Tales of the Tea Shop
The Admiral's Son
"Why must you keep humming?" Azula lay on the edge of the roof of the block of shops that lay across the street from the tea shop. She hoped the wooden false front of the three story building would conceal her and Karo but Karo did not seem to concerned about concealment. The block of offices looked like any building in Ba Sing Se – bland tan stone with uninspired looking stonework – akin to something a vodka soaked Stalinist would erect. The painted false front advertised the General Savings Bank and Loan Company that occupied most of the first floor. A dentist and a lawyer shared the second while the third belonged to an employment counseling office and a private detective. Azula cared about none of this and simply wished that Karo would quit humming. She put up her set of binoculars to her eyes and examined the neighborhood. The month of May had proven sunny and pleasant – perfect for growing flowers and hanging out on roofs.
"I can't help it. I have the music in me." Karo enjoyed the spring sunshine and the fine weather. Azula knew the fine weather meant her mother would arrive at the tea shop on time and so she had taken up a position high above the street to make sure she saw her as soon as she arrived.
"Is it really the age of Aquarius?" Azula spoke quietly as she peaked around the false front of the building to watch activity below but saw nothing but bank customers entering the bank. "How do you know so many showtunes?"
"I came along to help you talk to your mother and convince her that you are a mature woman capable of making her own decisions about her own life." Karo leafed through his Pinky and the Brain comic as he lay on his back against the dark slate tiles of the roof. "I'm going to get beat up and shoved in a locker aren't I?"
"Quiet or I will have to hurt you." Azula said sarcastically. "Wait! I see two carriages – red, finely varnished with two ostrich horses each." Azula grabbed Karo and they ran to the fire escape and slid down the metal ladder to the alley below. The ladder hit the ground with a clang and startled a mother and child as they entered the bank.
"Mom?" Azula pretended to casually walk across the street as the carriages pulled up to let the passengers off. Karo held his Pinky and the Brain comic book as Azula dragged him along. The driver opened the carriage door and out stepped an elegant middle aged woman who wore long delicate robes and seemed to have a delicate walk born of many years of refinement. Azula stomped up to her like a soldier and dragged Karo with her.
"My daughter." Lady Ursa hugged her and smiled at Karo as he bowed uncomfortably. "I notice you don't visit me often enough."
"You know – put the stupid comic away – Karo?" Azula had her arm around her mother and gestured to Karo as he bowed.
"So I meet you again." A tall young man bowed and kissed Azula's hand. She looked as uncomfortable as a lamb in lion's dining room. Karo gave the tall man a suspect look – something one might call a 'stinkeye'.
"May I introduce Admiral Chan's son Chan." Lady Ursa squeezed Azula's shoulder.
Chan stood tall and proud in his Fire Nation robes and bore himself like an important diplomat. Karo looked at his fine robes and took an instant dislike to the man – the sort of dislike a Parisian takes to the loud American: Karo had lived in Ba Sing Se and had absorbed the bohemian atmosphere of the city and had a healthy dislike for the 'Fire Nation' swagger he had witnessed during the occupation. Like a Parisian he had come to take pride in the place in spite of its odd smell. Chan stomped around like a Fire Nation general treading on conquered ground which insulted Karo's sensitivities. Even Azula found something oppressive about Chan in the way he held himself. After the war Ba Sing Se had become a tolerant worldly city where one could act, think and speak as they saw fit. Hip deep in refugees it had become an open, modern city full of artists and musicians and a healthy infestation of mime artists. Much like Karo, Azula had come to enjoy the city for this and did not wish to leave.
"Holy crap....what did they do? Graft a human set of legs to an oak tree?" Karo muttered as Azula kicked him. Chan stood over Karo by a full head and had a full muscular figure.
"Karo Sozin Zhao?" Chan stepped forward a pace towering over Karo. Chan had decided to hate Ba Sing Se for any number of reasons – it has no street plan, a wealthy middle class, they used the metric system and had elected officials running the place while the King acted as a mere diplomatic figurehead. He decided to dislike Karo because he knew how Lady Zhao had betrayed her husband and fled to the Earth Kingdom with Karo. "You have turned into a soft panty waste."
"Please feel free to speak your mind." Karo spoke sarcastically but quietly and held his comic behind his back.
"Shall we all head in and have a nice cup of tea?" Lady Ursa spoke diplomatically and then quietly ordered the drivers to park in the back.
