julie took the front, Melinda took the middle, Gregg took the back. They put on the seatbelts, pulled the cord to tighten and waited to be released. When they were, Gregg and Melinda were wonderfully impressed that the forestry on both sides looked like what they remember of Alberta based on their trips there as children. Julie was oblivious to that tidbit of information, although she was amused at sounds of lumberjacks trying to chop down said trees (In reality, they were just actors hired by the park to add ambiance to the ride).
They softly turned to the left, when they finally noticed something unique about this ride that the first 2 that they went on.
"No wind-up hill of any kind." thought all 3 out loud at once.
Another left turn pointed them at the horse stable straight head.
"I hope the horses aren't sleeping." said Julie with a smile.
"Or humping." added Gregg.
"Or being examined by vets. Remember kiddies, An Amish man with his arm up a Horse's ass is called a mechanic." ranted Melinda.
All 3 laughed hysterically as they entered the stable. The horses were actually in the middle of being fed at the moment (which made all 3 of our riders start to feel hungry), so they were lively but not so lively that one would wonder about a possible stampede...
...But then Julie's attention was drawn to the giant circular saw coming right for her head. She actually got terrified briefly, until the log dropped 20 stories, causing an 8 foot high wave which soaked her, Melinda and Gregg more or less equally. They snapped off their seat belts and got out of the log. There was a small asphalt ramp to the left which lead them back to the park.
"So...drying stations before lunch?" asked Melinda.
"Agreed!" stated Julie quite emphatically.
"You 2 should've worn bras." offered Gregg in a snarky tone of voice. The girls frantically pulled their shirts away from their chests as they continued to the drying station. There were 12 drying stations altogether. You opened a clear glass door, walked into what looked like 1 of those stand-up showers that some homes had in their "half-bathrooms" only instead of a shower hose, there were multiple air jets in every direction. There was no line-up so all 3 just found 1 each that were unoccupied and walked inside.
"Drying mode on" came a computerized voice. The next 60 seconds consisted of wind bombardment on a level that none of them had ever experienced. Gregg silently wondered if this was what people who get inside wind tunnels felt like.
"You are now dry, please exit." spoke the computer again. All 3 got out and took a moment to look at each other to see how well this machine worked. Without saying a word, each one determined that the other 2 looked about 90% dry and that the humidity of the London summer would take care of the rest shortly.
"Off to the Slap Shot." declared Julie, pointing north.
Chapter 3: Lunch in the North
The Slap Shot definitely catered more to the adult customer than to the child. It reminded Gregg, Julie and Melinda of every sports bar that they had ever been in in their lives (not so much for Gregg as he never consumed alcohol in his life). Julie however, was not used to seeing so much hockey memorabilia (as the sport wasn't very popular in Australia) in one place. She began pointing at jerseys that she liked while Gregg and Melinda tried their best to answer which teams and cities they belonged to.
"What's that one with the flaming letter C?"
"The Calgary Flames." answered Melinda.
"And the one with the Coyote and the skyscraper in the background?"
"The Seattle Coyotes." answered Gregg, who felt obligated to explain further: "See, the city of Glendale, Arizona still owns a few trademarks and pieces of art even after the Phoenix Coyotes went bankrupt 5 years ago. So when the team re-located to Seattle last year, they added their Space Needle to the original art of the Coyote in order to avoid being sued."
"And Phoenix will be paying off the team's debts for at least the next decade, if not 2." added the host of the restaurant. He was a large stocky man with red hair, black jeans and a Winnipeg Jets jersey with Wayne Gretzky's name and number 99 written on it. It reminded Gregg and Melinda that Wayne Gretzky had actually been won by Winnipeg over Edmonton over (of all things) a game of backgammon.
"Table for 3, please." requested Julie.
The host grabbed 3 menus and he lead them down a hallway. They actually walked past a large simulator where one could try their luck making slap shots (hence the restaurant's name) against a virtual goalie. They reached a section of the restaurant containing 2 dozen booths.
"This should be quieter for you guys, enjoy your lunch!"
"Thank you!" replied Gregg as they all sat down. Gregg and Melinda on the left side, Julie on the right.
They each went through the menu slowly so as to not miss something, until Melinda discovered that the last page had only 1 item. It was an item that was heard about by all fans of amusement parks all over the world. Gregg found it next, followed soon after by Julie. All 3 of them dropped their jaws, it was a dish of poutine called "The Stanley Cup". It was 3 pounds of fries, 1 pound of gravy and 1 pound of cheese curds put into a replica of the actual stanley cup.
