"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
Remus doesn't laugh. The silence between them both builds and cools and hardens, the tension of death hanging between them.
"Sorry." There is a smile, and almost a wink, and Remus feel sickened by it - by the mockery and the return and the fact that they are honestly, truly pretending everything is the same. Sirius gives him a curious look, paused, reaching for that part of Remus' face that joins his jaw and ear. He sits back, and looks too long, Remus muses. He has facial hair. The Sirius he knew found it impossible to grow any – and lamented it, often. Remus scooted a little away and looked at him, taking in this image he was so unused to.
"Sirius."
The man in question was smiling, now – a little puzzled, more than confused. He smiled wider, weaker. "Remus?"
"I don't know." Was all he could muster – days, weeks, months had surely passed since they were reunited, and still he found in him a replusion, something drifting from his betrayal – from living in the dark and hating above all things that he still loved the Sirius he knew – fourteen and grinning and always gratituously naked or violent or prolific. This Sirius didn't seem as if he could handle any of the three, though the former seemed certainly to be on his mind. The thought felt like a betrayal.
The ultimate, all in all, was that he knew it was Sirius – beautiful, ever-loving, ever-damaged Sirius; but still he found something to hurt. Every single time.
"Okay." He sounded worn, tired. The younger Sirius would never have given in. Would have pestered until the world ended. Would have forced Remus to open up.
The sadness in finding that enigmatic spark gone killed him inside – and somehow, in doing so, made this new, haggard, unshaven Sirius born in his eyes. Like a bedraggled phoenix, he emerged from ashes and tried to walk away. Remus stopped him, pulled him into an embrace, felt he was betraying something he knew he'd never have again – but that was his problem. His issue.
He held as tight as he could, just as Sirius would have, for him.