FINALLY, chapter 1 of Transcendence is here. I hope you enjoy - let me know what you think. It's a bit of a departure from A Darker Shade of Twilight. But then, it kind of had to be. But don't worry, there will be more angst ahead!
As always, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.
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TRANSCENDENCE
Chapter 1- BRAND NEW
Edward
As expected, that discussion with Carlisle was about as embarrassing as it gets. It wasn't that I didn't know the fundamentals and more. I'd certainly witnessed enough through my family's minds and others. . . It seemed to be a subject at the forefront of virtually all adult and adolescent minds most of the time. In fact, it's a wonder anyone got anything done when apparently all they could think about was doing it. As far as I was aware, I had witnessed every technique and position known to mankind and vampirekind alike, not to mention my thorough knowledge of the various literature and biology texts on the matter. I was well versed, just not well practised. Well, I wasn't practised at all, but I felt confident that I could hold my own. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. The truth was, I was on edge, and I was having feelings I'd never experienced before. It was most disconcerting.
I hadn't recognised what it was at first, and it took some intense yet ultimately fruitless analysis to try to determine what exactly could be the cause of my mounting malaise. It wasn't until Alice decided to enlighten me that I could put a name to the miserable feeling. Nerves! A very specific kind of nerves. I couldn't remember ever feeling nervous before. I'm sure I must have as a human boy, but those memories were foggy and confused at best. I understood the basic premise, of course. Certainly I'd felt nervous for others, for Bella. And I'd felt awkward and unsure about how to process the resurfacing of my other human emotions. I'd been dealing with all of that since I first encountered Bella. But I couldn't ever remember truly feeling nervous about my abilities. As a vampire, my confidence in my physicality, coordination and grace was absolute. At least, it had been. Now I was nervous about how I would perform for Bella. What if I couldn't please her? What would she think of me? I should have been nervous about hurting her, and to a point I was. But that was different. I had to be careful not to damage her every second I was with her, and even in that I had become quite skilled - always cautious but confident. But performance anxiety was something else entirely.
It wasn't something I felt inclined to share with anyone else, though, and thankfully, Alice managed to keep her unique insight to herself for the most part. Jasper certainly found the situation amusing at times, but even he kept quiet and, most importantly, kept Emmett out of the loop. Not that Emmett didn't take every opportunity to tease me about the inevitability of the situation anyway, but speculation and confirmation are two very different things, and it would have made all the difference with him.
But at that moment, I especially didn't want to discuss these newly discovered feelings with Carlisle, particularly considering the path his mind was on. His thoughts already flashed through various hideously graphic images he was contemplating using to illustrate his explanation of how to actually perform the, er, task. It was not what I had bargained for when requesting Carlisle's assistance. No, I most definitely didn't want to talk to him about any of this - at all! What I needed to know - all I needed to know was how to be safe, and as if things weren't bad enough, this was where the real embarrassment began.
Carlisle seized the opportunity my need presented to give me his best father-son talk, prepared long ago and perfected over time. In this, he was very well practised. He'd been imagining having this discussion with me for decades, he and Esme worrying endlessly over my lack of a mate and my apparent disinterest in the entire subject. It was an outdated notion that one could not be complete without a mate, but then, we all came from outdated times, and they were all happily coupled, so I could forgive them their perspective. Still, it was just another in a long line of annoyances I had to bear from my family on this subject. And so the question of my sexual preference had come up on more than one wretched occasion, relegating me as the target of the family's unintentionally cruel, yet relentless sexually charged quips for the last ninety odd years. When they allowed their mirth to subside, I could see that they all in their own ways worried about my apparent self imposed solitude. Even worse, they mostly pitied me, understanding with at first disgust, then acceptance and finally sympathy the extent to which my enforced voyeurism into their own intimacies tormented me. But it wasn't envy that I felt. I had long accepted my isolation, and I never dreamt of anything more. It simply wasn't necessary. Rather, it was the painful reminder of my separateness from them, and the deeper level of assault into my mind their intimacy caused, that I found difficult to endure. But I knew what I was, and I accepted the unending penance my gift thrust upon me. I felt I deserved it for what I had done. But that was then, and everything was so different now. . .