"Your mother left the Fire Nation in disgrace." Chan heckled Karo.
"Better a live disgrace than a dead hero." Karo replied. "I thought the War ended and we had rid ourselves of all that 'death and glory' Agni Kai crap."
Inside the tea shop Uncle Iroh hugged everyone and much formal bowing and greeting ensued. He had made sure the tea shop looked clean and neat and that a retinue of staff had prepared the largest table with the finest dishes and best food. Iroh seated everyone around the massive cherry wood table as he fussed over every small detail.
"Excuse me." Lady Ursa spoke softly as Iroh passed by her chair. "I wish to freshen up and talk to my daughter in the guest house if you will excuse me. I will leave Karo and Chan to get acquainted."
Azula and Lady Ursa stood up and bowed to everyone else apologetically. Karo looked uneasy as he saw them leave out the back door past the Pai Sho table and he turned to face Chan.
"So." Karo asked hesitantly and tried to pick a neutral question that did not cause a social foul play. "What do you do for a living?"
"I am training to become a great admiral." Chan sat down at the table across from Karo and bowed to Iroh as he passed him a cup of tea. Chan found in Karo the very things he hated in a rival for the affections of the Princess – Karo the great name of Zhao but none of the courage or honor. Karo saw Chan as a bit of a bully and a macho uncultured pig. "And you?"
"Economics or law?" Karo spoke hesitantly as he still had not given up on a singing career although everyone else wished he had.
"And how come you hang around Azula?" Chan seemed to drive the question ahead with a mallet blow.
"We are close friends and attend University together." Karo smiled and held his tea as Iroh handed it to him.
"Lady Ursa wants us to marry." Chan smiled and bared his teeth. "It will help her regain her honor and I will advance my family will advance their social standing."
"Sounds clinical." Karo replied without flinching.
* * *
"You wasted your time. I do not want a husband." Azula paced the guest cottage bedroom in a nervous mass. Lady Ursa sat patiently on the office chair. If housekeeping were a virtue in a wife then Lady Ursa imagined a lot of lying in her future. Azula had left the cottage in what Iroh described politely as a mess and less than politely referred to as 'the pasture of the horses of the four horsemen of the apocalypse'.
"Mom!"Azula continued with a less than subtle sarcastic touch. "Look how happy having one made you."
"Suki and Sokka, Mai and Zuko and now Ty Lee and Aang. Why can't you settle down?" Lady Ursa had taken in a big breath to finish her argument when Karo fell through the window across the desk and then onto the bed with a noisy crash.
"Karo?" Lady Ursa stood over him. "Can you explain this intrusion?"
"I may have hinted that Chan liked to wear panties – hinted mind you." Karo answered pleasantly as smoke filled the room. Karo had defended himself with a solid fire bolt but he lacked any real training and incinerated a tomato plant just beneath the window rather than drive off Chan. "He challenged me to an Agni Kai and then threw me out the back door and kicked me through the window. Or kicked me through the door and threw me through the window – I am a bit hazy right now. Iroh is now making a brave attempt to calm him down."
"Come out and face me like a real man!" Chan bellowed while Iroh tried to calm him down. "How dare you say I want to marry Azula to wear her pink panties!"
"Hinted may have proven a poor choice of words." Karo brushed the glass off his clothes as Azula grinned and Ursa desperately tried to understand how everything had all gone so badly wrong. "I would rather not face you like a man – I have chosen to hide behind Azula and her mom!"
The thick wooden door fell in when Chan kicked it in.
Karo ducked behind Azula while Chan stomped into the room and prepared to deliver a blow to Karo's face.
"He is a coward." Chan roared as he dragged Iroh into the cottage.
"Busted." Karo cautiously raised his hand and noticed that Azula had every intent to defend him as she took a fighting stance.
"So? Are you saying you wouldn't have the dedication to wear my panties if you married me?" Azula raised her eyebrow.
"With all due respect Lady Ursa." Chan's anger showed signs of running out of inertia as he faced Lady Ursa, an angry looking Azula and a frail looking Karo who in the end would not prove much of a challenge to beat senseless but would provoke Iroh and Azula. "I met Princess Azula once and she acted oddly and I see no change after the last few years. I could not marry such a woman. I will head back to the yacht and remain there until you wish to leave."
"Can I wet myself now?" Karo said as he heard Chan depart. "I have some kind of nostalgia for the days when the bullies only shoved me into lockers."
