A/N: Hello! This is my first Supernatural fic. A little something I wanted to write because as amazing as Misha is as Lucifer (which is SO amazing), I miss Cas. And so does Dean. So here's a little drabble about the current situation from Dean's POV, with worried Sam, sassy Luci & dear Cas. I ship Destiel like crazy, but I didn't want to make this too fluffy because of the drama of the current storyline and because this is my first time writing Dean, so I'm just getting the feel of him as a character to write (I'm not sure I accomplished it exactly how I wanted to just yet) and the poor thing is so emotionally constipated. Oh I would love it if you left a review! Anyways, happy reading! xx -S

I rub my eyes with closed fists as the words on the page in front of me start to blur again. I sigh and glance at the clock. 2:14 a.m. I close my eyes in frustration. I've been reading through the Men of Letter's lore, desperately grasping at every straw I possibly can, with no success. Defeating Lucifer the first time was nearly impossible, it cost Sammy his soul, and now we're supposed to do it again without hurting Cas.

I've been trying my best to understand why Cas would say yes to Lucifer, but so far I haven't been able to think of anything good enough to justify what's happening right now. I'm dying to talk to Cas, to ask him if he's okay. If he's even still here. Sam did assure me that Cas got through once for him, but I want proof for myself. I also want an explanation. Why would Cas do this to us? To me. Not knowing frustrates the crap out of me, but I know Cas didn't have a choice. That, or he thought he was doing the right thing. He's made some bad decisions in the past that I've had some tough time forgiving him for, but if there's one thing Cas has proven in the past, it's that he's always willing to help me and Sam. He always has. And it's my turn to help him.

'Dean?' I suddenly snap out of my thoughts to see my brother standing a few feet away from the table I'm sitting at. His hair is sticking up - I seriously might have to cut them in his sleep soon - and he's yawning widely. I'm guessing he just woke up. He went to bed around 11 p.m and I told him I would go too. Oops.

'Hey.' I offer him as a reply and turn to look at the book again.

'Have you been up this whole time?' He asks and sits down on one of the chairs around the table.

'Uh, yeah. Kinda lost track of time.' I mumble as a reply and give up on trying to read at the same time. Sam obviously wants to talk. The boy loves to talk.

He gives me his 'If I look at you like an overgrown puppy for long enough, will you tell me what's really going on in your head, Dean?' look. I've learned to ignore that look over the years. Sam sighs.

'So, you find anything?' He asks instead and yawns again.

'A steaming pile of nothing.' I sigh. 'For people who think that hunters are a bunch of mouth-breathers, these Men of Letters sure can be useless.'

'We'll find a way to help him, Dean.' He assures me. I give him a look.

'How did you know I wasn't searching for ways to gank Amara?' I ask.

Sam raises his eyebrows at me. 'Please.'

'Well whatever, there seems to be no way for us to help him.' I tell him and shut the book in front of me. Time for a new one. I grab one from the pile I've gathered on the table. Just as I'm about to open it, Sam reaches over the table to shut it.

'Dean, it's 2:30 a.m. You need sleep.'

'I know. I just wanna check this book out. then I'll go.' I assure him. He doesn't look convinced.

'I'm fine, Sammy. I just wanna help him, okay?' I try to reason with him.

'I know you do, Dean. So do I. And we will help him. But do you honestly that think I'm going to believe you're fine when Satan himself is using Castiel as his meatsuit?' Sam asks carefully.

I wince at his words. The thought of Lucifer using Cas makes me want to blow junks. Realizing that Lucifer had been with us ever since the cage was like a slap in the face. I can't believe I didn't realize it before. I will never forgive myself for that. Hearing the gruff voice I'm so used to disappear and a new higher, cheekier one replace it made me freeze in horror. Seeing Lucifer prance around as Cas made me angry as hell and I wanted kick his ass right there and then, but I know I have to find a way to do that without actually hurting Cas.

Part of me wants to tell Sam to shut up. It's none of his business how I feel. But I know he means well. The sasquatch just wants to help. Instead I decide to be stubborn and ignore the opportunity to have a chick flick moment my brother has presented to me.

'I'll be fine when the Devil is dead and Cas is back. Which is why I'm gonna read few more chapters of this ridiculously boring lore.' I mumble and force Sam's hand off the book and open it.

