EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
DOCTOR!
VS.
LAWYER!
BEGIN!
~Doctor~
Ya know
I'm usually a pacifist
When it comes to
Things like this
But for you
I'll make a special visit
To your little firm
And fix it!
Ah!
My quick and detailed analysis
Shows you suck
At your job
For you don't give a f*ck
About your client
You just want the money
To hell with fighting!
What happened to innocent
Till proven guilty?
I prescribe a healthy pill
Of actual feeling!
And you see I have over
30 Doctorates
That means
I get high doctor rates
So get ready for the bills
Goes down hard
Like my pills
As I show what a doctor
Can do to you!
~Lawyer~
As if I'm scared of you!
Your a doctor!
Not serial killer too!
I should know
I defend several
See them on tv?
And thanks to my skill
They can do what they please
As long as they pay my bill
They cruise along seas
I can also accuse
I have the full package
No one escapes my abuse
From my big baggage
I send all to jail
Like I'm playing Monopoly
Just try to bail
You can't stop me!
I've payed off the judge
So he won't judge
I've payed off the jury
To escape their fury
I've payed everyone to win
For it is worth it in the end!
I make so much dough
You do too
But I'm sure
I make more than you do
Doctorate shit
Not worth the shoes
I'm stepping in
~Doctor~
I think there is something
Wrong with your lips
You keep talking
But I only hear shit
I know the cause
You suck too much d*ck
I prescribe a healthy dose
Of Ass-prin
~Lawyer~
I'll sue your pants off
For that copyright infringement
And it will count!
For I surely cause fringe-ment
With my powerful word
I'm so convincing
I can say you need a jerk
For your wife is missing
'Cause she came to my house
To kiss it
~Doctor~
Why you-
~Lawyer~
Doubt you could hurt me
I've been called many things
I'm invincible you see
From head to ding-a-ling!
( Dr. Gregory House steps up between the 2. He locks eyes with the doctor first)
~Dr. House~
A real doctor wouldn't get this mad
Over such a silly fling
This lawyer ass-hat
Can't compete with the real thing
Trust me
So go out and do your doctor deeds
Stopping wasting time
Help those who are in medical need!
(The Doctor runs off and Dr. House turns to stare down the Lawyer)
As for you
Why are you here?
Did Cuddy-boss
Not make herself clear
We don't do charity
Do I need to say it slow
For you to get some clarity?
Or are you here
To rap battle?
If so,take a beer
Your gonna need it
(Dr. House picked up his cane and poked the Lawyer in the chest with it)
Your pathetic trash
Who can't get his head
Out his ass
And spends all his hours
Trying to pay ohters
Into fighting the justice power
Your not me you mother-
F*cker!
I'm a guy who became famous
For a few diagnostics
I'm badass
And agnostic
Don't know what that means?
I'm atheist
Newflash dumbass
Your standing in the beyond
Of Dr. Gregory House
The doctor god
If there's a problem
I test with a question
What's me against you?
Guess!
The answer?
Your rap-battle death!
I should know
I'm legally dead
(The lawyer nearly passes out from fright. Dr. House was about to leave when Thurgood Marshall appeared and helped the Lawyer up. He then spoke to the Lawyer)
~Thurgood Marshall~
I know your despicable
But let me do justice
Leave here Mr. Invincible
I'll finish your final statement
(The dazed Lawyer runs away. Marshall instantly guns down on Dr. House)
Thanks to Nathan
I know your awful
For there is nothing equal
With a runaway free doctor!
Your racist and ignorant to ohters
You beleive everyone's a bother
We both love our mothers
But at least I know my father
You abandoned with the grandmother
Got abused like no tomorrow
Doesn't excuse the real problem
For you shut out people
To solve the unsolvable
Doctors are your gospel
Praying you to do the impossible
But let me tell you
Your so insensible
You refuse happiness
Because your so so damn irresponsible
You endanger everyone
Even if your credible
Your jack-ass levels
Are beyond incredible!
I ended up a big shot
In the Supreme Court
You ended up a punk
Good luck sport
At least I died happily
My family survived me
You'll die again lonely
Lost in memory
WHO WON?!
WHOSE NEXT?!
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!