"Would you wear my pink panties?" Azula snickered as she put Karo in a head lock.
"Trick question – you wear boxers." Karo laughed as Lady Ursa shook her head. Karo proved a difficult person to hate but he lack all sense of royal protocol and possessed much of the same awkwardness Azula had. Lady Ursa found him a bit of a dullard and clumsy.
* * *
Karo could not sleep well that evening as he reflected on the events of the previous day. He found flying through the air through a window an odd experience – he had not expected he could find himself heaved through the air so easily. He lay in his bed and pondered what the Agni Kai actually meant. Karo had heard the term – but he had not lived in that culture and he found the idea of a fire bending duel barbaric. During the Fire Nation occupation he had to hide in plain sight and he dressed as an Earth Kingdom citizen. Then the War ended and his mother could claim the Zhao estate but Karo never quite felt part of one nation or the other. The Earth Kingdom offered diversity and tolerance but the Fire Nation offered him status and a culture. He found much in his past repugnant and so he stayed in Ba Sing Se with his mother.
Azula lay in her bed and tried to sleep. Her mind mulled on how quaint and backward those rituals of the Fire Nation now seemed. She tossed and turned and wondered about the prospect of marriage. She sat up and without making a noise went downstairs and made her way to the telephone the Zhao's counted as their prized possession. She had lost her cottage to the politeness of Iroh and her mom so she did not want to make this easy. She cranked the telephone and politely asked for the overseas operator and waited.
"The Fire Nation palace – please reverse the charges." Azula spoke clearly and as loudly as she could without being overheard. The overseas operator politely asked her name and put her through to the Fire Nation palace switchboard.
"Princess Azula calling for Fire Lord Zuko." Azula spoke loudly and with the commanding authority of the Princess who under no circumstances wanted to marry Chan. She knew the telephone signals went at nearly the speed of light but the switchboard operators moved at the speed of a dead cat. She hummed to herself and played with the cord on the earpiece as the line crackled and hissed.
"We will put you through to Fire Lord Zuko now." The generic feminine voice said.
"Your highness?" Azula smirked. "You answer your own phone?"
"Hello Azula." Zuko spoke with some resignation. "Only you would reverse the charges. What can I do for you? Make this brief – this call is costing half my annual wage."
"Mom came. I met Chan and I want an Black Border Order on him." Azula tried to make it all sound coherent. "Chan challenged Karo to an Agni Kai."
"I can't issue assassination orders. If I could I would issue one on myself so I could quit hiding in the palace to avoid my pregnant wife." Zuko said plainly. "As you may have read in the newspaper Ember Island has begun to sink so I have some important things to deal with. We both have problems. I have my wife and you have my mom. I hate to say it but you will have to cope. Tell Chan that I consider Karo a close friend and if he acts on the Agni Kai I will have him arrested. I have to go now but you have my word that I won't allow Chan to hurt Karo."
Click!
Azula fell asleep on the couch shortly thereafter
The next morning Karo found himself tense as he came downstairs as he had a feeling he might find Chan wanting to punch his lights out. He looked out the front door like a camper keeping a wary eye out for bears. He fetched the newspaper off the stoop and took no notice of the nice sunny day. He locked the door and sat in a chair and fell asleep.
Clang!
Lady Zhao dropped a pan on the floor and it resonated like a church bell. Karo jumped, Azula fell off the couch while a pair of parakeets two doors down whistled.
"I have invited Lady Ursa for tea." Lady Zhao announced. "I want you ready when she arrives at noon."
"Chan won't be coming will he?" Azula brushed herself off and asked nervously.
"I really don't know.....go get yourself ready." Lady Zhao pushed Karo in the back in a friendly manner to start him marching off to his room.
* * *
"Why does my mother want to set me up with a guy?" Azula sat at Karo's desk and inspected her face with a mirror. "You're a guy – sort of – what makes you worthy of my deepest affections?"
"She lives vicariously through you." Karo lay on his bed, fully dressed and ready to greet Lady Ursa but reading a graphic novel from the Starship Troopers series. "And I don't want your deepest affections because of the side affects – babies, impotence and well I'm saving my moral failures for Sokka so I can cheat on Suki with him."
"You love me admit it." Azula said coyly. "And don't touch Sokka because Suki would something to you that would give you a fantastic singing voice but take some of the joy from your life."
"I do in that special way a queer and lesbian can love each other as friends." Karo sighed.