So, it was with great delight that Carlisle anticipated the coming discussion, finally able to usher me across the threshold of child to adult, as if the act itself were the only thing that could somehow validate my status as an equal in the family. It was insulting to think that in their minds, this rite of passage - this act alone, would solidify my place as the mature, independent man I already knew myself to be. Such weight they placed in it - such bias. It's not that I resented their relationships. I wasn't blind - I knew how committed they were, how devoted. Sometimes I even envied them. They seemed to derive such happiness from each other, a sense of purpose even, and I'd had none of that. So, I could never begrudge them or belittle them for their choices. It just wasn't for me, and being judged in return was disappointing. Of course, I knew they only had my best interests at heart, but they simply had no idea how best to help me. The simple fact was that I didn't need any help. But how were they to know that all I needed was time - time for Bella to exist and for fate to cross our paths. Even I didn't know that.
But for all the frustration I felt because of their misconceptions, it paled in comparison to the torture I felt at being trapped in this conversation with Carlisle, because it was with this mindset of pity and incognizant judgement that he so looked forward to imparting his wisdom. For him, at least, we were just like a regular human father and his adolescent son having their first discussion about the birds and the bees. Only Carlisle had to modify his speech to cater to my fragile "bird" that could be broken and destroyed or impregnated with demon pollen by a single wave of my "bee's" manhood. I gave an involuntary shudder thinking about the damage I could inflict with that thing, though I did my best to push those worrisome thoughts from my mind as I fought to humour Carlisle as best I could. But the entire ordeal was nothing short of agonising. Did he really think so little of me that he had to get so far down to the basics, confirming with each new word and knowing glance the accuracy of my assessment of the situation? It was nothing short of humiliating!
". . . .so you see, the aim is to provide the maximum pleasure with the minimum discomfort, and given you're so much stronger than Bella physically, you'll need to be careful to contain your natural exuberance so that your erection, which will be quite unyielding compared to a human male's, doesn't. . ."
"STOP! Carlisle, please, I'm begging you, stop! Trust me, I know how to do it. I know I need to be careful. I know my strength. I know my limits. Just tell me, please, how do I not get her pregnant," I pleaded with him, barely able to get the images of my unyielding erection and what it might do to Bella out of my mind and not feeling at all sorry about robbing him of his fatherly moment. This had all gone too far. It's not that we were even certain that I could get Bella pregnant, but after James, I wasn't about to take any chances. This was important.
"Er, quite right, Edward. Of course. Forgive me. It's just that your mother and I are quite excited at the prospect of you and Bella finally physically joining as one. It's a significant step forward in Bella's healing process, and of course, quite a special time for you both. It's quite natural you know, and it really is the most intimate way you can demonstrate your romantic love for one another. The act of intercourse is nothing to be ashamed of. . ."
"Carlisle, PLEASE! Can you please stay focused. Birth control, remember?" I begged, inwardly groaning as I desperately wondered how I could make this stop.
"Sorry, Edward. Of course, birth control is a vital component. Without that security you won't be able to relax and give yourself over to the blessed experience. . ."
"Carlisle, I can't take this anymore! Please, tell me you've figured out a method of birth control so I can walk away and pretend this never happened. Otherwise, the whole discussion is moot anyway," I huffed, now totally exasperated and more embarrassed than I thought possible. If my heart weren't already stopped, I'd be in danger of going into full cardiac arrest by now and blushing a deeper hue of crimson than Bella had ever managed in her worst state of utter mortification.
"Right! Birth control. Well, Edward, I've given this a lot of thought, and I think the best course of action is for you to use condoms. The most durable you can find - I believe Trojan will be satisfactory - and keep a plentiful supply. Your venom will corrode them eventually, and we now know there is a potentially high degree of motility to contend with. So as long as you, er, change frequently, I can't see there being any problems. I'm uncertain of any other method that would be any more effective," he explained, rather nonchalantly.
"Condoms? Condoms! You're kidding me? I had to endure this torture for you to tell me to use condoms?" I demanded incredulous.
"Edward, I hardly think imparting my many years of experience and wisdom on the subject matter could be considered torture. Your mother and I only have yours and Bella's best interests at heart, you know," Carlisle almost whined, clearly insulted.
It took all my resolve, but I quieted the screaming frustration in my mind and managed to humbly force out a polite, "I'm very sorry, Carlisle. I didn't intend to appear ungrateful. Of course, I appreciate your advice and counsel. Please pass on my thanks to Esme, also."
Carlisle immediately brightened at this, clearly pleased with his efforts at schooling his youngest, yet oldest child, in the ways of physical love. His almost smug demeanour reminded me to add one final request before I extricated myself from this torment.