"We're getting this." declared Melinda.
"Oh yeah. I've wanted to try poutine for years." replied Julie.
"And if we eat it all, it's free." added Gregg.
A waitress came by. She was (at most) 4 "11' (even with her high heels on) and had an authentic French Canadian accent to go with blonde and pink hair.
"What I can get you guys today?"
"THE STANLEY CUP!" replied Gregg, Julie and Melinda at once.
The waitress nodded and hit a button on the wall. Sirens began sounding off from every corner of the restaurant (sounding to Gregg and Melinda like a goal had just been scored, to Julie it sounded like an old fire engine or ambulance). The host that sat them down came by with 3 pieces of paper, handing 1 to each of them before putting a pen on the table:
"This is a waiver that says we are not responsible if you die during or immediately after eating the entree known as the Stanley Cup. Signing it is mandatory before we can even start cooking it."
"Have people actually died because of eating this? Asked Melinda.
"4 since the park opened." replied the host.
"Oddly, I want to eat it more now." said Julie.
"Are you girls OK with switching to soy cheese? And can we actually make that substitution?" Asked Gregg. Julie and Melinda nodded along with the host. The host however, did add the question "Anything to drink?". Gregg replied "Perrier." while Julie and Melinda said "Coke" almost at once. The host and waitress nodded and took their leave. As soon as they had reached a fair distance away, Gregg declared "Well, I got my money's worth already in the park. How about each of you?"
Julie and Melinda merely nodded.
"I think that's ours." observed Melinda.
"Wow, that's huge!" declared Julie.
It was being wheeled out on a brown plastic cart. It was multiple dimensions of cylindrical stainless steel followed by a round bowl with some of the poutine sticking out. Both the waitress and host lifted the Stanley cup off of the cart and onto the table. The host then addressed the 3 "OK, just so you guys don't have to keep shoving your hands into the cup to eat it, each 10 cm section can be separated from the main apparatus. You have 60 minutes to eat this whole thing before it is free." The host then pushed a button on his digital watch to begin the countdown as Gregg stabbed a few fries with a fork.
"We're going to have to stand up to eat the beginning of this monstrosity." offered Melinda a tad nervously.
Melinda was the first full one at around the 45 minute mark, Gregg stopped at about 52 minutes. Julie removed the last section of the Stanley Cup to keep eating the fries at the 54 minute mark and it just turned 57 minutes. Gregg and Melinda were essentially reduced to being glorified cheerleaders:
"Come on, Julie. You can do it." declared Gregg
"2 minutes and 45 seconds to go." added Melinda, who was staring at a nearby clock.
Julie let out a large burp followed by a large sip of Coke (to rid her mouth of the salty taste temporarily). After 2 more mouthfuls of Poutine, the host came out staring at his watch and holding a microphone.
"OK everyone, our trio trying to eat the stanley cup is down to 2 minutes and 2 of the 3 are off the ice. Still looks like they might do it as 1 of them isn't even interrupted by the sound of my voice. Oh, she's on her last mouthful, she's chewing, she swallows and I'll stop my watch. 58 minutes and 20 seconds, they are the first trio to win the Stanley Cup. All past Stanley Cup winners were quartets or more."
The waitress came by with their bill, handed it to the host who promptly tore it up "On us guys, now can we get a picture?"
Julie enthusiastically stood up with gravy rolling down her chin, even offering Gregg and Melinda a hand out of their side of the booth. They stood proud, knowing that they just made park history. The host took out the restaurant's digital camera and said "1...2...3...Say Poutine!"
"POUTINE!" said all 3 simultaneously. They nodded at the host (a sort of non-verbal thank you), and exited out the same front that they came in, heading for the Gretzky Bridge.
"I hope that there's another drying station after this ride." said Julie with a tone of worry.
"There is, to the left of the exit." said Gregg assuringly.
"Good, I really don't want to give people a free peep show again." said Melinda in relief.
"Not an entirely unpleasant experience, in fact I regret saying anything." offered Gregg, then added "Before either of you smack me, I would like to point out that promiscuous sex is not allowed in Straightedge culture so I'm forbidden from actually taking advantage of either of you."
Julie and Melinda simultaneously retracted their open hands, as they were in fact going to smack Gregg upside his head.