"Don't get maudlin." Azula had wanted to scold him but a sharp voice came from downstairs.
"Lady Ursa and Chan are here." Lady Zhao trumpeted the announcement.
"Chan!" Karo looked at the desk then the window. Azula grabbed his collar.
"We sink or swim together." Azula knew Karo had plans on sliding down the downspout and running off. A strategy she had considered but she suspected her mother had anticipated this.
"This doesn't involve sinking or swimming but having my lovely face turned to pulp at the hands of a Fire Nation bully." Karo felt himself being dragged by the collar as Azula tromped down the stairs. "Oh spare me the beating or the wedgie."
"I came to visit my daughter." Lady Ursa bowed politely.
"And Chan came along to...?" Azula asked bluntly and Karo kneed Azula. "Kill Karo?"
"Azula!" Karo hid carefully behind her. "Iksnay on the illinkay."
"Chan behaved badly." Lady Ursa bowed to Karo and slapped Chan on the back. "He regrets his actions."
"I should have shown the son of Admiral Zhao more respect." Chan bowed to Karo.
"At least you hit the window and didn't toss me into the stone wall." Karo did not sound like a convert to Chan's new softer side. He looked at Chan with suspicion since he had his hands behind his back.
"I offer you this book." Chan held out a novel called War of the Worlds in his left hand after Ursa gestured.
"Uhh." Karo stammered. Lady Zhao chuckled and Lady Ursa gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"So if I got thrown through a window by you I would get a book the next day?" Azula did not hesitate to add.
"I still don't like you." Chan felt Lady Ursa nudge him to urge him to act civilized. "You don't like me though so it works out."
* * *
"You got a book from him." Azula lay back on her bed and let the afternoon hours pass as she did her favorite thing – nothing. She claimed she needed to recover from the trauma of seeing Chan again. "My mom took me out for lunch and bought me new clothes and some stuff. Do you think the book Chan gave you means something?"
"You think Chan 'likes me' likes me?" Karo leafed through a battered issue of Cutey Honey manga as he sat at Azula's messy desk and realized where all the household mugs and saucers had gone to. The only neat place place consisted of a spot where a picture of a smiling Katara stood in a silver frame. "That would bring the number of cute guys who dig me up to – one."
"At least he isn't singing love ballads from the tree outside the house." Azula lay back with her hands behind her head. "Cutey Honey?"
"More of your soft core porn I venture." Karo placed the magazine down. "Not much of a plot."
"Turn to page 58."
"Huh – Oh." Karo's eyes grew wide. "How revealing."
"Plot? Who needs a plot?" Azula grinned widely.
"Azula?" Lady Zhao stood at the door and glanced at the Babes of Kyoshi Island calendar that hung on a pin stuck in the door. "Your mom dropped in to see you again."
Lady Ursa sat quietly with her hands on her lap on the living room sofa. She stood up and hugged and kissed her daughter. Karo bowed to Lady Ursa and proceeded to make tea for the guests and because he felt growing more tired as the evening wore on.
"Azula." Lady Ursa smiled. "Why don't you want to get married?"
"Karo!" Lady Zhao shouted at her son. "Pay attention to the tea! Quit listening through the wall!"
"I enjoyed our lunch today even if I did visit you on the pretense of trying to hook you up." Lady Ursa grinned. "I will be a grandmother in a few months. Maybe I hoped you would start a family and Chan's father wanted to have wife for his son. Did I tell you I have started dating Chan's father."
"Mom? On the market?" Azula said with astonishment. "Karo has your mom dated men before?"
"I have." Lady Zhao helped Karo serve tea then comically placed her hands over Karo's ears. "Not in recent years."
"I have needs." Lady Ursa hugged her daughter. "I get lonely and I need companionship."
"Mom!" Azula squirmed. "I can get you one of Karo's 'Fire Fighter' calendars."
"I have needs." Karo explained from the kitchen. "How can you even think of taking my fire fighter-y goodness from me?"
"Why not get a pair of budgies?" Azula hinted. "Admiral Chan? He doesn't 'Admiral' anymore does he?"
"He lives on a large estate and draws a pension." Lady Ursa explained. Lady Zhao quietly sat in a chair while Karo served tea. "I did have a pair of those lovebirds. Your father made me get rid of them because they made such a loud racket."
"You came here to ask me something." Azula raised her eyebrow in that strange fashion she had.
