Hey all! So I wrote this little oneshot to fill a prompt on the Glee Angst meme on livejournal and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It probably does not help that I also finished writing it while drinking. But I think I'm okay enough with this to post even though I am a bit nervous about it since this is the first time I have written Rachel/Quinn. Anyway, enjoy and congrats to Glee on their Golden Globe!
They walk hand in hand down the busy streets of New York, legs hurriedly taking them to the theatre underneath a million glittering lights. They're spending the weekend in the big city, just the two of them, their little girl left with his mother.
She wants to be here but at the same time she doesn't. She loves her husband but it seems that every time they're left alone for more than one day without their daughter as a buffer, she wishes she could go back to high school and redo everything
(Well, not everything. She loves her daughter more than anything else in the world and can't imagine not having her).
She shakes her head, blonde hair swishing against her face. She needs to keep having positive thoughts; keep the negative comments at bay while she's supposed to be celebrating her fifth wedding anniversary. "What show are we seeing again," she asks, eyes looking up at her husband.
They reach the theatre on Broadway and he tells her, "Wicked," before opening the door.
Neither one notice the name attached until they see a green Rachel Berry step on stage.
She lays on her back in the large bed, staring up at the plain white ceiling while she listens to her newborn daughter sleep in the bassinet beside the bed. She lets out a content though tired sigh and feels a hand slide across her deflated stomach, coming to a rest once it palms her side. She smiles despite herself, her hand moving to cover the other.
"She's been sleeping for a while," the brunette murmurs into her skin as she moves to rest her head on Quinn's shoulder.
"Don't jinx it," Quinn whispers, eyes flickering to the bassinet. Rachel snuggles closer to her body, the smaller frame molding to the taller girl, legs tangling together.
This was new for both of them to say the least. They'd gone from being down each other's throats at the beginning of the year and then progressed into them becoming sort of acquaintances. And then there was when Rachel told the pregnant teen that she could live with her since she had no where else to go; an innocent step towards a friendship that turned into something a little bit more.
Nobody knows, not quite yet, but the Glee kids know that something's up. It seemed that the longer the blonde lived with Rachel, the more her interest in Finn died down, going from complete and obvious pinning to what appears to be a normal friendship.
It's a perfectly weird situation. They live under the same roof, wake up every morning next to the other, the baby crying behind Quinn's back. There's still the baby daddy drama (for once, it appears that Puck isn't giving up. He visits the Berry household frequently, something that's slowly made Rachel more aggravated) and this is the first time they've ventured into a relationship with another girl. It's all new and interesting and for once, Quinn doesn't feel so bad about going against her religion.
Quinn sighs once more, eyes growing heavy as they lie in bed, listening to the rain hit the roof violently until the baby wakes up and Quinn has to feed her.
Quinn blinks in her seat as she watches her ex-girlfriend prance around the stage. "Whoa, is that Berry," Noah asks and Quinn manages to tear her eyes away from the witch, focusing them on him with a glare.
"Rachel. Call her Rachel," she scolds. "And yes, that's her…" Her eyes go back to the stage and she tries to tell herself that the tears that are forming in her eyes are not because she's seeing the girl who stole her heart for the first time in five years.
Six month old Holly sits on top of the counter in her bouncer, legs kicking animatedly at the hanging toys in front of her. Rachel's chopping up fruit next to the small girl, smiling every time she looks up. "You are so going to be a dancer," she coos to the baby, eyes moving away from the girl and to the kitchen doorway. This was it… the moment where Quinn finally tells Puck to back the hell off.
Rachel thought it was fantastic that Puck was so dedicated to being a good father, but he's also been trying nonstop to win Quinn… back? He never really had her to begin with so is he trying to just… win her? Although that's not a very accurate description either, Holly's proof enough of that.
Rachel shakes her head, eyes closing. She even rambles in her thoughts… She goes back to chopping the fruit, popping a slice of apple into her mouth. The baby continues to kick next to her, only stopping when she hears her mother's groan followed by the front door slamming. Rachel looks up to see Quinn walking towards them, running an angry hand through her blonde hair. "He's such an asshole," she whispers, finger rubbing Holly's chubby cheeks.
