"The Alternate-Shipper Challenge"
Title: This Summer
Pen name: tiffaninichole
Existing work: N/A
Primary Players: Jasper & Bella 3
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, Jasper would be plowing more than his fields.
**IMPORTANT** Listen to this song when the time comes. TRUST ME, you'll know when.
http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=nBDbUVXXp-U
If you've read any of my other stuff, this is kind of different and I'm really nervous about it *fidgets and bites fingernails*
A humongous thank you to my beta and friend, coachlady1, who kept me from going postal and scrapping this story. Shout outs to my homies Handsandfingers, Savannah Vee and mw138 for assuring me that this story doesn't suck assholes and to JasperLuver48 for being full of awesomesauce. Hope you all enjoy!
To see other entries in the, please visit the C2: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/Alternate_Shipper_Challenge_Entries/81593/99/0/1/
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"I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but your card has been denied."
"Uh, what? Denied...?"
"The payment didn't go through; your card was denied."
"Well, that's not possible. It's a goddamn black card, lady. Black cards don't just go around getting denied. Put it through your little card scanner-thingy again, and do it right this time or I'll have your fucking job."
"Right. I'm so sorry."
Her hand is trembling as she repeatedly slides the card through the slot and she should be afraid. What the hell is wrong with people? Gawd, it's so hard to find decent help these days. Really, how hard is it to push computer keys and slide a damn piece of plastic through the little doo-dad? Stupid fucking peasant.
She looks up at me, eyes wide. "Um... Miss Swan?"
"What?" I roll my eyes and lift a hand to examine my fresh mani. Hmmm, maybe I should have gotten French tips...
"It's your card. I'm sorry, our machine isn't broken—I've tried again and again—"
My phone rings and I raise my palm to the idiot's face to shut her the hell up. Looking at the caller ID, I see it's Charlie. He'll fix this, he never lets me down.
"Hi, Daddy! I have a problem."
He huffs loudly into the phone. What the hell crawled up his butt? "What is it?"
"Something is wrong with my card, apparently some people..." I sneer at the cashier, "don't know what they're doing because this payment isn't going through and I have to be out of here like, now, 'cause me and the girls are meeting for lunch and it's totes important."
"Nothing is wrong with the card, Isabella. I've cancelled it."
"What?" My scream carries across the entire store and a few patrons turn to see what the commotion is about. Nosey bitches. I lower my voice to a harsh whisper. "Are we poor now or something?"
If we're out of money, I just might have to kill myself. I'm sure God will understand.
"No, we're not—goddamn it, just get home. Now."
"Daddy, what's wrong? Why did you cancel my card? I need this YSL bag; it's ostrich skin! I thought you loved me. Don't you want me to be happy, Daddy?"
"I won't repeat myself, Isabella. Home. Now."
He hangs up and a sense of dread envelopes me. He called me Isabella. Twice. He never calls me Isabella and he never curses at me. The "Daddy's Girl Guilt Trip" didn't even work. I'm in deep shit. What did I do?
I've already told him I was sorry for wrecking the Maybach. How long can he hold a grudge? Gawd!
I shoot one last scowl at the dummy behind the counter before stomping out of the store, beyond embarrassed as I disengage the alarm to my Mercedes SLR McLaren, which wasn't the car I wanted, but it'll do for now, I guess.
Pulling out of the parking space, my phone rings. Listening to the ringtone, I know it's one of my girls.
"Hola."
"Hey, hot bitch. What's up?"
Jess.
"Charlie called and he's really pissed at me. For what? I don't know. He cancelled my fucking card while I was in the middle of shopping. I had to walk out of there empty-handed and I just about died!"
"No! Are you serious? What the hell is his malfunction?"
"Ugh, I-D-K. But I'm not gonna be able to make lunch, gotta get home A-S-A-F-P before Daddy blows a gasket."
"Oh noes! I am so pouting right now!"
"I know, right?"
"Oh! I totes forgot to tell you that we're gonna have to use the fifty-foot yacht for the party."
"What?"
"Yeah, the 100-footer's under maintenance or some silly crap like that."
"Can't they wait until after our party for that? Now the weekend is ruined! I hate that piece of crap boat. It doesn't even have autopilot!"
"And don't forget about everyone we invited..."
"OHMIGOD, how will we fit everyone on that tiny thing? It's like a freakin' tiny little... canoe! Now we'll have to cut down on the guest list—Ugh! So annoying!"
"I-K-R? Totally sucks."
"Ugh, I'm like, so not okay right now. Jess, I gotta go. I'm almost home and I need to prepare my cerebral area for the Angry Dad Face that's about to be unleashed on me."
"K, text me when you find out what's wrong with the parentals."
"K, bye."
"Laters!"
I pull into our driveway as I disconnect the call and one of our servant-boys, James, is immediately on the front steps, waiting for me to pull up.
"Good afternoon, Miss Swan."
Throwing my keys at him as I walk toward the door, I stop for a second, remembering the bags of goodies in my car. "I have things in the trunk. Make sure Victoria handles everything delicately; some of it is one-of-a-kind vintage. She'd better hope to God that she doesn't fuck up again."
"Yes, Miss Swan. Anything else?"
"I'll be meeting with my parents for a while. I want everything I've purchased in its proper place by the time I'm done. That'll be all. Scurry along." I shoo him away with my hand as I continue into the house.
Walking into the foyer, I press the intercom button. "Daddy, I'm here. Where are you?"
"Your mother and I are in the library."
"K."
I go to the nearest elevator and play with my iPhone as I'm taken to the fourth floor. Ugh, this thing is so slow. I could have walked faster! After a kajillion hours, I finally reach the floor to the library and gulp down the unease in my chest. Each step brings with it a sense of foreboding and by the time my parents are in sight, I'm on the verge of a panic attack.