"Before I go and share the good news with Bella, please promise me you won't mention this to the rest of the family. In fact, if you could refrain from discussing it even with Esme, at least while anyone else is within hearing range, especially Emmett, Bella and I would be most grateful." This time, I really did beg.
His mouth curled into an outright smirk as he replied, "Of course, Edward. My lips are sealed."
I cringed just recalling the memory. It was most definitely a necessary evil, but I couldn't help but remember how Carlisle had seemed to enjoy himself just a little too much at my obvious discomfort. He was not usually quite so high-spirited in his dialogue. . . . I snapped back to the present, and as I lay with Bella, wrapping her naked body in mine with our sheets tangled around us, I couldn't begrudge him too much. It had all been worth it in the end, just as I'd always hoped it would be. Bella was still human and breathing, she wasn't broken, and my manhood managed not to deposit any supernaturally motile demon seed, which was all cause for celebration. But it was so much more than that. . .
I let my mind drift again, wishing a little too longingly that we were closer to the beginning of our summer vacation than we were to the end. Bella and I had decided to spend the summer out of Forks, travelling around the country. I had been totally serious about my plan to create as many happy memories for her as possible before changing her, but we found ourselves stalled - trapped in a mundane sameness of hope and desire liberally peppered with pain and loss. We simply weren't moving forward. We needed to leave the memories behind us for a time, a physical, albeit symbolic move away from the past, and in retrospect, it was the very best decision we could have made.
So, it was with a renewed vigour that we set out from Forks with the promise of happier times ahead to occupy our minds, and it had been so liberating. Driving away from the humid gloominess was like a metaphorical shedding of our skins and our former selves. Our slates were wiped clean as we left behind all thoughts of wolves and nomads, sadness and loss and embraced the warmth and newness with open arms.
I hoped that the liberation from Forks and the privacy we could enjoy away from our family would allow us to become more intimate. It would always be Bella's decision, and I wouldn't push her, but I wouldn't stand in her way anymore either. Our fates were well and truly sealed now, and I'd come too close to losing her too many times to make the mistake of wasting any precious time with her - I'd take whatever I could get. I'd have been happy just knowing that I would have Bella by my side for eternity, let alone asking for more, but I did hope. We'd discussed it, of course, and I knew that Bella wanted to take things further. She always had, but wanting and doing weren't the same thing, especially after what she'd been through. And so we'd put the subject to rest, content in the knowledge of our desires, but unsure of how to proceed from there, opting for avoidance and denial and trusting that nature would take its course when the time was right. Little did I know just how far my expectations would be exceeded.
We were staying at the Disneyland Hotel, of all places, when the time finally became right. I still didn't know what I found harder to believe, that we'd been to Disneyland and stayed at the Disneyland Hotel, that we'd had sex, or that we'd had sex while staying at the Disneyland Hotel. Obviously, sex wasn't a contributing factor behind any of our destination choices, otherwise I'd have chosen something far more romantic and auspicious for our first union. But I did want Bella to have fun while we were away. I wanted something completely opposite to our real lives, and Disneyland had seemed the obvious choice, after much expert guidance and coercion from Alice, of course. Although, I wondered if sex hadn't been a consideration in our destination choices after all, given Alice's involvement. The accuracy of her visions could be quite unnerving, and it was with alarming regularity that I tried to push all thoughts of my sister's intrusion in our intimacy out of my mind. Her excited phone calls after each encounter nearly pushed Bella and me over the edge of embarrassment into outright mortification.
The hotel alone was enough to give me nightmares if possible, so it was with genuine trepidation that, hand in hand, I led Bella through the enormous theme park gates, hoping that our practical sides could take the night off and we could immerse ourselves in the silliness of our surroundings. Surprisingly, we'd enjoyed a truly fun filled night positively embracing the silliness, posing for photos with Mickey and Goofy, screaming through the roller coaster of Space Mountain and laughing in the dizziness of Alice in Wonderland's tea cups. It was the kind of place where you could carry your girlfriend on your back for fun, and not because she couldn't walk long distances. It was the kind of place where we could forget to be sad. It was magical and ridiculous and wonderful, and I'd never seen Bella laugh and smile so much - ever! It was worth it just for that.