Sam nods slowly and stands up. 'Okay. Just, promise you'll get some rest.' He says and makes his way down to where his bedroom is.

'I promise, mom!' I yell after him. Way to make fun of your worried little brother, Dean.

'Jerk!' He yells back. I roll my eyes.

'Bitch!' I respond.

I end up getting two hours of sleep and about 30 minutes of it at the table, my cheek pressed against a page of the book. Eventually I move to my own bed - which still is a little weird to say. The bunker really has become our home - and after a quick prayer to Cas, which I would never mention to Sam, I crash.

The next morning, after assuring Sam I actually slept since I was up before him, we sit down for breakfast together in the middle of the piles of books and files. I grab the one I didn't have time to finish two hours ago and Sam opens his laptop.

We're both focused on the research, not wanting to miss anything that could possibly be helpful, which is why it's so silent that we're able to hear a gentle thump from across the bunker. Our heads snap into the direction of the noise at the same time before turning to look at each other. My hand immediately goes to Ruby's knife at my belt and Sam reaches for a gun. Without a word, only communicating through looks and head movements, which we've gotten pretty good at over the years of working together, we move from the table and towards the part of the bunker we heard the noise come from.

We move to the end of the hallway where our bedrooms are. The last door leads to a room full of the Men of Letters files and important documents. The door is slightly ajar. I nod at Sam and he moves to the door, ready to open it so that I can run into the room. Silently counting to three, Sam slams the door fully open and I burst into the room.

I don't know what I'm expecting to find, but it isn't Cas. Well, Lucifer.

He turns around with his eyebrows raised practically to his hairline. An expression very foreign on Cas' face.

'Well fudge, I thought I was being sneaky. Guess you girls are more paranoid than I thought.' He retorts and the voice makes me cringe. He glances at the knife I have pointed at him. I lower it, knowing it won't do any good against Lucifer. Not that I would feel comfortable stabbing Cas. Not anymore anyway.

'What the hell are you doing here?' Sam growls and comes to stand next to me, still pointing the gun at Lucifer. Lucifer cackles. Cackles. And I thought seeing Jimmy in the vessel I'd come to known as Cas was weird.

'Don't you worry Sammy, I just came to borrow something. I'll be out of your hair soon enough.' He lifts up a file and uses Cas' face to give us a cocky smile.

'And what makes you think we're going to let you take that?' I hiss at him. He cackles again and it makes my skin crawl.

'I'm not going to hurt you, Dean. I need you, remember? We have a common enemy.'

'Doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt you.' I reply. I know it's a stupid thing to say, but I'm too pissed to think before I speak.

'You can't hurt me, Deano. Definitely not without hurting your boy here.' He says and gestures to his, Cas', body.

'Trust me, when I find a way, you're gonna think of that cage as a five star hotel.' I growl. Lucifer isn't impressed with my threat.

'Touchy!' He exclaims. 'I'm sure Cassie would appreciate the efforts to save him, but you're forgetting something. He agreed to this. I didn't force his hand. I couldn't. So, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but your boyfriend chose me over you.' Lucifer smirks. I clench my hands into fists. I have to try my hardest not to punch Lucifer in the face.

That's when I think of something else I can try. I got through to Sammy when Lucifer was possessing him. I can get through to Cas.

I clear my throat, not quite knowing where to start. 'Cas?' My voice comes out quieter than I would've liked it to.

Lucifer bursts out laughing. 'Pretty pathetic of you, Winchester. He can't hear you. I'm much more powerful than Castiel.'

I ignore him and take a deep breath before continuing.

'Cas, I want you to know that I'm not mad at you.' I decide to say next. 'I don't know why you did this, but I'm going to help you. I'll find a way.'

Lucifer's still smirking and shaking his head.

'Touching, really. Who knew you had it in you!' He says and throws his, Cas', arms into the air.

Once again, I ignore him. I have no idea if Cas can actually hear me, but if there's the slightest chance, I'm taking it.

'I need you to hold on, okay? I'm gonna find a way to help you. Then I want an explanation for this. But I trust you Cas, I do. And you need to trust me too. I'll get you out of this.' I ramble on, saying every reassuring thing I can. I keep staring into Cas' eyes, the one part of him that still looks familiar. I can feel Sam's eyes on me.

Lucifer snorts but doesn't say anything this time. I keep going.

'I meant it when I said we're family, Cas, and I will kick your ass if you give up on me. You better fight this cause I'm not losing you too.' I say, my worry coming out as anger.

