In dedication to my role playing friends and Mommaleasey...and generally anyone who can stomach this.
Normal Text: Computer log.
'Italics': Non-computer log
"Italics": Thoughts
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Captain's Log,
10/31/07
It happened again, Spleenk gave yet another dumb idea and, of course, I used it. This time he suggested that we attack The Massive to steal their snacks. As you may have guessed, it didn't work out too well.
'Lard Nar grumbles at the memory as his eyes narrowed at the screen.'
In fact, didn't work out too well would be an understatement!
The Massive was flying strangely and I thought we stood a chance.
'A smirk crossed his features as he continued typing.'
(Though I admit, the twitches did weird me out)
'He might of chuckled if he hadn't remembered what happened afterwards.'
But it turned out that they had a messed up engine. Which they managed to switch ours with the malfunctioning one, making our ship go crazy.
We were about to crash into a nearby planet when the shrinky self-destruct was activated. We managed to abort the ship before it self-destructed, unfortunately that means we lost the ship. All we have left are the escape pods.
'He looked behind him to see his crew members sleeping next to the escape pods. He then turned his head to look at the scenery...
Or lack there of. There were no plants and the only life that seemed to be on this planet are the Resisty themselves.
The place was almost bare, all the vortian could see was an endless sea of sand. Looking up, he could see the sombre sky. The dark grey sky was almost black and a few thin clouds hung over the aliens.
Lard Nar turned his attention away from the somewhat depressing scene and wrapped his arms around himself. Despite having qualities of a desert, the temperature was almost freezing.
After a few seconds of trying to stop the shivering he started typing again.'
Right now, we're all on what I assume to be a wasteland of a planet. I don't think it's marked for conquest, so we should be safe here. This place would have to do, until we figure something out. The escape pods won't work, since it'd be difficult to stay together if we're flying in all directions, and there's really nothing in those things other than very simple controls and a communication computer. Not even weapons or shields, at this rate a planet marked for conquest would be safer!
'The grey alien gave a worried glance at his crew before typing again.'
Still, we can't stay here for long. I don't know anything about this planet. For all I know the oxygen could be poisonous to some of my resistance group. Gah, that idiotic plan really messed things up.
'This time he turned to glare towards the group, Spleenk to be precise. It seemed more of a look of annoyance than contempt though. The oblivious green alien shivered fretfully in his sleep. He curled up in a tighter ball than he was moments earlier.
The captian's glare softened a bit, realizing how hard it must be for Spleenk to be on this planet. The naive alien's race weren't built for the cold.
It was easier for the others due to a few reasons. The blob species and three headed alien at least have bulk to better stand the chilly temperature. The blue eyed female wore a robe that helped insulate her body heat. As for the more robotic members, well they never needed body heat to begin with. Even Lard Nar's clothing helped, not by much but it's better than nothing.
Spleenk, how ever, was a different story. His frail frame couldn't take the temperature like the bulkier members could.
His thin clothing couldn't keep body heat in like the robe or the captain's outfit could. And he definitely needed body heat unlike the cyborg-like members.
Lard Nar's heart stung with guilt for a moment but he quickly shook it off as he turned back to the screen.'
For the record, it wasn't my fault. It's that stupid Spleenk's! He was the one who suggested it.
'He narrowed his gaze yet again, as if blaming the computer itself for his misfortune.'
And as usual I'm the one who listened to it.
'"Here we go again" The vortian thought with the feeling of both solemn and agrivation.'
I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. I should've known full well that we didn't stand a chance against The Massive. I personaly designed the thing for crying out loud!
'His fingers slammed on the keys as he typed, feeling like crying out loud himself.'
So what made me listen? What made me ignore my better judgment and nearly got us all killed? What makes me listen to him, despite all the trouble he caused?
'That question. The very question the grey man would ask himself when ever a plan goes wrong.
The sudden want for a distraction was starting to become overwhelming as he looked away from the screen. He started thinking, trying to make sense of this problem. Maybe thinking back will help...
He replayed the times Spleenk made a moronic suggestion in his mind. Tried to relive exactly what happened, hopefully he'd find an anwser to this unnerving issue.
He remembered a time when he almost rejected one of Spleenk's ideas.
Spleenk had suggested that they invite all these short, stubby-limbed creatures to join them. But the short aliens were nearly useless. Their arms were too short to work with any technology, they had no fighting skills, plus the vortian suspected that they were more of a numskull then Spleenk. The usually blank, wide-eyed expressions were a big hint of their lack of intelligence.
But when the captain told this to Spleenk, the lanky alien didn't take it too well. It's not like he bursted out crying or anything, but his disapointment was evident.
The shorter man wasn't sure what possessed him to take back his last statement, but now they have many, many of these stubby beasts in the Resisty.'
"I guess I can't stand seeing him disappointed." Lard Nar realized out loud as he typed it. It was starting to seem more clear as to why he can't simply say 'no'...but...'
I don't understand why seeing him disapointed would effect me so much. I turned down ideas from the other members before, I've seen them sad, but it just doesn't effect me like he does. I just don't get pwor-
'Lard Nar jumped as he accidently pressed the wrong keys. He thought he heard something and he was used to the deathly silence this planet seemed to always have. He turned his head again to realize the sounds were just whimperings from Spleenk.
He sighed in both relief and irritation. He thought some big flesh-thirsty monster was going to attack them or something.
He continued to stare at the shivering form of Spleenk before turning back to the computer. He deleted the last sentence and retyped it.'
I just don't get it, and now that I think about it, I'll probably never will.
End Log
'The short alien saved the document as he turned the computer off. He went over to the group of rebels, ready to sleep himself. Confusion has ways of draining one's energy.
He was about to settle down next to the escape pod he was in earlier, when he stole yet another glance at Spleenk. He looked back and forth at the ship and his freezing ally, trying to decide what would be the best course of action.
He decided to move closer to Spleenk as silently as he could. He managed to sit down and lean against one of the escape pods. As expected Spleenk immediately rolled over and wraps his arms around the captain, due to being the nearest source of heat now. He was still shivering like crazy but it seemed that the grey alien's body heat helped, at least a little.
"Stupid or not, I can't let him freeze to death" Lard Nar thought with a smirk.'
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Now you know why I posted this on Halloween, the pairing's likely to horrify people. To be honest, this could be taken as either romance or close friendship.
Spleenk/Lard Nar was just a crack pairing I thought of after wondering "Why DOES Lard Nar listen to his stupid ideas?". And, well, it turned into this crackfic you see here. I shall called the pairing...LASR! (Aren't I creative:P)
I also have to admit, I don't know how to really keep these two in-character. They only appeared once and I didn't get a great grasp at their personalities. Lard Nar comes off as an over-active guy, maybe even a little hyper (always seems to be shouting or freaking out in general). Than again, going into a fight with a huge ship would make someone act like that (hence the reason he's more or less calm in this fic). He also seems to care for the other rebels, like a captain should, but he also seems a little unprofessional and one that doesn't take responsibilities sometimes (blaming Spleenk for the messed up plan even though he's partly at fault himself, caring a little too much about the name of the resistance then the fact he's talking to the Tallests ).
Spleenk, on the other hand, seems like a lovable idiot. I think he tries his best to contribute to the team, but doesn't have the fighting skils or anything in order to help (the guy looks way too fragile to be a fighter), so he tries being the planner of the team. Unfortunatly, he doesn't realize his plans all suck, but he tries anyway.
Edit: Edited thanks to Mistress Blood and my beta tester KingdonHeartsPrincess