"Oh, Bella, you don't look so good. Please try and calm down, honey!" My mom grabs my hands and sits me on the couch opposite her and my dad.
Charlie looks worried. "Is it time for your pills?"
"No... I'm fine. Just... I don't know, scared or something. Just like, tell me and let's get this over with."
My parents share a quick look and I get cold chills. "Oh no. I don't have to do some kind of charity work again, do I? Because I am so not working with homeless people again. So grody. They have sooo many germs. Ugh!"
Charlie begins rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms, groaning in frustration. "When are you going back to school?"
"Is that what this is about? I told you, I'm taking a break—"
"Four years ago, Isabella! You've been on break for four years! You're twenty-two years old now and—"
"What does it matter, Daddy? I'm gonna marry a Swan-approved rich boy, anyway, so what's the point of graduating college? I won't need it!"
"You need to do something with your life, Bella. I'm sick of sitting back, watching you wasting your life and this family's money away! All you do is shop, get 'mani's,'" he punctuates the word "mani's" with air quotes, "and party. What kind of a life is that?"
"It's a good life. It's a happy life. This is what you wanted, right? For me to live carefree without a worry in the world? Well, I'm doing it!"
"No, you're being frivolous!" Charlie pulls out a stack of papers and lists off each one as he tosses them onto the floor. "$19,000 on shoes, $67,000 on clothes, $4,500 dining in restaurants, $3,000 on spa treatments... and what the hell is 'threading'?"
"It's an eyebr—"
"You know what? I really don't care. This ends today. Right now."
"Oh, my God, we are poor!"
"Don't be ridiculous. We're haven't lost our money and are in no danger of losing it."
"Oh." Thank you, baby Jesus! My shoulders slump in relaxation as I get up to go to my room.
"We're not finished here. Sit back down."
Crap!
"You need an attitude adjustment. The way you treat our help is appalling and embarrassing. They're people too, Bella, and need to be treated as such."
"So, I'll just give them some of my old stuff as like, an apology or something. Oh! Do you think Victoria would like skinny jeans? Do poor people wear Escada?"
"Oh, my Lord, do you hear yourself?"
Of course I hear myself. I'm not deaf! I don't think I'm supposed to answer that, though, so I just shrug.
"Your mother and I have been waiting, hoping to see a change. It's obviously not going to happen without our assistance."
"Assistance? What, like, therapy or some crap?"
"No. You need to learn the value of a dollar; know what it's like to complete a hard day's work. We're sending you away for the entire summer."
"What? No! I'm an adult! You can't just send me away like some disobedient child! I won't go! I have too much stuff planned for this summer for it to be ruined—"
"We have a family friend in Texas named Jasper Whitlock," Charlie continues as if I hadn't said anything, "who owns a farm and has recently lost his family. Running a farm is hard work and he can't do it alone. That's where you come in. You'll be spending your summer helping Jasper run his family's business."
My visions blurs and darkens as my breathing picks up, chest tightening, heart racing... room too confining. I squeeze my eyes shut and fist my hands in my hair, rocking back and forth.
"Oh, Charlie, I knew we shouldn't have done this! Bella, honey, take deep breaths."
Why? Why are they doing this to me? It's not my fault! I didn't want this. Now they don't want me. No one wants me... not even my parents. I'll never be good enough. Why am I not good enough?
"Bella, open your mouth, honey, I have your pills and a drink." Renee rubs my back while I hurriedly swallow the medication down with some iced tea, waiting impatiently for it to kick in.
After an eternity, I finally begin to calm down and am shocked to realize that my face is wet with tears.
"Bells," Charlie's voice is now soft and hesitant, "we only want the best for you. We just need to intervene before it's too late. There's still hope for you."
"When?" My throat is scratchy. I sound horrible.
Renee kisses my forehead and begins playing with my hair. "You leave in two weeks, honey."
xxxxxxxxxxx
"Ugh! Juno? Again?"
"Shut up, skank. It's my last night here and I get to pick the movie."
I don't know why the hell Lauren complains whenever I pick Juno. She knows that if it's my turn to choose a movie, it's freakin' automatically gonna be Juno. I cried when I first saw it, but had no idea why. When it ended, I immediately started it over and watched again. And again. I gradually cut back to watching once a week.
For the longest, I didn't know why it affected me so much, but eventually figured it out. The love between Juno and Bleeker is so pure and honest and good. Something I will never have. When I'm ready to settle down, it'll be with one of the heirs in my circle: Tyler, Mike or Eric... although my parents are not-so-subtly shooting for Mike, so I'll most likely have to choose him to make the parents happy. There will be no love. No lust. No happiness. Hell, no attraction on my part. And definitely no choice. I have absolutely no choice in whom I will spend my life with.
Once I'm married, I'll spend my days organizing some random charity and my nights being the hubby's arm candy at numerous galas and other boring events. My entire life is pretty much planned and I have no say. I have no choice but to go along with it because this is just how things are done.
I know there are better love stories out there than Juno, but for some reason, it just gets to me. When they declare their love at the end and sing that duet? My eyes still get misty when I see it. I'll never have that. I'll never be head-over-heels in love. I'll never sit back and sing a capella songs with my husband. I'll probably never even enjoy being in the same room as my husband.
"... Jasper guy?"
Hearing Jasper's name pulls me out of my thoughts. "Huh?"
"I said," Tanya dramatically rolls her eyes. She hates repeating herself. "What do you know about this Jasper guy? Jasper is such an old dude name. He's probably all old with a pot belly. Eew, he probably smells like feet."
"Yeah," Jessica cuts in, "I keep imagining Santa Claus with overalls."
"I don't know anything about him, bitches. Nothing besides the fact that he owns a stinky farm in Texas."