The entire experience made me feel young again. I may have been forever frozen in my youth, but it had been a long time since I'd felt the carefree exuberance of that age. Though only the second city into our journey, it was as if we'd checked our baggage at the gates to the magic kingdom. We were brand new, each of us washed clean and eager for life to teach us what it was to be happy again. Where there had been only darkness and brooding, there was suddenly lightness and a carefree attitude. It was honestly a little disconcerting. But, being away from Forks had somehow given us permission to be whatever we wanted to be, and without really appreciating it before, the absurdity of Disneyland suddenly brought us to the realisation of just how desperately we wanted to be happy. And so we simply let go. In truth, I don't think either us had been completely happy before, not until we'd found each other. But even then our happiness was punctuated with the gravity of our situation, the sheer impossibility of it and then the external influences that interrupted and tainted any remaining remnants we clung to. So it was quite a triumphant moment when we realised how little it took to find that happiness again, but this time it was fuller and stronger. It meant more, and it felt like it could last.
We'd finally stumbled into our suite near midnight on that first night, deciding it was the perfect time to try out the rather luxuriously appointed spa bath on our balcony. I changed quickly, observing the dull grey, blue smog hazed hue of the Los Angeles skyline in the distance. Even darkness couldn't hide the pollution from my eyes, and I found myself secretly missing the crisp, clean beauty of Washington, though regardless of the location, as long as I was with Bella, I knew I would always be content.
As I was waiting for her to change, I noticed the tepid air of the Californian night gently swirling about me, stunned at the discovery that the sensation of the warmth against the cold of my bare legs caused the short hairs to flutter so delicately that I almost had the sensation of shivering. It was something I'd never experienced before, not in my vampire incarnation, and it was exhilarating. Warmer climates, as a rule, were to be avoided. Warmth meant sun. So California's perennial sunshine and typically gaudy culture, I might add, were usually given a wide berth. Yet there I was, standing in a t-shirt and board shorts, an horrific ensemble I'd never before contemplated wearing, on the balcony of the penthouse suite of possibly the most commercially exploitive hotel in the world, having the time of my life and experiencing yet another in a series of firsts because of Isabella Swan. After suffering the endlessly predictable dullness of the world for over a century, finding anything new was a gift beyond all comparison. Bella was a miracle to me, yet I knew if I tried to explain the enormity of the experience to her, she would blush with embarrassment and downplay her role in it. That part of her, at least, was always predictable.
I heard her approach, her soft footfalls stumbling over presumably nothing but the plush carpeting as she made her way to the balcony. She appeared wrapped in a thick bath towel which immediately caught my attention. She was nervously working her bottom lip with her teeth, looking in every direction but mine before finally facing me, at which time she promptly ceased the worried lip chewing and erupted into a huge, giggling grin.
"What?" I asked indignantly.
"Edward, are those board shorts? I -- I've never seen you in board shorts before," she snickered, shaking her head in bewilderment.
"Well, what would you have me wear in the spa, Isabella?" I replied coyly, deciding to play with her a little.
Her reply came in the form of a flush of flaming red that started somewhere beneath the towel and made its way up to her hairline. Not for the first time, I wondered exactly where that blush originated, and so my eyes drifted back to the towel that covered Bella from just above the curve of her breasts to just below the curve of her bottom. I was momentarily mesmerised, and my obviously diverted attention resulted in a new flame of red to add to the first.
Her discomfort brought my attention back from the towel, and I implored her to tell me what was wrong.
"Bella, please tell me what's bothering you. Remember, no secrets," I urged her, reminding her of the pact we'd made to always be open and honest with each other, before we'd even left home.
"I remember, Edward. No secrets, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just that Alice packed for me, and she didn't pack the bathing suit I asked for, and you look so, so. . . ." she trailed off sadly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, a little bewildered by her reaction. Surely a bathing suit was a bathing suit. Bella had never been interested in fashion and clothing before. And how exactly did she think I looked? I cast a quick glance at myself, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable about what Alice had packed for me, too.
"She only packed bikinis, Edward, instead of the one pieces I told her to. I'm a little. . . well. . . embarrassed. There's the scars, and I just feel so bare, and my body isn't very. . . . There's nowhere to hide in a bikini, and you look so gorgeous as usual," she confessed, a little irritated.
"Bella, I don't know how I can convince you of your beauty. You are just so obstinate on the subject. Your scars don't matter. They've faded so much already, and quite honestly love, I find them quite appealing." I gulped, immediately regretting my candor. Honesty was one thing, but full disclosure was something else.
"What do you mean by that?" She thankfully sounded more curious than hurt.
"Wait a minute, weren't you just laughing at my board shorts?" I deflected.
