English is not my mother tongue. But I like to share my stories.
"Does she know how you feel for her?" I hear Spencer asking in the midst of all the other voices and the loud music.
I sit in the back corner of a smelly, smoky, old bar and look thoughtfully at the woman who is dancing and who preyed on my mind for at least three years.
My half-sister Spencer and her boyfriend Toby have persuaded me to come along tonight. Actually I don't hang out in bars anymore. I have these times behind me.
But because Aria should also come along, I went with them. Unfortunately she doesn't belong to me. I have kissed her two years ago, but she told me that she wasn't available. She decided to stay with her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend was her former English teacher. I think they were already together when he was still her teacher. But I've never asked her.
Actually, I don't care. I don't judge her. I judge him but not her. At the thought of him, I feel that every muscle in my body tenses.
Aria told me that he has only hit on her because he wanted to write a book about Alison, my other half-sister, who everyone thought was dead that time. Aria has separated from him.
I found her in tears sitting on the park bench at night and took her to my house. Since that night, we are quite close again.
Nothing had happened that night. I would have never exploited her situation. She needed someone, who listens to her and I was there.
I am glad that she is talking to me again. More than that: I am glad that we're friends again. God, I've really missed her. But every time I look at her, I feel that my feelings for her are getting stronger.
To see her dancing isn't easy to bear. How elegant she moves her hips and how beautiful her long, dark brown, curly hair is flying through the air as she goes round in circles. I can see the glow in her eyes that I've missed for so long.
The worst part is that she isn't dancing alone. Once we were in the bar, a man heads for her and asked her to dance with him. How could it be otherwise? She really was the most beautiful woman in this bar.
"Jason?" Spencer tries to get my attention again. Now I react to the voice of my half-sister. "What?" I ask. "I asked you whether she knows what you feel for her." Spencer repeats. "Who?" I ask her, as if I don't know who she's talking about. As if I could ever hide my feelings.
"Don't pretend to be stupid. The way you look at her, even a blind man could see that you're in love with her." Spencer laughs and looks at me sympathetically. "It's so obvious?" I ask her embarrassed. Spencer doesn't answer. She just smiles.
"Why don't you tell her?" She asks, as if it is the easiest thing in the world. "I've said- and shown her two years ago. She has rejected me", I try to recall my sister Aria's and mine brief shared past.
Becoming sad at this thought of my memory, I look to the ground since I don't want to show Spencer my pain. "She said she is not available and then she disappeared out of my life. I don't risk that again. I prefer it to have her as a friend in my life than nothing at all", I add.
"But that's the whole point, Jason. She has rejected you because she was with Ezra. She didn't do this because she didn't have feelings for you. Because she had, believe me", Spencer replies. "Really?" I ask her surprised. "Oh yes, I know her. And besides ..." Spencer hesitates.
"What?" I ask her curiously. "If I hadn't believed that she could really have feelings for you, I would have not gone to Ezra to warn him. And not just because I thought you could be a danger to Aria and hurt her", Spencer replies. With every word she said, her voice trailed off and her gaze turned more and more away from me.
With wide eyes, shocked at what my half-sister has just told me, I am speechless. "Jason", Spencer adds quickly, "I'm sorry. I knew you only as Ali's brother and I really thought you could have something to do with her supposed death. If I had known that you are my brother and such a sensitive, intelligent man and that Ezra is such a huge ... well, never mind that. So if I had known that, I would have changed my mind", she tries to apologize her behavior.
I nod sympathetically. I can't really blame Spencer. Perhaps that she gave me credit for a murder. But not anything else.
In these years before Ali disappeared and her friends hung out constantly at our house, I showed them more than once that I was a useless, stoned, impulsive man. How could she have thought positively about me? "It's fine," I reply but can't hide the pain in my voice.
Spencer quickly puts her hand on my forearm. "I would be really happy if she realizes that you're the right person for her. Although I didn't necessarily used to be a fan of you, I'm really glad you're my brother. My father shouldn't have cheated on my mother, but you're not a mistake. It is an incredible gain for me to have you in my life", Spencer confesses to me the importance I have for her.