"Just don't come back smelling like cow feces. Grody."
"Lauren, you already smell like cow feces!"
The room is quickly filled with laughter and after a while, Renee comes in to rip me away from my best friends. "Time to head home, girls! Bella has to wake up bright and early tomorrow, so she needs her beauty sleep. Your drivers are all here and ready to go." She's beaming and it disgusts me. How can she be so happy when I'm clearly miserable?
The girls and I exchange hugs and a few tears before they leave to continue on with their perfect lives. Renee and I are now left alone in my room, looking around awkwardly, shuffling our feet. Our relationship hasn't been the best since she and Charlie dropped the bomb on me. As a matter of fact, I've hardly spoken ten words to either of them in the past two weeks. The silent treatment may be childish, but it's my only way of getting back at them. I know my not talking to Charlie is killing him, since I was such a daddy's girl before. Oh. Well.
After a few seconds, I turn my back to Renee and climb into bed, lying on my side while keeping my back to her.
I feel the bed move a little when she sits behind me. "Bella? I know you're angry... this is so hard for your father and me."
She places a hand on my back and I stay silent.
"Please... just say something."
Silence.
"Um, I was able to get four months' worth of your medications so you don't have to worry about running out. Jane has already packed it for you."
Silence.
"Instead of using a driver, your father wants to personally take you to the airport."
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline; this news is almost enough to make me speak. I don't think I've ever even seen Charlie drive. But I stay silent.
"Your father has gotten you a new cell phone with an allotted amount of minutes and text messages. You'll be able to speak with your friends, but you have to keep track of how many minutes and words you use."
Silence.
"I care about you so much. I know you don't think so right now, but I do."
Silence.
She pats me on the hip and gets up to leave. I hear her hesitate at the door, turning off the light and lightly sighing before she walks away.
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When the plane lands, I can't get off fast enough. Stupid Charlie, not letting me use the private jet. I've been stuck sitting next to some crazy old woman who keeps blabbing on and on about her son, the award-winning horse breeder. Like I give a damn. Isn't first-class supposed to be... I don't know... better? The food was disgusting, the air smells weird and the seats suck ass.
Some flight attendant smiled at me like I was a reTARD when I asked her how to turn on the massage mechanism. Like, how was I supposed to know? Shouldn't first-class have heated massage chairs? That's just common decency.
So now here I am, waiting by Baggage Claim, looking for a plaid shirt wearing Neil Diamond look-a-like.
"Isabella?"
I turn when I hear my name and damn near have a seizure. Holy bajesus. Dirty blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, glimmering green eyes, full lips... and oh my gawd, a wife beater. A black wife beater showcasing every lean muscle of his torso, leading down to distressed jeans hanging low on his deliciously narrow hips... I feel like I should say a prayer. Send a "thank you" note to God or something.
"Uh, are you Isabella?"
The accent! Swoon! That country twang will be the death of me! Did the Greeks have a god of fuckhot sexiness? 'Cause if not, this guy could totes fill the position.
"Isabella Swan?"
Crap! I just realized I've been staring with my mouth hanging open. God of Fuckhot will probably think I'm a dumbass now. Great.
"Just Bella, no Isa."
No Isa? Crap! Could I sound any dumber?
He smiles and extends a hand. DIMPLES! Panty explosion in 3... 2... 1...
"Well, it sure is nice to meet ya. I'm Jasper Whitlock."
With those two simple sentences, my brain goes completely blank.
"So, uh, are your bags here yet... Bella?"
"Oh!" I jump, startled out of my stupor. "Oh, um... what?" Gawd, I'm pathetic.
"Your bags?"
"What bags?"
He looks confused, brows knitting together adorably and I totes wanna lick the crease. Then work my way down...
"Uh, you didn't bring any bags? You know... stuff? Luggage?"
"Oh... oh! Yeah, I have luggage! I'm like, super sorry. I really—I mean, you know... I just don't act... like this. Usually..."
"No problem, shug. Let's get on around through here and try to find your stuff. How many bags ya got?"
"The limit was ten, so..."
His eyes bulge comically out of his head. "Ten bags? You woulda brought more? Jesus H. Christ."
I shrug to hint that it's no biggie; that I don't care. But the reddening of my face instantly gives away the fact that I do, indeed, care. A lot. "Um... I need my stuff, I guess."
Great first impression, Bella.
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We've been driving for over an hour and a half and I'm about to lose my shit. There's nothing but farms and cows and forest and shit for as far as I can see. Actual buildings and civilization ceased to exist about forty-five minutes ago. I figured Jasper would be a Country-music-type guy since he lives in Texas and has a farm and junk. But he surprised the hell out of me when he popped in an Usher CD. Who the hell knew he'd be into R&B?
When I questioned him about his taste in music, he smirked and told me not to judge a book by its cover. Touché.
About two hours into the drive, Jasper makes a right turn and smiles brightly, dimples looking temptingly lickable. "We're here."
I turn to look out of the window and see nothing but grass. "Where is it?"
"It's a ways up here. I own 180 acres of land, so..."
How is that even possible?
"Oh, it's possible," he laughs. "My family's been owning this land since the 1800's."
Damn. I guess I said that out loud. I'm gonna have to work on my verbal filter around this dude.
"We used to have a lot more livestock, horses, fields of wheat and vegetables and fruits... But I just couldn't handle it by myself. I damn sure tried, though. Boy, did I try..."
His voice trails off as his mind catapults him into the past.
"So what kind of animals and stuff do you have?" I question, honestly curious.
"Not much. Had to sell the horses, chickens and pigs. Most of the cows, too. All's I got is ten cows and a few acres of various fruits that'll need pickin' soon."
"You live alone?"
"Yep. Just me. Well, my buddy Edward stays with me, keeps me company."