"Shorts! Sexy! You look good in everything, Edward, as if you didn't already know that. But yes, it's kind of a shock. They're not really your usual style. I'm not sure I've ever seen your legs before, and they're, well they're. . . well they're like the rest of you - they're perfect. Now stop trying to change the subject," she commanded huffily.
"Well, there's not exactly much need for board shorts in Forks, Bella, and if there were, we wouldn't be living there. But I am glad that you find my attire pleasing."
"Edward!"
"All right! Far be it from me to break our pact. I admit that I find your scars to be appealing in the sense that they're like badges of honour. They remind me of just how strong you are and how close I came to losing you, not that I need reminding of that. But they're just another thing I love about you, because they're part of you, of who you've become. I wish with every fibre of my being that I could erase every bad thing that's ever happened to you, but those scars are part of the reason that you and I are here. Look at us, Bella, we're in Disneyland. We shook hands with Mickey Mouse tonight. Is there any part of this that remotely smacks of my style? It's insane, but with you, insane is good. I don't feel like a monster anymore when I'm with you. I feel like a seventeen year old young man who is crazy in love with the woman of his dreams. I get to start over, and that's because of you. Your scars don't detract from your beauty, love, they simply add to it. And as for your body, well there really is no gentlemanly way for me to describe the effect it has on me. You are perfection, Bella, and resisting the temptation of your body far surpasses the temptation of resisting the sweetness of your blood. You really have no idea."
I was gushing, that much was obvious, and I was abashed by my uncharacteristic verbosity. Clearly, I'd taken our honesty pact too far. But before I could feel the full extent of my humiliating and rambling outburst, Bella had dropped the towel and launched herself at me, wrapping her legs around my waist as best she could, her arms anchored around my neck as she breathed hot kisses across my jaw line until she landed on my mouth. The force of the impact was nothing, but I stumbled anyway, the intensity of her passion making my knees weak. She was stronger than I realised - surer somehow - her discomfit of moments ago evaporating in the heat of her desire. She started gently nibbling on my lips, sucking and pulling each of them between her teeth before she sought entrance with her tongue. I responded in kind, exploring her mouth with my own to keep her tongue safe from my razor sharp teeth. But it didn't detract from the experience. It was something I'd never tire of. She tasted sweet, and the musky overtones of her arousal filled my lungs as I breathed her in greedily. I wrapped my arms firmly around her waist to support her and relished the feeling of her bare skin under my hands. I'd never tire of that either.
I walked us over to the spa, never breaking the kiss. I had an overwhelming compulsion to really see her, so I set her down and stepped back, noticing that her eyes were wild with lust, mirroring my own. She reached behind to steady herself against the spa, the action forcing her chest forward and arching her back in the most sensual way. Scars? What scars? My breathing accelerated, more than a little overwhelmed by the sight of her. Her bikini was black and sexier than any item of clothing had a right to be. The top managed to plump her breasts into the most amazing cleavage - two flawless hand size mounds pushed together and separated by a ravine that begged for me to explore its depths. Her arms were thin but toned and shaped, slightly muscular even. Her flat stomach was accentuated by the lines of musculature that I could only imagine she'd achieved from her physical therapy. The bikini panties were modest but alluring, skimming invitingly just under her pelvis and covering the full curve of her buttocks. It was perfect, and from it flowed her gorgeously curvaceous thighs and calves, ending at her delicate feet. My God, even her feet looked beguiling while she wore this bikini. The milky white of her body was a stunning contrast against the black, and she glowed in the moonlight, her pale skin casting an ethereal reflection off the water in the tub. I couldn't have staged a more beautiful scene if I'd tried.
She was lean and healthy and perfectly sculpted. When did that happen, and more importantly, how had I missed it? I'd always been attracted to Bella's body - far too much. But how had I not noticed this startling transformation from adolescent girl to sensual woman? My eyes could barely take it all in, looking everywhere at once and burning the image into my brain with the perfect clarity of my vampiric recall. Thank God for vampiric recall! I was losing all sense of propriety, experiencing feelings I barely knew how to process, but I went with it, giving myself over to my instincts and the vernacular of the time, which seemed the most expressive given the circumstances. She was fucking beautiful, and she was mine. I even shocked myself with the force of my reaction to her.
"Are you okay, Edward? You look. . . ." She cocked her head quizzically, her eyebrows pulling down in concentration as she tried to understand my dumbstruck reaction. Sometimes she could be so obtuse.