"Admiral Chan will arrive in Ba Sing Se tomorrow so I came to invite you and Karo to dine with us at Iroh's tea shop." Lady Ursa smiled coyly. "I think he plans to propose to me."
"Excuse me for a moment." Azula stood up and marched into the kitchen while Lady Ursa and Lady Zhao looked confused.
"Oh for crying out loud – get your head out of the oven!" Karo demanded when he returned the dishes to the sink..
* * *
"Ow!" Azula yelped as she sat at her desk and plucked her eyebrows.
"Do I look good enough to impress an admiral?" Karo swept in the room with his full Fire Nation regalia in his hair and it struck him that he formed a weird kind of matched set with Azula.
"You smell like strawberries." Azula looked at Karo and adjusted his collar. "Aftershave?"
"The shampoo I think." Karo felt uneasy having to meet important 'Fire Nation Knobs' as he called them. "You have to shave to use aftershave."
"Ow." Azula plucked again. "I have spent the whole afternoon trying to get ready for this dinner and wondering how things will screw up this time. You won't go flying through a window?"
"No guarantees." Karo examined his eyebrows in the mirror.
"I have pants?" Azula checked her legs with her hand. "Katara once told me pants were an illusion and so was death. What if my pants are real to me and no one else?"
"You face a bigger conundrum if your life were real to you and no one else. You are wearing pants – red ones and your boots." Karo answered helpfully. "What plans do you have in mind for this evening of social awkwardness?"
"Ow! Why do I feel like I am taking my teeth out." Azula complained. "I have 'mom's boyfriend makes drunken pass at me' on tonight's screw up list."
"Lady Ursa's here to pick you two up." Lady Zhao hollered up the stairs.
Karo and Azula came down stairs a few moments later. Azula rubbed the bridge of her nose. Lady Ursa had a stunning form fitting silk dress, finely made up hair – showing the skills of her servant. She hugged Azula and Karo bowed to her.
"So how old is this Admiral Chan?" Azula asked bluntly as her mom hugged her.
"He's several years older than me." Lady Ursa bowed to Lady Zhao and slowly began to walk to the door and her waiting carriage.
"Several as in the difference between your ages is equal to or greater than the sum of all the ages of everyone in this house or several as in less than five?" Azula noted the carriage while less ostentatious than the four ostrich horse job Mai rode around in but the evening sun seemed to blind Azula as it shone off the varnish of the shiny red coach.
"He's five years older than me." Ursa answered as the driver held the door open and showed Ursa a ticket issued by the by law enforcement officer a moment ago.
"I'm going to check. I'll cut him in half and count the rings." Azula took her seat and Karo sat next to her. The coach slowly moved down the street and for all of the Fire Nation elegance the springs did nothing to smooth out the ride as the two ostrich horses dragged the coach along. It took longer to ride to the tea shop than to walk which demonstrated to Azula and Karo the real advantages of the internal combustion engine. Karo and Azula walked along with Ursa into the tea shop. Iroh stood near a well appointed table and bowed.
"You look beautiful tonight." Iroh kissed Ursa's hand. He had gone to great efforts to make the night special and he seated the group at fine chairs covered in indigo colored velvet. Admiral Chan had already arrived and Ursa sat next to him. He had graying hair but looked slender and tall. Azula got the impression that his fame came out of his skill at strategy and not physical strength because he looked like a banker. He wore fine red robes and kissed Ursa on the lips. Azula sat on his left side while Karo sat uncomfortably between her and Chan. Chan had a fine shirt and loose fitting pants but unlike Karo and Azula he wore fine civilian clothes. Iroh had already set out servings of soup and set a table that used real eating utensils instead of chopsticks or sporks – the choice eating utensil of the asylum.
"Tell Azula her mom looks hot." Chan whispered in Karo's ear. "Love that dress."
"Oh for crying out loud." Azula overheard what Chan said and he chuckled to himself.
"Excuse me." Karo looked at Chan and then Azula."While I drown myself in the soup."
"Hello." Admiral Chan turned to Karo. "I'm Admiral Chan. You are Admiral Zhao's boy?"
"For what it's worth – yes." Karo stood up and bowed, Admiral Chan chuckled, Azula looked on, while Lady Ursa knowing that Azula and Karo had the social IQ that would have to rise to hit zero prayed quietly that nothing would happen on this night. Chan's son kept looking her over which did not ease her nerves in any way.