Why in the hell would my parents send me to live with two strange men? If Edward is half as hot as Jasper is, I may end up pregnant by the end of my second week here.
I inwardly giggle. Gawd, I'm such a whore.
We finally pull up to a modest little cabin-type house-thing. It's so small!
"How many rooms is it?"
"Three, plus a bathroom."
"One bathroom?" Oh noes. This is so not good.
Jasper parks the car and turns to me. "Alright, let's start getting the bags."
"You want me to carry bags?"
"Uh, yeah, I do. You gotta get used to doin' work, Bella. Now, today I'll let ya rest, since you gotta get used to the time change and all. But tomorrow is when the real work begins."
"Gulp."
He laughs a stunning, genuine laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement. "Did you just... say 'gulp'?"
Again with the blushing. "I guess I did."
Twenty minutes and one chipped nail later, all of my bags are crammed into my room. My very tiny room. The house is nice and clean. But it's just so small. It's like it gets smaller every time I blink my eyes. Le sigh.
"So, where's Edward?" I'm curious to see this hunk of a man who has a fifty-percent chance of being the father of my future child.
"He's around here somewhere. Surprised he hasn't popped his nosey head in yet. I told him we'd be gettin' a visitor."
Jasper walks off, shouting Edward's name until I hear light footsteps coming toward us. Damn, he's stealthy. Hot!
As Jasper walks into the living room to greet Edward, I stay behind in the narrow hallway to fix my hair and straighten my clothes. Finally, I take a deep breath and step out.
Oh. Em. Gee.
He's... adorable. Not what I was expecting at all and I'm actually a little relieved... and disappointed. Shiny bronze locks and the most intense green eyes I've ever seen. His gaze is mesmerizing. His head tilts to the side as he looks me up and down.
"Oh, my gosh, Jasper! He's adorable!" I kneel down and welcome the cutie into my arms. "Hey, boy! You're so cute! Look at you!"
I've always loved dogs, but for some reason, the parentals forbade them. Something about fur and Persian rugs...
Edward's tail is wagging furiously and he's panting onto my leg as I rub him and tickle his belly.
"Wow, Edward's never this friendly with anyone he meets. Looks like he loves ya already."
I smile and continue playing with my new furry boyfriend for who knows how long, until Jasper finally breaks us up.
"Sorry to barge in on your love connection, but did you wanna do somethin' tonight? We can maybe watch television or... somethin'." He shrugs, looking flustered—I take it he doesn't entertain often.
Juno to the rescue! "Do you have a DVD player?"
"Uh, I think so."
"You think so?"
"Well, I haven't had a night off in a long while. Don't have time for television or movies or nothin' like that. My pops mighta had a DVD player, though."
Wow. He's never seen The Jersey Shore. Poor guy.
After searching for ten minutes, I find a DVD player and dust off the TV before popping in my copy of Juno.
When I sit on the couch, I try hard not to notice the muscles of Jasper's stomach tightening and releasing with each breath. Why did he have to wear that thin ass muscle shirt? How am I supposed to concentrate with him looking like that?
"So what're we watchin'?"
"It's called Juno."
"What the hell kinda movie name is that?"
"Shhh! It's starting!"
I've seen the movie so many times, I silently mouth the words right along with the characters.
"I take it you've seen this movie once or twice—"
"SHHH!"
The end of the movie plays and for some reason, I cry. With every breath, I choke back a weighty sob as silent tears slowly crawl down my cheeks and I quickly swat them away before Jasper can see. That's all I need, for this sexy man to see me crying, before he certifies me as a loon. I haven't cried at the ending for months. Why the hell am I crying?
"Hey," Jasper scoots closer to me and awkwardly raises a hand to wipe my face, but lowers it before he makes contact. "You cryin'?"
"No. I'm fine."
I hastily get off the couch and grab Juno out of the player before speed walking to my room. I think about taking a shower but I don't want to ask Jasper where the towels are. I can't face him right now, I just can't.
Turning off the bedside lamp, I lie down and concentrate on calming myself down. I really don't wanna take meds on my first night here—I already feel like a big enough psycho as it is. After forever, my breathing and heart rate have been regulated, and I think about what my friends are doing. Picking up my new phone, I type out a quick text to Jess.
Hey bitch. I'm here. Jasper is HOTNESS! -B
We spend the next hour texting before I get a popup on the screen, warning that I've reached my character limit and will be unable to send any more messages. What. The. Fuck?
That popup message combined with the tiny bed I'm lying on and the small house I'm staying in... all push me over the edge. How am I supposed to act now? How can I keep this up? I close my eyes tightly and cry. I don't know why I'm crying. I'm so overwhelmed... so many feelings... nothing makes sense. Why? Why am I like this? Why can't I be normal?
I shakily get off the bed and look through my luggage, becoming more and more frantic as my search proves fruitless. I need my pills. Where are they? I need them! Jane packed them. Mom said Jane packed them. Where are they? They're not here. She told me!
I hear someone pacing outside my door and I'm on the verge of hysteria. Jasper can't hear me like this! My vision begins to blur and I drop heavily to my knees in defeat, rocking my body back and forth.
He can't hear me. Please don't hear me. Go away. Leave me alone. Please don't hear me.
Finally the pacing stops and I hold my breath. A few seconds later, I hear scratching on my door. Edward.
I open up, just enough for him to slip inside before quickly shutting it back. I'm sure I look a mess. Jasper can't see me looking like this. I have to be perfect. My hair has to be done. My makeup has to be just right. My clothes can't be wrinkled. My face can't be blotchy with tears. I'm so ashamed of myself. Pitiful.
Edward jumps onto the bed and looks at me expectantly.
"You want me to lay with you, boy?"