She had no comprehension of what she was - no clue whatsoever of what she did to me. She was an enigma - confident and shy, beautiful and unaware, sexy and awkward, all rolled into one complicated package. Was I really worthy of such a creature? I doubted it, but I couldn't find it in me to care anymore. The time for doubt and regret was over. She was my future. She was my life.
Coherent thought and proper sentence structure seemed to elude me, and I couldn't form the words to reply. My mouth was suddenly parched, my breath totally absent, as I continued to stand and stare.
"Edward!" She sounded mildly alarmed now, looking down at herself as the flush of embarrassment remerged, beginning just beneath her breasts and spreading upwards rapidly, solving one mystery at least.
She actually thought there was something wrong with her! Without the words, I was left with only actions, so I pushed myself forward and wrapped my arms around her waist. I kissed my way down her neck and décolletage, plotting my course south down that ravine, only stopping myself before I reached the point of no return. Bella responded by almost ripping my t-shirt in her haste to pull it off, and I helped her finish the job, shredding the offending fabric from my body as she kissed my chest, licking and sucking each of my nipples in turn. Where did she learn how to do that? The darkness of night did little to camouflage the growing bulge in my shorts, and a pleasant tingling sensation began to work its way through me. It was akin to the wretchedness of the nerves, but it was different somehow and not at all unpleasant. My body felt alive with anticipation. Bella eyed me hungrily, which was all the encouragement I needed, so I swiftly hoisted her into my arms, stepping us both into the spa.
The warm, effervescent bubbles prickled against my skin and combined with the tingling to make me hiss in delight. I hadn't expected that. Either in response to me or her own reaction to the simmering water, Bella moaned against me, the reverberations shuddering through my chest and physically jolting me. More firsts. I sank to the bench, and Bella positioned herself across my lap. I pulled her closer, her petite body bouncing gently on my legs either from the buoyancy of the water, or her excitement, or both. I noticed the beads of water splashing up her neck, and I suddenly found myself licking them, fighting a losing battle to keep ahead of them. She arched her neck backward allowing me access, her eyes fluttering closed as her lips turned up in a satisfied smile.
She began to moan in earnest, and I shifted my attentions from her neck, moving down to her chest until I reached the level of the water. My pause caused her eyes to snap open and fix on mine, and we shared a moment of silent contemplation, although by that stage I think it was more of an affirmation. She reached up to gently tug at the strings of her bikini top. It put up no resistance, falling easily and floating away before the waves engulfed it, and it sank to the bottom of the tub. Her breasts skimmed the foamy ripples of the water's surface, soft and perky and inviting. I eyed her intently, searching for any flicker of doubt or opposition, but finding none. She looked encouraging, so I reached for her, certain of my course but cautious just the same as I cupped her breasts in my hands - a perfect fit. I noticed the different textures of her skin, marvelling as her nipples hardened in response to my touch and how that very action caused me to harden even further, too.
I couldn't resist her, so my lips took hers once more, soft and hard, hot and cold. The intensity of our need was increasing as I continued massaging her, both of us moaning now, overcome by the sheer pleasure of our closeness. Before I'd made up my mind consciously, my hands were already working their way down her back, skimming her silhouette until they found the firm roundness of her buttocks. I squeezed them, and she responded by pushing herself down onto my lap so that my erection pressed firmly against her thigh, the flimsy fabric of our bathing suits the only barrier. She bounced into me again, harder, eliciting more moans and gasps from us both. I was beginning to lose the ability for all conscious thought, a deep yearning and desire overwhelming me. I wanted her. I needed her.
"Take them off, Edward. Don't resist anymore," she breathed in between kisses, and I could feel the fluttering of her heartbeat as our chests slammed together. She was sure, and I didn't hesitate. The decision had already been made - this was our time. I wrapped one arm around her waist pulling her in even closer as the fingers of my other hand traced along the top of her bikini, dipping underneath it to feel the luxuriant soft curls. I traced the bottom seam, brushing at her nerves as she quivered in delight, her excitement resonating through my body like an electrical charge. With one finger I hooked the fabric at her outer thigh and gently eased the panties down her legs. I liked them too much to rip them off, as tempting as that was. I was already imagining her wearing them again, just so I could repeat the process. She wriggled her legs accommodatingly, kicking them off as they reached her ankles
"Bella, you're so beautiful." Beautiful didn't cover it. It wasn't enough, not nearly enough. Words would never be enough, so I decided to show her, promising myself that I would give her every ounce of pleasure she was capable of enduring before I even considered my own. I reached up to her breasts again, caressing them in turn while I gently probed at her opening with the fingers of my other hand. I began to delicately knead and roll the bundle of nerves between my fingers, and she thrashed and gasped with pleasure, spurring me on. I entered her with one finger at first, carefully stretching and exploring before plunging a second finger into her folds and commencing a steady rhythm of tickling and pulsing and curling my fingers upwards. I had never felt anything so incredible, and she rocked into my hand, meeting each of my thrusts with her own. The pace quickened and she began to scream and curse my name in sultry tones before she lost the ability to speak. Her eyes closed involuntarily, I think, her eyelashes began to flutter, and primal sounds of passion erupted from deep within, completely overtaking her. It wasn't long before she shuddered into me almost convulsively as she reached what could only be described as a rapturous release. I couldn't believe I had done that to her, and all I could be sure of was that I wanted to do that to her again and again. I'd never seen her more beautiful. She radiated such freedom and joy and utter contentment that I was almost overcome, and I had to force down my own intensifying need for release.