Spencer smiles at me. "Wow," I say quietly since I am not able to say anything else. I never thought I'd be really important to someone. Hearing this by Spencer actually touches me very much.
Since I don't really know what to tell her what could express how important she is for me as well, I embrace her. "Thanks", I say softly.
Spencer wraps her arms tightly around me. When I look over her shoulder, I can see Aria dancing lively with the other guy. Immediately the smile from my face disappears.
"I'm going outside to get some fresh air", I tell Spencer, who follows my gaze and only nods silently.
"Jason!" Just when I feel the cool night air on my face, I hear her calling my name. I know immediately that it is Aria and therefore I don't react. I don't actually want her to see me like that. I don't want to answer her questions.
I have such a fear of losing her if she knows what I actually feel for her. "Jason", she calls again. Suddenly I feel stupid to run away from her.
If I would do that, she would especially ask me whether I'm mad at her. And what I could accuse her for? That she danced with another man, although we aren't together? Hardly, so I stop and turn around.
"What are you doing out here?", she asks as she stands in front of me. Immediately I throw all my intentions overboard. "I could ask you the same. Why aren't you inside and dancing with your admirer?", it bursts out of me.
Oh damn. I'm such an idiot. The jealousy in this sentence was really hard to ignore. Of course Aria will ask questions now.
But instead of asking questions that I don't want to answer, she takes my hands in hers. When her trembling fingers are touching my skin, I cringe, so frightened I am of her sudden closeness.
"Jason, do you remember what I did when you kissed me?" She asks me, looking expectantly into my eyes. I haven't really counted with this question. Surprised I answer her view, which doesn't depart from me.
"You said you aren't available", I remember having a slight pain in my voice. "Not what I said, what I did," Aria replies.
I try to remember this moment, which I've never forgotten and try to find what she alludes in my memory. Then it occurs to me. But is this really what she means? "You ...returned my kiss", I reply hesitantly.
A broad smile meets Arias face.
"Jason, I'm so sorry that I have urged you out of my life after we kissed. But if I would have seen you, even if it would have been as a friend ... I would have hurt all. Myself, because I couldn't stand it, to be near you without being close to you. And also you and ... Ezra, although that is no longer relevant today. But now with all that has happened ... and you were there for me. I made the wrong decision. I had feelings for you and that confused me. I thought I would love Ezra and you were Ali's brother. My God, I already had feelings for you, when you were only Ali's brother to me. I always saw in you what you seem to have not even seen then. I was so in love with you. But I never told you, because I thought that I'm too young for you and ... and because of Ali. Well, you know. I have feelings for you since I'm 15. I always had and still have. You've always been there for me ... if I let you. I didn't tell you how I feel because I thought I had no right. I rejected you and I can't think that you would really wait so long for me. But when I danced with the man ... I've only looked at you. I wanted to see your reaction and when I saw the jealousy in your eyes, it seemed stupid not to try at least."
I can't believe what she has just said. She feels the same for me as I do for her for years. I don't get out a word and look at her just completely taken by surprise. When she gets no answer, Aria breaks the silence.
"I'm so sorry that it took me so long to realize and I don't expect you to still have feelings for me. But I just can't go on without telling you and hoping you haven't forgotten me. I love you."
Without even hesitating another moment, I push her gently against the wall of the bar. One hand I hold her protectively against the back of her head, so that it doesn't hit against the wall. The other hand is on her back.
Slowly but full of desire I get closer to her lips. Astonished she looks at me. But before she can say anything, I put my lips tenderly on hers and start kissing her. She returns the kiss immediately.
I feel her delicate, slender fingers grip my neck to pull me closer to her. I take my lips from hers only when I need to breathe. Gently I caress her slightly reddened cheek with my fingers.
"I love you too. Always have. Always will, "I whisper softly.
I know it is a little bit cheesy but I hope you liked it. Please tell me your thoughts!