"Did he not take it well," Rachel asks though the answer is obvious. Still Quinn doesn't answer and instead asks her to watch the baby while she takes a shower before storming out of the room without waiting for an answer.
Rachel wipes her sticky hands on a dishtowel before taking Holly out of her bouncer, holding the little girl on her hip. She follows the blonde up the stairs and into the room they share. Quinn is angrily stripping off her jeans, dark denim hitting the cream carpet. Holly takes a chunk of her hair into her small hands, tugging and pulling lightly. "What'd he say," Rachel asks carefully and Quinn just shakes her head, her "lazy day" T-shirt being the next piece of clothing to be thrown to the floor. Rachel walks up to her, putting her free hand on to Quinn's arm softly. "Quinn, what'd he say?"
The blonde turns to her, face sad and angry at the same time as she stands there in just her bra and underwear. She looks at her daughter, taking the chunk of brown hair out of her baby's hand before looking at Rachel. "He was really mad because I apparently led him on… Said that I wasn't being fair to Holly because I wasn't giving us a chance…" Her words slowly become jumbled and she's not angry at all anymore. Now she just wants to break down and start crying because she really did care about Puck, she just wasn't sure what that meant yet and she had Rachel…
Tears well up in her eyes and she shakes her head, blonde hair violently fanning out as she turns to walk to the bathroom. "He called me a slut," she whispers, hand reaching around her back to unhook her bra, letting it drop from her swollen chest to the white tile floors. Rachel placed Holly into the crib, making sure the small girl was on her back. She stood in the doorway, leaning into the white frame as Quinn waited for the tub to fill up.
"He said what," Rachel asks, eyes trying to stay focused on her face.
"He called me a slut," Quinn repeats, arms crossed below her chest (which had become such a hassle to deal with. She swelled up to a D which meant that most of her pre-pregnancy shirts were still too small for her to wear, even though her jeans are once again a perfect fit), looking at the brunette and willing the tears that are blurring her vision to not fall. "And I know that I'm not but I mean, I really have given him reason to think that haven't I? First Finn, well technically first Puck, then Finn, then back to him and now you…" She leans over the side of the tub and turns off the faucet before stepping out of her underwear and sliding into the big tub.
"You're not a slut," Rachel tells her, going to sit down on the edge of the tub as Quinn puts her face in her hands. "You loved Finn and Puck is a good man sometimes. It's perfectly natural for you to fall into a love triangle. It happens all the time on television."
"But there's never a love square," Quinn shouts, hands dropping into the hot bath water. "So maybe I am a little slutty but Jesus, he didn't have to fucking throw it in my face." She slowly slips underneath the water, body scrunching up into a ball before she re-emerging, her hair wet and sticking to her back.
Rachel shakes your head. "You're not even a little slutty. Noah's just mad which I guess he has every right to be. You're a lot to lose Quinn," she says softly, reaching to grab her girlfriend's small wet hand. She runs her thumb over the back of Quinn's hand before looking up to lock her brown eyes to hazel ones. Quinn smiles and tugs on her hand.
"You're kinda fantastic you know that," Quinn asks, eyebrow raised playfully.
Rachel shrugs before standing. "I do what I can."
Quinn bites her bottom lip, Noah's hand slipping into hers. "Kinda cool isn't it," he says, voice trying to fight back a bit of bite. It's not that he didn't like Rachel, but when it came to Quinn he felt the need to, for lack of better words, mark his territory. After what happened the last two years of high school, he knew that whatever Quinn and Rachel had (he still didn't like referring to it as a relationship because, come on. They were in high school and up until that point Quinn was a super straight Christian) was as innocent as he tried to make himself believe.
He glances over at his wife and tries not to squeeze her hand when he sees how her eyes light up when Rachel starts singing.