"Edward, that was. . . it was. . . I never knew. . . I love you, so much," she breathed heavily as I withdrew, allowing her to come down from her high while I tried to bring my own enthusiasm to a more manageable level. It didn't work for either of us.
We resumed our frenetic kissing, urgently tasting and sucking and nibbling as if we were each other's oxygen. She reached for me hard and fast through my shorts, then grabbed and tore at them in her effort to pull them down my legs. I obliged, kicking them off to sink to the bottom of the tub and join her lost bikini. My erection sprang free, and she reached for it again, taking it in her delicate little hands while she rubbed it back and forth. She explored and cosseted, feeling every part of me, and I revelled in her touch, hissing in delight as she settled into a fast pumping rhythm.
"Bella, oh, God. Oh. . ."
I could feel the pressure building, and I knew I wouldn't be able to contain myself much longer, but I wanted to experience this inside her. I steadied her hand and she looked at me first curiously, then in understanding, as I scooped her up and walked us out of the spa. I placed her down on the balcony and lovingly dried her off with the fluffy towel, taking my time to pat and wipe every square inch of her magnificent body as she closed her eyes and moaned in delight.
"I want you," she whispered so quietly I almost missed it, but one look at her lidded eyes confirmed it. She was breathy and eager. I dried myself off at super speed and scooped her up again, moving into the suite and laying her down reverently on our bed. She was exquisite, her breasts slightly quivering in anticipation, her eyes growing wide as she took me in in my entirety. I was a little embarrassed at first, but that soon passed. This was our time - fresh and new - and we were irrevocably in love. The scent of her arousal mixed with her already heady aroma caused me to salivate as venom pooled in my mouth. I swallowed it down quickly, pushing those baser instincts to the darkest recesses of my being.
I slowly laid myself above her, supporting most of my weight through my arms and hands, our bodies still skimming each other tantalisingly. I proceeded to trail a path of kisses from her head to her toes, carefully bypassing where I knew she wanted me most until I could slowly work my way up again from her feet. She deserved to be worshipped. Pausing my kisses at her inner thighs, she parted her legs a little further for me, revealing how ready she was. I sucked in a deep breath trying unsuccessfully to steady my fervour. Her heartbeat was erratic and wild, but for once I wasn't concerned. I shared her anticipation. Her need ached out like a beacon, so I tasted the gloriousness of her heat, licking and kneading her with my tongue but always reigning myself in to make sure I didn't overwhelm her. But she met my every action in earnest. Her hips thrust upwards to my mouth, and I took her all in, my tongue prodding and probing as I savoured her. She was getting close to release again, so I ceased my ministrations, which she answered with a frustrated huff. I couldn't help but grin at the effect I was having on her.
"I want this to happen together, Bella" I explained as she smiled widely, her eyes eager and expectant.
"I want that, too, Edward," she breathed. Her whole expression was so trusting and loving.
I reached into the bedside drawer for the box of condoms I carried with us everywhere, just in case, quickly removing one and discarding the wrapper as I sheathed myself. I paused above her, my tip touching her core as we stared into each other's eyes, the significance of this moment not lost on either of us. I felt the slight tremble in her body as her heart rate increased again in expectation, realising that I, too, was trembling, and if my heart could beat, I knew it would be doubling the already frantic pace of hers. I slowly entered her, not wanting to rush the sensations, our eyes never blinking as I worked to bury myself in her. I pushed through gently until I was completely encased. Another perfect fit. She was warm and moist, and she clamped onto me tightly. It was an ecstasy I could never have imagined. The potency of my hunger for her was staggeringly unfamiliar yet exhilarating at the same time. It was the hunger of love and ardour and the absolute desire - no, the need to please her.