If I wasn't feeling so crazy right now, I would swear that he nodded his head. But I am feeling crazy, so I know I'm just seeing things. I sigh and wipe my face.
"You must think I'm going all Britney Spears on you, huh?"
I lay down and he snuggles up against me, nuzzling his way under my arm.
"I wasn't always such a HAM. I swear. I used to be normal, I really did."
He softly whines and rubs his nose against mine.
"You're a good listener. You know that?"
I feel his rough, hot tongue lick its way up my face.
"Gross!" I shriek while wiping my skin raw with my comforter. "I mean, I understand what you're saying without you going all Cujo on me. No droolage, please. Eew—wait, did you just snicker?"
Edward and I talk for a while before we both begin yawning from exhaustion. As I drift off to sleep with this cute mutt by my side, I realize that I'm completely calm... and I didn't even need my meds.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Jasper wakes me up at the buttfuck asscrack of dawn and I'm tempted to murder him. But then he smiles all dimply-like at me and my brain goes blank and I get all swoony. I surprise myself when I smile back because I am so not a morning person.
An hour into getting ready in the bathroom, Jasper knocks on the door and tells me to hurry up. Ugh, I hate being rushed! I hurriedly finish and walk out in my first day ensemble. The girls and I spent hours putting this outfit together, it's the perfect mixture of "farm girl" meets Sex and the City.
I feel on top of the world as Jasper lays his eyes on me... until he opens his mouth. "Why're you wearing high heels and jewelry?"
"An outfit is nothing without accesso..." By the glazed over look in his eyes, I take it he isn't interested in my girly answer. I sigh and shove my Chanel shades onto my face before stomping out the door, leaving Jasper chuckling behind me.
As soon as I step outside, I feel like I'm gonna suffocate. Jasper laughs even more.
"Feelin' the humidity? It's a bitch, ain't it? You'll get used to it, though. C'mon, we're gonna milk us some cows."
If Charlie hadn't threatened me with being kicked out of the will, I would totes be running for the hills right now. I say a quick prayer to Jesus, begging him to kill me dead.
After two hours of attempting to milk a cow, I learn that Jasper is not only the God of Fuckhot Sexiness, but he's also the king of patience. I know he was beyond frustrated, having to demonstrate and explain the procedure time after time after time. But he never raised his voice or showed too much annoyance on his face. Emphasis on too much.
Just as I'm about to give up and run crying to the house to bathe in Purell Hand Sanitizer, a few squirts of milk shoot out of the cows saggy boob-thing.
"YES! I DID IT! I DID IT!"
Without thinking, I lunge myself into Jasper's arms and hug him, feeling the tight muscles of his back, smelling the musky scent of his skin.
"Congrats, shug!" He laughs and spins me around a few times before he suddenly stops and puts me down, shuffling his feet and scratching the back of his neck.
"Uh... yeah. Um, we can't be too loud. It'll startle the cows and they won't produce any milk."
"Oh. Sorry."
He looks around nervously. "So yeah, you stay here and work on Milly and Imma go get started on the other ones. We gotta deliver before eight."
"Deliver?"
"To the local market."
By the time every cow is milked, I'm covered in sweat and mud and I'm struggling to breathe in this thick ass air. How do people survive here?
After delivering the milk, I'm about ready to die. And it's only eleven in the morning! Finally pulling up to the house, I breathe a sigh of relief, already planning on which bath salts I'm gonna use. This summer is going to kill me!
Jasper hops out of the truck, radiating energy. "Alright, I gotta chop down some trees to sell for lumber. While I'm doin' that, you're gonna be pickin' some berries. C'mon, lemme show you how to do it."
What? More?
We walk for a few minutes before coming to a big field of strawberries. I take in a deep breath, smelling the faint sweetness in the air. Yum.
Picking berries is a lot easier than milking cows, but the heavy air and the bright sun beaming down and searing every pore of my body, make it that much harder. My shirt is heavy, shorts wet with sweat, feet damp inside my shoes, hair stuck to my skin. Great. All of that preparation for nothing. I look horrible.
When I can't take any more, I give up and go on a search for Jasper. As soon as I walk away from the sweet field, Edward comes bounding toward me and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, now you show up. Lazy animal."
He ignores me and runs around my legs as I walk around aimlessly.
"Are you gonna show me how to get to Jasper, or are you just gonna drool on the ground all day?"
He rolls his eyes at me and heads north... At least I think it's north. I'll have to watch a few episodes of Survivor Man to learn more nature-type crap like this. It might come in handy or something. After a few minutes of following my pal, I finally see Jasper. And what a sight it is. His shirt is off, tan skin shimmering in the sunlight, droplets of sweat glistening all over his body, appearing as if his skin is covered in diamonds. Magnificent.
The muscles in his back coil and bunch with each lift of the axe and his pants dip a little lower, revealing a small tattoo on his hip. With every heavy swing of the sharp tool, he grunts loudly, large hands visibly tightening around the handle.
"Holy hell."
Edward huffs and growls lowly, bringing Jasper's attention to us.
"Bella? What're you doin' over here?"
I dramatically wipe the sweat out of my eyes with the back of my hand. "I'm about to freakin' die. For reals."
Jasper laughs and sets down the axe, walking toward me and Edward, picking up his smudged shirt off the ground to wipe his forehead with. "'For reals,' huh?"
As he comes closer, I notice a small bead of perspiration slowly sliding its way down the planes of his hard chest to the ripples of his abs, into the waistband of his jeans. I bite my lip. Oh, to be that drop of sweat.
"... me?"
"Huh?" I lick my lips and hesitantly lift my eyes to his face.
He smirks. "I just asked if you wanted to head on down to the house with me."
"Oh. Yeah. Sure."
We slowly walk back in silence, tension crackling in the air as the sun sets behind us.
