Authors' note: I was originally going to make this one about Jacob but then…I don't know. I just decided to flip-flop it and make this an AU. This is from poor little Edwards' perspective. Like most of my stories so far, it's not very happy; I'm going to be working on a happy one next though! Or at least, I'm going to try to!
Also, I want to dedicate this to my best friend, Algeny. Even though she doesn't read or write fanfiction. Actually, I think she despises it and yet, she helped me get out of my rut and writing again. She has put up with all of my whining and questioning on a few grammar issues so far…I cannot thank her enough.
I, unfortunately, do not own Edward, Bella or Jacob; nor any other aspect of Twilight.
I also do not own Sometime Around Midnight.
They belong to Stephanie Meyer and The Airborne Toxic Event, respectfully.
05.21.09 Edit: I have changed this into First Person rather than Third Person. I have also made revisions and such, so there will be some small changes from the original.
Enjoy guys and let me know what you think!
A Thousand Pieces
I felt so completely dead and empty. I had for years now – I couldn't be sure how many had passed by, maybe five? I honestly don't think that I cared. All I knew was that I should never have left Bella alone in that forest; I could see her sobbing on the forest floor in my minds' eye. It broke my heart even more so than it already was – did I even have a heart to begin with? I wouldn't have left her there alone if I did.
It was raining out, down-pouring actually and I was drenched thoroughly to the bone. I was constantly alone now, it was a necessity. Jasper couldn't bear to have me around anymore – my emotions were starting to take a toll on Jasper and Alice's relationship. Not just theirs actually; they were taking a toll on everyone's relationships. It had been years since Carlisle and Esme had had a fight and next thing I know they begin to argue about what they should do with me. Rosalie and Emmett…well, they decided to go on a very long vacation.
I heard faint notes of music coming from somewhere – a bar, perhaps? I began to search for the source of the music. It was nearby at least; I walked another block before discovering the source of the music - it was a bar or was it a club? I couldn't quite tell. I entered the building, and was instantly if only slightly warmed. I looked around; it was a club, there were so many people dancing. I wondered who was playing – the place seemed absolutely packed.
I made my way through the smoky interior and up to a table to sit down. A waitress came up to take my order but of course, I declined. Even if I was human and ate food, I wouldn't have ordered anything. I slowly began to look around, trying to get a feel for my surroundings.
I abruptly stopped my surveillance – Bella. Jacob. Bella and Jacob. Together laughing and having a good time. I didn't think that I could breathe anymore; I felt what was left of my world crumble completely. She had done what he had asked her to – she had moved on; onto her best friend. It only made sense; I'm sure that if I was in her position, I would have done the same thing.
The band had stopped playing but they were announcing the next song in their set. I didn't hear what the song was called that they announced. Everything and everyone sounded so fuzzy and far away in comparison to their laughter. Suddenly the sound of strings playing – violins broke through the barrier separating them and everyone else.
"And it
starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that's when you
lose yourself
for a minute or two…"
I looked down at my watch; ironically enough, it was about midnight – just after actually. I suddenly realized that Alice probably saw that this would happen but had no way to get in contact with me; she would worry ceaselessly…
"As you stand, under the bar lights.
And
the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a
while.
And the piano's
this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that
white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her for a while…"
Piano - something that I hadn't played since that day. I couldn't, after all I had composed a song specifically for her and then shattered her heart by leaving. I just – I just couldn't do it. I couldn't play anymore. I snorted softly; luckily she wasn't wearing a white dress. I didn't think that she would look good in a white dress. It was blue, a beautifully vibrant blue. Almost electric blue, she looked absolutely breathtaking.
"But you know
that she's watching.
She's laughing, she's turning.
She's
holding her tonic like a cross…"
I continued to stare at her but then I realized that she had noticed me. Damn it. I considered leaving but then decided against it. She whispered something to Jacob and then began to make her way towards me. My eyes flickered to her hands, noticing the drink in her hand. Since when did Bella Swan drink? The idea was unfathomable, well it was up until now.
"The room's
suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you
can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms…."
I really should leave; I couldn't face her just yet. However I found myself frozen in place, unable to move. It didn't matter anymore though because she was already at my side. She merely stared at me; I leaned in and took a deep breath of her scent. She still smelled the same – Freesia and Strawberries. I wanted to touch her so badly but that probably wouldn't be the best idea. I thought back to when I would hold her humming her lullaby, until she would fall asleep.
"And so
there's a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come
rushing
like feral waves to your mind…"
I took a step back and stumbled. I couldn't do this – but she caught me by my arm. I had stumbled and she had caught me. Since when did vampires stumble and Bella Swan catch someone? I straightened myself and then looked down at my Converse shoes. I wasn't sure of what to say - what could I say? Somehow, "Oh, I'm sorry" just wouldn't cut it. She was talking, I became entranced once more by her lips; they always had been one of her best features - so full and kissable. However they were covered in a reddish color this ? They had always looked so much better uncovered, nude. I wanted to wipe the offending color away.
"Of the curl
of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel
hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine…"
She continued to talk but I decided to remain silent and stare at my shoes like a naughty schoolboy who had been caught looking up one of the schoolgirls' skirts.
Bella grasped my chin and forced me to look at her. I didn't want to; I looked at the wall behind her.
"Edward. Look at me. I know that you don't know what to say but it's okay. I'm okay. It took me a long while but I'm okay now – just like you wanted. But by the looks of it, you're not okay. I'm sorry that you haven't recovered yet. If it helps any – I forgive you. I understand the reasoning you had however, that doesn't change anything. Good bye." She stood on her tiptoes, leaned in and kissed me near my ear. I couldn't avoid touching her; she would have fallen if I didn't. She then whispered something into my ear.
"I still love you but I can't be with you. Not yet. Maybe in time after you pull yourself together. We'll see. You can always leave a message with Charlie – even if he hates you for what you did, he will still pass it along. I promise." I stood there dumbly, trying to allow what she had said to seep into my brain.
"Then she
leaves, with someone you don't know.
But she makes sure you saw
her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the
door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when
your friends say
"What is it? You look like you've seen a
ghost.""
Suddenly, she was gone. I blinked slowly a couple of times and looked around. She was definitely nowhere in sight; I should leave as well. Maybe I would go back home; I didn't know.
"Then you
walk, under the street lights.
And you're too drunk to
notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don't care
what you look like,
the world is falling around you…"
I did realize that people were staring at me, I didn't particularly care. If I could, I would cry - right here in the middle of this club. She still loved me. She still loved me. "But that doesn't change anything" as she had said. I wasn't sure if I felt more broken and tired before our encounter or afterwards. There was just something about what she had said – the way she said it…
"You just have
to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see
her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You
know that she'll break you in two."
I was no longer fractured into a thousand tiny pieces. I was somewhat whole – only somewhat. Now I felt like there was this gaping divide down my middle. There was the part of me that was hopeful for the future and what it could possibly hold – I would have to ask Alice. However, there was also the part that wasn't so hopeful; the part of me that knew that it could never be. I had left her in shattered on that forest floor and now that she was whole again; she had moved on – just like I had asked her to.
Fin.