The White Water Rapids was themed around the volatility of the Colorado river. It was a large black rubber tube (8 feet in diameter), with 4 seats (positioned at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00 and 9:00 if it were a clock) and a stationary, 4 foot tall steering wheel used for moving the raft wherever you wanted. They released the rafts 1 at a time every 90 seconds so the line-up moved quite reasonably. One was released, and all 3 got on. A tall, muscular black man looked through the line and asked aloud "Anyone riding solo?" after a couple of dozen people in the front of the line shook their heads, the park employee shrugged, walked back over to Gregg, Julie and Melinda and offered "Sorry guys, I tried. I guess you'll be by yourselves." All 3 of them nodded in acceptance as a brake of sorts was released, sending them into the rapids.
The beginning of the ride was relatively calm, similar to one of those lazy rivers at water parks for people who don't want to go on the more extreme rides. Then they turned right, causing their tube to spin multiple times, showing all 3 that the waves had begun. The tube itself seemed to be hitting every wave it could, but no one got wet above their shins. They then turned left and more waves were ahead, plus random sharp bursts of water shot out from gaps in between the rocks. Gregg, Julie and Melinda were more less equally wet (but not drenched like they were on the Alberta Log Flume). Melinda was impressed with the rocks actually, they were a rusted, old shade of red that would remind someone familiar with North American geography of Monument Valley.
They made another left turn into a dark tunnel. Julie could hear a waterfall in the distance more acutely than the other 2. She started putting all of her weight to the right, causing the raft to turn slightly. Melinda gave her a confused look (as if to silently ask "what the hell are you doing?") Julie shifted her eyes to the waterfall, then to Gregg. Melinda nodded and began shifting her weight to the right to help her. Gregg was oblivious to all of this, as he was thrilled that the music playing on the ride was "Anarchy in the U.K." by the Sex Pistols. Until it was too late, and the waterfall dumped its' water on Gregg for the better part of 3 seconds (with Julie and Melinda laughing and high-fiving each other, their prank having worked splendidly). Gregg shook himself, realized that they had planned for him to get soaked and took it all in stride.
"I guess I had that coming." was all he could say as several employees grabbed their tube and held it in place as all 3 of them got out (a couple more employees even gave them a hand out of the tube and back onto land). They saw the drying station, and each took one to dry off. As before they all heard "Drying mode on" simultaneously, followed by 60 seconds of multiple air jets bombarding the three of them before hearing "You are now dry, please exit." Gregg's fly had come open, and without any underwear, his "little guy" (which wasn't so little) was hanging out. He realized his wardrobe malfunction when Julie and Melinda wouldn't stop looking at how big it was.
"Get a good look, ladies?" asked Gregg. Julie and Melinda nodded as they continued to Montezuma's revenge. All 3 of them hoping that they wouldn't feel like they actually had Montezuma's revenge afterwards with the poutine still in their stomachs.
While in the lineup for Montezuma's Revenge, Melinda stared at a poster describing the procedure for getting on the ride itself. She began reading aloud: "So we get in standing up, pull down the over the shoulder restraints on top of us, put our arms over our chests in an 'X' pattern like we would on one of those really tall water slides or...if we were being put into coffins. Once the ride is full, a park employee pushes a button which pushes these other restraints into place (they should come up just above our knees), then once those restraints are checked to see how secure they are, a second button is pushed that turns us 90 degrees on the Z axis which would put us in full view of...the ground directly beneath us. We're riding a roller coaster on our stomachs?"
Julie grinned and nodded "Ever since I read about this ride in the Sydney Herald when I was in hospital prepping for...this." She stopped speaking momentarily to point to the right side of her head, then she resumed talking "I've wanted to go on it."
Gregg hated to interrupt but he felt that he had no choice "We're up guys."
They took the front row of 3 (as they were in the front of the line), Gregg took the right side so he could help Melinda get in the middle (as she was the shortest), then Melinda pulled Julie up so that she could get in the left (as she was the weakest physically). They each pulled down the black over the shoulder restraints and made the "X" pattern that Melinda had described 3 minutes earlier.
"Huh, the handles on the restraints are contoured for the opposite hand. The left handle is for the right hand and the right handle is for the left hand. Brilliant, that would explain the "X" pattern that's required." said Gregg aloud.
2 park employees then came into their field of view (identical twins that had curly blonde hair and were very skinny). They each pulled on Julie's and Gregg's shoulder restraints simultaneously, then pulled on Melinda's together. They each gave a thumbs up to a third employee out of sight who pushed the button to activate the leg restraints. They were so tight on everyone that one could not bend their knees, even slightly. The twins pulled on Julie's and Gregg's leg restraints simultaneously, then Melinda's, then walked down to do the same thing to the rows of passengers behind them. After 3 minutes, they were rotated downward so that they were indeed staring at the ground.