Quinn shows up on his doorstep one day during the summer after graduation, Holly smiling on her hip. "Hey," he says when he opens the door, eyes traveling to the large suitcase and diaper bag at her feet. He arches an eyebrow and he notices how slumped her shoulders are.
"Can we talk? Like…" Her eyes flicker down at the bags and then over at Holly and then back at him. "About everything?" He nods and steps out to grab her bags, moving out of the way so she can come in. Mrs. Puckerman is moving around in the kitchen and smiles when she sees the two girls in her son's life.
"Quinn! Are you two staying for dinner," Mrs. Puckerman asks, grabbing her purse off the counter, cell phone in hand.
"If you'll have us," Quinn replies brightly, hoisting Holly higher on her hip. "Are you working tonight?" The older woman nods, rolling her eyes as she does so. She walks up to the duo, leaning down to kiss the baby's head. "I'll make dinner then. That way you can relax when you get home."
She always does know the right things to say to his mother. "That would be great! Are you sure it's not too much trouble?"
Quinn smiles brightly. "Of course not." Mrs. Puckerman kisses Puck on the cheek, muttering to keep his eye on his sister before rushing out the door.
Quinn puts Holly down in the playpen that has taken permanent residence in the corner of the living room since the small girl was born two years ago. "So um…" She crosses her arms underneath her chest and it's starting to worry him how young and small she looks right now. Her blonde hair hangs around her shoulders, bangs pinned back away from her face. "Rachel and I just broke up." She bites her bottom lip, eyebrows pushing together like she might start crying. His mouth hangs open, hand raising as if to make some sort of gesture but it falls back down. "Can you just say something please?"
"I'm… I'm sorry," he mutters, feet suddenly finding their will to move. He wraps his arms around the mother of his daughter, her head burying into his chest.
"I don't even know why I'm so upset," she cries, lifting her head to wipe away her tears. "I knew this was coming. I mean, she got into Julliard for crap's sake." She sniffs and then shakes her head. "Okay. I'm done crying about this. I wanted to talk about what we should do," her hand motioning in between the two of them.
"What do you mean," he asks stupidly and they both look over when Holly suddenly starts crying. The small girl is standing up, one arm stretching out trying to reach for one of her parents, the other tightly holding on to the rim of the pen, steadying herself. Puck moves first, picking up his baby girl, fingers tickling her belly to make her laugh.
"Well, I can't exactly live with Berry's now that Rachel and I have broken up and she's leaving the state. And I figured you didn't want to still be living at home when we start classes in the fall," Quinn starts, flopping down on the couch. "So I figure we could maybe get a small apartment together? And I know you're still going to have to watch Sarah but that's fine. We can make sure that our schedules work out so that someone's always with her and Holly."
Puck sits down next to her, moving Holly so that she sits on his lap. "It'd be nice wouldn't it," Quinn says, resting her head on Puck's shoulder, Holly moving to sit on her mother's lap, feet resting in her father's. "We could be a family, like for real…" She won't look at him, just keeps her gaze on their daughter.
The thought enters his mind that Quinn's only proposing this because she's sad and on the rebound, but he nods his head anyway.
He feels less like the consolation prize and more like the winner when he proposes three years later and she accepts without hesitation.
They had always thought that this something you could only do in movies. Go up to a worker and ask them if they could see Rachel Berry and the worker actually doing it. They both stand wide eyed and shocked when the worker comes back and waves for them to follow him.
"Why are we doing this again," Noah asks as Quinn smoothes out her pencil skirt, arm hanging loosely through his.
"Because she's an old friend and we should congratulate her," Quinn answers in response, looking up to see her husband's face harden. "Noah don't do that."
"I didn't do anything," he bites back and she stops walking, sliding her arm away from him. She crosses her arms underneath her chest and puts all her weight on to one leg, eyes narrowing. He sighs and walks forward, dropping a kiss on to the tip of her nose. "I'm sorry," he tells her even though he's not. She accepts it though and smiles, red lips parting to reveal her pearly whites. They walk down the small hallway, crowded with actors and actresses and stage crew cleaning up after the performance. The worker knocks on the door and yells that the two people were there to see her.