"My son wants to follow in my footsteps and become a naval man." Admiral Chan smiled at Karo in a manner akin to an estate agent unloading swamp land. "He has a thing for the sea. What do you plan to be?"
"A lawyer or an economist." Karo wanted to say 'astronaut' but he knew that he would not see rockets in his lifetime and he had read entirely too much science fiction.
"And singing showtunes." Chan whispered in Karo's ear. Karo tipped the bowl of soup into Chan's lap. Chan flipped Karo over on his back and then Karo shot a fire bolt at him but the bolt missed him and struck one of Iroh's framed landscape water color painting of the kind sold in thrift stores. As Karo felt himself flying through the air and flew out the front door of the tea shop he had a strange feeling of deja vu and the thought 'Oh no not again' ran through his mind. He rolled and landed neatly on his feet against a bowl of purple petunias Uncle Iroh had set out on the sidewalk. Karo checked his head for cuts and found himself intact. He paced the street and tried to sort out how he could regain some dignity. As Karo tried to work out how to restart the evening on a positive note he saw Azula and Chan walk through the front door beside each other. 'No violence yet' he thought to reassuringly to himself. In one swift movement Azula put Chan's head in a headlock as an astonished Karo watched.
"You have a fine sense of balance." Azula told Karo as she bashed Chan's head against a nearby lamppost.
"I don't like him but why are you pounding on him?" Karo winced as Azula drove his head into a green metal postbox.
"He insulted me." Azula had his head in the large mail hopper used to deposit parcels and letters in the postbox. She opened spring loaded door and slammed it on his head. "He kept making fun of me. He said I looked like a little boy trying to play Fire Nation Soldier!"
"Not because he dwarf tossed me out of the tea shop?" Karo heard a crunch as Azula pulled Chan's arm behind his back and he began to soften.
"Well you spilled soup on him." Azula looked at Chan's back. "Do you give?"
"Ow!" Chan felt his shoulder explode in sharp pain and passed out.
* * *
"I have to pay Chan's medical bills!?" Azula sat as Lady Ursa lectured her about her misconduct that evening. Azula watched Karo pacing out the dank space of the waiting room as she nervously picked at the hideous dark yellow cloth seats – they looked all too much like bile for her tastes. Someone had painted the walls vomit green and it struck Azula that they had selected the 'bile theme' for the interior décor."How come the insurance doesn't cover it?"
"If you wanted his insurance to cover it then you should have broken his shoulder in the Fire Nation! And you Karo!" Lady Ursa stood and turned in his direction. "You spill soup on the man! I expect my daughter to act rashly but you?"
"He started it." Karo spoke with some hint of shame. He felt bad that he had played a role in ruining Lady Ursa's big night. His mother had an easy going nature and spoiled him somewhat but Lady Ursa had a much more keenly developed sense of propriety. "Azula did we have 'bust Chan's shoulder' on the social screw up list?"
"No." Azula conceded. "I guess we have become more innovative at ruining social functions."
"They took him to radiology." Admiral Chan shook his head. "They think he may need a pin or something. They want to take X-Rays."
"What?" Azula protested. "Do you know how much that will cost!? Did you tell them I have to pay for all of this!? Why can't we have him put down? It costs less!"
"Azula!" Lady Ursa gave a sharp stare. "I hope you don't mean that."
"Of course not. I need to find some tea." Azula quietly walked off followed by Karo who felt very unhappy and out of place. "They must have a place that serves the hospital equivalent of food even this late at night."
"They lost a patient in here once." Karo said solemnly.
"Most people die in hospital." Azula found a large wooden sign which listed the various departments with floor numbers and room numbers and like all such signs proved of very little help. "That explains the morgue. Of course they get you coming and going. Hence the need for obstetricians."
"I mean they lost this really old guy in the crawl spaces between the floors." Karo added less than helpfully. "They found him between the fifth and sixth floors. He seemed to have starved to death."
"Radiology. Third floor." Azula mumbled.
"Where Chan must be." Karo mused then pointed. "No listing for a cafeteria?"
"Where do they have the Eating Disorder Clinic?" Azula ran her eyes down the sign and found a listing for the Gofan Ju Memorial Eating Disorders Clinic on the Second Floor – Room 213. Gofan Ju died of chronic obesity in his mansion when he fell through through the floor and left his estate to the hospital in hopes they would find treatments for obesity. The hospital promptly spent it on bonuses for the Administrators and the 'why the hell do they have that in here' memorial chandelier in Operating Theater Number Four; the Administrators had a good holiday and patients could have their tumors removed in elegant mood lighting.