"Wow, This is definitely a unique way to ride. I can't even lift my head all that much in order to see what's right in front of me." offered Gregg.
"I hadn't even thought of doing that. With you being the tallest, I guess there's no point to Melinda and I trying to do that." replied Julie.
"What's that noise?" asked Melinda.
The sound that Melinda was inquiring about was a low-end humming sound. A sound 1 might here often as an electrical engineer. 1 of the twins overheard her asking and was happy to answer: "This roller coaster is a mag-rev ride. Instead of a wind-up hill to gather speed, several very large magnets at the back of the ride gradually increase intensity until the ride operator shuts them right off and a large battering ram in the rear pushes you on your way. Think of it as a giant pinball machine, and you're the pinball."
"OH SHIT!" screamed Gregg, Julie and Melinda as they were indeed pushed out. All they see were brief flashes of well-clipped hedges underneath them, people staring at them or walking by on paved roads off to the east and the sky when they were completely upside down. 3 minutes later, the ride pulled back into the shelter. And the image of beige concrete never looked so good to most of the people on the ride. Except of course, for Gregg, Julie and Melinda who had the time of their lives.
"I never thought being stripped of the ability to see what's in front of you would actually add to the pleasure of a ride like this." observed Julie.
"It's the Hitchcock principle. What you don't see terrifies you more." stated Gregg, matter of factly.
"Nice analogy, Gregg." said Melinda as sincerely as possible. They heard a loud bang from behind them.
"What the hell was that?" asked Gregg, slightly startled. The 3 of them were slowly raised back to an upright position.
"Question asked, question answered." answered Julie with a touch of snark. The restraints self-released and they exited out on the right side.
"Off to Rocky Mountain Way, I just hope they don't play that Joe Walsh song over and over again in the line-up. That would be very irritating." declared Melinda
"And they're playing that Joe Walsh song over and over again while we wait in the line-up. And it is in fact, very irritating." said Julie quite flatly. In one statement she had effectively summarized their entire last 2 hours of waiting. This was the newest ride in London Park so the line-up was to be expected.
"They could at least mix it up a little with some Eagles. Hell, Don Henley or even John Denver would suffice." lamented Gregg as they approached the front.
"Can we head for the back of the ride, this time? Just for a change." asked Melinda. Julie and Gregg silently nodded as the next coaster entered the shelter and let the passengers off. As soon as they were all out. A gate swung open, allowing Melinda to take the lead as she reserved the back car for herself, Julie and Gregg. The cars themselves were designed like 4-man bobsleds (modified with over the shoulder restraints for safety of course), and theirs was painted with the Canadian flag. An employee (an older gentlemen with a slight New Jersey accent) then came to check their restraints, then asked "Enjoying the park, guys?"
"Of course we are." replied Julie.
The employee nodded and let them be after closing the 4th restraint. He gave a thumb up and the ride began, it still used the traditional wind-up hill, but that seemed irrelevant at the moment. Somewhere in the front of the coaster was a man in his early 60's riffing on everything that he saw. Turning all of his surroundings into his own stand-up comedy routine. Gregg, Julie and Melinda knew his voice very well from his legendary performance at the Met, 28 years earlier. They were still halfway through the wind-up hill when Gregg spoke first "Nice to see Ol' Mork having as much fun as a child one-tenth his age."
"He was only given a little spark of madness, he never lost it." added Julie.
"I know this sounds crazy but...let's not get his autograph. Let's just leave the man in peace." offered Melinda. Gregg and Julie nodded in agreement, saying nothing. They were just happy to know that Robin Williams was happy where he was.
The ride itself lived up to Gregg's earlier comment of the ride feeling very cold all around them. Melinda and Julie remembered skiing different mountains when they were little girls, and the lack of going upside down on this particular ride actually added to their recollections. It definitely had more twists than the other roller coasters, which only served to complete the simulation of a Winter Olympic-calibre giant slalom. The ride ending was actually anticlimactic, as they watched a legend get out of the ride like he was an ordinary guy.
"Got to admire his spirit." said Gregg in total admiration as Robin Williams left their field of view.