We fell into a steady pace, responding to each other with such instinctual need, not really knowing what we were doing, but trusting our bodies to show us the way. We were slow and steady at first, enjoying the feeling of being this close, and I worked to keep the pace gentle and easy lest it remind her of anything less pleasant. But she wanted more, urging me on with her groans and pleas and the impatience of her body.
"More, Edward. More," she panted, as she wrapped her legs around me, pulling me in. It induced an even more concerted effort on my part.
I breathed on her right nipple until it hardened for me, again amazed at her responsiveness. So I sucked at it hungrily, licking and loving it before moving onto her left breast while she hummed in delight. I needed no further incentive, and our mutual pace quickened, as if we were acting with one mind. Our pressure began to mount, and we thrust into each other hard and frenzied, gulping in breaths and groaning as we came closer to our climax. I wanted to know she'd reached her peak before I allowed myself that pleasure, and when she started the screaming and thrashing that would inevitably lead to her bliss, I liberated myself and joined her as the waves of ecstasy washed through us and over us. It was surreal - an almost incomprehensible delight, and I revelled in the ripples of perfect pleasure that seemed to make time stand still. I felt the sensation of my eyes rolling back into my head, my breath ceasing all together and the rumbling of growls beginning from deep within my chest and gurgling up and out of my mouth as I surrendered to my need, her squeals of delight prolonging the euphoria. We were lovers now, her inamorato to my inamorata - immutably bound. Forever and always.
She wrapped her arms tightly around my back and pulled me in with all her strength, showing me her need to stay joined for just a little longer. I was in no hurry to move. Her body was slick with sweat, and both our chests heaved in our afterglow. I pushed her hair back from her face, noticing the wet, sticky strands that clung to her neck. I loved her neck, and I pressed my lips to it, feeling the pulsing heat of her blood coursing rapidly beneath her fragile skin. Intoxicating.
It may have been seconds or it may have been minutes when we eventually separated, but we still clung to each other as tightly as I dared, forehead to forehead, eyes boring into each other's souls. And in that perfect shared moment, the biggest secret of my existence was revealed to me. It was a revelation so profound that the effect was almost incomprehensibly emotional, because in that moment I knew without any doubt that I did indeed have a soul. There could be no other explanation for the experience we just shared. My lover had found my soul and breathed life back into it, and for the first time since I'd known her, I felt worthy of her. No one could make her feel the way I'd just made her feel, just as no one could do to me what she had just done. She was the light in my darkness. She was the angel to my demon. She was my salvation. She was and forever would be my Bella, and I was complete. I couldn't even bring myself to fully anticipate the explosion of passion that would ensue when Bella was like me and strong enough to withstand my completely unrestrained affections, for this would always be the most magical of times. It was the end to our beginning and the beginning to our endlessness.
I finally understood what my family had hoped for me, all these years. Their motives were pure, even though their efforts were flawed. I still believed in the power of one. I would still be surviving in my solitude, and even now I can honestly say that I would have preferred it, if it weren't for her. Because if you can't love with your heart and soul, if you can't feel this, then what is the point? My family's attempts to force me upon any available women of my kind were absurd. You can't force destiny, and the chances of finding that one true love must be remote in the extreme. I had waited for her for so long, not even knowing what I was missing. Yes, solitude is preferable to settling. You can't be lonely for something that you don't know is possible, and even if you do know, how could you accept a compromise? I just happen to be one of the lucky ones. I found her without even looking, and now I am whole.
I continued to gaze upon her until human frailty reared its dominance, and sleep finally overcame her, then I continued gazing, unwilling to avert my eyes from her beauty and goodness. I knew then in my heart what I always hoped to be true; I would marry Isabella Swan, and I would gladly spend eternity adoring her. She deserved no less. But it was not out of a sense of misplaced duty, or the hard wired conventions of an earlier time, that I knew this truth. It was born of the simplicity and complexity of pure love and devotion. Our path had been diverted from its earlier course, and we were forging our own brand new way, so I had decided to abandon convention in favour of what was right for us. It was something I couldn't and wouldn't find within myself to regret. So we would be married when it, too, was right, and we would utter those sacred vows already sanctified in the blessedness of our love. I had never dared to hope for such peace and clarity.
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A/N
Thanks so much for reading. Please review and tell me what you think.
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