"Second floor." Karo had a dubious look crossing his face. "What has that got to do with finding a place to eat?"
"Hospital logic – the place that serves fried food has to be near the place that treats the people who eat too much or not enough or binge and purge." Azula strode toward a bank of lifts and pushed the call button. She heard gears and motors grinding away far overhead. "Dead around here."
"Excuse me ma'am?" A bearded man in a hospital gown bowed and looked to Azula. "My doctor told me to give this to a nurse."
"I'm not a...." Azula put her hand up but the man shoved a paper folder into her hand then walked off in a great hurry. The lift door opened and she stepped in with Karo. "Nurse."
"How do we know he doesn't have a terrible disease?" Karo watched helplessly as the doors closed on the lift.
"If in a week we don't erupt in festering pustules?" Azula read the contents of the folder which contained test results and a set of X-Rays. She calmly spoke to Karo. "Hit the button for Floor 2."
"You never say anything reassuring." Karo struck the button and the lift creaked to action. He pointed at a set of characters in red ink on the first page of the file. "See it says 'Pathology'."
"And it says 'Criminally Insane Psychopath' and that he's under high security guard and psychiatric evaluation pending his trial for murder." Azula read the chart. "Doesn't say what he did or who he killed."
"He's on the loose in the hospital. He must have escaped from where they had him in captivity." Karo heard the elevator stop. "We have to tell someone."
"I see a janitor." Azula peered down the corridor and found another wooden and less than helpful sign. "He must ride public transit – who hasn't wanted to go on a murderous rampage on the train?"
"I see the nurses station." Karo pointed up the hall.
"I think the cafeteria lies in that direction so okay we drop the chart off." Azula and Karo approached the nurses station which had a grizzled old nurse in a blue uniform manning the desk.
"How can I help you?" The nurse cackled.
"One of your psychopaths is loose in the hallways." Azula handed the chart over. "He handed this to me because he mistook me for a nurse."
"I have to send out security." The nurse urgently picked up a candle stick phone. "Security? Han The Lopper Tsen has escaped from his room."
"The Lopper?" Karo did not like that nickname.
"He chopped the heads off his murder victims." The nurse scampered away from her station. "The idiots in the East Wing mental ward must have slipped up."
"Great!" Azula swung her arms. "Chan has a broken shoulder, I have to pay his medical bills and they have begun expensive tests. Now we have a mass murdering killer running around the hospital. Let's eat!"
"Don't you worry?" Karo followed Azula down the brightly lit hallway. "What if he chops off our heads?"
"Well we are in a hospital so hold it under your arm and find someone who can sew it back on." Azula growled when she saw the doors to the cafeteria locked. It had never occurred to her that the cafeteria would close after nine in the evening. "I did not want to wander around a big city hospital on an empty stomach."
After a few minutes they came to a set of stairs and headed up to the third floor to visit Chan and because Azula wanted to explore the hospital.
"If Chan dies on the operating room table do I have to pay his bills?" Azula tromped up the stairs. "I need food. I have not had a bite to eat all day. Maybe we can find a staff room or something and snatch some food."
"The Radiology Department Staff Room." Karo pointed at a door three doors down the hall on that wing of the building. "I have never seen so much battleship gray linoleum flooring in my life."
"Quiet please – stop rambling. I need tea." Azula watched as a tall man in a hospital gown leaning against a nurse come out of a room from the opposite direction.
"What are you two doing up here?" The young woman in the nurse outfit asked severely.
"I heard it was free X-Ray and two for one Barium enema day." Azula yelled down the hall. "I have a coupon."
"Azula? That girl dislocated my shoulder!" Chan looked up from the floor.
"The little Fire Nation girl who should not wander around the hospital?" The nurse glared at Azula and Karo then looked at Chan and immediately saw the humor in the situation. "The way you whined about your injuries I thought fifteen Earth Rumble wrestlers jumped you."
"I do not need a barium whatever." Karo said to make certain the procedure didn't take place..
"I have to pay his medical bills so don't overdo it on the health care." Azula approached the nurse.
"We took five X-Rays but he doesn't need surgery. We popped his shoulder back in place and he can go home and recover. He whined about the pain so we filled him up to the brim with pain killers so he will sleep well." The nurse explained and handed Karo a sheet of paper. "If he needs more pain killers take this to a chemists."