"Yeah, no security or anything." said Julie. Melinda merely pointed across the way to The Panama Canal (sadly reminded of a recent conversation where a friend of hers told her that there was a recently written story where he had recently killed himself). Julie and Gregg nodded, all 3 were starving after that long line-up.
Chapter 4: Wrapping up
The Panama Canal had highway signs and license plates scattered around cobblestone wall (that were mostly in Spanish but there were a few in English). Gregg pointed at light blue sign that said: "Please seat yourselves." Melinda pointed to an empty booth in the back corner on the left side. Julie and Gregg nodded and they walked over. Oddly enough, there were already menus waiting for them.
"Odd place, are we getting the bill before we order or something?" asked Julie out loud.
"No, it's just custom in Costa Rica and Belize." replied a waitress behind them named Maria.
"We're first-timers. We'll need a few minutes." stated Melinda. Maria nodded and headed for the back.
Each perused the menu at different paces with each page of the menu for a different country. After 5-7 minutes, Maria returned.
"Ready to order?" she asked.
All 3 of them nodded, Gregg began: I'll have Yojoa (fried fish) with Encurtido (pickled onions and jalapenos) and Papaya Juice, please.
Melinda continued "I'll have Gallo Pinto (Red Beans and Rice) with coconut oil and also Papaya Juice, please."
"And for you?" asked Maria while looking at Julie.
Julie smiled, and finished it off "Tasajo Tacos (Dried, smoked beef) with Pico De Gallo and...make it 3 Papaya Juices, please."
"Great choices." replied Maria with a smile.
"So, 1 more ride and partying before we go back to our rooms. And I'm going to be the only one drinking alcohol, aren't I?" asked Melinda slightly awkwardly. Julie and Gregg nodded, with Gregg adding "I'm used to it. I'll be fine."
Maria re-entered the scene, gently placing 3 glasses of Papaya Juice on the table. They clanked glasses, saying nothing.
It was halfway through their meals before any of them said anything.
"I made a great choice, how about you guys?" asked Julie.
"Oh I love this. They used Tilapia which is milder and more versatile than most fish but you can still taste it when you have a mouthful of the pickled vegetables." ranted Gregg.
"I wasn't entirely sure picking the Red Beans and Rice with the Coconut Oil as it sounds strange but the Coconut cuts through the earthy taste of the rest of the dish." critiqued Melinda.
Julie smiled, only adding "I think they smoked the beef with Hickory to appeal to the American but the Pico De Gallo is so delicious."
After 30 minutes, Julie made the universal check sign at Maria (and felt that she had done it before recently). Maria came over with the bill and some candies. They were Mango and were wrapped and sold in Guatemalan grocery bodegas. They saw that the bill was only 47 Euros and were actually a bit scared. They waved Maria over to come back.
"Is something wrong?"
"Our drinks, they weren't on the bill." answered Melinda. Maria turned and pointed at the sign that read: "Buy 3 dinners and the drinks are free."
"Nice." stated Gregg. They each got 18 Euro dollars out of their wallets/purses, said "Keep the change." simultaneously and exited for their last ride.
Gregg, Julie and Melinda stared at the ominous structure that awaited them for the last ride of the evening: The Cajun Skyflyer. It was a 150 foot tall arch with a 6 inch thick bungee cord hanging from the apex. Gregg noticed a series of other smaller cords at different points somehow connected to the main one. He determined that at least a few of them were backups in case the main cord snapped and the others were to guide everyone to the top. The main cable also split three different ways at the end, and each end hooked into a life jacket that each guest had to wear. The latest group of 3 finished their ride and Gregg, Julie and Melinda were next. An Australian employee named Nathan came over to them.
"OK, the guy goes in the middle as he's the tallest. You two ladies can pick a side yourselves as you're both pretty much the same height."
Julie took the right side (as she knew that that side controlled the cord that started the ride, then gave Melinda an icy stare that Melinda took as "You WILL go on the left!" Nathan returned with 3 life jackets, handing 1 to each of them. None of them had trouble putting them on as they were staring at the step by step sign about 15 feet in front of them. After they had the jackets Nathan asked "Walk over to the three black X's on the ground, please?"
They did as they were asked. Nathan looked to be almost 7 feet tall and over 330 pounds. Most who saw him in the park on a day-to-day basis were shocked that he wasn't working security. All Gregg, Julie and Melinda could hear behind was clanging of the hooks to the back of their jackets before Nathan addressed them again "OK, you (pointing at Melinda) can keep your left arm free while your right arm locks with his left (pointing at Gregg). Your right (still pointing at Gregg), will lock with her left (pointing at Julie), your right will pull the orange string after I say 'Cajun Skyflyer, 3, 2, 1, PULL' which will start your freefall, afterwards it can remain free. Any questions?"