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Weeks passed and Jasper and I developed a routine of sorts. It was hard as hell, but the work was getting easier with time. And heaven help me, but I sort of... enjoyed the work. I still hadn't gotten used to the humidity and I didn't give a damn what Jasper said, I'll never get used to the shit. It's evil.
We'd grown more comfortable around each other and I'd come to cherish his friendship. Jasper showed me how to use a lawnmower and I convinced him to try WEN on his hair—and he truly liked it. But when he found out how much it cost, he refused to use any of my stuff ever again. I then began my weekly task of sneaking it into his cheap shampoo bottles.
Every Saturday, we would watch Juno at the end of the night. And every Saturday, I would cry and run to my room in search of my meds. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for being... me. I hated myself until the pills kicked in and numbed me and made me a better person. And in the morning, I would wake up and pretend nothing happened. Jasper would look concerned, but he wouldn't question me about it. He always gave me my space. He was awesome like that.
Edward and I grew closer as well. He became my right hand man—or, dog. Whatever. Wherever I went, Eddie-kins was there. Jasper said Edward never responded to any name other than Edward and was surprised when he answered to my calling him Eddie-kins. I told Jasper that Edward was my boyfriend and for the rest of the day, Eddie had a spring in his step. I swear that mutt is a human trapped in a dog's body.
I accidentally stumbled upon Jasper's guitar one day and pestered him until he played for me. His voice was soothing and hypnotic, fingers strumming surely and gracefully across the strings. He looked so peaceful when playing, so calm and beautiful. Every now and then, I'd coax him into playing something for me and every time, I would silently swoon and fawn over this amazingly talented man.
Once while under his spell, I admitted why I loved Juno so much. The pity in his eyes had me running to my room in search of my meds. I felt so pathetic. What was it about this man that had me telling him my secrets?
Some days I would unexpectedly let my guard down and sort of be myself around him. But my intense fears would have me closing myself back up again, scurrying off like a scaredy-cat to greedily gobble my pills down.
There was one night when I asked about Jasper's family, but he brushed the question off and began talking about something else. I took the hint. I was curious as hell, but he gave me my space, so I gave him his.
After some time, I realized that I hardly even talked to my girls anymore. Days would pass before I absent-mindedly picked up my phone, only to see I had ten missed calls and fifty text messages. And I hardly answered them anymore. It was like, the more time I spent with Jasper in the real world, the less time I wanted to spend talking to the products of my superficial reality.
As the weeks rolled on, my feelings for Jasper rapidly grew in intensity. He was so wonderful and kind and patient and humble and just... so much better than anything I could ever hope to have. So I kept my distance. I couldn't risk tainting him with all of my fucked-up-ness.
I would think of him while I lay in my dark room at night, wishing the furry body next to me would magically morph into the warm, hard body I longed for.
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"Bells," I close my eyes and sigh softly. I love when he calls me that. "Why do you keep wearin' stuff like that? The face paint and the fancy clothes... you're just gonna get dirty."
Because I have to be my best around you. I can't let you see who I really am. I'm not good enough.
I shrug. "I just like to dress like this."
"C'mon." He grabs my hand and before I can yank it out of his grasp, he holds on tighter. Our hands fit perfectly together, his large callused one easily enveloping mine. Tingles shoot through my body and I try to memorize the feel of our entwined fingers. Don't get too close.
Jasper drags me into his room and opens one of his drawers, pulling out a muscle shirt and overalls, thrusting them in my face. "Put 'em on."
"What? No!"
"Isabella Marie." I roll my eyes, but inside I'm melting. My name rolls off his tongue like warm honey, making me want to jump his bones. "You put these on or no Juno tonight."
"No way! That's totes not fair!"
"It most certainly is totes fair." He smiles and my brain turns to goo and I smile back, grabbing the clothes from his hands. Damn dazzling hillbilly.
When I close the bathroom door behind me and am away from Jasper's charms, reality sinks in. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to do this?
"Hurry up," he yells through the door. "We got a lotta work to do this mornin'. Oh, and there's some of your fancy face soap in there, too. Wash all that paint off your face."
The smell of cow dung has officially made him lose his mind. "No!"
"Juuunooo."
Fuck that. Watching Juno isn't that damn important. I can go without watching it. I'll probably go through withdrawals, but I can manage. "No. Why do you want to see me without my makeup, anyway?"
"I... I just wanna see ya."
Why? I'm nothing.
As I peel off my D&G halter top, I hear him pacing behind the door. "Alright, Bella. Listen. You do this for me and I'll let you have the day off tomorrow. And today will only be a half day."
"Really?"
"Really."
Wow, a day of sleeping in and watching a Juno marathon is just what I've been needing!
"Fine."
The overalls are way too big, so I roll the pants up a few times. They're baggy and the shirt is hanging off of me, barely staying on my shoulders. I look ridiculous.
When I reach for the face soap, I begin to panic. My heart is beating wildly in my chest as I rub the lather over my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, my lips. He'll never want you like this. Never. You're not even good enough when you look your best.
As I look at my bare face in the mirror, I crumble to the floor and cry. I try my hardest to stay silent as the sobs quake through my body. My head begins hurting from keeping the noise in, pounding and filling with pressure.
"Bells?"
I curl myself into a ball, trying to disappear. I'm so disgustingly pathetic.
The doorknob jiggles as Jasper tries the lock. A few seconds of silence pass before he pushes his way in, tearing the door from its hinges. I curl up tighter, wishing I could die.
"Jesus, shug, what's wrong?" Jasper sits on the floor and pulls my head to rest in his lap. I cover my face—he can't see me like this. "Talk to me. You need your pills?"
I cry harder, painfully embarrassed by the fact that he knows how weak-minded I am... that he knows my brain isn't wired right. He wasn't supposed to know.