And then in a flash, the black door was open and there was Rachel Berry, green make up smeared slightly to reveal the tan skin that was underneath. She looks so hesitant at first, like she wasn't sure why she was so eager to throw open the door, but then her eyes focus on the blonde and she squeals a little before hugging her (She hugs Noah too, just because it's the polite thing to do). "I knew it was you two," she says softly, ushering the couple into her dressing room. "Unless of course Santana turned into a man and decided to take Brittany to see the show." She sits back down in front of the mirror, scrubbing her face harshly. "So, um, what are you guys doing here, in New York?"
They both stand awkwardly by the door when Quinn answers, "It's, um, our anniversary…" The words hang in the air, everything perfectly still for a moment. Rachel stops scrubbing her face, Noah holds his breath, and Quinn stops fiddling with the heavy ring on her left hand.
Then, suddenly, Rachel regains her composure and takes her eyes off the couple that's visible in the mirror, focusing now on her own face, wiping away harshly at the makeup on her face. "That's right," she says, voice trained to stay steady. "What is it now? Four, five years?"
"Five," Noah answers roughly, the sound of his deep voice a stark contrast to that of the girls'. Quinn glances up at the man next to her, trying hard to turn the edges of her mouth up into a smile while she nods her head even though she knows that the brunette isn't looking at them.
It's an awkward silence then and it goes on until Noah lets out a tired sigh. "We just wanted to tell you that you were great up there Rachel."
Quinn nods again, a real smile forming on her face. "You were fantastic," the blonde gushes and Noah slips his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together.
"We should get going." Rachel nods and stands up, turning back to face them for the first time since they walked in. They're the first to hug and then Noah turns to leave, fingers still laced with his wife's. He tugs her slightly and she drops his hand angrily and throws her arms around the shorter girl's neck.
"I'm so happy for you," Quinn whispers just before she pulls away, hands traveling down Rachel's arms until the reach her hands, gently shoving a crumbled up receipt into her open hand.
Without a second glance, she turns on her heel, wraps her arm around Noah's waist, and walks out.
It's not until Rachel has all the make up off her that she looks at the paper Quinn had given her. It's a receipt from an AmPm back home, the total coming to almost six dollars for two packs of pixi sticks and two slushies, Quinn's loopy handwriting on the back.
A jumbled Coffee? 419-429-5085 in blue ink.
Her heart jumps and sinks at the same time.
"You look beautiful Quinn," Rachel says softly as she shuts the suite door behind her. The blonde turns in surprise, eyes and lips smiling when she sees the other girl. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun, make up light but perfect. Her veil is nestled by a clip into the base of her bun, hanging lightly across her exposed shoulders. "I have to say that I'm a bit proud your dress resembles that of Nicole Kidman's in 'Moulin Rouge'."
She blushes slightly and shrugs. "It was such a beautiful love story," Quinn mutters, smoothing her hands over the ivory colored gown. "I'm really glad you came… I didn't think you would."
Rachel takes a deep breath. "I almost didn't." They hadn't seen or spoken to each other since last year, when Quinn called and said in a small hushed voice that Noah Puckerman had proposed and she had said yes. "Holly's so big now."
Quinn's eyes light up and she nods, veil bouncing slightly. "I can't believe she's 8. And her hair's so blonde now, it's ridiculous! But she practically lives in the sun," Quinn gushes, hands nervously trying to put in the diamond earrings her father gave her on her 16th birthday. "She sings you know." This catches Rachel's attention specifically, a genuine smile finding its way on to her face. "I think it's because that's all she's ever known. The entire time she was in utero we were in Glee, and you always sang to her when we lived together…"
"I'm sure her voice is beautiful," she answers with all honesty and Quinn nods.