All 3 of them shook their heads emphatically.
"Good, enjoy the ride guys!" he offered with a smile. He attached 2 other cables to the main one then walked over to a large lever. He pulled the lever which yanked a cable behind them and they began to climb up. Normally there would be awkward silence in moments like these, but not with these 3.
"Don't you dare pull the cord early!" declared Melinda at Julie.
"I won't. I've had too many premature cord problems in my life as it is." promised Julie.
"Huh...I never had a problem with my cord." mused Gregg.
"Cajun Skyflyer, 3, 2, 1, PULL!"
Julie grinned as she pulled the cord. She had felt like she could fly earlier in the day but now she really was flying. The acceleration of the fall had all 3 of them taking 3 G's in G-Force as they reached a height on the other side of the arch that was almost equal to the height they were taken to before Julie pulled the cord. Between that and the twisting of the main bungee cord (which was apparently normal on this ride), one can literally see the whole park (and many miles around it) in under 10 seconds. Each "swing" was rapidly decreasing in distance until Nathan grabbed them to pull them back in. Nathan then pushed the lever back to its' original destination, which returned Gregg, Julie and Melinda to a standing position. Nathan then walked over to unhook them.
"Did you guys have fun up there?" asked Nathan in a manner that tried not to sound rehearsed and was only partly successful.
"Of course." replied Melinda.
"That was amazing. Back home in Canada we have to pay $ to ride this on top of our park admission."
Nathan's jaw dropped in completely genuine shock "That is terrible. Why would an amusement park charge for 1 ride after you've paid to ride them all anyway?"
Gregg and Melinda merely shrugged their shoulders while Julie checked her wig. It stayed on even with the G-Force. They waved goodbye to Nathan and headed for their last destination of the night.
"Welcome to The Soca! The drink and dessert destination for everyone." was the greeting that came by a Jamaican host named Kofi. Gregg held up 3 fingers, Kofi nodded and guided them to a booth away from the main dance floor on the west end of the restaurant.
"The menu is inside the table. Enjoy guys!" said Kofi. They looked down and someone had glued 4 copies of the menu facing in different directions then put a piece of glass on top of them to protect them.
"I think I'll cash in my free funnel cake here, seeing as I didn't see it on any of the other menus that we saw today!" said Julie as soon as she saw it on the menu.
"I'm not hungry, but I could use a beer." said Melinda while still looking down at the menu.
"I'm a little of both (hungry and thirsty) but not for booze." added Gregg.
A thin blonde girl named Robyn approached them. "Ready to order?"
All 3 of them nodded, Julie began by silently handing her the free funnel cake coupon to Robyn.
"What do you want on it?" asked Robyn.
Julie referred back to the menu as she had no idea as this was her first funnel cake ever. When she found it again she noticed that whipped cream, chocolate sauce, powdered sugar, peanuts and cherries were possible toppings.
"Everything on it. And a cup of coffee to wash it down" she finally answered, then she looked at her new friends and added "With 3 forks, please."
Gregg smiled and said "Thank you Julie, I'll have a bottle of Perrier."
Melinda looked up at Robyn and asked "Pint of Heineken for me, please."
"Certainly guys, right away." responded Robyn before she headed for the back.
"I really didn't need the extra fork, but thank you for thinking of me Julie." shouted Melinda. She shouted not because of any anger but the music in the bar had just doubled in volume.
"You're welcome." replied Julie, just as loudly.
About 10 minutes later, Robyn came back with everything "OK. Here's your Perrier...your Heineken...your coffee and your funnel cake. Enjoy guys."
Julie grabbed her cup, raised it and declared "To surviving an adventure."
All three clanked their drinks together, shouting "Cheers."
Epilogue: A Cab ride home
This is my last entry for the day. I'm heading back to the Egerton with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. We have 6 more days together but I think today will be impossible to top. I was scared to travel so far away from my home so soon but the Eye of London watches us all.
Julie saved her entry and turned off her Ipad, turning into the Egerton parking lot.
"A perfect day." said Melinda in the taxi heading back to Hotel 41.
"Indeed." replied Gregg as they drove by the night time protesters for Armenian rights. In a world on the brink of war, it was nice to still enjoy fellowship with people you love.