Knowledge is What Makes it Worse, a baka and test - summon the beasts/バカとテストと召喚獣 fanfic

To Anyone who really cares,

I know that this was the most pathetic way to get away from everything. I know that none of you expected this from me, and honestly, neither did I. I didn't expect any of this to get to me, but it did anyways, and this is what happened.

I'm sorry if this is making it worse on you, but I can't take it anymore. I can't take looking at you and knowing that I'll never have you. Knowing that if I tried, you probably wouldn't feel the same, so rejection, which I'd be able to deal with, but the part I can't is you never talking to me again. Never looking at me the same.

Never loving me again...

That's why I kept my distance. I didn't want you to know, in fear that you would never want to be around me again. I didn't want to live with that. So instead, I took up this deed. It helped. It did, and so I kept it up, and no one ever knew.

Makeup can do wonders, you know.

I didn't want it to go this far, but I didn't realize how much further it went this time. Not until it happened, so I decided I needed to write this, and that I needed to tell you all that I'm sorry for just disappearing from you guys. That it was honestly an accident that I wasn't trying to make happen. But...

But it feels good. Knowing that I'm dying so you'll never be disgusted with me. That you'll still love me because you don't know. But I suppose that won't matter, because I need to say the truth. I'll most likely be dead when you arrive home anyways, but I will have died with you still loving me, and that makes it better. I know that's weird, but it's true.

So, now to say it. God, I'm disgusting, and I'm sorry for leaving you alone, considering mom and dad are never home.

I love you. I love you so much more than a sister should, and everyday I look at you, my heart breaks more, because I am a disgusting human who has fallen in love with her own brother. Her twin no less. I'm a twisted individual, and I know that it'll be lonely without me there with you, but again, it was an accident.

I didn't want it to happen. But then again, I'm here, writing this instead of going to the hospital. Maybe it's because I don't want you to know the truth while I'm alive. I don't want you ashamed of me, brother.

Brother. Oh, my little brother. I love you so much. I want you to live happily, go and marry a princess and have beautiful children. And live just a little longer, for me.

I love you.

I love you so much Hideyoshi.

Forgive me.

Yuuko

The hospital lights were bright in her eyes as she stared to the ceiling.

This wasn't supposed to happen, and it made her heart ache worse.

Why had he come home early? Why couldn't he have kept to his word? Why did he have to save her, and take her here? Why couldn't he let her die?

Tears leaked from her eyes and she turned on her bed, feeling the pain in her arm as she did so. They must have been waiting to put her on pain killers until she woke up. An echoing beep noise entered her head, reminding her of how she failed, and most likely would be hated by her twin. The only person in the world that she had every truly loved like a person.

A sob came from her as she looked down to her wrist, glaring at the word that etched against the skin, taunting her, making her feel so stupid. It entered her vision, which was blurred, but she could read it clearly, as she always could.

Sorry

It was outlined in red, puffed skin as she stared. The letters were bloated, and they still looked extremely sore, still wanting to bleed, though her inside white blood cells were fixing the wound by damming it up to stop the blood flow. The cuts were healed by a yellowish red tint scab that looked unnaturally gross to her.

Why did this have to happen to her? Why did she have to be saved?

She turned her head to the constant reminder of life, wiping her eyes as she sat up slightly.

The door clicked and a nurse walked in through the door. She smiled at her, though it seemed forced, considering that she was a nurse and had to 'like' everybody. Her shoes padded across the tiled floor, and she stopped beside Yuuko, handing her some water and a pill.

"Here, this'll take away the pain, or subside it for now." Yuuko nodded, swallowing as she noticed the nurse still looked at her. "You have a visitor."

Yuuko blinked in surprise, but her heart ripped open as she glanced to the door, finding her brother standing there. He walked in, and nodded to the nurse, as she left.

"Hideyoshi..." She murmured.

His eyes were rimmed with redness, and seemed raw from crying too much. She felt her heart break more as she noticed a folded up piece of paper in his hand, clutched tightly in his palm as she sat on the bed beside her, grabbing onto the railing before turning and holding his sister in an embrace.

"God," He said, tears falling from his eyes again. "Why didn't you call someone? Why?" He asked, moving back and gripping onto her hand, interlacing their fingers and he rested his forehead against hers. "You were bleeding so bad, and..." He trailed off. "You could've died, Yuuko. You could have..." He looked into her eyes, ones so similar to his own. She simply looked down.

"I didn't mean it." She stated dryly, hoping this would get over with so her heart wouldn't ache anymore than it was. "I didn't notice it got so deep until I was already there, nearly finished." Her vision blurred again. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled.

Her grabbed her arm gently, pulling it up to his view, and he kissed each scar lightly before turning to look her in the eyes.

"No, I'm sorry. For being so dense and useless as a brother to not notice what was wrong." He leaned into her, kissing her forehead. It was a simple kiss, but it heated her body up, making her heart flutter. How she wished to feel it again.

He held up the paper, though, so her happiness was short lived. She turned her head away as he opened it. The words were smeared with tear stains, now dried. He moved closer to her, pulling her against his chest and brushing his fingers against a certain part of her letter.

He looked into her eyes and saw pain and sadness. Even exhaustion in them.

"Why would you ever think that, Yuuko?" He asked, his voice so quiet and soft as he spoke them. "Why would you rather hurt yourself than tell me. You don't know what I would say." He stated, moving closer to her, resting his head on hers'. "Even now, you still don't know."

She looked to him, her body stiffening at his words.

"Hideyoshi, don't lie to make me feel better. I told you I wanted you to go be happy. Not to force yourself to make me happy." Her eyes let a tear slip as she curled closer to him.

"You do make me happy, Yuuko. Once you get out of here, I promise that you'll always be happy." He looked to her, and kissed her lips chastley. "I love you Yuuko. I love you. And you alone. I'm not forcing anything, but I'm telling you now, don't you ever do something like this again." He pulled her closer. "I will follow you if you do. From heartbreak, not suicide."

She looked to him one more time, and her tears finally overflowed in her eyes.

And all the time she couldn't stop from sobbing out 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry'. And all he said back was that he was sorry too.

"Just remember when you get out of here. I love you, Yuuko. And I want you happy, even if you fall in love with someone else."

And all this time, she had thought that she'd never have him be the one in her love life.

Some guesses are just wrong.

Alright! New story! One-shot, cause I needed a break and a refreshing start from 'Bothers' though I'm still working on chapter seven. Please enjoy this one-shot of HideYuu, my favorite pairing of Baka and Test, cause I fucking love twincest like you wouldn't believe XD

And no flames please ^^

-Bandgeeksarecool3