"It's okay, darlin', please don't cry. I can't stand to see ya cry, Bella."
He massages my scalp and runs his fingers through my hair and whispers gentle words of encouragement. His kindness only makes me feel more despicable. Now I can add "understanding" and "compassion" to the long list of his attributes. I'll never deserve him.
"Talk to me. Talk to me, Bells."
"I was..."
I can't tell him. He'll realize how horrible I am.
He lifts my chin and places a slow kiss on my forehead. "Please."
I can never deny him anything. Hell, he probably thinks I'm crazy anyway, what do I have to lose? I take a deep breath and brace myself for his disgust.
"My real dad left me and my mom when I was five. He used to... abuse us. When he left, my mom blamed me. She'd tell me all the time that I was the reason he left—because I was a terrible child. She got into drugs and partying and I pretty much had to raise myself. After a few years of this, she brought a man home and he never left, so I figured he was her new boyfriend.
He used to look at me and... I was only seven-years-old and he scared me. He scared me so much, Jasper. He would sneak into my room at night and... touch himself... he told me he would murder my worthless ass if I said anything to anyone. So I didn't. He was so big and scary. I truly believed he would kill me without a second thought. One night, he didn't show up... a few days passed and he never came into my room. I was relieved but still paranoid that he'd barge in when I least expected it. On my eighth birthday, my mom snatched me up by my arm and dragged me to her old run-down car. She called me every name in the book as she sped down the road, barely stopping at red lights."
I look up at Jasper, knowing I'll see a look of disapproval on his face, but he's looking at me, concern clearly showing in his eyes. He also has a look of disbelief. Sharing this is so hard to do, but he makes me want to tell him. Yet I still don't know if I should continue until he squeezes my hand in encouragement. Okay. I can do this. I take a deep breath.
"She said her boyfriend left and she blamed me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted. If I had just given him what he wanted, he would have stayed. She told me I was a curse and she hated me. Said I was a mistake. She dropped me off in front of some strange house and drove off. Turns out it was an adoption home. She just gave me up. Just like that.
Living in the system was hell and I won't get into what I had to go through, luckily I didn't have to suffer long because the Swans adopted me. It was the best day of my life. But I quickly learned that I wasn't good enough. I was too plain, too boring for their fancy lifestyle. In a nutshell, they forced me into being someone I wasn't and it took a toll on me. Eventually, I was taken to a shrink who prescribed me a cocktail of pills to keep the depression and panic attacks at bay. They numb me so I can keep up the charade of being Little Miss Perfect without embarrassing my parents. I hate who I've become, this fake, shallow shell of a person. But I have no choice. I have no choice in anything.
My dad left because I wasn't good enough. My mom gave me up because I wasn't good enough and the Swans changed me because I wasn't good enough. I'm nothing. Worthless and defective."
Silence balloons in the room before Jasper grabs my hand and lightly squeezes.
"Please tell me you don't believe that." His voice is so soft, it barely carries to my ears as he gently caresses my cheek. "You're beautiful, Bella. Just as you are."
I jerk my head off of his lap, looking at him incredulously. "Don't say that. Don't pity me."
I get up and leave the bathroom, briskly walking to my room, locking the door behind me. I hear Edward whining behind the door, but I don't let him in. I'm on the verge of a breakdown and need my pills. When I find them, I gulp them down without water and stumble to the bed, lying down and succumbing to sleep.
When I wake up, it's late in the afternoon. The sun is high in the sky. I sit up and place my feet on the floor, leaning my elbows onto my knees before taking a few deep breaths. My mouth is dry, so I pop a piece of gum before heading to the kitchen. I have no clue what time it is, but I'm hoping Jasper is out. I'm beyond mortified and can't handle talking to him right now.
Obviously God hates me. Jasper is sitting cross-legged on the living room floor with his guitar in his lap, fingers on the strings, ready to play.
"Talk to me, Bells."
I shake my head and continue toward the kitchen, walking past him and keeping my eyes straight ahead.
Just make a sandwich and go back to your room. You're no good for him.
He begins playing and I stop dead in my tracks when his melodic voice swirls into my ears.
"You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend. Don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you..."
He stops singing, but continues playing as I slowly step back into the living room, eyes wide, heart racing.
He looks up and smiles gently at me. "I can't finish the song without ya, Bells. Come sit down."
I mechanically walk over and sit in front of him, staring into his shining eyes. He continues strumming, looking at me expectantly. I continue with my verse, disbelievingly singing the words I've heard so many times before...
"Here is the church and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people. Don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."
He cuts in with his part, smirking lazily. "We both have shiny, happy fits of rage. I want more fans and you want more stage. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."
His lips are so full, so kissable. Jaw lightly stubbled. So manly. I blush when I realize my turn is up and I should have been singing instead of ogling Jasper. "Always trying to keep it real and I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."
He stops playing and moves the guitar off of his lap, opening his arms. "C'mere, shug."
My breath catches in my throat when what he's said registers in my brain. I move unsurely into his lap but immediately melt into his firm body and sigh contentedly. This is where I belong.
Jasper brings the guitar in front of our bodies, playing flawlessly despite the fact that I'm now in his way. Leaning forward, he sings airily into my ear. "I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starry-eyed, my body sways from side-to-side. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."
He leans forward slightly and presses his lips to my bare shoulder, fingers never missing a beat. My head lolls back onto his chest as my brain takes a back seat and the feeling of his mouth ignites a fire within me. I feel him smile against my skin. "Your turn, darlin'."
"Oh..." I wait until the melody gets to the right place before continuing. "Pebbles forgive me, trees forgive me, so why can't you forgive me? I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."
"Du du du du du du du du du du du."
I join in, our voices harmonizing perfectly. "Du du du du du du du du du du du. I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you."