"How looped is the big guy?" Azula glanced at her nails. "If I were to lose him on the Ba Sing Se train system would he even notice? I mean I am speaking hypothetically."
" I will leave the big guy with you." The nurse had others to tend to and they had real health problems. She propped Chan against Karo and then quickly left. "I have to check in on the really sick people."
"Thank you for being uninsured." Azula muttered as they searched for the elevator. "Five X-Rays? Do you have any clue what that will cost?"
"Ow!" Chan complained as Karo struggled to keep him from toppling over.
"You weigh as much as my bloody couch." Karo pushed him forward but made every precaution to make sure Chan didn't topple onto him.. "You had a dislocated shoulder you pansy! It's not like you fell off a cliff and broke your back. How much morphine did they give you?"
"I work out." Chan said proudly. "I surf and play sports so its all muscle."
"Good for you." Azula stood in front of the tan wooden doors that hid the lift from view and pressed the button to call it. The doors had Earth Kingdom symbols carved into them and Karo wondered why – anyone who had no idea they were in the Earth Kingdom probably couldn't or shouldn't operate the lift. "And a forty five kilogram girl dislocated your shoulder."
"Can we take the..." Chan heard the lift bell ring and the wooden doors slid open. "Stairs – gulp."
"No! Get in the lift!" Azula replied. The car was empty and they entered the lift and Karo pressed the button for the first floor. "The urge to push you down them might overwhelm me at any moment."
"You are viscous beyond belief and insane." Chan complained as he felt the lift begin its descent.
The doors opened. The bell sounded. Chan had crawled to the back of the lift squishing Karo against the corner.
"Quit squishing me." Karo complained. "We have stopped. Geez someone might think we stuffed you into a steel box with walnut wooden paneling!"
"Don't tell him about the psychopath that escaped." Azula shrugged her shoulders.
"What?" Chan grabbed Karo around the shoulder as a wave of dizziness took him.
"He chops off heads." Azula added. "I wouldn't worry if I were you because you probably have no need for yours. A mannequin head with your chiseled features would serve you just fine."
They had a long walk back to the emergency room waiting area. Lady Ursa and Admiral Chan talked quietly as Azula entered the waiting room.
"How is my son?" Admiral Chan stood up.
"Afraid of lifts but otherwise fine." Azula answered.
"High on morphine." Karo handed Chan off to his father who continued to prop him up. "If he whines about his shoulder they gave him a prescription for more."
* * *
"Your mother stopped by to bid you farewell. She had to leave this afternoon and you and Karo had gone shopping." Lady Zhao greeted Azula who had a receipt from the hospital and Karo who had an electric fan in a box tucked under his left arm. "I told her you went to pay Chan's bill but I didn't know when you'd return."
"I paid it." Azula had an itemized list which included five X-Rays, a stupor inducing amount of morphine and the fee for the doctor who had to set the poor man's shoulder back in place. "Who could guess beating up an offensive ass could cost so much."
"Well your mother sounded forgiving." Lady Zhao explained and Karo went upstairs to play with his new fan. "I explained to her you wanted an education and as a smart woman deserved a chance to discover what you want to do. She smiled and told me she loved you and left a letter for you."
"And she probably thinks you spoke a lot of liberal Earth Kingdom crap." Azula accepted the letter and bowed to Lady Zhao. "That week has ended and now I can put it behind me."
"Now I can stay cool in the summer." Karo shouted from upstairs as a shiny brass finished fan blew air and papers around his room.
"At least he isn't making toast." Lady Zhao said quietly. "I can't stand the smell of singed bread anymore."
"Fanboy?" Azula stood in Karo's doorway. He had his new fan on his desk and had lay down on his bed to enjoy the cool breezes. "My mom left me a letter – do I open it? I have a sneaking suspicion what she may say."
"Give me." Karo held out his hand. Azula tossed the letter to him and he cracked the wax seal.
"My dearest Azula. I hope you will visit me later on in the summer" Karo cleared his throat and the letter fluttered in his hand. He spoke somewhat sarcastically. "She sounds some pissed."
"Shut up and tell me what she says."
"I apologize for Chan....blah blah...The Admiral has proposed to me and I accepted. We plan a wedding in the fall. I hope you are happy for the both of us." Karo handed it back to Azula. "Always a happy ending?"
"This time let me turn on the gas when I put my head in the oven." Azula held the letter up and reduced it to ash in a quick burst of fire.