"You should hear her babe, she could rival you by the time she hits high school." Neither one realizes what she's just said until Judy Fabray opens the door and asks if she's almost ready to become Mrs. Noah Puckerman.
Quinn nods hesitantly, asking for five more minutes. The graying blonde nods and shuts the door. "Am I doing the right thing?"
Rachel shrugs. "I'm not really one to advise you…" Quinn bites her bottom lip before dropping it quickly, turning to see if her lipstick was smudged in the process.
"We're going to be one of those sad couples where it'll never go away huh?" The brunette scrunches her eyebrows together before locking eyes with Quinn through the mirror. "I haven't heard from you in a year and within five minutes I've already called you babe. What is that? And I somehow manage to pretend that you didn't break my heart or that we've barely talked since you left four years ago." The bouquet of calla lilies rests on the edge of the vanity and she picks it up gently. She holds it with both hands in front of her abdomen, back straight and head held high. "It has to go away Rachel. I'm getting married and I love you and I love Noah but I can't pretend anymore. I have to remember that you did break my heart even though you weren't trying and that you haven't called or visited in years to the point where my daughter doesn't even know who you are."
Quinn walks straight to the door and grips the large golden handle in her hand. "I can't love you anymore. It's too hard and it's not fair to anyone." She leaves, never seeing the completely broken look on Rachel's face.
They meet in a small diner that's crammed in between a 24-hour laundry mat and an old antique shop. It's nearly 1:30 when Quinn walks into the almost empty restaurant, blonde hair pulled back into a messy knot, body covered in a long black coat. Her eyes find Rachel instantly, and she smiles when she slips into the booth, red vinyl squeaking as she scoots into the middle of the seat. "I'm surprised you called," Quinn says breathlessly.
Rachel takes a sip of her coffee before answering, "I'm surprised you offered." The smile on the blonde shrinks slightly, hands nervously picking up the laminated menu, grimacing at the sticky texture she feels.
"It was weird seeing you again." Rachel nods, feeling the same way. She watches as the woman across from her picks up the paper napkin she had tossed down, turning and tightening it in her small pale hands. "I've missed you though."
"I sorta took it that you wanted me away," the actress mutters and she's met with a heavy sigh. "How are you and Noah?"
She shrugs. "Good I suppose." Rachel arches an eyebrow and Quinn rolls her eyes. "We are good. Happy. How are you?"
"Fantastic. I've got the lead in a musical on Broadway as you already know."
Quinn nods. "Are you happy?"
"I just tol-"
She cuts her off, raising her hand to stop her. "You didn't tell me if you were happy though."
Rachel smiles a small smile before nodding. "Yeah, I think I'm happy."
For the next two hours, they talk about everything that's happened to them these past five years, both big and small (Rachel nearly has a heart attack when Quinn tells her that Holly's brought home her first boyfriend already even though she's only 13. Quinn actually leans over the table to hug Rachel when the brunette reveals that when she's done with Wicked she plans to audition of Mary Poppins because that has been and always will be Quinn's favorite Disney movie). They don't mention Noah, only because it brings that crisp air between them and they know that they don't have a lot of time.
This is a fleeting moment and they must make the most of it before Quinn has to creep back into her hotel room and become the loving wife of Noah Puckerman.
It almost feels like old times, before Quinn was married and Rachel left, before they were heartbroken and shells of their high school selves.
Morning creeps up fast, sunlight making the sky turn that beautiful pink-orange that most people associate with the sunset. Quinn mutters apologetically that she has to get back and Rachel offers to go with her.
The sit side by side in the yellow taxicab, knees touching while their arms smash together, tan skin molding with pale. Rachel's leg taps feverishly, from nerves, impatience, or habit (Quinn's not sure which it is) until the blonde puts her hand on it, the leg resting instantly.
Rachel hates that touch starts a fire underneath her skin.
The ride is silent up until they're a block away from the hotel and the sunrise can be seen in front of them perfectly. "Wow," Quinn mutters, eyes going a little wide as she stares out the windshield, hand somehow finding Rachel's, their fingers lacing together. "You know, sometimes when we still lived together and Holly would be up early, I'd creep downstairs into the kitchen and watch the sunrise while I fed her… I'd forgotten how beautiful it was."