He sets the guitar down and wraps his arms around my waist, holding me so close. As he nuzzles my neck, I feel his damp, freshly washed hair against my cheek. It smells like WEN. I close my eyes and smile.
"I love you, Bella."
My eyes snap open. NO! "No!" I scamper out of his lap and stand up, "Don't say that! Do not say that again."
He stands and reaches out for me, but I back away. "It's true. I'm in love with you, Bella."
"No."
I back away and hurry to my room, once again locking the door. No one has ever told me they love me. I'm not worthy of anyone's love. No one should love me. My own mother doesn't love me.
Changing into a nightgown, I stew in my own thoughts for some time, watching as the sunlight streaming through my window changes color.
Could he be telling the truth? Does he really love me? Does he think I'm worthy?
As the light begins to dim outside, I realize that he could love me. Despite all of my problems, he could actually love me. Me. Is he worth taking the chance? He could reject me, turn me away like everyone else. And it would crush me. But what if he doesn't?What if he really accepts me, flaws and all?
I get up and sprint out of my room into the living room. "Jasper?"
Silence.
I jog to his room, throwing open the door. "Jasper?"
What am I thinking? He's doing work. I run outside, not bothering with shoes, pebbles viciously prodding into the soles of my feet as I run barefoot for the first time in my life. It hurts, but Jasper is worth it. He's worth everything
I hear the faint rumble of the ride-on lawnmower and follow the sound. I run with all I have and by the time he's in sight, I'm out of breath and my feet are killing me. But I don't care.
"Jasper!"
He stops driving and looks up at me, brows knitting together in that adorable way that I love so much. I run again, and am gasping for air when I finally get to him. I lean onto the big machine and try to catch my breath, mumbling incoherently.
"What? Jesus, Bella! What're you doing? Where are your shoes?"
"You're... worth it... everything."
"What?"
I climb into his lap and grab his face, smiling goofily, still breathing heavily, lungs greedily pulling in air. "I ... love... you. So much."
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer to me and kiss him, moaning loudly, savoring the taste of his mouth. We kiss hungrily as he encases me in his strong arms. We kiss for what seems like forever and we're both getting hotter.
He begins palming my breasts through the thin fabric of my nightgown and grinds his hips into me.
"I need you, Jasper. All of you." I lower my hand and grab him through his jeans before undoing the button and yanking down the zipper. I don't know what's come over me. I just know I need this man desperately. More than anything.
"We shouldn't do it out here," he argues weakly, panting. "We should be in a bed or something..."
"We can save the bed for later. I want you. Now."
Jasper smiles deviously. "I knew I loved you for a reason." He sucks the skin of my neck fervently, ripping my panties off easily.
Our lips connect once again as I grab his erection and rub the tip back and forth against my slit before slowly lowering myself onto him inch by delectable inch. We both moan when he's fully inside of me, and I begin to slowly rock my hips back and forth.
God, he feels so amazing. I throw my head back and gyrate my hips faster, closing my eyes and just feeling. Feeling the way his jeans rub against the inside of my thighs, the quickened rise and fall of his hard chest beneath my palms, the rough pads of his fingertips as they sink into my hips, the firmness of his length as he slides in and out of me.
I lean forward again to taste him, needing my tongue to touch any part of him. I lick the skin of his neck—it's salty with the sweat from his hard work and I love it. I love him.
My gown is sticking to my every curve, wet from the mingled perspiration of both of our bodies. Jasper grabs my hips forcefully and begins guiding my speed, roughly thrusting into me as he pulls me down onto him. I move my hands to his shoulders, gripping tightly, our moans and the turbulent crashing of our bodies echo across the land around us.
My orgasm takes me by surprise, jolting, searing, blazing... making me gasp in shock and arch my back sharply as waves of pleasure shoot through me.
Jasper wraps his arms around my waist, holding my body close as he begins moving with more haste, pounding into me powerfully, grunting into my ear. I feel him spill into me and his release brings forth another of my own, my nails cutting into his skin as I scream his name into the darkening sky.
The sun sets as we continue slowly moving together, not wanting to break the connection. Fireflies begin floating around us, gently lighting the sky as we catch our breath. I rest my head on his chest, breathing in the scent of him. He rubs my back tenderly as we both lose ourselves in our thoughts.
"Summer's almost over."
I sigh sadly. "I know."
Edward comes running up to us, jumping around, trying to get our attention. Hater.
"Eddie-kins, go wait at the house. We'll be there in a minute, okay?" The dog looks at Jasper and snorts before trotting off, looking back a few times before he's finally out of sight.
Jasper chuckles and kisses me on the tip of my nose. "You made my dog hate me, ya know. He's so damn protective of you, he doesn't even want me around you."
We laugh softly for a few seconds, staring into each other's eyes before his face becomes somber. "Bells, I don't know—"
"I'm staying."
"What?"
"I'm not leaving you. I'm staying here..." I look down shyly, afraid to meet his gaze. "If you'll have me."
I feel him hardening inside of me and look up at him in surprise. He licks his lips before leaning forward and capturing my lips in his. Breaking away, he smiles that devastating smile that still makes my knees weak. "Oh, I'll have you, alright."
I squeal as he squeezes my ass and laugh when I hear Edward's loud barking echoing from the house—a clear warning to Jasper.
"Looks like I got me some competition," he teases, kissing his way up my neck.
I smile, claiming the skin of his slick chest with my lips, lifting up slightly before lowering myself down onto him again, moaning throatily as he fills me, completes me. "Never. Edward has nothing on you."
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A/N:
So this was waaay longer than I anticipated and waaay longer than anything I've ever written. If you've read all of this, thank you! But since you've gotten this far, you might as well leave a review, too. It'll only take a second :-P