The blue eyes widen suddenly and anger takes over Cas' features.

'No.' Lucifer groans. I breahte in shock.

'Cas?' I ask.

Lucifer groans and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, I recognize the look in them.

'Dean.' My Cas' voice whispers.

I let out a laugh in relief. 'Cas.' I can't help but smile. I hear Sam laugh in surprise too.

'Yes.' Cas replies in a pained voice.

'Thank God!' I exclaim and to both of our surprise wrap my arms around the angel.

'What does God have to do with this?' He groans into my ear. I snort and let go of him.

'Nothing. It's a... It's a saying. Forget it, are you okay?' I ask suddenly worried again.

'It's taking all of my strength to hold Lucifer back. I don't think I can do it much longer.' He replies.

'Just tell me why, Cas. Help me understand.' I practically beg, but I can't be bothered to be embarrassed.

'I... I needed to help somehow. This is the only way.' He sighs.

'We could've found another way, Cas.' I try to reason with him.

'No, Dean, you don't understand. I'm no use to you when it comes to the Darkness. I can't defeat her. But Lucifer can. This way I'm useful to you.' He explains. I can't help but stare at him in shock.

'Castiel...' I hear Sam sigh. I think he's about to continue but I find my voice again.

'Are you kidding me!?' I exclaim. 'What part of 'we are family' do you not understand? You do realize you're not just a soldier to us? I don't care if you can't defeat Amara on your own! We're family, we stick together! If you can't fight her, you bury your nose into a book, not invite Satan to play the puppet master!' I'm yelling now. I can tell Cas is fighting like hell to keep Lucifer away but he still manages to look fragile.

'I wanted to help. I wanted to be useful.' He says.

I sigh. 'Being here helps, Cas.'

'No Dean, it doesn't. I'm not helpful. I'm too weak.' He replies.

'I don't give a shit!' I yell. 'God might've made you show your devotion by making you fight his battles, but you don't have to do that anymore. You are not my weapon to use when I need to. The only thing I need from you is to be here. That's it.' I calm down a little, now just desperately hoping the idiot gets what I'm saying.

Cas remains quiet, taking in my words.

'I wanted to be helpful...' He whispers and then flinches due to whatever inner battle is going on between him and Lucifer.

'I know, Cas, but don't think you're not valuable as you.' I reply, mentally kicking myself for sounding so cheesy.

He stares into my eyes, like trying to read me. Make sure I mean what I say. I decide to do something very unlike me to assure him. I reach out to take his hand in mine, awkwardly glancing at my brother, hoping that for some reason he'd left the room. No such luck.

'You're important to me, Cas. You. Which means that I don't want you to change because you think you're not good enough. Sam messes up on the job all the time and I still keep him around.' I say, trying to lighten the mood.

'Seriously?' My brother deadpans from behind me but I ignore him.

'I'm sorry, Dean.' Cas whispers and lowers his eyes to the floor, ashamed.

'It's okay, Cas. Like I said, I'm not mad at you. What's done is done. But promise me you're gonna fight like hell. You're gonna come out of this and Lucifer's going back to the deepest part of Hell and stay there. Okay?' I can hear my voice shake. Cas lifts up his face to look at me again.

'Okay.' He says.

I get lost in his eyes for the millionth time since I've known him, trying to memorize this look in them, hoping I will get to see it again soon. I hear Sam cough behind us.

'Right. Ahem.' I awkwardly let go of Cas' hand and take a step back.

Immediately Cas starts shaking and I can tell my time with him is running out.

'Dean.' He groans and looks at me apologetically.

'It's okay, Cas. Just... Please. Promise me you'll come back to me.' I whisper, surprising myself by letting such words of insecurity slip out.

'I promise, Dean. I will do everything in my power.' He groans painfully but the look in his eyes is determined. I reach out to touch his face, I can't help myself. The not knowing when I get to see him again is almost too much to bare.

'Cas, I-' I'm not sure what exactly I was about to say, but something tells me it would've had great consequences. The universe, Faith, God, someone decides that this chick flick moment is over and suddenly Cas jerks back, leaving my hand stretched out towards him and closes his eyes.

When they open again, I know Cas is gone.

That night, before going to bed, I pray to him again.

Please come back to me.

I love reviews like Dean loves his Baby! -S