Rachel's eyes are focused on her face instead of the picture perfect view in front of them. Instead she keeps her eyes trained on Quinn, watches how the small smile forms on her face, how her long lashes move effortlessly as she blinks in amazement, and how when she finally turns to meet Rachel's eyes she squeezes her hand a little.
"God I have missed you." Quinn's smile gets larger and she gets that familiar look in her eyes and Rachel wants so desperately for the taller girl to just lean in and kiss her.
But instead, as a cruel twist of fate, the taxi comes to an abrupt stop, jerking the two forward slightly. Quinn starts digging in her oversized bag but Rachel waves her off, thrusting money into the driver's expectant hand. "You didn't have to do that," Quinn says as they step out onto the dirty sidewalk but Rachel just shakes her head.
"I wanted to." They stand in front of the large hotel, Quinn glancing up sadly. Their hands still stay laced and Rachel rubs her thumb over the girl's skin.
"I wish he was better about this…"
"Why? Because this is so innocent," Rachel says sarcastically and Quinn drops her hand.
"We haven't done anything wrong."
Rachel snorts. "Just by the fact that you felt that you shouldn't tell Noah about us meeting means that something about this is wrong."
Quinn's shoulders sag as she runs a tired hand through her hair. "But it shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't have to lie to my husband just because I want to see you. He has no reason to worry."
The brunette raises an eyebrow and places a hand on her forearm. "He doesn't?" Now Quinn is the one to arch an eyebrow, turning to face the shorter girl. "Need I remind you what you told me the day you got married?" Quinn ducks her head and Rachel puts her fingers underneath her chin, raising her head so that she can look into the hazel eyes. "Did it go away? Or are you still pretending?"
Quinn shakes her head causing Rachel's hand to drop. "Don't ask me that," she whispers but Rachel stands firm, feet planting solid on the ground. She asks the girl again and Quinn has to look down once more before she can look at Rachel again. "Of course it didn't go away… it's never going to go away Rachel. I fucking loved you and only you for two years and spent the better part of my time with Noah trying to stop being in love with you but I can't. No matter how much I wish I could I still love you as much as the-"
Rachel's lips crash into hers, hands clutching the pale cheeks in her hands. It surprises her that Quinn doesn't even flinch, doesn't even tense for a moment, instead just wraps her arms around Rachel's waist, bringing the brunette closer to her. It's fast and fevered and when Rachel's tongue skates across the blonde's bottom lip, tasting the cherry chapstick that she had applied right before they noticed the sunrise, Quinn's mouth parts immediately. Hands tangle in blonde hair while others tighten on jean covered hips and she really wants this to be more.
She wants to take Rachel into the hotel and find a bathroom stall and just fuck her right then and there. She wants to kiss her soft skin, trail every inch of her body that she hasn't forgotten, wants to find every scar and mole and tell her that she is the most beautiful woman she's ever seen.
But she can't. Because she's with Noah and they're a family and he hasn't left her or her daughter in thirteen years. He's stable and a good man and a great father and someone that her parents approve of. And she can't toss that away for a pair of lips that feel so soft against hers that it almost makes her want to faint.
She pulls away reluctantly, the brunette stealing a few more kisses as she retreats. Breathing is ragged and hot and she doesn't want this to end even though they both know that it has to. Quinn rests her forehead against Rachel's and sadly smiles. "I'm so sorry."
Rachel shrugs and blinks rapidly, small tears already forming in her eyes. "Don't be sorry. Just be happy about this." She tries to smile herself but it's no use and she feels Quinn squeeze her shoulders, lips moving to drop the smallest kiss on her red lips.
And then she abruptly turns away like she always does, without a second glance. Just walks with her head held high and her back straight into the hotel with the tinted glass walls and windows, leaving Rachel in a mess on the sidewalk.